


Learning Together

by abigjuicylemon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Background WinterWidow, Exhibition (kinda), First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Kidnapping, M/M, Nightmares, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Civil War but before Infinity War, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Semi-Public Sex, Shy Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, i want to put him in my pocket, just bear with me ok, lets just pretend that atrocity never happened, steve rogers has depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-05-25 20:43:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 83,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14985221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abigjuicylemon/pseuds/abigjuicylemon
Summary: Even after being out of the ice for years, Steve is still struggling to figure out the references to everything and the culture of twenty-first century America. He decides to make it a point to learn whenever he isn't out saving the world and ends up having a companion on his road to knowledge.A one time thing turns into more, and now Steve has to deal with figuring out both the twenty-first century and his feelings for a certain Norse God.





	1. A Day Out

**Author's Note:**

> ok so like  
> I got this idea late at night and i'm so sleep deprived LOL  
> Anyways so this is like, canon, but I changed a few things. Instead of Tony beating the shit out of Steve and Bucky in Civil War, Steve convinces him to let Bucky stay in the tower so Tony and Bruce can watch him and figure out how to help him. Certain things from the movies do happen, but will be changed a bit.  
> This is unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine.

Twenty-first century New York was scary.

 

Now, it wasn’t scary like horror movies or little kids screaming in the middle of the store (that was more annoying than scary), but it was scary in the sense that it wasn’t the New York that Steve knew. Steve grew up in black and white. People were more modest with the way they acted and the way they dressed and how they spoke. But in twenty-first century New York, people didn’t care; short shorts, short skirts, short dresses, tank tops that showed the sides of men’s torsos, people undressing others with their eyes, people openly telling random people on the street that they want to do certain things to them. These were all new to Steve.

 

Regardless of how people dressed, Steve didn’t care. It was their right to dress comfortably and to enjoy themselves. He did, however, care about people harassing each other in public when there were children around, and just in general, because it was inappropriate and no one wants to be told things like that in front of a bunch of strangers. It has happened to him numerous times, by both men and women, but Steve would continue on with his day and act as if nothing had happened.

 

Those changes weren’t the scary things, though. Those changes didn’t give him the anxiety that keeps him up at night. No, what kept him up at night was knowing that he was asleep for almost  _ seventy fucking years _ and now he’s awake in what feels like a completely new world. A world that he sacrificed himself for, only to find out that sacrifice meant little to nothing once he had found out that HYDRA had its own parasites within S.H.I.E.L.D. His best friend was brainwashed by those bastards for who knows how long, and it took a lot of convincing Tony to let Bucky stay at the tower so they could all keep an eye on him.

 

Perhaps the second scariest thing that kept Steve up at night was sexuality. People were so open with themselves, and it made Steve happy, but it was taking some getting used to. He’s been hiding himself since he was young, and to wake up in a time period where he wouldn’t be killed on the spot for being bisexual was astonishing. Of course, he missed Peggy, and he would do anything just to be able to go back in time and spend his life with her, but God works in mysterious ways (that’s what his mother always told him), and it was also time for him to move on, so he supposed things turned out like this for a reason.

 

The reason was probably the one standing in front of him right now, making pancakes and talking to Bruce about Asgard and its people with great pride. His blue eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled, those pretty pink lips curled up in an attractive way. His medium-length blond hair was done in a low ponytail, loose strands hanging in his face.

 

Steve was  _ so _ fucked.

 

Thor is so attractive it pisses Steve off. No man should be allowed to be that handsome. Well, technically, Thor  _ is _ a God, but still, he shouldn’t be allowed to be so good looking. It’s unknown if Thor swings one way or both, but Steve is definitely not going to be the one to ask. Maybe Tony could, but knowing him, he’d probably rub it in Steve’s face until Steve killed him.

 

“Steven?” a voice asked. “Did you hear me?”

 

“Wha-” Steve blushed, looking at anything but Thor. “Sorry, was lost in my thoughts for a bit there.”

 

“No worries. I asked if you wanted some pancakes.”

 

“Oh. Sure. Haven’t eaten yet today.” Steve received a smile. Curse Thor for being so attractive and kind. That made everything so much harder.

 

“What are you going to do today, Steven?”

 

“Work out, maybe take a walk around New York. I’m not really sure. I don’t want to walk around New York alone, so I might ask Buck to join me.”

 

“That sounds pleasant. I heard Barnes roaming around the tower last night, so I do not know where he could be.”

 

“I’ll go look for him while you make the pancakes.” Steve got up from his stool and headed for the elevator. It wasn’t unexpected for Bucky to have the urge to sneak around; he had done it all the time when they were kids. However, he was  _ kind of  _ hoping he wouldn’t try it while living with the rest of the Avengers, especially Tony, who would not be hesitant to blast a hole through Bucky’s chest since he would probably think Bucky was an intruder or something.

 

Shaking that thought away, Steve pressed the number for the rooms (or “living quarters” as Thor called them) and waited as the elevator brought him to his destination. He stepped out and headed for Bucky’s room. The door was slightly open, so he stepped inside the room as quietly as possible, seeing Bucky’s brown hair sticking out from underneath the blankets. It seemed as if there was another person in his bed, and before Steve could get any closer, Bucky began rustling around in his sheets. He stuck his head out from the blankets and looked at Steve with an annoyed look.

 

“It’s early, Steve,” he groaned.

 

“It’s only nine,” Steve chuckled.

 

“Yeah, well, that’s early. What do you need?”

 

“I was wondering if you’d want to walk around the city with me today. I’m still getting used to it and I’d like to walk around with someone who is also somewhat lost with all this new stuff.”

 

“I’d love to, bud, but I kind of just want to spend the day inside. Maybe tomorrow. Go with Thor, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind walking around with you. He’s still kinda getting used to Earth, and I’m sure you two can help each other figure everything out. Whatever you learn today, you can show or teach me later.”

 

“Alright. No problem. But you do need to get up.” Steve walked over to Bucky’s bed, ready to rip the blanket off of him.

 

“Steve wait-”

 

“Let’s go, Buck.” Steve ripped the blanket off of Bucky before he could be stopped, and a curled up Natasha glared up at him from Bucky’s side. Steve’s eyes went wide and his cheeks burned a hot red. “Oh, Natasha I’m-”

 

“Just give us the blanket, Steve,” Natasha sighed, wrapping herself around Bucky. “It’s a lazy day.” She hummed in content when the blanket was around her and her (apparent) boyfriend again, falling back asleep quickly.

 

Steve gaped at his friend, who was trying his hardest not to laugh at the red-faced blond. Steve shook his head and quickly walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him and walking into the elevator. He certainly didn’t expect Bucky and Natasha to be an item, especially when he had been the one to shoot at her tires on that mission years ago. And also because he tried killing her numerous times (to be fair, he was brainwashed at the time).

 

When the doors opened to the kitchen and living room, Steve went to the dinner table and sat down. Thor had just finished setting the food down on the table and took a seat across from Steve.

 

“So? What did Barnes say?” Thor inquired.

 

“He wants to stay inside today, ‘cause of, um. Things. Lazy day,” Steve mumbled, the tips of his ears turning red.

 

“A shame. It was apparent that you wanted to walk around. Perhaps another time.”

 

“Well, actually, I was thinking you could join me instead? Bucky said that you’re still getting used to this place too. You probably know more than me because of.. you know.” Steve inwardly flinched at Thor cocking his head in slight confusion. “Jane. She helped you with uh, everything. When you were banished.”

 

“Ah. Yes, Jane was lovely.” Thor smiled to himself, and that made Steve feel a bit jealous. “Do not worry about making me sad, Steven. I can speak of her. We are friends, a mutual break up. She has found someone else that makes her happy, and that pleases me. I see her as a close friend only. Regarding your inquiry. I would be honored to join you on your trip around this city, and I will enjoy helping you on your quest of discovering the way this city works.”

 

“We can go after we finish eating if you want.”

 

“Whatever you want, Steven.” Thor gave Steve a soft smile before he began to devour his breakfast.

 

The two talked about New York and how Steve’s New York was nothing like this one. Thor would smile at the stories Steve told of his childhood with Bucky and his passion for getting into the army, even when they denied him five times. His smile turned into a sad one when Steve spoke of his health issues and the loss of his parents.

 

Steve was in awe of the way Thor talked about Asgard. The God was so proud of his home and its people. Everything about Asgard sounded so exciting and.. big, like Thor. Sif and The Warriors Three sounded so interesting from how Thor spoke of them. Steve wouldn’t mind possibly meeting them one day.

 

Their conversation lasted for almost an hour until Steve remembered their plan for the day. The two cleaned up their mess and headed towards the elevator to get to their living spaces.

 

“What will I need to wear today for our trip?” Thor asked.

 

“Something casual. A T-shirt and jeans, anything that you see humans wear,” Steve answered. “I’ll be wearing a white shirt and jeans with sneakers that Tony got me.”

 

“Okay. I will meet you outside of the tower.” They both walked into their rooms to get ready for the day.

 

The second Steve shut the door behind him, he began to blush furiously. It wasn’t a date, but a day alone with Thor seemed to be unreal. Steve never thought he would get a chance to be alone with Thor in a casual way. Every other time they were alone, it was always during a mission. Now, he gets to spend time alone with Thor in a normal way and it was making Steve blush like the schoolgirls on Clint’s cartoon shows.

 

Brushing the thoughts to the side, Steve began to get ready for his day out. He grabbed his clothes from his dresser and headed into the shower. He turned the shower on and shed his clothes, throwing them on the floor behind him as he got under the water. The lukewarm water felt good on his skin. It was rare to take a shower without any dirt or blood going down the drain. For once, Steve could shower without cringing from pain or the color of the water.

 

Images of Thor’s smiling face popped into Steve’s head. His laughter filled Steve’s ears as if he were standing right behind him. He imagined Thor standing behind him and holding him by his waist. _ “Darling, we must hurry with our shower if you want time to walk,” _ he purred into Steve’s ear.

 

Steve blushed and turned the water to the coldest setting. He was not going to pop a boner before going out for the day. Then again, if he were to rub one out right now, he wouldn’t have to worry about popping one while out with Thor.

 

Conflicted, Steve began to wash his hair as he battled with himself. The idea sounded nice, but he wasn’t really sure how long it would take him to do it, and he didn’t want to take too long in the shower. Thor may be of a different world, but the man was nowhere near stupid. He’d be able to figure out why Steve took too long in the shower if he couldn’t rub one out fast enough.

 

In the end, Steve decided to go for it, and it went by pretty quickly. He cleaned up his mess and washed his body and got out of the shower. He dried himself off, threw his clothes on, and speed-walked to the elevator. The doors opened on the first floor of the tower and Steve stepped out. When he walked outside, he was by himself. Thor probably took longer because of his hair and his bigger build. Whatever the reason, Steve patiently waited outside of the tower for his friend.

 

Five minutes later, Steve heard the doors to the tower open and he turned to see Thor walking out. The Asgardian wore a gray sweatshirt with jeans and black converse and his hair was in its usual style; down with two braids that connected in the back with some loose strands hanging beside his face.

 

“I apologize for the wait. Dr. Banner was assisting me with what to wear so I would.. blend in? That is what you say, yes?” Thor smiled. Steve blushed and gave a small smile back.

 

“Yeah. You look like a civilian. I don’t think many will recognize us without our uniforms on,” Steve said. “You got everything?”

 

“Yes. Tony greeted me in the hall and gave me this little card when I told him of our day together.” Thor held up a credit card. “He told me the code was seven four two four so that we could purchase things.” He handed the card to Steve. “Let us start our journey around this city!”

 

Steve smiled at Thor’s enthusiasm. They began walking towards Times Square. The walk wouldn’t be too long considering they’re in Downtown Manhattan, but the weather is perfect and it would be stupid of Steve to give up the chance to take his time on this walk with Thor on such a perfect day.

 

The start of their walk was silent. Both men were too busy enjoying the scenery around them to start up a conversation. The trees around them were beautiful shades of red, orange, and yellow. Birds flew in and out of the trees to prepare for the upcoming cold weather.

 

Steve watched as a little blue bird perched itself on Thor’s shoulder. He watched the small creature look around and chirp at Thor, who chuckled and offered the bird his finger to sit on. Steve wanted to scream; Thor may be a prince, but he’s a prince from a  _ different world _ , not a  _ Disney  _ prince!

 

“A delightful creature. What brings you to me today, little friend?” Thor cooed. The bird chirped in response. “I see. You are adorable. Steven, what specimen is this?”

 

“Um,” Steve started, “I’m not too sure. I.. Oh. It’s an Eastern Bluebird. They’re actually pretty rare around here. I’ve only seen one. When I was younger.”

 

“I would like to keep it for myself, but I am certain Tony would throw a fit. Shame.” The bird chirped. “I know, little friend.”

 

Their walk to Times Square continued. The bird remained on Thor’s finger, making itself at home and enjoying the Asgardian’s coos and attention. It would glance at Steve from time to time as if it wanted Steve to hold it, too.

 

Finally, they arrived at Times Square. Thor tried to let the bird go, but it refused. Steve shrugged his shoulders and laughed when Thor pouted at him.

 

“I suppose our new friend will be joining us on our trip today,” Thor chuckled. “Where shall we start?”

 

“I’m not sure. I kind of wanted to get some new clothes, but I’m not familiar with some of these stores,” Steve admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“One moment. Hold this.” Thor put the bird on Steve’s finger and walked up to a random woman strolling the streets. “My fair lady, where might one find a shop for men’s clothing?” The woman looked a bit freaked out at the way Thor spoke.

 

“Uh, Express Clothing is a place to start,” she said. “Levi’s, too.”

 

Steve awkwardly smiled at the woman as Thor walked back over to him. He gave the bird back to Thor, inwardly groaning that the little bastard didn’t want to fly away.

 

“I have acquired two locations for us to purchase clothing. Express and Levi’s,” Thor smiled.

 

“I’ve heard of Levi’s. Express, not once in my life. We can start off at Express since that sounds fancier,” Steve said. “But we can’t bring the bird with us. They won’t let us in.” Steve almost started crying at the way Thor’s face fell. He looked like a kicked puppy.

 

“Can I put it in one of my pockets?”

 

“No! No, Thor,” Steve laughed, “It’ll probably die in your pocket.” Thor’s face fell even more. “Please stop with that face. You’re making me feel guilty for something I didn’t even do.”

 

“It... It’s okay. I suppose our friend would have to leave sometime, anyway.” Thor put his hand towards the sky, pouting at the small chirping bird. “Fly away, little friend. Our time together must come to an end.” The bird chirped at Thor, looked at him one last time and flew away.

 

Thor looked so sad. Who would’ve thought that Thor, God of Thunder, Prince of Asgard, would nearly cry at the loss of a  _ bird _ ? Steve smiled at the thought. He clapped Thor on the shoulder and began walking.

 

“Let’s go. We have some shopping to get done,” he said.

 

-

 

It took a bit, but they finally found Express. The two men entered the store and stuck out like a sore thumb. Several women stared at them with no shame. Thor ignored the looks and began to walk around in search of the men’s section while Steve went up to the cashier and asked for help. He called Thor and together they headed upstairs to the men’s section.

 

Thor wanted some new shirts that didn’t cling to his body, so Steve had to check the tag in Thor’s shirt to see what size he wore. Large. Same as Steve.

 

“You might be an XL. Extra large,” Steve mumbled to himself. “What shirt here do you like?” Thor pointed towards a dark red T-shirt. “Okay, one second.” Steve grabbed one XL and one XXL of the shirt before grabbing a blue shirt he had been eying in XL. “Follow me.”

 

They went into the fitting rooms and began to change. Steve felt  _ much _ better in an XL. The shirt didn’t cling to his muscles and he had room to breathe. He heard Thor curse to himself and the sound of a loud rip.

 

“Steven...” Thor whispered. “I might have ripped the shirt.”

 

“Put on the XXL,” Steve laughed. “We’ll pay for the ripped one.” He changed back into his normal shirt and grabbed the shirt he planned to buy.

 

Steve waited outside of the fitting rooms for Thor to finish. He bit back a laugh when the God came out blushing and cursing under his breath. The shirt that had ripped was gripped tightly in one hand while the other was slung over Thor’s shoulder.

 

“That one good for you?” Steve asked, smiling at Thor’s scowl.

 

“Yes. It is not a second skin. I feel I can breathe easier. XXL seems to be a comfortable size while XL is just disappointing,” Thor muttered. “Where do I put the ruined shirt?”

 

“Just bring it with you.”

 

They walked around the store, grabbing shirts that appealed to them and would help them blend in with the crowd. Long-sleeved shirts, T-shirts, jeans, jackets, and sweatshirts slung over their shoulders. Their last stop in the store is the underwear.

 

Thor frowned at the different types of underwear. Steve averted his gaze from Thor, not wanting to imagine the God in certain types of underwear and oh no it was happening and-

 

“What is the difference in these types of underwear?” Thor puzzled.

 

“Comfort, how they go with clothes. Also depends on what your girlfriend likes if you want to wear something for her,” Steve coughed.

 

“I see. What of this?” Thor held up a jockstrap. Steve blushed hard.

 

“That’s a jockstrap. Worn for sparring and for people who do a lot of action, like military or something, I guess.”

 

“And this?” Thor held up a pair of boxers.

 

“Mostly for comfort. They don’t really offer any support for your.. you know.”

 

“Cock?” Steve was probably going to combust in the next few seconds. His face was so hot.

 

“Y-yes. Your.. yeah. Um. I prefer boxers myself. More freedom.”

 

“Is that all you wear?”

 

“I also wear..” Steve trailed off, wanting the floor to swallow him whole. This was embarrassing. People from his time period were never this straight-forward with topics like this. “Um. I wear jockstraps for our missions, boxers to relax, trunks for our charity events and when I wear formal clothes, and boxer briefs when I have a normal work out.”

 

“Ah. Would you help me with acquiring those items?”

 

“Sure. What size do you wear?” Thor’s face fell while Steve’s reddened.

 

“I am unsure. I would need you to check.” Steve coughed and pulled the waistband to Thor’s jeans and underwear away to check. “Medium. Okay. My size. Let’s, uh. Grab some.”

 

Despite the awkward moment, their shopping for underwear went by quickly. They each grabbed about fourteen. A lot, yes, but Tony wouldn’t care with how much they spend considering he gets so much money every day to make up for what is spent.

 

They paid for the ripped shirt and the clothes they grabbed and wished the cashier a good day. Steve wasn’t really sure if they needed to go to Levi’s, considering they just bought so many nice clothes at Express. Thor agreed, and they decided to walk around to see if there were any stores that would catch their eyes.

 

An art store caught Steve’s eye. He dragged Thor inside and gazed at the number of tools he could be using in his room. His shoulders slumped at the realization that he would never have the time to use them because of the missions and paperwork and all of the other bullshit he put up with. A box of Prismacolor Pencils taunted him.

 

Steve sighed. He had a job to do, and as much as he wanted to pencils, he wouldn’t be able to use them with how busy he is all the time. He walked outside and looked around for anything else that seemed interesting.

 

“Steven,” Thor said. “Why did you not purchase those pencils?”

 

“I won’t have time to use them, and it would be a waste of money,” Steve sighed, shaking his head. “It’s okay. Let’s get something to eat. We’ve been here for a couple of hours.”

 

“Where would you like to eat?”

 

“There’s a burger place that we passed by earlier. Let’s go there.”

 

It was a short walk, and thankfully, the restaurant wasn’t too busy. The food came fast and the two were able to find a table in the corner by themselves. Thor excused himself, heading to the bathroom to change into a new sweatshirt that didn’t cling to him uncomfortably.

 

Steve munched on his fries as he waited for his friend to come back. The day so far has been pleasant. No one has recognized them so far, and being able to explore this world with someone who is also new to it was really nice, too. No judgments, no insults for not knowing how to use a credit card (the cashier had been a bit concerned, but they dismissed it). It was a day for the two to discover how the twenty-first century worked in comparison to the early twentieth century and Asgard.

 

A blush crept its way to Steve’s cheeks and the tips of his ears. He realized that he may or may not like Thor a bit more in  _ that _ way. It made him frustrated for multiple reasons.

 

The first was getting used to the views on gay couples. Steve didn’t feel negative towards them, not at all, but as a child, he grew up in a world where gay people were freaks and unnatural. He had to hide his bisexuality to keep himself from getting beat worse than usual, or even killed. To wake up in an era where they were widely accepted and could marry seemed unreal to him, but he was happy with the progress Americans have made concerning the topic.

 

The second was that Thor was straight. There was no way he was interested in men. Steve has never seen Thor look at a man the way he has looked at Jane since the breakup, which leads to the third reason: Steve’s feelings.

 

He acknowledges that he may have feelings for Thor, but what would be the point? Thor is straight. Steve has no chance of dating him, so he should just try his hardest to swallow his feelings down and try to see Thor as only a friend.

 

Thor sat down in front of Steve in a new sweatshirt. It was black and actually looked like it fit him. The Asgardian looked so much more comfortable in this one than the gray one he wore earlier.

 

“You seem troubled. What bothers you?” Thor asked.

 

“It’s nothing. Just trying to get used to all of this, you know?” Steve said, shoving fries into his mouth. “I never thought technology would reach this point, and here I am, almost seventy years later, trying to figure it out in a world where so many know what they’re doing. I feel stupid sometimes.”

 

“It is nothing to worry about. People in this world are ignorant and selfish, too judgmental of those around them. Humans are an odd species. You are constantly at war with each other for the pettiest things. In regards to your feeling stupid, you are learning to adapt to a world that you did not grow up in, and I am here to join you on that journey. Remember, Steven, these people were once in your position at some point in their lives. You are not stupid for trying to learn.”

 

Steve smiled. “Thanks, Thor. You’re right, and I appreciate your kind words.”

 

“Any time. Now, let us feast so that we may return home and relax for the night.”

 

-

 

The walk back was nice at first. Not many people out, not too much traffic. Halfway, it got cold, and Steve began to shiver. He told himself to bring a jacket, but he went against it because he didn’t think he would be out this late.

 

“Are you alright?” Thor asked. He narrowed his eyes at the nod he received. “You’re shivering.” He pulled his sweatshirt off and offered it to Steve. “Put it on.”

 

Steve’s face was red, from the cold or a blush, who knew (it was a blush), but he awkwardly held the sweatshirt and stopped to look at his taller companion.

 

“I appreciate it, but I’ll be okay,” he shivered. “I don’t want you to be cold because of me.”

 

“I will be fine. I’m wearing long sleeves. You need it.”

 

“Thor-”

 

“Steven, if you do not put that on, I will do it for you.” Thor chuckled at Steve’s pout and quiet mumbling to himself.

 

Steve was shocked to see that the sweatshirt was big on him. The sleeves went past his hands and went halfway down his thighs. He looked up at Thor with a pout. “Too big for me. I can’t wear it.” Thor gave him a frown. “Stop looking at me like that. Makes me feel like I’m in trouble.”

 

“You’re acting like a child. Come. Let us continue our way home.” Thor laughed when Steve crossed his arms and pouted, mumbling something about him “not being a child”.

 

Once back at the tower, they headed to the living room to say hello to the rest of their team. Tony sat on the floor in front of the couch with a bottle of coke in his hand. Natasha sat on the loveseat next to Bucky, who was trying his hardest to keep himself focused on the TV instead of the beautiful redhead next to him. Clint sat at the kitchen counter eating a sandwich. Bruce sat on the couch behind Tony, watching the TV with a furrowed brow.

 

“Well look who finally came back after eight hours,” Bucky mused, eying the sweatshirt Steve wore. “You have a good time?”

 

“Yes! It was most fun!” Thor beamed. “As we walked, a little bird sat on my finger and enjoyed the scenery with us. Steven seemed to be surprised by the little creature.”

 

“Because it flew up to you and sat on you without any fear. You’re like a Disney prince in real life,” Steve mumbled.

 

“Disney?”

 

“It’s a group of people who make movies and cartoons.”

 

“I see. Anyways, it was sad to let go of our friend when we wanted to go shopping. I suggested putting the bird in my pocket, but Steven said I would have killed it.” Thor made the kicked puppy look again. “When it left, we shopped for clothes to look like normal Midgardians, and I.. Ah. Yes, that’s what we did.”

 

“What are you leaving out there, Thor? Something you did?” Clint teased with a mouth full of food.

 

“No, no I didn’t-”

 

“He ripped a shirt when he was trying it on,” Steve blurted. Thor looked down at Steve in shock. Tony guffawed at the statement.

 

“That’s what you get for having the body of a god,” he snorted. “It’s okay. It happens.”

 

“Not really,” Clint laughed. That earned him a pillow to the head from Natasha.

 

“As long as you two had fun, that’s all that matters,” she said. “Watch the movie with us.”

 

Thor sat next to Bruce on the couch after setting his bags on the dinner table. Steve set his bags down at the table and thought of where to sit. He could sit on the floor next to Tony or in front of Bucky and Natasha, or he could sit at the counter with Clint, but the archer would probably bother him the whole time.

 

“Steve, sit on the couch,” Bruce said.

 

“I don’t know if there will be room for the three of us,” Steve said, rubbing his arm awkwardly.

 

“There will be. Come on.”

 

Steve walked over and sat next to Thor. Their shoulders and thighs pressed against each other. Steve tried shifting his body so that his back was in the corner of the couch, but he would have to lay his legs over Thor’s to be comfortable.

 

“I could sit on the floor if you would like,” Thor chuckled.

 

“No, no it’s fine. I’ll sit on the floor. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” Steve said, moving onto the floor next to Tony.

 

As the movie played, people began falling asleep and others went up to their rooms. Tony fell asleep but was soon woken up by Bruce so that he could go to his room. Bruce bid goodnight to everyone and dragged Tony with him. Bucky and Natasha headed up for the night minutes after. Clint called it a night after half an hour, leaving Thor and Steve in the living room.

 

“Is it that late already? How long were we out for?” Steve yawned.

 

“I am unsure. It was a most delightful day, Steven. Thank you for inviting me on your quest,” Thor smiled.

 

“No problem. I enjoyed it, too. We should do it again sometime.”

 

“Let me know when and I will be more than happy to join you. Speaking of which, join me on the couch. There is room for you to sit comfortably since Dr. Banner went to bed.” Thor scooted to the one end of the couch so Steve could have the other.

 

They watched the movie until the very end. It was uneventful and left the two of them disappointed. Steve remembered Tony talking about popular cartoons, specifically one about a sponge. He asked FRIDAY to put it on the TV, and soon the theme of the show was playing. It was a cute tune.

 

A bright yellow sponge named Spongebob appeared on the screen. He was eating a bowl of cereal named “Kelpo”.Out of nowhere, an anchor broke into his house. Thor jumped in his seat, eyes wide. Steve laughed at the God’s reaction and returned his gaze to the TV. Spongebob ran outside yelling about how the sky had a baby. An angry squid named Squidward angrily stuck his head out and told Spongebob that the sky did not have a baby and that it was a giant anchor. A pink star named Patrick joined Spongebob and also exclaimed that the sky had had a baby.

 

“Silly creature. The sky is incapable of having children,” Thor muttered. “The squid is right. It is only an anchor.”

 

Steve chuckled lowly. He was beginning to get drowsy. The words and sounds began to sound like gibberish to him. It was so warm and comfortable in the living room, and the show was cute enough to keep Steve from having his usual thoughts of death and despair and focusing on the past.

 

“Steven, you should go up to your room. You’re falling asleep,” Thor said.

 

“‘m okay. Don’ worry,” Steve mumbled.

 

The show continued, showing the adventure the three creatures went on up the anchor and n the boat of a ghost named The Flying Dutchman. Steve’s eyes got heavier and heavier, eventually closing and taking him to another world.

 

For once, he didn’t dream of blood and the dead bodies of his friends.

 

He dreamt about Thor and swirls of pinks, yellows, and blues.


	2. Pop-Tarts and Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day of shopping with a bit of snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what to say here other than this is not beta'd so all mistakes are mine.  
> Also, don't forget to drink water, stretch, use the restroom, and remember to take care of yourself!!  
> ok here we go folks

Laughter and sounds from the television woke Steve up. He was laid down on the couch and tucked under a blanket. Confusion settled on his face. Steve knew he shifted around in his sleep, but he’s never done  _ this _ before - moving into a completely new position, from sitting to lying down while  _ sleeping _ . And where in the world did this blanket come from?

Steve looked around the room. Tony stood in the kitchen with Bruce talking about science. Bucky sat on the loveseat next to the main couch.

“Rise ‘n shine, sleeping beauty,” he chuckled.

“What time is it?” Steve yawned.

“Eleven. You slept real hard. Nothing could wake you up. Not even us bitching at Thor to go up to his room to sleep instead of on the floor.”

“He slept on the floor?”

“I don’t know why. He just complained about us waking him up and wouldn’t listen until we threatened to carry him up there. That was hours ago.” Bucky smiled. “I’m just glad to know you slept for more than four hours for once. No nightmares?”

“Nope. Just..” Steve trailed off, blushing. “Colors. Only colors.” Bucky narrowed his eyes.

“Only colors, huh? Nothin’ else?”

“No.” Bucky’s lips began to curl up into a smile. “Bucky I swear-“

Bucky held his hands up. “Hey, hey, I believe you. Only colors. It makes sense. You want something to eat?”

“What’s there to eat?”

“Waffles and bacon.” Steve got up from the couch and stumbled into the kitchen. He nodded a hello to Tony and Bruce and grabbed two waffles and a few pieces of bacon with a glass of milk. Different syrups were laid out on the table; buttermilk, chocolate, strawberry, and blueberry. He grabbed the buttermilk and poured it all over his waffles and promptly dug in.

Steve looked out the window as he ate. The sky was clear of clouds and the sun shined brightly. Birds flew around the tower and nearby buildings. A hummingbird flew to the window and sat on the ledge. A small nest was in the corner, where there were shade and protection from harsh weather. It made Steve smile knowing there were guests living with them from the outside.

Tony and Bruce began bickering about recent scientific discoveries and walked off to the elevator. Something about black holes and eating stars. Bucky watched from the loveseat and snickered to himself. He caught Steve’s gaze for a moment and stood from his seat and walked over to the blond.

“I’ll sit with you so you aren’t by yourself,” Bucky said, taking the seat next to Steve. “So, why don’t you tell me how your day went yesterday?”

Steve shuffled around in his seat. “It was fun. Already told you.”

“No, you told me it was fun. Tell me  _ what happened _ . ” Bucky grabbed the sleeve of Steve’s sweatshirt. “This isn’t yours. It’s a dress on you. Talk, or I get the big guy to tell me himself.”

“Fine. We walked around, went to Express for clothes. Ate at a burger place. Came home.”

“Guess Thor is going to have to give me the details.” Bucky made to leave but was stopped by a hand around his wrist.

“Okay! Okay.” Steve finished chewing and inhaled. “So while we were walking to Times Square, a little bird flew to us and sat on his shoulder. It was a bird that you rarely see here, and it just flew to Thor like he was a friend. He cooed at it and brought it to Times Square. When he had to let it go, he looked like a kicked puppy and I didn’t know how to comfort him.

“Anyways, we went to Express after he asked a ‘fair lady’ to give us directions to a store that sold men’s clothing. We needed new shirts that didn’t cling to our bodies like a second skin, so I had to help him with his shirt size. He tried on an XL and ended up ripping it on accident while trying it on. I’m not sure how he managed to wear shirts before yesterday.

“After the shirts, we bought pants, suits, jackets, just normal clothes. Then..”

“Yeah?”

Steve blushed hard. “We went to the underwear section.” He blushed harder when Bucky’s eyes went wide and mouth dropped. “I’ve never wanted to jump into a hole so bad in my life.”

“Was he that bad to shop with?”

“No. Blunt. Very.. Very blunt.”

“What do you mean?”

“He asked me about different types of underwear and.. said.. a word. Openly, as if it were normal. And.. he asked what underwear I wear.” Bucky outright laughed in Steve’s face, banging his knee against the table. “Shut up, Bucky! I was so embarrassed!”

“Did you answer?” The look on Steve’s face told Bucky everything and sent him into another laughing fit.

“I wanted to help him pick comfortable underwear! What else was I to do?!”

“At least you helped him. That’s what matters.”

“Anyways, we paid for everything and walked around some more until we went to a burger place and ate. He went to the bathroom and changed into a more comfortable sweatshirt and we talked for a bit before leaving.

“On the way home, I got cold, so he took off his sweatshirt and offered it to me. I didn’t want to take ‘cause he’d get cold, but he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and wouldn’t let me argue so I had to put it on. There you go.”

“So why didn’t you give it back?”

“What?”

“The sweatshirt. Why didn’t you give it back to him?”

“I forgot.”

“Is that the only reason why?” Steve blushed, hiding his face behind his hands.

“Be quiet. I just forgot.”

“Nice excuse. It’s written all over your face, pal. And you know what? That’s okay. Always knew you had a thing for guys.”

Steve looked at his best friend with wide eyes. “You’ve known?”

“I’m your best friend for a reason. Never said anything because it would embarrass you and I knew you wanted it to be private. Kind of figured it out when I saw your sketchbook one day and the page you opened it to was full of men. It never changed the way I felt about you, Steve. Being bi won’t affect our friendship. Unless, you know, you ditch me for some God and I’m not your best friend anymore.” Bucky clapped Steve on the shoulder. “I’m with you ‘till the end of the line, pal.”

“Buck... That means a lot to me, especially since I’m still struggling with the views from our time. I know it’s not the nineteen forties, but I.. you know? You know what I’m trying to say?”

“Yeah, I get you. It’ll take time, Steve. That’s okay. Even if it’s slow, progress is progress. I think when you finally accept yourself, that’ll make the whole thing easier. For now, take time. Don’t rush. I’ll be here with you the whole time.”

Steve pulled Bucky in for a hug. It was comforting, knowing someone from his time period would have been accepting of him. Even if it was only one person, it was  _ someone _ . Now he’s in this era where people like him are accepted all over, and Bucky is one of them. He couldn’t imagine being without his best friend because of something like this. Steve tightened his arm around Bucky’s neck, smiling to himself with his eyes closed.

“Am I interrupting something?” a deep voice broke in. Steve opened his eyes to see Thor standing at the kitchen counter.

“Oh, no,” Steve said, letting go of Bucky. “Just, uh, talking.“

“I see. May I join you?”

“Sure.”

Thor grabbed a bowl and poured himself a hefty amount of Cocoa Puffs. He took the seat next to Steve across from Bucky.

“You sleep okay, Thor?” Bucky asked.

“Aye. Even after you and Stark woke me up and threatened me, I managed to sleep quite well.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Though I will admit, your threat was humorous. How did you sleep?”

“Good. Nice and peaceful.”

“Did the fine Lady Natasha make it easier to sleep?”

Bucky choked on his spit while Steve let out a hearty laugh.

“I am much more observant than you think,” Thor chuckled.

Their conversation turned into one of cell phones and computers. All three of them were still getting used to them, especially cell phones. The small devices were constantly changing, a bunch of new ones coming out every year. Tony insisted on them having cell phones from him since the only thing that would change would be the system rather than the whole phone itself.

Computers were easier. Tony was the one to give them all laptops from his company and installed helpful tips for the three outsiders. Thor never used his while Bucky used it all the time. There was always something on his mind and being able to find answers for it with a few clicks was very helpful.

Steve used his every so often, but he would rather die than share what he used the internet for. He will never in his entire life admit to anyone, not even Bucky, about what he searches for online.

He will never admit to anyone that he searches about sex with men, sex toys (that he might get for himself out of curiosity), or ways to get over someone that does not and will not ever return the same feelings one shared towards them. Those searches will be taken to the grave.

Thor left at some point, stating that he had some business to attend to. He thanked Steve and Bucky for the pleasant conversation and walked off. The two sat in silence until they heard the elevator doors close.

“What a guy,” Bucky sighed, leaning his head on his hand. “I bet you’re glad to have someone else who is just as lost as you are.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked.

“I know we’re both from the nineteen forties, and we’re both learning, but Natasha has been helping me a lot since we got together. You’ve been doing this on your own. ‘Cause you’re stubborn as shit.”

“Hey!”

“I’m not wrong. Anyways, I think you should let some of us help you. Thor is getting used to this place the same way you are. Try learning about everything with him. You’ll probably feel better with everything knowing that there’s someone out there walking the same road as you.”

“Yeah..”

“And you’ll get to spend more time with your crush.” Bucky made kissy noises to strengthen his argument.

“Why do I put up with you?”

 

“Because I’m a cool guy. Now come on, help me with the dishes.”

-

After washing dishes with Bucky and enduring several minutes of him relentlessly teasing Steve about Thor, the blond went up to his room to change into day clothes. He was still blushing from Bucky’s horrible rendition of the kissing song he had heard so many times in grade school. Even after everything that has happened to him, Bucky was still his silly, charming self.

Steve walked out of his room and looked around. What could he do today? The gym was open, but Clint was probably down there trying out his explosive arrows with Bruce. Bucky said he had “important work” to get done, but Steve knew damn well that he was with Natasha. Tony was more than likely in his lab. He could spend time with Thor, but he felt that he had bothered the man enough as it is.

Just as Steve was about to head back into his room, Thor walked out of his and called for him.

“Steven! What are you up to at this hour?” he gleamed.

“Nothing, really. I’m not sure what to do.” Steve answered.

“I was about to go to the market and purchase some snacks. Since you are not busy, would you like to accompany me?”

“Sure. Let me get a jacket.”

Steve went into his room and looked in his closet for a jacket before remembering the new ones he had bought yesterday. As he made his way to the bag, he noticed the sweatshirt Thor had given him when they walked home yesterday. He grabbed a white sweatshirt from the bag and put it on, thankful that white went well with pretty much everything. Thor’s sweatshirt was in his grasp as he walked out the door.

“Here, I forgot to give this back to you,” Steve said, holding the sweatshirt out to Thor.

“Oh, thank you, but I am too lazy to go back to my room and put it away. Could you keep it in yours until we return?” Thor asked.

“No problem.” Steve threw the sweatshirt into his closet. “Let’s go.”

-

Thor didn’t know how to use FRIDAY for making orders like Tony did, so he went out to buy what he wanted.

Today, he wanted Pop-Tarts.

Steve tried his hardest not to laugh as Thor, the Great God of Thunder, frowned at the many flavors of Pop-Tarts in front of him. They had been standing in the aisle for about ten minutes when Thor finally made his pick. Steve thought they were finished, but Thor remained where he was.

“You okay?” Steve asked.

“Yes, but..” Thor furrowed his brow at the other flavors of Pop-Tarts. “I want another box, but I would like to try a new flavor. I am unsure of what to pick.”

“Here, I’ll help.” Steve grabbed a box of Blueberry Pop-Tarts and handed it to his friend, who seemed to be satisfied with the choice. “It’s my favorite flavor. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

“Thank you. Would you like anything while we’re here?”

“Not really. I only came here for you.”

“Your sweet words move me, Steven.” Thor laughed at the way Steve spluttered and how his cheeks turned red. “I jest.”

“Shut up. Let’s get out of here before someone recognizes us.”

They went to the registers to pay for their items. Steve dragged him to the self-checkout to avoid speaking to any cashiers. Instead of bagging the boxes, Thor one box in his pocket and the other was cradled in his arm like a baby.

Walking outside was nice for a second until the air got colder and colder. It was freezing, more than earlier. The clouds had gathered and blocked any sunlight from shining down on the world beneath it.

Something cold landed on Steve’s hand. Blue eyes flickered down to see a snowflake quickly melting on his skin. It wasn’t unusual, but it was unexpected. Another flake landed on his cheek. Then his forehead. Then his neck.

It began to snow moderately, and Steve cursed himself for not checking the weather before he had left. At least he brought a sweatshirt.

Thor looked as if he were a million miles away. His Pop-Tarts threatened to fall out of his arm. Steve grabbed them before they had a chance to do so.

“You okay, Thor?” Steve asked.

“Yes, I am just.. not used to snow. I haven’t seen it since I went to Jotunheim with Loki,” Thor sighed.

“Bad times?”

“Bad times.”

Steve felt awkward. Would it be appropriate for him to ask about it? It seemed to be a touchy subject, but Thor looked so pained by it. “You can talk about it, um. If you want, I mean. I won’t force you,” he mumbled. From the corner of his eye, he could see Thor’s lips quirk up.

“I do not want to burden you with my past.”

“I don’t mind. I want to listen.”

Thor looked at Steve with a sad smile and began his tale of Jotunheim and how it lead to his banishment. How it lead to him being lost in this world until he met Jane and even then he was still lost. A world where he knew no one, and he couldn’t call to Heimdall to bring him back due to Odin’s orders.

He talked about how ruined he was when he could no longer pick up Mjolnir because of an enchantment his father had put on it, and it got worse when Loki came to tell him their father had passed, only to eventually find out by Sif and the Warriors Three that Loki had lied to him. Thor talked about the Destroyer, too. How he sacrificed himself for his friends but shortly came back to life when Mjolnir went back to him and believed him to be worthy.

“I went through all of that for a reason, and though I am grateful for the lessons I have learned, I wish it could have been better. But then, if everything had not gone the way they did, then who knows if I would have taken the experiences seriously?” Thor wondered.

“Man. I’m sorry about that, Thor. At least it kind of worked out, right? I mean, the lessons part. The relationship part not so much ‘cause you know I’m just going to shut up,” Steve blushed, getting more embarrassed when Thor laughed at him.

“Do not fret, Steven. I understood what you meant. I agree, it did work out.” Thor looked at the ground where the snow began piling up. “The snow is beautiful. I’m glad I can admire it without being attacked by Frost Giants.” He yelped when he got hit in the back, turning to see Steve smiling at him. “What was that?”

“Snowball. You get snow, make it into a ball, and throw it. Wanna do it for a bit?”

-

Steve has made some mistakes in his life. Some little, some big, but this was possibly the worst mistake he has ever made.

Thor was fast at making snowballs, and he had  _ really _ good aim and a  _ really _ good arm. Steve was knocked down numerous times but he was too busy laughing to care. Thor apologized every time but he laughed every time.

Steve had gotten a few good hits on Thor. He made Thor stand and blink in shock from the perfect aim and force of the throw a couple times, only to get a snowball to the shoulder and snow on his face.

What ended the snowball fight was not the snowfall getting faster or the civilians watching two grown men attack each other with snow.

No, what ended the fight was Steve throwing a snowball at Thor’s chest at the wrong time and hitting his cheek instead. Steve tried to apologize, but he was tackled onto the ground before he could get anything out. Thor grabbed handfuls of snow and stuffed it down Steve’s shirt. The American shrieked for mercy, but Thor would not listen.

Eventually, Steve gained the upper hand by throwing a handful of snow in Thor’s face and used the distraction to escape Thor’s grasp. He grabbed the boxes of Pop-Tarts that laid in the snow and ran into Stark Tower. His laughter was uncontrollable and had nearly caused him to fall over multiple times.

Thor caught up, laughing as he barely managed to get into the elevator with Steve. Both men were out of breath and their faces flushed. It was the most fun either of them has had in a long time.

Darkness greeted them when the elevator doors opened. The only source of light came from the TV. Noises came from the kitchen, and Steve could see his friends standing at the dinner table in a circle. Tony had ordered pizza for the night. Two boxes were set aside for Thor and Steve.

“Welcome back, guys. Dig in. We were about to watch a horror movie,” Clint greeted. “You guys heard of Insidious?”

-

They had not heard of Insidious.

The movie was good. It made Steve jump a couple of times, but the warmth beside him made him forget about being spooked.

Thor remained unphased by the movie. It was entertaining, but not scary. He had his head resting against his hand and yawned occasionally. His pizza box was empty, along with the bag of breadsticks Tony had bought for him.

After Insidious, they watched Insidious II. Steve didn’t jump as much, but it still made him unsettled. Why not just call a priest for an exorcism? Why put your family through all of that torture? He was pleased with the ending, but he was critical of the character’s choices.

Towards the end of the movie, Tony left to go sleep. Clint and Bruce went to the gym to test out some of Clint’s new arrows, and Natasha had gone up to her room for the night. Bucky sat on the loveseat while Thor and Steve sat on the main couch.

“So, Steve,” Bucky started, “Did you like the movies?”

“Yeah. They weren’t that bad. Just made me a bit unsettled,” Steve yawned.

“What about you, Thor?”

“It was okay. Nothing exciting,” Thor yawned.

“Nothin’ scares you, huh? Big ol’ God of Thunder.”

“I do have fears, but silly movies such as the ones we just watched will not frighten me.”

“Steve got scared.” Bucky chuckled at his friend’s glare.

“It was the loud parts, okay? That’s it,” Steve mumbled, slouching and pouting.

“Just teasing you, pal. Alright. I’m going to my room for the night. I’ll see you two tomorrow.”

“Send Lady Natasha my regards,” Thor chuckled. Bucky rolled his eyes and waved his hand as if to say “yeah, yeah” and walked off to the elevators.

“You heading up for the night, too?” Steve asked.

“I’m not sure what I want to do,” Thor yawned.

“You gettin’ sleepy?”

“A little. It’s no issue. If possible, I would like to continue the show with the sponge and angry squid.”

FRIDAY played the campfire episode almost immediately. They watched in silence, with the occasional chuckle and “What?” under their breaths.

When the seabear finally appeared, Thor sat up in his seat and stared in awe. The creature was beating up Squidward off screen and it made Thor nervous. The squid will surely be okay. He will make it.

Thor sighed in relief when Squidward made it inside the seabear circle. He looked at Steve with a smile. The shorter blond seemed lost in his thoughts.

“What troubles you?” Thor asked.

“How does a circle prevent them from getting beat up by that thing? I know that it’s a cartoon, but it doesn’t make sense,” Steve said.

“I am unsure of that myself. It is an odd show, but I truly enjoy it. We must watch more.”

Their next episode was the box episode. Spongebob and Patrick had used a TV box to play in and drove Squidward crazy. They were able to climb a mountain from within the box, which was impossible, so Thor turned to Steve to confirm his suspicions. It was, in fact, their imagination, and it reminded Thor of his childhood with Loki when the two of them would play outside and pretend to be great warriors like their father.

“This is a sweet episode,” Steve said quietly. “Reminds me of.. back then. When I wasn’t  _ this _ . ”

“How so?” Thor inquired.

“I remember wishing to be better, you know? I was tired of my health problems. Besides them being annoying, they also defined me when I didn’t want them to. By that I mean that’s how people saw me; weak, fragile, unstable. I may have been weak physically, but I could’ve done so much more had they given me a chance.

“Buck was always the one to save me. I’d get beat up and minutes later he’d show up and save me. There were times where I had to endure a beating without ever getting saved, but that’s whatever. I know, I know, ‘You could have run, Steve’, but that’s the thing; you start running, they’ll never let you stop. You stand up, push back. Can’t say no forever, right?

“Even when I joined the military, the guys treated me poorly and it got worse when this amazing woman named Peggy became interested in me, even before I became Captain America. I admired her a lot, but things happen. We were supposed to have a date, but I.. I crashed into the ice. And then, almost seventy years later I wake up, and she’d moved on; a husband, kids, a life.

“ It hurts, you know? I could have had a future with her, but God works in mysterious ways. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. I don’t know. I’m just afraid of never being able to find the right person to dance with for the rest of my life. I thought it would be her. If she were to hear me right now, she would probably punch me. She’d want me to move on and be happy like she was.”

Steve shook his head and chuckled lightly. “Sorry, I got off track. Even though I’m  _ this _ instead of a weak little guy, I still wish I could be better. Sometimes I feel like a disappointment no matter how hard I try. Everyone has high expectations of me when all I want to do is be myself without someone putting me down when I’m already trying my hardest. I just want to stop being a disappointment to everyone.”

Thor continued watching the TV with a blank face. Steve couldn’t make out what his friend could possibly be thinking, and it was starting to make him feel anxious. Did Thor think less of him now?

“Steven,” the God started, “I mean this with all my heart when I say this: I am amazed by the fire in your soul, and I am grateful to know you. You are a man with a heart of gold and every day I see that heart in action, whether it is watching the birds outside or keeping an eye on the civilians around us when we stroll around the city.

“Your feelings about wanting to be ‘better’ are a bit saddening. I do not know if there is any possible way to make you better than you already are. Everyone has doubts about themselves and wants to make improvements, but you... I am certain you are great the way you are. However, if you feel that improving yourself in some sort of way will make you feel happier with yourself, then do it. I must ask, what is it that you want to improve?”

Steve thought for a moment. That was a question he had never once asked himself. He had been so concerned with improving himself and being a better person, but what was it that he wanted to make better?

His personality? He felt that his personality was okay; shy, polite, awkward, kind, protective. Clint had once referred to him as the “mother” of the group, and though Steve tried to deny it, he couldn’t.

“Your insecurities are fine. It’s normal, but Steven, just because these people have high expectations of you, that does not mean you need to have the same high expectations for yourself as well. Who cares what these petty humans think of you? Their expectations and what they think of you mean nothing in the end, because they are not the people who know you best, and more importantly, they are not  _ you _ . You are not a disappointment. You are Steven Rogers, and you will never be a disappointment in my eyes.”

Steve smiled. It was a big, genuine smile, and he was certain he looked silly, but Thor’s words echoed in his mind.

_ They are not you. _

That’s what he needed to remind himself. They might want him to be more aggressive or to be more open concerning his body or private life, but Steve didn’t have to do that for them. He needed to take care of himself. It’ll take time for him to get used to that mentality, but progress is progress, no matter the speed.

“Thanks, Thor. That means a lot,” he said.

“Any time,” Thor smiled.

The two watched TV for a few more minutes before they decided to go to bed. Steve said goodnight to Thor before going into his room for the night. He changed into a pair of sweatpants and a white T-shirt and flopped down onto his bed. Being so open with someone that wasn’t Bucky was new to him, but it was a good experience. Maybe sometime soon he’ll get to do it again.

Steve rolled onto his side and pulled his blankets over him. He thought over his plans for the week; maybe he would get a chance to start drawing again. Nothing bad has happened in a while, and Steve was really hoping for this period of peace to go on longer, if not forever.

Too bad that would never happen, he thought. He needs war. He needs a reason to fight to keep himself sane. That’s why he is who he is; he’s a  _ weapon _ , and that’s all he’s ever going to be in the eyes of humanity. He will never get a chance to be Steve Rogers.

Thor’s words came back to him.

_ Their expectations and what they think of you mean nothing in the end. _

_ They are not you. _

Steve smiled to himself as those words echoed in his head. Thor was right. They aren’t Steve. They will never be Steve, so why are they busy having high expectations of him when they should be focused on themselves?

The last thought in Steve’s mind before he drifted off to a different world was Thor’s smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bucky being a goober and silly is something i treasure and no one will steal this hc from me thanks  
> i feel kinda weird typing out all of the numbers and years but i hate typing numbers for some reason. even when i was in high school i would write out the number instead of the number itself, haha.  
> anyways, i'll be working on this as much as i can, but I will be on a trip to see my best friend for her birthday in July, so I'll do my best to work on it while i'm up with her, too.  
> thank you for reading!! kudos and comments are not necessary but appreciated!! <3


	3. A Bad Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories don't care where you are or what you're doing; They'll make themselves known when they want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter involves a somewhat vivid nightmare and anxiety attack from PTSD. If that makes you uncomfortable, you are free to skip the chapter or scroll down until it says, "Sunlight poured into the room."
> 
> I would just like to say that everyone with PTSD deals with it differently. Some are comfortable with being touched while others will flinch or react violently to it.
> 
> If you are suffering from a mental illness, PLEASE reach out to someone. You don't have to suffer alone.
> 
> Still unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine. 
> 
> Enjoy!! :D

****__

_ “Steve.” _

_ A hand grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. It was Bucky. _

_ “Hey, Buck. What’s up?” Steve smiled. _

_ “Just wanted to spend time with you.” _

_ They sat on the grass together. The wind was light, and the sun shined brightly upon them. A few clouds floated around, but they didn’t block the sun. Another nice day. _

_ Steve admired the view. Children were running around with their friends. Parents sat on benches and spoke to each other. Dogs played frisbee with their owners and chased one another. _

_ A few people were selling food from little carts; hot dogs, ice cream, pretzels. A variety of foods and drinks to make a nice day even nicer. Steve sighed in content. It wasn’t often that he got to enjoy a nice day like this. There was always a mission or something to get in the way of his relaxation time. _

_ “So why didn’t you save me all those years ago?” _

_ Steve turned to look at Bucky. His best friend had fire in his eyes and his lips were curled into a snarl. _

_ “What-” _

_ “You left me to die, Steve. I fell off that train and you watched me. Didn’t even help me. I lost an arm because of you.” _

_ “Bucky, I tried my best to save you.” _

_ “That wasn’t enough, now was it? You let me and everyone else die. Peggy suffered because of your carelessness. She was alone without you because you just had to sacrifice yourself for the world, and look. It wasn’t even worth it.” Bucky laughed darkly. “What a waste of a human. That serum could have gone to someone better.” _

_ Steve couldn’t cry. He was numb, and all he could do was blink. _

_ Why did he blink? _

_ Why? _

_ The world around him transformed into one of ice and the ground was covered in blood and bodies and oh god there was an arm- _

_ “Look at what you did, Steve,” a woman yelled. Steve turned, and there was Peggy Carter, blood all over her face and clothes. “You let us all suffer. You let them all die, and you left me to suffer.” _

_ “Peggy, I didn’t- I tried my best,” Steve choked. _

_ “Did you? Did you really?” another voice croaked. Steve looked down and there was Bucky, missing his arm and on the verge of death. “Look at me. Look at what happened to me because you didn’t care.” _

_ “I cared! I did my best! I don’t understand why you’re saying this.” _

_ “You let them win, Steve. Now we’re left to die.” _

_ Footsteps echoed behind him. His feet were glued to the ground, and he was forced to watch as a man in a black hooded-robe held a gun and shot Bucky in the chest, ending his suffering. He turned and revealed himself as Johann Schmidt. _

_ “You tried?” he cackled. “Pathetic. You disappointed them all again, Rogers.” _

_ Steve turned to look for Peggy, but she was gone. Just like Bucky. _

_ The gun was aimed at Steve’s head, but the ice opened up beneath him and swallowed him. He fell, but he couldn’t stop. He was falling and falling. No one was here to save him. _

_ “Steve?” _

_ There was ice again. _

_ “Steven? Please wake up.” _

_ It was glowing. It was a familiar shade of blue. Like the Tesseract. _

_ “You are asleep. Wake up.” _

_ He hit the ice. _

-

“Steven, Steven you’re safe. P-”

Steve woke up screaming. His hair was damp with sweat and his face was wet from tears. He was heaving, gasping for air that refused to fill his lungs. It was cold. The air was freezing and no matter how many blankets he had on, he was still cold. His eyes were blurry with tears.

The first thing he could clearly see was Thor. Then he saw Bucky and Tony standing next to him. Thor was the only one who was confident enough to touch Steve during his nightmare; he had been screaming and kicking.

“Steve?” Bucky spoke, his voice soft. “You want to talk about it?”

“Can’t. Not now. Tomorrow. Just, need air,” he croaked.

Bucky gave Steve a sad smile. He looked so tired, and Steve woke him up with his screaming. What a good friend he was, causing his best friend to be concerned about him and wake him up from his sleep because of his issues.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Bucky whispered, carding his fingers through Steve’s hair. “I don’t mind waking up to help you. I’ll do anything to make sure you’re safe. Don’t be angry with yourself.”

“Jesus, Steve, you’re shivering like a chihuahua,” Tony said. “FRIDAY, turn the heat up. Do you want more blankets?”

Steve shook his head. “Water.”

Tony grabbed a water bottle Steve had left on his desk. He handed it to him and gave him a pat on the arm that said, “I know how you feel.”.

“I-I think I’ll be okay,” Steve breathed. “I’ll talk about it in the morning. Please get some sleep.” He gave the three of them a smile. It was fake, but it was all he could do to offer assurance. Bucky and Tony sighed at the same time, nodding at their friend and walking out. Thor got up after them, but all he did was shut the door. He walked back to the bed with Steve and sat next to him.

It was silent. Steve was pretty sure Thor was unsure of what to say, but he felt bad that he had woken him up. The clock on his nightstand read “twelve thirty A.M.”, and that made him feel worse.

Water helped his throat, but it didn’t make him feel better. He set the bottle on his nightstand and attempted to calm himself down. Deep breaths. Positive thoughts. Positive people. Happy memories.

It didn’t help. Tears started running down his cheeks again from frustration and embarrassment. Here he was, crying in front of Thor like a child. Nothing was helping. His mind was still overwhelmed by the images of his friends dying and the ice enveloping him again.

“FRIDAY, could you please put on the show with the sponge?” Thor softly asked. The sound of the show’s theme song played from the TV Steve never used. “Thank you.”

Steve rubbed the tears out of his eyes and sat up. He looked over at Thor, who was looking at the TV. The episode they were watching this time was the one where Spongebob was selling colored Krabby Patties that went by the name “Pretty Patties”.

The sounds from the TV filled the room. Steve sat with red puffy eyes and hiccuped every now and then. It was hard to focus on the show when all he could think about was Bucky’s screams and Peggy yelling at him. Too much. But he has to hold it in. He has to stand up and get back to being Captain America.

“I know you said you wanted to talk about it tomorrow, but I can see that it is troubling you and you will not be sleeping any time soon,” Thor said in a soft voice.

“Overwhelming,” Steve whispered. “Too real and.. I can’t get it out of my head. They all died.”

“Who?”

“Bucky and Peggy. Died in front of me. Again.”

“Again?”

“I’ve seen them die before.”

“Have you? When?”

“I-I can’t remember. Um, Bucky when he fell off the train. Peggy when..” Steve thought hard. “Oh. Never.”

“Was that all that happened in your dream?”

“N-no. I- I was falling. And before I fell, they were saying horrible things. That it’s all my fault they’re dead and that HYDRA is still a thing and-” Steve started crying again. “Damn it. I- I can’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“This. Cry. It’s embarrassing.”

“How so?”

“‘m Captain America.”

“Did you not just tell me hours ago that you wanted to be seen as Steven Rogers?” Thor smiled at him. “You cry because you have fears. You cry because you have guilt. You cry because you are sad. Is Steve Rogers not allowed to feel those things?”

“But-

 

“You are not Captain America, Steven. Maybe to the public, but not to me. I see you, the soul. You may be the superhero Captain America when needed, but no matter what, you are and will always be Steven Rogers, and I will always see you as him.”

Steve has never cried so much in his life.

He gripped Thor’s shirt and cried on his chest. He cried about losing Bucky, about losing Peggy. He cried about losing his home and life to save his country, only to find out that he couldn’t even do that. He cried about being lost in this world and feeling like such an idiot for not knowing how to use a computer the way Tony does or use a TV the way Clint does.

He cried about being surrounded by people all the time but still feeling so alone. Loneliness was the shadow that mocked him as he laid in bed at night. Loneliness was the heavy feeling in his chest when he saw couples kissing and best friends laughing together. Loneliness was what held him at night instead of a lover.

He cried about being a disappointment. No matter how many times he’s told himself that he can’t save everyone, it still haunts him. The faces of the deceased lingered in his mind. They had been waiting, wishing for Captain America to save them, but he couldn’t, and they had paid the price for it.

He cried about not being strong enough. Regret and guilt and anger and sadness always plagued him, but he couldn’t show it. He had to be strong for everyone. Captain America had to be confident for the world, even when Steve Rogers wanted so badly to break down and weep. No one could see Steve Rogers; they had to see Captain America, no matter what toll it took on him.

It was two fifteen in the morning when he had finished talking. He sat in his messy, damp bed, gripping Thor’s shirt and crying quietly. Weight had been lifted from his shoulders after all these years. Years of silence and suffering. Years of grief.

“Oh, Steven...” Thor whispered, squeezing Steve’s arm. “You have suffered for so long. I am so sorry.” He pulled Steve onto his lap and held him tight. “Though Barnes had gone through a horrible experience, it was not your fault. He has not forgiven you because there is nothing to forgive; you did everything you could. The only reason he would be angry with you would be if you didn’t try to help.

“Miss Carter loved you, Steven. Your sacrifice showed her why she loved you and what an incredible person you are. I can assure you she was more happy than angry about you missing that date due to your actions.” That earned a small chuckle from Steve. “Loneliness is an ugly creature. It is heavy on the heart, but you must be stronger than it. Understand that friends can fill that empty feeling better than lovers could.

“You are not a disappointment, Steven. I swear to you, you are nowhere near disappointing. I am happy to fight beside you, but I am honored to have been able to meet a man of your spirit.” Thor grabbed the sides of Steve’s face and forced him to look him in the eye. “You are  _ not  _ weak. Steven Grant Rogers, do not ever think yourself weak. To be able to keep that grief and suffering inside without breaking for so many years is astonishing. But it is also unhealthy.

“Promise me this: promise me that you will speak to someone of your issues, small or big. Whether it is Barnes or Lady Natasha or Stark, it has to be someone. Please promise me, Steven.”

Steve looked into those beautiful blue eyes. He was overwhelmed by their beauty and melted at them looking into his own dull blues.

“I- I promise I’ll talk to someone about my issues. But, um. Could- Could I talk to you about them?”

Thor smiled and wiped the tears on Steve’s face away with his thumbs. “It would be my pleasure. Now, let us watch the show about the sponge and angry squid. This episode seems interesting.”

Thor grabbed the blankets and pulled them over Steve and himself. He sat against the headboard of the bed and cradled Steve in his lap. Warmth radiated from his chest, providing extra warmth to the man who sat across his lap.

Steve had one arm around Thor’s back and the other holding onto the God’s shirt. Comfort and happiness began to settle in, pushing all of the negativity out. He could barely concentrate on the show from the sudden drowsiness that hit him.

The last sound in his head was Thor’s heartbeat.

-

Sunlight poured into the room. It barely hit Steve’s face, causing him to stir in his sleep. His blankets were wrapped around him like a cocoon. He sat up, groaning at his pounding headache. A soft sigh got his attention. Blue eyes flickered up to the source: a sleeping Thor.

The God was laying on Steve’s couch, an arm tucked behind his head while the other rested on his stomach. He looked so peaceful. Usually, Thor had some sort of expression on his face that told his mood, but this is one of the rare times he looked so serene.

Steve smiled at the sight. Butterflies flared up in his stomach at the realization that  _ Thor was sleeping in his room _ . More than likely to make sure Steve didn’t have another nightmare. The gesture was greatly appreciated, but Steve kind of felt bad; Thor could have slept somewhere more comfortable, like his own bed or with...

Nope. Not that.

Yet he chose to sleep on the couch. His body was too large to lay comfortably on the couch; his head rested on one of the armrests while his feet were propped up on the other. As uncomfortable as it looked, Thor looked peaceful.

Steve got up from his bed to grab new clothes. He felt gross in the clothes he wore to bed last night, and a shower seemed like a good idea. He turned to look at Thor once more before he went into the bathroom.

A mistake? Yes.

His eyes betrayed him and flickered down to a certain body part that was nicely accented by the sweatpants. Steve’s cheeks became hot almost immediately. He dashed into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Why did his body have to betray him like that? There’s a lot to look at when it comes to Thor, but no, he immediately looked at his-

No. No, he can’t think like this. Thor was right outside the door and it was wrong to think of a good friend in that way. But it was  _ really _ hard not to, and now Steve had to suffer the consequences. Stiff consequences.

Should he? There was nothing he had to do today. No one was going to bother him. Well, maybe Bucky and Tony to talk about last night. Besides that, Steve was sure no one was going to bother him about anything any time soon.

Steve undressed and threw his clothes into the hamper. He stepped into the shower and turned the hot water on. Steam began to fill the room. It was a soothing feeling; hot water raining down on him and washing his worries and thoughts down the drain.

Last night was one of his weakest moments. A breakdown like that usually left him depressed and sluggish, but today was different. Perhaps it wasn’t as bad as usual (ha, that’s a good one). Maybe it was because he’s used to the nightmares by now.

 

No.

It was because someone stayed with him even after he had told everyone to leave. Someone took time to listen to him and take care of him the way he did everyone else. All these years as Captain America, taking care of the people and the world, and not once did he ever allow someone to take care of him. Not even Bucky.

But here comes Thor, putting off sleeping to listen to Steve’s worries and fears the same way Steve had done for their friends all these years. He took time to make sure Steve was okay. It was so comforting being in his lap, feeling his warmth and listening to his heartbeat.

Half an hour later, Steve emerged from the bathroom. Thor was no longer on the couch. Rather than focus on his absence, Steve went to make his bed, only to see that not only were his blankets replaced with new ones, but so were his bed sheets, comforter, and pillowcases. Steve sure as hell didn’t do that, so he was certain Thor had been the one to do it. What a guy.

Steve smiled. He should really thank the God for his kind deed. With a smile on his face, the Captain made his way over to Thor’s room. He knocked on the door and thought as he waited for a response. It was truly a blessing to have Thor as a friend. Repaying him for the favor was going to be difficult. How could Steve repay him for such a thoughtless act of kindness?

The door opened, and Steve felt all of the blood in his body rush up to his face. Thor stood there with only a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was dripping wet, drops of water splashing on the hardwood.

“Hello, Steven,” Thor greeted.

“Um. Uh,” Steve stammered. “H-Hi? I just, uh.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just.” Steve swallowed. “Hungry. Just wanted to say thanks for making the bed. Was kind of you.”

“Any time, Steven. I thought it would help if you were to be in new sheets, like a new start, perhaps. Does that make sense?”

“It does. I appreciate the thought. Um, I’m gonna let you get dressed. I’ll see you down in the living room.”

Steve waved goodbye and made his way to the elevator. How could Thor be so calm and casual throughout their entire conversation? He acted as if it was normal to talk to people while practically naked. Maybe on Asgard, but not.. not here.

Then again. It shouldn’t have been so new to him. He had seen it many times when he was in the military. But that was different, too. They didn’t really have much of a choice then. Thor had a choice to get dressed before opening the door. Maybe he was worried that it was urgent or could have been important.

Whatever the reason, it still left  _ quite  _ an image in Steve’s mind and he was certain his face was still red even after he made it down to the living room. He saw Bucky sitting at the kitchen counter drinking coffee with Clint. An unusual sight - not Bucky and Clint sitting together, but Clint being awake before noon - but not an unpleasant one.

Bucky turned around at the sound of footsteps. Icy blue eyes met ocean blue ones. At that second, Steve knew Bucky was going to want to talk to him about last night. He made to move to the couch, but Bucky stopped him.

“I’d like to continue our conversation, Clint, but I have to go do something. We’ll finish this up later,” Bucky said. Clint nodded and turned to make a bowl of soup.

Bucky stepped into the elevator with Steve and pressed the button for the first floor. No sound was heard except for the sound of the metal screeching. It wasn’t tense, but it wasn’t comfortable, either. One wrong move, one word, and the whole mood could turn to shit.

When the doors opened, Bucky led the way out, dragging Steve outside and onto a bench. Neither of them wore shoes, so they couldn’t exactly walk anywhere without freezing their feet. The snow on the sidewalk had barely melted, but it was still ice cold to walk on.

They sat in silence for minutes. Steve looked around and took in the view; partly cloudy sky, sunlight being blocked every now and then by the passing clouds, snow on the trees and ground, and a bird flew in and out of a tree every now and then. It wasn’t until Steve coughed that Bucky looked at him.

“You feelin’ better?” he asked.

“Yeah. Better than usual whenever that kinda thing happens,” Steve replied.

“I know Thor stayed with you. Tony and I noticed that he never followed us out.”

“Oh, um. ‘Cause he wanted to talk. You know.”

“Was it okay?”

Steve blinked at him. “What do you mean?”

“Was he invasive? Helpful at all?”

“He was really helpful. I.. I didn’t think he would stay to talk to me for that long. At first, we didn’t talk, he just put on a show and let me calm down for a bit. Then he said something and I let it all out.”

Bucky nodded. He looked up at the sky and then at the snow as if he were searching for something in them. Brown eyebrows furrowed and pink lips pursed from hard thinking. “So you’re okay.” A statement rather than a question.

“I feel fine. Usually, I feel so empty and drained but that talk really helped. When I came out of the shower, my pillowcases, bed sheets,  _ and _ blankets were changed. I went to talk to him about it and he did it as a way to.. Refresh? I’m not exactly sure how to word it.”

“I get it.”

More silence.

Steve couldn’t tell if Bucky was mad at him or not. Anxiety began to settle in. What reason did he have to be angry? Was it because he talked to Thor instead of him? Waking him during the night?

“-you.”

“What?”

“I said I’m happy for you. I’m glad you found a person to talk to about this stuff, Steve. Ever since I met you, you’ve kept everything to yourself. Wouldn’t even let me help you after Sarah passed. Stubborn punk.” Bucky chuckled. “I don’t mind if I’m not the person you choose to talk to. As long as you talk about your issues, that’s all that matters.”

Steve pulled Bucky into a hug. They sat like that for a few moments, appreciating each other’s warmth and presence. As a child, he hadn’t had many friends. Bucky was the only one who had the guts to be near Steve whenever he had an asthma attack or was sick. Not many kids understood what asthma was, and even as a teen, they were cruel to him about it.

Not Bucky. He was the one to defend Steve through all the hard times. He would throw the punch that Steve was too weak to do himself. He stayed by Steve’s side when the blond would be too sick to get out of bed. Even when Steve was in his early twenties, Bucky would step in and defend him.

And now, almost seventy years later, Bucky was  _ still _ ready to defend Steve. Nothing would stop him from making sure his friend was okay. He’d even fight Thor if he had to. However, Steve doubted that Thor would ever do anything to hurt him, and if Bucky did fight Thor, it would be over as soon as it started.

Steve chuckled to himself. The thought of Thor knocking his friend out in one punch was sort of funny. He’d be trying his best to defend Steve just to get knocked on his ass and sent to either the hospital or his grave.

“Why are you laughing?” Bucky mumbled.

“Just a funny thought,” Steve smiled. “Can we go inside? I’m freezing. And hungry.”

Bucky pulled away from Steve’s hug and stood from where he sat. Steve noticed his hair was getting longer, a tiny bit past his shoulder. It looked good on him, and honestly, it would be kind of weird for him to get it cut now that he’s had this hairstyle for years. Well, weird for Steve, but whatever Bucky chose to do with his hair was his decision and his decision only.

After he finished stretching, the two soldiers went back into the tower for warmth and food. They chatted for a bit on their way up to the living room, mostly about what food they wanted to eat and possibly spending some time together later today.

Bacon. The first scent to hit their nostrils as soon as the elevator doors opened was the scent of bacon. Steve practically ran out of the elevator and into the kitchen. Tony greeted him with a nod. Natasha sat at the kitchen counter with a book in her hands.

Belgian waffles and bowls of grapes sat on the dinner table. It was unusual for Tony to cook since most of the time he just grabbed whatever was left from someone else cooking. It had to be a special occasion.

Natasha gave Bucky a small smile and a nod to Steve, who smiled and raised an eyebrow at the couple. Leave it to the two assassins to keep even their relationship a secret. Well, Bucky wasn’t much of an assassin _ now _ , but still. If anything, Bucky was like a soft bear that would be cute and cuddly with its pack but ready to kill anyone that dare try to hurt it or the pack.

“How are you doing, Steve?” Tony asked.

“Good. A lot better,” Steve answered, chewing on some grapes as he waited for the bacon.

“I’m glad to hear that. Really. I decided to, uh, make you a nice breakfast. ‘Cause, you know.”

Steve smiled and gave Tony a hug. “I know what you’re saying. Thank you.” Tony may have had that exterior of, “I’m sass and badass.”, but Steve knew that he was a softie. It just took some getting used to his sassy exterior to be able to get close enough to see how good a person he really is. It was a barrier to protect himself from getting too close to someone for fear of losing them in the end.

Thor came trotting into the kitchen and went straight for the pan of bacon. Not even the heat of the pan stopped him from grabbing a piece and eating it right then and there. Tony looked at him with a pained look while Steve looked at him in awe. Bucky and Natasha shared a look.

Natasha sat at the counter while the men ate breakfast together. It was peaceful, and Steve could see the little hummingbird from yesterday. It was asleep in its nest. Hopefully, it was getting ready for the colder weather. Steve would hate for the little baby to suffer from the snow and rain that were soon to come.

Tony brought up Thanksgiving. The holiday was coming up in about a week, and he wanted to know if there should be a nice dinner or if they should all go on with their days. Steve said they should do a dinner, not for the holiday, but because the team rarely ever has time together that doesn’t involve going on missions or handling villains. Thor supported Steve’s idea even though he wasn’t too sure of what Thanksgiving was. Bucky offered a nod and a look to Natasha, who also nodded.

After talk of Thanksgiving, they discussed Christmas. It may be mid-November, but Tony liked to plan. He wanted a chance to get a closer look at everyone so he could buy the right gifts for them. Thor usually spent this time of the year with Jane or he was back in Asgard, so Steve wasn’t really sure what the Thunderer was going to do this year.

Even though Clint and Bruce were missing from the discussion, the group decided that a big Christmas party was to be held on Christmas Eve, and a smaller one on the day of, just for them. Opening presents in front of strangers would be unbelievably awkward, especially since they would just be standing there while the Avengers opened gifts from each other.

Once the conversation was over, everyone left to go do their own thing; Tony in his lab, Bucky off with Natasha, Thor went who knows where, and Steve.. wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do. He and Bucky were going to go out in a few hours, so maybe Steve could kill some time in the gym.

Ten minutes later, Steve was down in the gym in a white T-shirt and black gym shorts. He wrapped his hands before going to his usual punching bag. Tony had had to install a new type of punching bag so Steve couldn’t keep breaking them. This one hasn’t been damaged yet, even after being abused by Steve’s fast, sharp punches.

No one else was in the gym at the moment. Silence in the room meant loud noise in Steve’s head. Loud noise meant getting it out by beating the shit out of the punching bag and letting his thoughts flow through his punches. Similar to how a musician lets their emotions out through the crisp notes of a violin or an artist with the movements of their paintbrush.

Last night replayed in his head. The last awful nightmare he had was a few weeks ago, and Thor had been in Asgard at the time. Bucky had attempted to comfort him, but Steve was too shaken up to allow himself to be touched in any way or talk. That nightmare was pretty bad, not the worst, but pretty bad. It was a close second to the one he had last night.

What really stuck in his mind was how Thor handled it. He didn’t freak out or put Steve down for having a bad moment. Instead, he was caring and thoughtless, putting his own needs aside to help a friend out. And that made Steve even angrier. He hit the punching bag hard enough to make the metal holding it creak.

Steve wasn’t angry about Thor being a good friend. He was angry because his feelings towards Thor got stronger and he couldn’t stop himself. Having feelings for a teammate was the worst thing Steve could ever do, but nothing helped him. He tried thinking of bad things Thor has done and negative characteristics that he had, like...

And that’s as far as he ever got.

The doors to the elevator opened, and Steve was surprised to see Tony walk through them. He wasn’t dressed in workout clothes, so he figured he was about to get interrogated about his little breakdown.

He confronted him with a blank look. Nothing on his face indicated what he was feeling. His walk said nothing either.

“So Steve,” he started, leaning against a wall, “How are you today?”

“Um, fine,” Steve answered.

“That’s good to hear. Bucky told me about your nightmare. You sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, Tony.”

“Okay.”

Silence.

“When did you start liking Thor?”

Steve blushed and looked at his hands. “What are you ta-“

“Don’t start with me, Rogers. I’ve got eyes, and they see the way you look at him when he’s not looking.” He cocked his head and gave Steve a small smile. “I’m not going to tell him. I’m just trying to satisfy my curiosity.”

“Since.. um. I’m not really sure. For a while.”

“And you’ve done nothing so far?”

“Tony, the man is as straight as a board.”

“And you know this how?”

“He’s never looked at a man the way he has Jane.”

Tony furrowed his eyebrows, thinking for a moment and then smiling to himself. “I see. Okay. That makes sense. I wouldn’t try anything either. Hopefully, you’ll get by this crush soon.”

“You’re being unusually nice.”

“It’s the start of the holiday season. Let me do this until after New Years. Anyways, are you done with the bags? You’ve been down here for over an hour.”

“Really? Didn’t feel that long. Sure. I’m done.”

They walked to the elevator together and talked for a bit more until Tony left to go back into his lab to continue working on a project with Bruce. Steve decided to go up to the living room to talk to Bucky about their day out.

As the elevator moved, Steve took the time alone to think about Tony’s kind words. “ Hopefully you’ll get by this crush soon.”. Maybe he could get over it if he tried his hardest. Yes. He could. He’s going to. Nothing was going to stop him.

The doors opened, and Steve was greeted by the sight of Thor wearing a black T-shirt and light gray sweatpants, his long hair in a bun with a few strands on the sides of his face. He was laughing loudly at something Bucky had said, causing butterflies in Steve’s stomach.

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u ever want to tell people ur plans but u cant cus u will spoil ur fic so u just sit there like >:0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> that's me lol  
> i'm working on this fic every single day. my rabbit acts like a little shit sometimes so i have to chase him around the house to make sure he doesn't get fur all over the couch or poop next to the TV again and i'll forget to work on this haha  
> anyways, thanks for reading!! ur all wonderful and please remember to drink water, use the bathroom, and eat!!  
> te quiero mucho <3


	4. Stories, Dinner, and An Inappropriate Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time really does fly when you're having fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit something before the chapter starts: I have no idea how a "normal" Thanksgiving dinner goes. I'm Mexican, so every year we just have turkey, tamales, menudo, pozole, huaraches, and maybe some mashed potatoes. I had to look up how traditional Thanksgiving dinners go for this chapter. oof
> 
> Thank you for the sweet comments and kudos!! They all make my day and are the reasons why I keep working on this. :'D
> 
> Unbeta'd, so all mistakes are my own. :X
> 
> Enjoy!! :D

Tony was decorating the house for the Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, and Steve wasn’t really sure what he should wear. It wasn’t a formal dinner, but it wasn’t casual, either. Maybe a blue button up and dark jeans. Or a red long-sleeved shirt and dark jeans. It’s been a while since he’s done this.

Rather than worry and obsess about it, Steve asked Tony about what to wear and was told to wear whatever. Steve decided on the first option he had considered. It wasn’t too formal or casual, and if he decided to go out after dinner, he’d only have to put on shoes. Maybe he’ll go on a walk and enjoy some alone time underneath the night sky after the dinner.

He smiled at the idea. Yes. A walk after the dinner would be a good idea.

Steve decided to help Tony with decorating the house. Turkeys and colorful leaves hung from the ceiling and were pasted onto the walls. While decorating, Tony told Steve the true story of Thanksgiving, what the holiday is  _ really  _ about, and why he didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving the way other people did. He only has a dinner with close friends and expresses his thanks to them after getting shitface drunk. It broke Steve’s heart to know the truth behind the holiday.

Sometimes Steve didn’t know what exactly he was representing as Captain America. Not everything in America was as amazing as people make it out to be. It wasn’t a terrible country, but it could definitely use some tweaks.  _ Major  _ tweaks. Steve didn’t become Captain America to fight for America; he became Captain America to fight for what’s right, what  _ he  _ believed was morally correct.

That was something to think about tomorrow night during his walk. Right now, he wanted to focus on decorating the house with Tony. Loud footsteps caught his attention, and here comes Thor in a gray baseball tee and jeans, hair in a messy bun. He looked so attractive, it was hard for Steve to take his eyes off of him. The shirt he wore stretched across his chest and his arms bulged in the sleeves.

“Wanna join us, Thor?” Tony asked.

Thor’s eyes lit up. “Yes! That would be delightful!”

Steve wanted to take a picture of the expression Thor wore; it was similar to one of a child that was just given the biggest jar of candy in the world. To get excited about being able to help decorate the house... It was honestly adorable. In a way, Thor was like a golden retriever. He’s always happy, ready to do things, and got excited easily. No wonder Thor was the God of Thunder. He was just as lively as the element he controlled.

Tony handed Thor a box of decorations and told him to “let loose”. Thor took the box with a big smile and stood next to Steve. He placed a single leaf sticker next to the turkey Steve had stuck to the well and then added another leaf to form a heart. Another turkey was placed on the wall on the other side of the heart.

“Look, Steven. They’re in love,” Thor chuckled.

“Oh, that’s really um. That’s really cute, Thor,” Steve blushed.

“Hey, that’s not bad. We should do that instead of the boring turkey, leaf, turkey, leaf. Let’s bring some love to the turkeys,” Tony said.

Twenty minutes later, the living room walls were covered in turkeys and hearts made of leaves. Thor seemed proud of his work, standing with his hands on his hips and his chest puffed out. He may not be from this planet, but he sure as hell knows how to decorate. His mother was responsible for that.

Steve went into the kitchen and frowned. There were no decorations. Maybe he could decorate the cabinets with a certain design. One sticker at the lower part of a cabinet, one sticker at the higher part of another cabinet. He grabbed a turkey sticker and placed it on the first cabinet. It was centered perfectly at the bottom. Next was a pair of leaf stickers, and he tried to put them on at the top, but he was too short.  _ He  _ was too short. Steve Rogers, too short for a cabinet.

His plump pink lips formed into a pout. Maybe his idea was dumb, after all. Why else would God make Tony Stark have the most ridiculously sized cabinets in the world?

“Steven? Are you alright?” Thor asked, placing a hand on Steve’s back.

“Yeah, I just.. I wanted to decorate the cabinets, but I’m too short to reach the top of the cabinet, so I have to take down my stickers,” Steve sighed.

“Nonsense! Allow me.”

“What are-”

Steve squeaked,  _ squeaked _ , when warm, strong hands gripped his hips and lifted him up. He was face to face with the top of the cabinet. Oh, so  _ this  _ was why God had given Tony Stark these stupid cabinets. Okay.

Cheeks dark red and heart racing, Steve quickly put the leaf stickers onto the cabinet. His cheeks grew hotter when Thor turned him slightly so he could put the other stickers on the cabinet.

“It looks lovely, Steven. The color of the cabinets goes well with the leaves,” Thor complimented.

“T-Thanks. You, uh. You can put me down now,” Steve squeaked.

Thor gently put him on the ground and smiled at him, patting him on the shoulder before leaving to go do his own thing. Steve was blushing like a schoolgirl who had just been told by her crush that she was liked back. He turned and saw Tony standing there with a big grin on his face.

Steve leaned on the counter and held his head in his hands. It was so ridiculous how Thor had been able to lift him up as if he were nothing. Plus, he did it in front of Tony. Tony, who doesn’t let things go to mess with his friends. Tony, who will bother Steve about it nonstop until he either slams his head into the wall or kills Tony.

“Not a word, Tony. Not one word,” Steve groaned.

“Okay, okay. I won’t say anything,” Tony said.

“Say anything about what?” Bucky asked as he walked into the kitchen.

“About how Thor lifted Steve up by the hips so he could put stickers on the cabinets to decorate.”

“Oh? Is that so?” Bucky grinned and patted Steve on the back. “Look at you, finally getting somewhere with him. What’s next? Honeymoon?”

“Bucky..” Steve whined.

“Maybe they’ll finally do the do. You know. Woo-hoo!” Tony laughed hard as Steve blushed and stomped away to the elevator.

“Nice turkey, Steve!” Bucky called out behind him.

Steve got into the elevator and glared at him before the doors closed. What turkey? He reached behind his back and felt around, fingers brushing against paper. It was a bit of a struggle, but he managed to peel the sticker off his shirt.

“Damn it, Thor!”

-

It was the day of the dinner. Everyone was expected to be down in the kitchen at six o’clock. Steve sat in his bed watching some show about police officers investigating cases that involved sexual assault. Clint had told him the show was good, but Steve wasn’t really interested. Not many shows were appealing to him. Only a select few, but then again, he rarely ever watched TV.

A knock on his door kicked him out of his thoughts. He walked over and opened the door, looking at a nicely dressed Thor; an emerald green T-shirt, dark jeans, black socks, and his hair was down with two braids that connected in the back.

“Hello,” Thor greeted. “May I come in?”

“Sure. What’s up?” Steve asked, shutting the door behind his friend.

“I have a question. Perhaps you can answer it. If not, I will ask Stark.”

“What is it?”

“What does it mean when a man’s lover calls him ‘Daddy’?”

Oh. Oh god. Oh no. Of all the questions for him to have, it’s this.

“I-It’s like.. I’m not sure how to explain this.”

“Is his lover referring to him as their father?”

“No. Um. Yeah, you should ask Tony this. I can’t help.”

“No worries.” Thor sat on the bed and laid back, stretching his arms above his head. Steve could see his shirt lift up and expose a tiny sliver of skin and golden hair that trailed down into dark jeans. “What are you doing at the moment?”

Suffering, Steve thought. “Oh, nothing. I was watching TV, but nothing good is on.”

“Would you like to watch the show with the sponge and squid? Or we could talk.”

“We can talk. I like that.”

Steve turned the TV volume down so it would be background noise. He sat on the bed next to Thor, who sat up to be able to look Steve in the eye and give him the respect of someone who genuinely wanted to talk.

“Is there anything specific you want to talk about?” Steve asked.

“If I may, I was wondering about your time before the serum.”

“Really?”

“If it is a touchy subject-“

“No! No, it’s okay. Um, I just. No one has ever been interested in that part of me before so it caught me off guard.”

Thor smiled at him. God, what a beautiful smile.

“It is kind of a long story, so we should get comfortable.” Steve crawled to the top of the bed and laid on his side, propping his head up on his hand. Thor mimicked him. “So, I’m pretty sure I was born fragile. Even as an infant, I was prone to sickness and had to be watched closely. My dad died before I was born, so my mom had to raise me on her own.”

“How did he pass?”

“Died during war.”

“I see.”

“Anyway, I was really dependent on my ma. She was an amazing woman, but she noted that I was like my father ‘cause I wanted to be a soldier, too. That’s kind of the only thing I know about him, besides my ma saying that he left too soon. I felt the same way about her dying. I was eighteen when she passed.

“When I got sick, I got hit hard. I would be bedridden for weeks just ‘cause of the common cold. It was so frustrating for me and my ma, but we pulled through. My immune system was terrible. One sneeze by a stranger and I could have been done for.

“I got sick a lot even as a young adult. When I tried enlisting in the army, I was denied because of all my health problems. Bucky tried real hard to convince me not to enlist, but I didn’t listen. He always called me stubborn, and he still does.”

“I agree.”

“Hey!” Both men laughed. “Fine, maybe. Um, oh yeah. I managed to speak to a doctor named Doctor Erskine. He was a great man. He overlooked my history and.. forging of documents to let me into the army.

“Let me tell you, that was a rough time. No one liked the little guy getting all of the attention from the beautiful dame- uh, woman. Sorry, still gets me sometimes.”

“Was this woman Peggy?”

“Yeah. She was so graceful and strong. Never took crap from anyone. Even punched a fella in the face for being out of line. The guy she punched was the one who picked on me the most. The Colonel wasn’t much help, wasn’t any help at all. I didn’t let it get to me, though, ‘cause in the end, I was the one in Project Rebirth, not the bully.”

“Where was Barnes in all of this?”

“Well, as kids, we were always together. He took care of me when my mom was working. Nothing stopped him from being with me. Not in a romantic sense. Like a brother. When kids would pick on me, Bucky would step in and do something. I was too weak to throw a punch so he did it for me. During my time in basic, he was overseas fighting in the war.”

“Ah. I see.” Thor thought for a moment. “Do you think you have changed as a person since the serum?”

“What do you mean?”

“From what you’ve told me, it seems you have always been a fighter. Your soul has always been full of fire and passion.”

“Oh. I think maybe I have changed. Maybe a bit more reckless than before.”

“Still stubborn as ever.”

Steve pouted at Thor, huffing at him and turning onto his stomach to hide his face in the pillow. “Shut up. You sound like Bucky.” His cheeks grew warm at the sound of Thor’s deep laughter.

“Am I wrong? Steven, do not hide your face from me.”

Oh.

Oh no.

A familiar heat began to settle in the lower region of his body. That sentence echoed repeatedly in his head.

“Are you upset?” Thor sounded genuinely worried.

“No, no. I’m just playing around. Don’t worry. Um, is there anything else that you wanted to talk about?” Steve lifted his head from the pillow and looked at Thor with a shy smile.

“What is your favorite thing to draw?”

That was definitely unexpected.

“I like to draw scenery. The place I’m in and what’s around me. Sometimes I draw people.”

“Are they private? Do you ever show them to people?”

“I guess they are kind of private. I don’t really share them with people. Bucky has seen some of them but that’s ‘cause he saw them whenever I left my sketchbook open. It wasn’t on purpose but I remember him apologizing because of how private they are to me.”

“A good man. If you are ever comfortable enough, I would love to see your art. I am sure it is just as amazing as you.”

Well damn. Steve was blushing bad. “T-Thank you. Um, what do you usually do when you’re in your room?”

“I like to write. It’s all in my language. I like to keep that part of Asgard with me. No one can take it away from me.”

“Do you write stories?”

“Sometimes.”

“Maybe you can read me one in exchange for a piece of my art.”

“I like that idea. Yes. We can do that.”

They spent the rest of their time telling stories of the good days. Steve told stories about him and Bucky playing hooky to go to an ice cream shop or hang out at the park. Thor told stories about him and Loki as children. He smiled at the expression of horror on Steve’s face when he told him about the time Loki disguised himself as a snake and stabbed Thor when they were eight.

Time passed rather quickly and soon the two of them were making their way down to the kitchen for the dinner. They chatted in the elevator, and both of them could smell the food even while a few floors up. It smelled absolutely wonderful. Both of them were excited to eat the turkey and whatever else Tony and Bruce had cooked up.

As soon as the doors opened they rushed over to the table. A beautiful peach colored tablecloth was set on the table. Red, orange, and yellow leaves were stitched onto the sides of the cloth as if they were a border. In the center of the cloth was a large flower that had leaves extending from it. The plates and glasses were a light red with the silverware tucked into gold napkins that had orange leaves in the corners.

Well, they definitely knew who did the decorating.

Bucky and Natasha were already sitting at the table. There was an open spot next to Natasha, and the other six seats were open to whoever. Bruce was told (more like forced) by Tony to sit down, so he sat at one of the ends of the table. Clint came in a few minutes after Thor and Steve and sat down next to Bucky, so the two blonds sat next to each other across from Bucky and Natasha. That left a spot next to Steve or the other end of the table for Tony.

Soon, the food was ready, and Tony set the turkey on the table along with everything else; mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, roasted vegetables, and for dessert was apple pie. Steve has never had a Thanksgiving like this. The most he got for dinner was the turkey and some stuffing. If only he could show his ma what he was eating now.

For drinks, Tony brought out apple cider and alcohol. Thor and Steve looked at each other, their eyes saying “Really?” at the sight of the bottles. Neither of them could get drunk from normal alcohol like this, and Thor didn’t feel like going back up to his room to bring the mead he brought back from Asgard. Tony shrugged his shoulders at them and smiled.

“Alright. Before we dig in, I’d like to say a quick thanks to you all for being good teammates and good people. Thanks for not leaving me after all these years,” Tony smiled. “Okay, let’s eat.”

Thor tried to reach for the turkey but Clint stopped him.

“Maybe we should get our portions first before you and Steve grab some. You know, so we can eat, too,” Clint laughed.

Thor chuckled and watched as everyone grabbed their portions of food. Tony had made a  _ lot  _ of food, specifically for the two giant eating machines. Steve could see the excitement in his eyes, the same youthful look he gets when he’s told good news about something or successfully operates a piece of modern technology.

Once Tony had gotten his plate of food, Thor moved quickly to grab his food. Everyone watched him fill his plate up with an absurd amount of food, specifically turkey. Steve was a little worried that he wouldn’t be able to get enough food for himself with how much Thor was getting for himself.

Fortunately, there was enough in the end for Steve, and the seven heroes ate and talked with high spirits. They spoke of the upcoming holiday season and what they should do for New Years. Nothing was going to stop Tony from having a party, but they managed to convince him to throw a party just for them. Maybe Rhodey and Sam could come if they weren’t busy. Bucky frowned at the mention of Sam, but he said nothing.

Towards the end of the dinner, everyone was getting ready to leave, and Thor finally remembered what he had been meaning to ask Tony. He waited until everyone but Steve and Tony had left.

“Stark,” Thor began, “What does it mean when a man’s lover calls him ‘Daddy’”?

Steve covered his face with his hands to hide his blush. Of all the times to ask Tony this question, he chooses  _ now _ . Thor really just doesn’t care, huh. When he wanted to satisfy his curiosity, he was going to do it whenever he had the chance.

“Where did you hear this?” Tony asked.

“I was walking around the city a few weeks ago and I overheard a woman call her partner that. I had intended on asking you about it then but it left my mind for other important issues.”

“Okay. Well. A man’s, uh, lover, calls him ‘Daddy’ when he’s doing good in bed or they have a certain relationship. Kind of a different way to call him ‘sir’. It’s for dominant partners.”

“I see. So it has nothing to do with the person’s father?”

“No.”

“Okay. Thank you. Midgardians have rather.. strange ideas. As long as the two are happy that’s all that matters, I suppose.”

Thor got up from his seat and walked away to who knows where. Tony smiled at Steve, who was still hiding his face from the world. He sighed and got up to help with the cleanup. There wasn’t too much to clean up, just dishes that he had to put in the dishwasher and putting the empty bottles of cider and alcohol in a bag for Tony to do whatever with them.

Steve went up to his room to grab his shoes to go out. It was cold, so he grabbed a jacket before leaving. The elevator went straight down to the first floor, and soon Steve was outside in the cold and underneath the stars. If he looked up, he could probably be looking at Asgard or one of the other realms Thor has told him about. He’d never know, but it was a nice thought.

There wasn’t much for him to do at this time of night. It wasn’t late, but it wasn’t exactly the right time to be out. Steve would definitely be back before midnight, so he decided to just wander wherever his legs took him. Buildings grew smaller behind him as he walked away and towards Central Park. It was a twenty-minute walk, and soon Steve was seated on a bench admiring the night sky.

Life was confusing in this century, and Steve carried a lot of regret with him, but if he were honest, it was getting a lot better. He wasn’t the only one who was still kind of lost with everything. He’s had a phone for years but barely uses it except to text and call. No matter how much Tony bugged him to download a few games or social media apps, Steve refused. It was a waste of time.

Steve can’t lie; he would kill to be able to go back and live out his life the way he was supposed to and have Bucky at his side, but now... There was a reason everything had happened. Maybe Peggy wasn’t the one he was supposed to dance with. But if not her, then who? Who would he be dancing with for the rest of his life? No one was interested in him as far as he knew, and he was too interested in Thor to really look at anyone else.

Damn it. Images of that beautiful smile and gorgeous blue eyes appeared in his mind. Everything about him was amazing, and every moment he spent with the God made it harder for Steve to get over him. They weren’t even dating and his feelings were this strong.

It wasn’t love, but it sure as hell felt like it. Steve knows what love feels like, and he gets closer to that feeling every time Thor opens his mouth. His laughter and kindness and pretty much everything about Thor made Steve blush or have butterflies in his stomach. Only in his dreams, his feelings would be returned. Depressing, but it’s the truth.

Despite all the horrible things that he has seen and endured, Steve was grateful to be alive in this moment. If not, he wouldn’t have been able to meet the Avengers or see Bucky again. Hell, he didn’t even think he’d get to see Bucky since waking up from the ice and having to fight him in the HYDRA aircraft. But God has his way of making life interesting and surprising. Another thing his mother used to tell him to make the hard times go by easier.

Man. He missed his ma a lot. If only she could see what he’s doing and who he has become. He’d love to share his happiness with her and repay her for everything she had done for him. She could have given him up or left him, but no. She felt that Steve deserved better and raised him while working as a single mother. What a wonderful woman.

A faint buzzing sound knocked him out of his thoughts for a moment. Bucky had texted him, telling him to “be safe out there” and “come home before it gets too late”. Steve smiled at the text. Everyone on the team called referred to him as the mom of the group, but sometimes Bucky could be just as bad. Except, that was only towards Steve.

Does he treat Natasha like that? Steve thought about it. More than likely not. Natasha may seem small, but she can definitely hold her own. She’s strong and won’t hesitate to let anyone know just how strong she is. Natasha was the living reason why you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

Since he was on the topic of Natasha, Steve has wondered how she and Bucky had gotten together. Bucky still hasn’t told him, and it seriously confused the blond. The two haven’t exactly had the greatest history, and even after he was no longer brainwashed, Natasha was very hesitant to trust him. She kept an eye on every move he made, her gun ready for whenever he made the wrong decision. That was months ago, so Steve was clueless.

It was eleven thirty when Steve decided to start his walk back to the tower. No one was out, just him. It made sense since it’s Thanksgiving; people were still inside with their loved ones either enjoying their time together or sleeping.

Steve yawned. Sleep did sound good right now.

He was so distracted by his own yawn that he failed to notice the sound of feet behind him and a stinging sensation in his neck. All he could hear before passing out was talking, and then the world went black.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor steve. the baby doesn't see what thor's doing and i just want to bonk him on the head  
> when i write, i listen to music and get really distracted and write the lyrics to the song instead of what i meant to write. it's terrible lol  
> thank you for reading!! remember to drink water, use the restroom, take medication, and take care of yourself!! ur health is important!! <3


	5. Searching and Doctors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time was not on their side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure what to say besides that this is unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine. :X  
> Enjoy!! :D

Thor sat in his bed, staring at the floor. Steve was nowhere to be found, and it was getting late. Usually, they were up watching the show with the sponge and squid together by this time. He was starting to get worried about where his friend could be.

With a sigh, Thor got up from his bed and wandered over to Bucky’s room. The door was slightly open, but Thor figured it would be a bad idea to just walk in. It would also be disrespectful, so he knocked and waited.

Bucky opened the door quite fast. A frown settled on his features when he saw it was Thor instead of Steve at his door. The frown quickly turned into an expression of worry.

“Good evening,” Thor started, “I don’t mean to be rude or interrupt anything, but I was wondering if you knew where Steven was.”

“No. I texted him an hour ago and he never replied. I figured he’d be with you,” Bucky replied, crossing his arms. “I know he went out, but I’m not exactly sure where.”

“He’s usually asleep or-” Thor cut himself off. That part was private. “Or doing his own thing.”

“Wait, Steve didn’t go out with you? Like at all?”

“No.”

Bucky stared at the ground for a few seconds, lost in his thoughts. He told Thor to wait for a second and left the doorway to put on a pair of shoes. “Put shoes on. We’ll go look for him.” Bucky turned to look behind him and spoke in a foreign language before shutting the door behind him.

“Telling her you’ll be back?” Thor smiled.

“Don’t want to leave her without her knowing where I’m going.”

Thor went back to his room to put shoes on, and soon the two of them were in the elevator to head down to the first floor. They fast-walked out of the tower and began to think of where Steve could have gone. Not the store. Not any nearby buildings.

Central Park was the only place Bucky could think of, so they headed there. It was hard to see without a light, but luckily Bucky had brought his phone. He used the flashlight on it to see if there was any evidence of Steve being here.

They had searched for about half an hour before Bucky got frustrated and sat down. There weren’t any footprints, and nothing indicated any foul play. He seriously doubted Steve decided to just leave and never come back. It would be all over the news that “Captain America Hates The World, Leaves Avengers!” if he were to do that.

Thor stood with his bottom lip between his teeth. How could a six-foot-two man that was built like a warrior possibly disappear? Was he so tired of everything that he decided to leave? Did he hate them? Hate him?

No. No, being pessimistic wasn’t going to help anything. What he and Bucky needed to do was to go back to the tower and talk about it with the others. Standing around being worried and frustrated wasn’t going to do anything.

“Let’s go. We cannot accomplish anything by just standing here in our emotions,” Thor said.

“Yeah. I’m just... I worry about him a lot. I don’t want to be separated from him again,” Bucky admitted.

“I understand.”

Bucky stood up and began walking back to the tower with Thor. He frowned when he stepped on something hard that definitely wasn’t the ground. Two pairs of blue eyes looked down and saw the object: Steve’s cell phone.

“Son of a bitch.”

-

Sleep was not possible. Sleep was a forgotten thought. Steve was gone - no,  _ kidnapped _ , - and they had no idea how they were supposed to find him. Everybody was asleep, but luckily for them, Tony was awake in his lab reading articles about black holes.

“What are you two doing up?” he asked as Thor and Bucky barged in.

“Steve’s gone,” Bucky said.

“Gone?”

“Kidnapped. We found this.” Bucky held up the cell phone. “Steve wouldn’t just leave.”

Tony closed the articles and took the cellphone from Bucky’s hand. Chocolate brown eyes examined the phone.

“Is there a way for you to track him?” Thor asked.

“Not without his cellphone. I could-” Tony sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I could try to get access to the cameras all over the city to see if we could track him. But that might not help either.”

“Why?”

“They could have used a different mode of transportation, like an aircraft. I’ll still look at the cameras, though.” Tony pulled up different screens that showed traffic on the roads and sidewalks. “How long has it been since you’ve talked to him?”

“Over an hour ago,” Bucky answered.

Tony froze. “Over an hour ago?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not sure. It could be... Damn it. Let me think for a minute.”

Thor’s hands clenched and unclenched as he waited. Where could Steve be, and who could have taken him? Not Loki. He was too busy being, you know, dead. Perhaps it was someone from that one group Steve had tried to destroy.

“What is the name of the group that brainwashed you?” Thor asked.

Bucky’s eyebrows shot up into his hair. “HYDRA. Why?”

“Would it be possible for them to be who we’re looking for here?”

Bucky and Tony looked at each other. They hadn’t even thought of that. It’s been so long since they last dealt with HYDRA. Well, not since two years ago with Zemo. Still, time has nothing to do with the situation. They more than likely went quiet so that Steve would leave his guard down. A smart move.

“I think it is HYDRA. The only problem is that I have no way to track Steve, meaning he’s in their hands until we can find out a way to get to him,” Tony sighed. “I’m sorry. Bruce will be able to help once he’s awake. He went to his room right after dinner. Let’s try to get some sleep so in the morning we can all talk about this.”

Thor and Bucky went into the elevator and up to their rooms. It was tense. Both of them were so worried about Steve. Their biggest worry was getting to him too late. But like Thor said earlier, standing around in their emotions won’t do anything. Sleep will do them good.

No goodnights were exchanged. They headed off to their rooms for the night with aches in their chests.

Thor sat on the bed and looked at the TV before lying back and closing his eyes.

Looks like the sponge and angry squid were going to have to be put on hold until Steve was back.

-

Bright lights in his eyes woke him up. Everything was blurry, and it was painful to look around. The walls and floor were white like a hospital room. His wrists were handcuffed behind his back. He was sitting on his feet, which were numb from his weight.

“Nice to see you join us, Captain,” a light voice spoke.

Steve looked up to see a young man staring down at him. White skin, blue eyes, blond hair, not a single blemish on his skin. He wore a white lab coat and black shoes. His lips were curled up into a smile. A creepy one at that.

“What do you want?” Steve snarled.

“Oh! That’s scary. Please don’t hurt me!” The man laughed. “Even when you’re in the hands of your enemy, you still act like a hero.”

“You’re HYDRA,” Steve whispered. “You guys are still around?”

“Just because you take one of us out, that doesn’t mean the rest of us are going down with that one poor, stupid soul. It just means you took out the weak one of our group.”

Steve felt the cold metal of the handcuffs brush against his wrist. Did these people seriously not know any better? He could easily break out of these things.

One hard tug and Steve was yelling in pain. The handcuffs sent a shock through his arms after he had tried to pull them apart.

“Ah. See, I knew you were going to try that. I’m glad I thought ahead,” the man chuckled. “My name is Doctor Bergmann. You will refer to me as such. Anything else, I simply won’t reply.”

“Why am I here?”

“Well, to put it simply, I want to see what about you is so special. Why everyone loves Captain America.”

Steve saw three large men step around him and lift him up. If his legs weren’t asleep, he’d be beating them to death right now. But these guys were smart. They had been planning this, waiting for him to be alone. The main question in Steve’s mind was how they would know if he were alone or not.  Had they been watching him the whole time? Was it luck?

Numb legs met cold metal. Steve was placed on an examination table. His legs were tied to two posts that were at the end of the bed while his wrists remained handcuffed. Another pair of handcuffs were produced. Oh. So they were going to handcuff his wrists to the sides of the bed. Nice.

Exposed. That’s how he felt. He had his clothes on, but to be laid out like this in front of a group of people was unsettling. They all stared down at him like he was a piece of meat. Nothing except the sound of their breathing filled the room.

A few more people came in with machines and a tray full of medial tools. Steve inwardly groaned. They were probably going to take his blood and try to recreate the serum. Again. It was starting to get annoying at this point.

People shuffled around to set up the equipment, leaving Steve there to watch. Doctor Bergmann stood behind Steve and watched his assistants get ready for whatever they were going to do to their new science experiment.

Once they were all finished, Doctor Bergmann shooed them out so he could begin whatever it was he had planned.

“This won’t be too bad, Rogers. Just lay back and enjoy.”

-

It was the next morning and Tony had called everyone into the living room to discuss the situation. None of them had been able to come up with any solutions, and they feared that time was running out to save Steve. They had, however, decided that it’s highly possible that the kidnappers took him out of New York and out of the country. Staying in the U.S. would make it easier for them to be found.

Tony frowned at the floor. If they did take him out of the country, where would they take him? Europe? Asia? Africa? Australia? If it’s Europe, they definitely wouldn’t have taken him to Germany. Too obvious. There were HYDRA bases in Africa, but it wouldn’t make sense to take him there since they would be found, too.

The best thing to do was to take a jet and look around for him, but that won’t do much. They can’t exactly ask around, either. It would be in the headlines, and the people who took him would more than likely start running and either take him with them or leave him for dead. Steve may be able to take a hit, but he can’t survive a bullet to the head.

Thor and Bucky were the most frustrated out of everyone. They were the closest to Steve (besides Sam), so it made sense. In a way, they blamed themselves. They should have asked to go with him. He shouldn’t have been out there alone. Steve was strong, but he wouldn’t be able to take on a group of people by himself.

Actually, that wasn’t true. He was able to take out the group of men in the elevator back at the S.H.I.E.L.D facility. He had told Bucky about it a few months ago.

The only way the kidnappers would have been able to take him would be if they had used a tranquilizer of some sort.

“Perhaps we should call in the Falcon and Stark’s friend for more help,” Thor suggested.

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” Clint said, rubbing his chin. “More people, more places to search.”

“But where do we search? They could still be here in the U.S., which, in my opinion, would be stupid on their part, or they could be out of the country,” Tony sighed. “I think we should look around the U.S. first, and then we can go to other countries.”

“It could be too late by then,” Bucky broke in. “We need to think of something else. They have to be out of the country. I’m guessing somewhere in Europe. A country we wouldn’t really expect them to take him to.”

“We could take jets, or... We could borrow quinjets. You know. Borrow,” Clint hinted. “There would be eight of us if Sam and Rhodes helped, so it could be two in a jet.”

“How about we just use my jets so we don’t have any issues for ‘borrowing’ things that don’t belong to us?” Tony said, holding back the urge to thump Clint on the back of the head. “My jets go faster than the quinjets, anyway.”

-

In the end, everyone decided to go with taking jets around the world to search for their beloved Captain. They were going to try their hardest to keep everything as lowkey as possible, so they all put on regular clothing with hats and beanies to make themselves appear as normal as possible. Maybe no one would recognize them without the costumes on.

Sam and Rhodey did come to help them find Steve. Sam had been helping out the VA and doing his own thing while Rhodey had still been trying to recover from being paralyzed in his legs. He was getting a lot better, but he still wanted to be careful with himself.

After packing and bickering over who goes with who, they were off to their chosen locations.

Thor and Bucky arrived in Sweden in about eight hours, glaring at the snow-covered ground. They had dressed warm, but it was still cold and they didn’t feel like going through their luggage for more jackets in the middle of pedestrian traffic.

It took some time, but they found a hotel to sleep at for the night. To keep themselves hidden, they used different names and paid with cash. They went to their room and frowned slightly. Their room wasn’t bad, it’s just that the beds were tiny compared to the ones back at the tower. Oh well. A bed is better than nothing.

They set their bags down on the floor and flopped on their beds. Sleep was so tempting, but it would be a bad idea. It would be better for them to spread out and start their hunt for Steve. Time was important in this case.

Their biggest fear besides Steve dying was him being experimented on. If they found a way to get the serum from him or duplicate it for themselves, Steve was most likely going to die. What would end up happening if the serum went into the wrong body? Or bodies?

Negative thoughts were  _ not _ going to help. Thor shook his head and sat up, looking over at Bucky. He had fallen asleep, mouth slightly open and metal arm over his stomach. To cheer himself up and wake Bucky up, Thor quietly walked over to Bucky’s bed and slammed his hands down next to his head and yelled. Bucky’s eyes flew open and he sat up quickly, looking around before glaring at Thor.

“We need to search for Steven,” Thor smiled.

“You know, you may be the God of Thunder, but you’re definitely the most childish person I’ve ever met,” Bucky scowled.

-

Nothing could have prepared Steve for this.

To be touched every second by either that crazy fucking doctor or his assistants was overwhelming. Steve wasn’t used to being touched this much. Even after he was injected with the serum, he was only touched a little compared to now.

Every minute, every second, there was a hand on him. Sometimes it was on him for the wrong reason, and Steve couldn’t do anything but take it. Nothing had gone too far, but it was still too much and too wrong. He wasn’t even sure how long he had been in this place. Definitely over a week or two, but he wasn’t sure.

He missed being back at the tower with everyone. He missed the warmth of his blankets and the hot chocolate he would drink while reading or watching a movie. He missed the laughter of his friends, the smiles they gave him when he would get out of his comfort zone and do something with them that he wasn’t used to.

He missed Thor.

The warmth and happiness that radiated off him were replaced by the doctor’s ice and.. nothing. Maybe sadism. Since he brought Steve here, Doctor Bergmann had been inflicting pain and just straight up tortured him. Every sound of pain Steve made brought a smile to the sicko’s face and Steve couldn’t do anything to wipe the stupid expression off of his stupid face.

Doctor Bergmann wanted Steve so he could make “the perfect race” of people. To give the “perfect” people the same physical qualities Steve had and to weed out the weak. It was sickening, and there was nothing Steve could do.

At least, not at the moment.

His friends were looking for him. There was no way they weren’t. What bothered him was that there was no way to track him without his cell phone being on him, and even if he did have it, the doctor and his freaks would have smashed it to prevent Tony from tracking him.

It was too painful to try to rip the handcuffs apart. Getting direct shocks of electricity like that was nothing like the pain he has felt before. Good lord was it painful.

Steve felt more needles going to his arm to draw more blood. It felt like they had taken so much already. He’s thankful that he hasn’t gone into shock; maybe the serum was doing something to help while these sadistic bastards took his blood.

Every day was filled with conversations between the scientists and taunts that were aimed at him every time his arms were freed for a short amount of time, and every night was filled with silence as he sat on his legs with his wrists cuffed behind his back.

Dried blood and dirt covered his skin. The wounds had healed, but the evidence remained. He hadn’t been able to take a shower and they refused to clean him. They had told him that there would be no point in cleaning something when they were just going to get rid of it soon.

 

Time was starting to run out. Steve wasn’t sure if he had minutes, days, or maybe even seconds until they were done with him, but he knew he had to escape soon. If he were to die in this shithole, he’d die fighting, not to them killing him while he was tied down to the examination bed. Knowing how HYDRA was, they’d be cowards and kill him that way instead of giving him a chance to fight back.

Of course, why would they let him fight back? They knew Steve was strong, and they knew he’d more than likely be able to escape without the help of his friends. That’s probably why they always had him sit on his legs and refused to give him the proper amount of food and water; they wanted him to have as little energy as possible so if he were to try and escape, he wouldn’t be able to do it.

Still, Steve would more than likely be able to do it if he were fast. Fighting any guards that were outside would drain the little energy he’d have, but it was possible that an adrenaline rush would keep him moving.

It was only a matter of time until he’d make his escape. He loved his friends dearly, but he couldn’t wait on them forever. If he has to, he’ll be his own savior.

He just has to wait.

-

Thor was beginning to get frustrated. None of the people in the streets would be able to help, and he couldn’t exactly ask the police for help, either. He was stuck walking around the streets of Stockholm by himself while Bucky was off in another part of Sweden in hopes of their search going faster.

He should have kept an eye on Steve. Or asked to walk with him. None of this would have happened if he had been there.

A frown settled on his face. This still could have happened even if he had walked with Steve. They more than likely would have waited to do it another time. He figured no matter what, they still would have gotten him. Or tried to.

Had they tried to steal him while Thor was there, the God would have made sure to kill them one by one and force them to watch their comrades die by his hand. No one would dare lay a hand on his-

A snowflake landed on his cheek. At least he was prepared for the cold weather today, unlike when he had first arrived a few days ago. The country was absolutely beautiful. Snow from the past few days remained piled on the ground. It reminded him of the snowball fight from weeks ago.

Thor missed him dearly. What would he do if Steve were to die? He’d finally found a friend that didn’t see him as a dumb oaf. Someone that didn’t judge him for the way he spoke or for his lack of knowledge concerning Midgardian culture. If he were to lose that, he had no idea what he’d do with himself. He wouldn’t be able to return to and stay in Asgard. He had a duty to protect humans, too. Just because one dies, that doesn’t mean he should abandon the rest out of sorrow.

Shaking the negative thoughts out of his head, Thor focused on looking for a giant blond man roaming the streets. None of the people here looked similar to him in any way. Those with blonde hair had the wrong shade of yellow, and those who were tall were not the right height; either too tall or barely an inch or two shorter.

Even if they did have the right hair and height, none of them would be able to have the same body type as Steve; A broad chest with pecs that were quite noticeable (especially when he ran), and a waist that made even women jealous. And his a-

Now was not the time, Thor told himself.

The snow was beginning to come down faster, indicating that it would be a good time for people to start moving into buildings rather than stay in what appeared to be the start of a blizzard. Thor made his way to a coffee shop and took a seat in the back. His phone buzzed in his coat pocket.

 

_ Barnes _

_ I haven’t found him yet. What about you? _

 

Thor frowned at the small keyboard and did his best to not mash all of the keys at the same time.

_ Thor _

_ No. Nothing yet. :( _

_ Barnes _

_ can’t believe youre the king of a realm. that’s absurd _

_ Thor _

_ How? _

_ Barnes _

_ childish _

_ Thor _

_ Not true >:( _

_ Barnes _

_ haha. well let me know if you find anything. _

Thor put his phone in his pocket and watched the snow fall. He really wanted to find the bastards that took Steve and let them lay on the floor in their blood while he brought Steve home to safety.

As nice as that sounded, it was not going to happen. He didn’t know if there were any buildings he should specifically be looking for. All he was told to do was to “look for Steve”. Not very helpful when the man was more than likely being kept in a building and would never be allowed outside.

Hopefully, Steve would be okay by the time he found him. He didn’t want to end up finding Steve in a lake or a dumpster. Nothing would break him worse than that.

All he could do was hope that he was okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was going to do a torture scene, but then i realized that i cant do torture scenes. i mean, i can, but not with steve. i love him so much and i just want to keep him in my pocket and protect him forever.  
> it's really hot where i live so i'm constantly moving from my room to the living room to avoid sitting in a sauna. it's terrible.  
> thank you for the kudos and comments!! they mean so much to me and make my day ;v; i appreciate them a lot!!  
> remember to take care of yourself!! heres a reminder to drink some water, take meds, eat some food, use the bathroom, and keep a fan on for yourself and your pets!!  
> <3 much love


	6. Rescue Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you have to depend on yourself to get things done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a bit of violence and nightmares.  
> Unbeta'd :X  
> Enjoy!! :D

Tired.

No, that wasn’t the right word.

Exhausted.

Yeah. That’s more fitting.

Steve was exhausted. Time had sped by and he had no idea what day it was or how long he had been kept in that horrid room. Every day was torture; a punch to the jaw for not listening, a kick to the stomach for spitting at them, a slap in the face for not being a “good little lab rat”.

Whenever he wasn’t on the examination table being poked and prodded at, he was sitting on his legs with his wrists handcuffed behind his back. They wanted to be as invasive and humiliating as possible.

It was horrible, and not only did it drain him physically, it drained him mentally, too. He couldn’t handle another day in this shithole. Escape was the only thing on his mind. Nothing was going to stop him. Cameras pointed at him twenty-four/seven, but he didn’t care. If he died, he’d die fighting.

The pain was excruciating, but Steve clenched his jaw and pulled on the handcuffs as hard as he could. No budge. He tried again, pulling harder, only earning a small crack. To hell with it. He yanked on the cuffs and broke free, biting his lip to stifle a shout of pain. His lip began to bleed from how hard he had bitten it, but the pain and blood meant he was still alive, still ready to fight.

His legs were numb from lack of use and being sat on for so long. He stood up and walked around the room quickly to shake off the prickly feeling he had in his legs. The clothes he wore the night they had kidnapped him laid on the floor. Once he dressed and felt he was good to go, Steve made a run for it.

White doors were smashed as he ran through the halls, punching doctors and grabbing the guns they had on their hips to provide some protection for himself. Every person he saw that wore a white coat got a bullet to the chest or head. Steve never missed a single shot.

A pair of white doors led to a large hallway where dozens of doctors were running to Steve’s location. None of them were expecting him to be able to take them all on by himself, but he managed to do so. Their bodies laid on the floor behind him as he ran through the lab.

Three doctors came out from behind and surprised him. One restrained him by hooking their arms under his armpits and held him tight to their chest. The other two were getting ready to grab his legs to restrain him.

With a grunt, Steve kicked one doctor in the jaw and knocked him out. The one behind him loosened his grip from surprise, giving Steve a chance to turn around and headbutt him. The last doctor seemed to be hesitant about his actions. Steve feinted to the left and punched him in the temple, killing him.

Red lights flashed above him while he ran. It felt like this damn lab was a never-ending maze. Door after door was either an empty hall that echoed the shrill scream of the alarms or a group of stupid doctors that didn’t know any better.

Medical equipment littered the floors, along with scrubs and lab coats. Steve guessed they were left behind to not get in the way of trying to get to him. Whatever the reason, they still got sent to the floor. Or their graves.

Two large doors in front of him seemed to open by a password of some sort. They reminded Steve of the secret entrance to the lab where he was injected with the serum.

A gun cocked behind him. Steve tensed. He knew who was holding that gun.

Dumb bastard.

“I see not even those handcuffs could stop you. You really are what they make you out to be,” Doctor Bergmann chuckled. “I really don’t know what I expected.”

Steve kept himself still, looking down at the ground with a blank stare. “I don’t know either,” he responded.

“I really thought you would be the one for us. The one to help us create a superior race of strong, beautiful people. But of course, you had to have a flaw.”

“Yeah?”

“There’s a bit of green in your eyes.”

Steve knew Bergmann’s finger was about to pull the trigger. It was about to shoot.

So he ducked and grabbed the doctor’s arm and pointed it towards his nametag, watching him shoot himself instead of Steve.

“You have a flaw, too,” Steve said. “You’re too stupid for your own good.”

Blood poured out of Bergmann’s chest. He fell to his knees and gasped for air, his gun clattering on the white tiled floor. Powder blue eyes watched as his own gun was aimed at his head.

“I hate killing. I do. I’d never do it if I didn’t have to. But I can’t have more monsters like you running around.” The trigger was pulled, and powder blue eyes were drained of life as he fell face forward to the ground and stilled.

Another death to be embedded in his mind.

Another death to plague his dreams.

Steve shuddered, shaking off the heavy feeling in his chest and looked back at the doors. A small panel was shining, reading, “FINGERPRINT REQUIRED”. His fingerprint wouldn’t work, so...

He picked up Bergmann’s body and lifted his hand to the panel, pressing the doctor’s thumb to the panel. A small ding indicated the access was granted, and the doors opened. Steve dropped the doctor’s lifeless body to the floor and ran.

What in the world?

It was a room.

In a house.

Steve was in a house.

The doors were disguised as a bookcase. How original.

Steve ran through the door and into the living room, noticing two men standing guard. They turned at the sound of his feet thudding on the wooden floors, but they were not fast enough to avoid the bullets from Steve’s gun.

A beautiful wooden door stood between him and what he hoped was freedom. He threw it open and ran into the freezing streets of wherever he was. It was snowing, and his clothing was ripped from fighting and provided little protection from the cold.

Nothing was going to stop him. Adrenaline rushed through his veins as he ran. His legs refused to give in. Escape. He needed to escape. He couldn’t stop. What if they caught him again? What if they’re chasing him right now?

That provided more reason for his legs to keep going. The street signs were all in a foreign language and the people were too nice to be American. He figured he must be in Europe because America sure as hell wasn’t like this.

Exhaustion began to take over, and Steve got frustrated as he felt his legs begin to tire. He can’t give up. Not now. Giving up would mean being captured again. Being captured again would mean dying and never being able to see his loved ones again.

If he ran and found a way to go back to the States, he could see his friends again. He could spend Christmas with them and see the smiles on their faces and see Bucky and Thor and-

Tears welled up in his eyes. He wants to sleep so bad, but sleeping would risk getting caught and never going home again. He’s tired. He’s so, so tired, but he has to keep running.

Eventually, he ran into a large area that was occupied by many people. Different colored buildings stood proudly amongst each other. They were beautiful, but he had no time to admire them.

It was too much. He couldn’t keep going. He ran out of fumes. If he was captured, he at least went down fighting.

Before darkness took over, Steve used the last of his energy to ask God to forgive him and to protect those he loved.

-

Soft words were murmured around him. Someone was running their fingers through his hair and whispering something to someone sitting next to them. The fingers were gentle. The action was something a person would do for their loved one.

Ocean blue eyes opened slightly, looking at cream-colored walls and a light brown sofa across from him. Steve looked up and saw Thor looking to his right. He was talking to someone about how much time was left until they reached New York. Sky blue eyes flickered down to look at Steve and widened when they saw he was awake.

“Barnes,” Thor whispered.

Bucky looked down, eyes slightly widening at Steve. “You’re awake,” he whispered. “Thank god. Thank fuckin’ god.”

“Don’ use th’ lord’s name ‘n vain,” Steve mumbled.

“You need to eat,” Thor said, grabbing a bag of chips and a bottle of water. “I would give you something healthy to eat, but it appears Stark only has junk food at the moment.”

“‘m not hungry.”

“Steven. You must eat. Please.”

The last word sounded strained like Thor was trying not to cry or something. Steve knew he was right, so he sat up and leaned back on the sofa. He was shaky and could barely keep himself up.

“Here. I’ve got you,” Thor said, his words soft and comforting. He laid Steve against his chest and instructed Bucky to place Steve’s legs in his lap. “So he’s comfortable,” he reasoned. The taller blond handed Steve the bag of chips and water and held him.

“I don’t what else to ask, or, well, how to ask this, but are you okay? I mean, did they do anything horrible to you?” Bucky asked, rubbing Steve’s leg.

“Took blood. They wanted to replicate the serum so they could make ‘the perfect race’. I got beat a lot but it wasn’t anything new,” Steve answered.

“They didn’t touch you, did they?”

“What do you mean?”

Bucky frowned. “You know.”

Steve thought for a bit before he realized what his friend meant. “No. They didn’t. The closest they got was just... Near there. They’d touch me just to touch me.”

“How did you escape?” Thor inquired. He handed Steve another water bottle.

“Broke free. I couldn’t take it. I knew you guys were coming, but I needed to get out of there before I lost my mind. They had these handcuffs that would shock me whenever I tried pulling on them, but I eventually decided enough was enough and went through the pain to make sure I’d get out.”

“I can see that.” Thor gently held Steve’s wrist, glaring at the marks from being shocked and cuffed for so long. “I am just happy to know you’re okay.”

“I was scared,” Bucky admitted. “I was scared that we wouldn’t make it on time. But we got lucky. Thor was in the area at the time and he heard people yelling for help and there you were, passed out on the ground. Leave it to you to rescue yourself. You don’t need a knight in shining armor. You’re your own savior.”

Steve chuckled. “I guess so.”

It was quiet. All of them knew what the others were thinking, they just didn’t want to say it.

He could have died.

They could have lost him.

“Thank you,” Steve whispered. “Thank you for saving me.”

Bucky gave Steve a soft smile and patted him on the arm. Thor held Steve tighter to his chest.

“Anytime, Steven,” he whispered. “Anytime.”

-

Hours later, the jet finally landed in New York. A car was waiting to take them back to the tower.

Steve had fallen asleep again, so Thor carried him to the car while Bucky walked beside him. Bucky chuckled at the way Steve was held, muttering “princess” under his breath. He thanked the chauffeur for holding the door open for them and got in.

Thor attempted to put Steve in the car, but the Captain whined and clung to Thor’s shirt.

“Steven, I need to put you in the car,” Thor chuckled. “Barnes, please help. He won’t let go.”

Bucky laughed at his hand being swatted away every time he grabbed Steve’s hand. Nothing has changed, he thought. Steve had done this during their childhood, too. Getting Steve out of bed (waking him up, really) was a challenge. He’d fight until he was threatened or dragged out of bed, but Bucky couldn’t exactly threaten to do that to him at the moment.

After minutes of whining and swatting hands, Steve finally let Thor place him in the car. He sat in between his friends and blearily looked at the scenery around him before he fell asleep again.

He didn’t know that Bucky had pushed him so that his head leaned on Thor’s shoulder.

-

Bucky wasn’t going to get swatted by Steve again, so he decided to grab Steve by his legs and pull him halfway out of the car. Steve kicked his feet at his friend and scowled at him. Amazing. Even after all these years, Steve was still the grumpiest person in the world after waking up.

The three men walked into the tower and went up to the living room. It wouldn’t be too long until the others arrived, so Bucky asked FRIDAY to order Chinese food for everyone.

“I need a shower,” Steve mumbled. “I smell awful.”

“Okay. Just don’t fall asleep in there. Come back when you’re done,” Bucky said.

Steve went up to his room, taking in the colors and the visual. Finally. Colors. Not just white walls and floors. It was too good to be true.

Fresh clothes in hand, Steve went into his bathroom and immediately discarded his clothes. Instead of throwing them in the hamper, he left them on the floor; he intended on throwing them away after this.

Warm water hit his skin. It had been so long since he felt this. Blood and dirt went down the drain. If only his memories could go with them.

He didn’t want to think about what happened. He grabbed his body wash and began cleaning himself, getting rid of filth that the water couldn’t wash away. It all went down the drain and had no way of coming back, but it still remained in his head.

Sleep was so tempting. The bed was so close and all he had to do was finish his shower and dress and he’d be able to lie down. But he needed to eat and he knew Bucky and Thor were waiting for him downstairs.

God. He just wants to sleep. It wasn’t just being kept in hiding for weeks that exhausted him, it was what they did to him and living in constant anxiety. Captain America could handle it; he’s brave and doesn’t fear a thing. Steve Rogers couldn’t handle it; he’s still lost and trying to find a place in the world that doesn’t involve war. He’s nothing without war. It’s why he’s Captain America.

There were times at night where Steve would lie awake at night and ask himself if it was worth it. If becoming Captain America was worth all the pain he’s had to go through. Not physical pain. That pain would subside quickly. The emotional and mental pain he’d gone through, however. That was pain he couldn’t just shake off. It ate at him every day whenever he was alone in his room.

Honestly, Steve was grateful to be able to save people who were like him when he was skinny and weak, but there are times where he wants to sit down and breathe. That opportunity would never come. He has to save people. It’s a part of him. If he saw that a situation was starting to point south, he wouldn’t be able to ignore it. He wished he could.

Who was he kidding?

No, he didn’t.

He just wants to be able to take time to breathe every once in a while. Take time to take care of himself the way he takes care of everyone else. Everyone has tried to help, but only one person has successfully gotten Steve to open up. He was worried that he’d scare that person away with his problems, but they insisted and still cared for him. If only-

A knock on the door startled him.

“Steve,” a soft voice said. “You okay?”

Oh. Bruce came to check on him.

“Yeah. Sorry, I’m about to get out,” Steve said.

“Bucky got worried because it’s been about an hour. We’ve got food and drinks.”

Had it really been that long? He hasn’t even washed his hair yet. “I’ll be out soon.”

Steve sighed and began washing his hair, trying to go as fast as he can to prevent Bucky from worrying more. One day all that worrying is going to catch up to him and take its toll. It was sweet though. He was grateful to have his best friend around to worry about him after everything that had happened back in Siberia.

Hair washed and body clean, Steve stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. He combed his hair and dried it with a soft towel. He slipped on a pair of boxer briefs, black sweatpants, and a blue T-shirt. It was cold but he was too lazy to grab a jacket or switch his T-shirt for a long sleeved one.

After throwing his ripped clothes into the garbage, Steve went down the elevator and to the living room. The doors opened and he was greeted with the sight of his friends standing around the dinner table. They turned to look at him and smiled.

“Glad to see you’re okay,” Clint said. “Come get some food. We’ll watch a movie.”

Steve smiled and went to grab a plate. His mouth was watering at the food laid out before him. He filled his plate and grabbed a bottle of Coke. It was probably a bad idea considering he’s had no proper nutrients for the past few weeks, but it’d be enough for tonight.

Everyone grabbed their plates of food and took their seats; Bucky and Natasha on the loveseat, Sam and Clint on the small sofa next to the large couch, Tony, Bruce, and Rhodey sat on the floor in front of the couch, and Steve took his usual seat on the couch. Thor walked over with his plate and a couple of bottles of water and took a seat next to Steve.

“Here,” he said, handing Steve a bottle of water. “I know you have a Coke, but water would be good for you, too.”

“Thanks,” Steve smiled. “I appreciate it.”

The movie they had chosen was about a man who had obtained the powers of God and was able to do whatever he wanted, such as giving his wife larger breasts or causing a rival TV anchor to humiliate himself on air. It was a silly movie, but it caused Steve to smile a few times and that’s all his friend wanted.

Towards the end of the movie, everyone was asleep except for Steve and Thor. They looked at each other, silently asking, “What should we do?” After a few minutes, they decided to wake everyone up and send them to their rooms. Steve and Thor sat on the couch by themselves, no one else in the room to bother them.

“Since we are alone,” Thor started, “I believe we should watch the show with the sponge.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Steve agreed.

FRIDAY started up an episode of Spongebob for them. Tonight’s episode was about Squidward and Spongebob doing art together. Squidward was trying to teach Spongebob how to make a circle, but Spongebob had bested him. When they were doing the ice sculptures, Thor let out a deep laugh and shook his head.

“This show is adorable,” he sighed.

“Have you watched any since I’ve been gone?” Steve asked.

“No. It wouldn’t be the same without you here to watch it with me.”

Steve blushed. “Oh. I- um. I don’t know what to say. Thanks. I think.”

“I think you should lie down. You’re exhausted and I’m certain you didn’t get a proper amount of rest while you were there.”

“I’m okay.”

“Steven.”

Steve looked at Thor, who was staring at him with a slight frown. “I promise I’m okay.”

“Remember what you promised me weeks ago?”

Promise me that you will speak to someone about your issues.

“Yes.”

“And do you remember what you said to me in response?”

I promise I’ll talk to someone about my issues. But could I talk to you about them?

“I do.”

“I can’t force you to talk to me, and I won’t. I only-” Thor sighed. “I only want for you to have an outlet. Holding your thoughts in will only make things more difficult for you.”

Steve gave him a small smile. “I know. I’m okay though.”

Thor frowned at him and sighed. He turned his gaze back to the TV. “If you say so.”

“Thor-”

“Steven, it’s okay. I won’t force you to do anything. If it gets too hard, I am here to lend an ear.”

“Okay. If it gets bad, I’ll talk to you. But right now I kind of want to sleep.”

FRIDAY shut the TV off while Steve and Thor went to the elevator. They went up to the living spaces and looked at the shut doors. Man, their friends really were tired, huh. Steve smiled and went to his room, Thor walking behind him.

Steve opened the door to his room and walked inside. Everything was just as he left it. He really was home. He had worried that maybe he had hallucinated from the lack of nutrients these past few weeks. He turned around to face Thor.

“Alright. Thanks for watching TV with me. Good-”

Thor cut him off with a tight hug. Strong, muscular arms wrapped around his waist and held him close to the taller man.

“I’m so happy you’re safe,” Thor whispered. “I was so worried about you, Steven. It was hard to sleep knowing you were in the hands of those bastards. But you are here now, and that’s what matters.” He squeezed tighter. “I missed you.”

Steve’s heart was racing. Should he hug him back? He decided yes, and wrapped his arms around Thor’s upper back.

“I missed you too,” he softly spoke, laying his head on Thor’s shoulder. “I was worried I’d never see you again.”

“At least you are here with m- us. However-” Thor pulled back to look Steve in the face with a playful glare, his large hands sitting on Steve’s waist. “However, I hope you know that whenever you decide to go for a late-night walk, I will be accompanying you. I do not want this to occur again.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to. It is a chance for me to talk to someone without being ridiculed for not knowing the way this planet works with its technology or for being who I am.”

“Really?”

“I also feel the things you do, Steven. I may be a God, but I still feel.” Thor smiled and let go of Steve. “I’m going to let you sleep. I, too, am tired. Perhaps tomorrow we could try to go Christmas shopping for the others.”

“I’d like that. Goodnight, Thor.”

“Goodnight, Steven.”

Thor left, shutting Steve’s door behind him and leaving Steve alone in the middle of his room. The smaller blond smiled to himself and got into his bed. Large blankets surrounded his body, acting as a cocoon that protected him from the harsh bite of the cold. Sleep came quickly, pulling Steve into another world.

_-_

_“Well, aren’t you a handsome one?” a voice asked._

_Steve turned to the voice, seeing it was one of the HYDRA doctors from that secret laboratory. Nothing about him was different, but there was something that felt off. Maybe it was the temperature. Or maybe the fact they were standing in the middle of a white room._

_“Don’t be scared,” he teased._

_“Get out of here,” Steve warned. “I had no problem putting you down like a dog. I’ll do it again.”_

_“Oh, I’m sure you will. Try it.”_

_Steve made to walk over to the smug bastard, but he found his legs were stuck. He looked down to see his legs were stuck to the ground by ice._

_“I’m waiting,” the doctor yawned. “Such a shame. I really hoped you’d be able to save them.”_

_“Who?”_

_“Your friends.”_

_The doctor stepped back and revealed a window. Monsters were killing his friends, leaving their bodies on the floor the same way Steve had with the doctors back in the lab. Only one person was alive, and from the looks of it, he was about to run out of energy. Lightning shot out of his hammer and killed one of the monsters, but that seemed to be the last of what he could do._

_The monsters surrounded him, their disgusting eyes looking down at him with interest. Steve could see they were the creatures that had assisted Loki in New York. Their razor sharp- wait, what? That didn’t seem right._

_“Do you like the modifications? We were able to make them more powerful and deadly,” the doctor exulted. “Oh my. Watch this.”_

_Steve tried to close his eyes, but they wouldn’t shut. No matter how hard he tried, nothing was happening. He was forced to watch as Thor was ripped apart by the Chitauri, his screams filling the air and blood splattering everywhere._

_Tears were building but refused to spill. Steve couldn’t do anything, and it was his fault that Thor died. Everyone died. All of them dead because Steve couldn’t do his job and protect them the way he had promised he would._

_“Your turn,” the doctor sang._

_Steve didn’t have enough time to react before the Chitauri reached him._

-

Steve sat up, gasping for air. No one was in the room with him, so he figured he was quiet tonight. Why did he dream about the Chitauri? That was years ago, and the nightmares about them had gone down compared to the ones he had about HYDRA and losing his friends the way he had lost the ones from his time period.

Luckily he had some water on his nightstand, so he didn’t have to go down to the kitchen to grab a bottle. Maybe he should ask Tony for a mini-fridge in his room. Just for the convenience.

The time read three thirty-six in the morning. He had gone to bed about two hours ago. Oh well. Nothing was going on tomorrow. Well, besides shopping with Thor. Steve laid back down and closed his eyes. It was just a nightmare. Usually, he’d sleep normally after a nightmare, so he snuggled back into his bed and closed his eyes until sleep took him again.

-

_Steve grunted as his back collided with the floor. All of his friends stood above him with blank faces. By all, he meant all; Peggy, the Howling Commandos, his current teammates, Scott Lang, Sharon, and more. Around them were the people he could never save._

_None of them spoke. All they did was stare down at him. No expressions on their faces, no indications of anger or happiness or sadness in their body language._

_Nothing._

_The crowd shifted as someone made their way to the front. It was a woman that he couldn’t save back in Sokovia._

_“Thank you,” she began, “Thank you for letting me have hope for you saving me, only to have a building crush and kill me instead. Thank you for letting me die with nothing.”_

_Another person stepped up. A little girl._

_“I really looked up to you. But you let me die in an explosion in New York. Thanks for never letting me experience life,” she said._

_More and more people took their turn thanking Steve for their deaths and disappointment, each person getting more and more intense. They appeared normal when they first walked up to him, but when they finished speaking, they would take on the appearance of how they looked when they died. Steve felt bile rising in his throat._

_Finally, it was his friends. They weren’t dead, obviously, but they were still there for something._

_“You know, I thought- we thought, that you would be the one to lead us,” Tony spoke. “That you would be the one to help defend the world from danger. But look at you. Everywhere you go, death follows.”_

_“We should never have let you in,” Natasha said, eyes cold. “All you do is disappoint us.”_

_“That serum should have gone to someone better. Someone that would actually do their job and protect us,” Bucky broke in. “You just sit there and do nothing.”_

_“So, thanks for nothing,” Tony finished._

_His friends faded away, not a trace left behind. The only person he hadn’t seen was-_

_“Steven.”_

_Damn it._

_Steve turned around to look at the giant Norse god staring down at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_Steve’s eyebrows went up._

_“I’m sorry I believed in you. All you’ve ever done is disappoint me. You can’t even keep yourself from being kidnapped. You put us through all of that to find you. It would have been easier if they had just killed you.”_

_Ouch._

_“I wish I never had hope for you. Just like everyone else, you let me down. You let innocent people die and act as if it is nothing.” Thor summoned Mjolnir and grasped the handle with a tight grip. “Let’s see if you will still act as if it is nothing if you are the one dying.”_

_Thor brought Mjolnir back and swung at Steve’s head as hard as he could._

_-_

Five twenty-one in the morning.

Another nightmare.

Maybe it was just an off night.

-

_Steve didn’t even have a chance to scream._

_The doctor’s scalpel was already cutting him open._

-

Five fifty in the morning.

Steve laid in bed and cried to himself.

It was not okay.

He was not okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got very lazy with reading my own work, so i finally decided to download Grammarly and let me tell you that shit is THE BOMB.COM. god really does exist  
> poor steve. so oblivious and so hurt. i want to hold him  
> thank you for reading and for the comments and kudos!! it means a lot to me TvT <3  
> remember: drink water, use the bathroom, eat, take meds, and keep yourself cool!! and your pets too because they're babies!!


	7. A Bad Day Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never speak out of anger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man.  
> Sorry for this.  
> Warnings for a nightmare and some fighting.  
> Unbeta'd. :X  
> Enjoy!! :D

Steve gave up on sleep after the last nightmare. He got up for the day and went to shower. The hot water didn’t soothe him the way it usually did. All it did was rain down on him. No comfort at all.

 

His outfit for the day was a light brown turtleneck sweater and black skinny jeans with black high tops. Not his usual style, but he decided to try something different. He was tired and just wanted to sleep.

 

But then he remembered that Thor had wanted to go shopping with him today. Maybe they’ll go to Times Square again. Maybe something new. Wherever they went today would be completely up to Thor.

 

The alarm clock on his nightstand read “six thirty-two A.M”. No one was going to be up for a while, so Steve decided to watch some TV. What was on this early in the morning? He could ask FRIDAY to put something on for him, but all he ever watched was Spongebob and the news. He’d watch shows that his friends would recommend, but they weren’t as interesting as Spongebob.

 

Should he go down to the kitchen and eat? He’d have to be quiet, but if he were honest, food didn’t sound very good at the moment. Something small would have to do. His biggest worry was waking someone up.

 

Food was important, and Steve had barely eaten in the past few weeks. He decided to take care of himself and take the elevator down to the kitchen and living room so he could feed himself. A bowl of fruit was out on the counter, so he grabbed an apple and banana and sat down on the large couch in front of the TV.

 

The sun was slowly starting to rise. Birds were chirping outside the window, and the little hummingbird that Steve had taken a liking to was still sitting on the ledge of the window. It was currently sleeping in its nest. Maybe Steve could convince Tony to install a hummingbird feeder.

 

Steve still had no idea what to do. He was eating fruit on the couch and staring at a dark TV. The tower was silent and he felt that any noise he made would cause everyone to wake up. He would have to wait for a few more hours until his friends decide to get up or the day.

 

“Steven?” a hoarse voice spoke. Steve turned and saw Thor in a pair of red pajama pants that hung low on his hips. His hair was in a messy bun and a few strands hung around his face. “Why are you up?”

 

“I should be asking you the same thing,” Steve chuckled. “I couldn’t sleep after sleeping on the plane and car yesterday.” He inwardly flinched at the lie.

 

“Ah. That’s a shame. I’m up because my body decided it was time to wake up. Though I do wish I could have slept longer.”

 

Thor grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and an apple and made his way to the couch. He plopped down next to Steve and handed him a water bottle.

 

“No one else is up,” Thor yawned. “I believe this would be a good time for us to discuss what presents we should buy for our friends.”

 

“Oh. That’s a good idea, yeah,” Steve said.

 

Thor looked him up and down and smiled. “I like what you’re wearing. It’s different. And it fits you quite well. You should dress like that more often.”

 

“Thank you. I wasn’t really sure about this outfit, but I guess I’ll wear more clothes like this then.” Steve blushed and averted his gaze. “So who should we start with?”

 

They discussed what gifts to buy for their friends. In fear of being caught in the middle of the conversation, they decided to move the conversation to Thor’s room. It was the first time Steve had ever been in his room. It was just as comforting as Thor.

 

The walls were maroon and the floor was ebony wood. Huh. He had different flooring than the rest of the main tower. The flooring in Steve’s room was cherry wood. Small pictures of the Avengers and allies hung on the walls.

 

Thor’s bed was _huge_. The bedsheets were sapphire blue with white and gray pillows. His blankets were different shades of green and red. His bed was made and the blankets sat at the top of the bed with his pillows.

 

A small brown desk that was covered in papers and pens sat against a wall. The TV Tony had put in sat across the room in front of Thor’s bed so he could watch while lying down. He had a small velvet couch and coffee table in front of the TV.

 

His room looked like a human’s. The complete opposite of what Steve expected.

 

“Wow. Your room is really nice,” Steve thought out loud.

 

“Thank you. I find it warm and comforting,” Thor said, a small smile on his face. “Give me a moment.” He grabbed some clothes from his closet and went into his bathroom. The shower turned on, so Steve was left alone for the time being.

 

Steve took the chance to look at the pictures on the walls. One was a picture of them celebrating Tony’s birthday two years ago. Tony had cake on his face after Thor had pressed his face into the cake.

 

Another picture was of Clint doing a kissy face and peace sign behind Tony and a group of rich people.

 

The next picture was of the group standing together when they had finally gotten a chance to go to Disneyland a few months ago. Tony had insisted that everyone needed a vacation, so they ended up going to Disneyland for a few days. Thor wore a pair of Mickey Mouse ears with Steve and Sam while Bucky stood next to Natasha with a scowl aimed at them (specifically Sam). Tony stood with his hands on his hips with Rhodey standing by his side. Clint had an arm around Bruce’s shoulders. Everyone looked so relaxed in the picture. Steve wishes he could go back.

 

The last pictures on the wall were of Thor and… Steve. They were taken at Disneyland when Thor had dragged Steve to the castle. Steve remembered that moment quite well.

 

Thor was so excited about the castle and wanted to see it up close, but he wanted to go with someone to share his excitement. Steve offered since it would be his first time seeing the castle, too. Out of excitement, Thor literally dragged him to the castle. He asked a woman to take a picture of him and Steve standing in front of the castle and then took a selfie.

 

In both pictures, Thor had his arm wrapped around Steve’s waist and held him close to his body. Steve was flushed from the heat and being pressed up against Thor. They were both smiling in the pictures, but Steve’s smile was shy and Thor’s was bright.

 

God. He’d do anything to be able to go back to that day again.

 

Steve jumped at the sound of the bathroom door opening behind him. Thor was now wearing a white long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up and blue jeans. His hair was damp and messy.

 

“I apologize for taking so long. I almost fell asleep in there,” Thor said, throwing his dirty clothes into a hamper in his closet.

 

“It’s okay. I was just admiring your room,” Steve said. “I like the pictures. They’re really nice.”

 

“They’re my favorite moments with the team. I treasure those memories dearly.”

 

Thor walked to his bed and sat down. He frowned at his damp hair; It was keeping him from lying on the bed. Steve sat next to him and marveled at how comfortable the bed was. To tease his friend, he laid back and felt the soft material of the bed.

 

“Man, your bed is comfortable,” he sighed. “I could fall asleep right here.”

 

“I do not appreciate you taunting me like this, Steven,” Thor said, throwing a playful glare towards Steve.

 

“Like what? I’m not doing anything.” Steve batted his eyelashes and smiled innocently. Thor laughed and shook his head.

 

“Of course not. You are too pure to do any sort of evil. Anyway, I believe it would be best for us to talk about the gifts before our friends begin waking up.”

 

“You’re right. Do you have paper to write on? So we don’t forget?”

 

Thor went to his desk and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. He grabbed a book for Steve to use as a hard surface since he figured Steve wouldn’t want to leave the bed.

 

It took about an hour for them to figure out everything. Tony wasn’t hard to shop for. He appreciated everything his friends gave him, even if it didn't look like it. Steve has seen the birthday cards he’s made Tony over the past years sitting in his lab. Natasha would probably appreciate new shoes and makeup, perhaps some new purses. She had been eying some in the magazines she read during breakfast.

 

Clint would get some new clothes that didn’t make him look like a homeless person. Maybe some video games to keep him entertained whenever he was stuck in the tower. Sam had been complaining of needing some cologne and new boots, so they were going to get those wherever they could. Steve would have to search for a store that had the brand he was looking for.

 

Bruce would probably appreciate some new notebooks and clothes. The notebooks he had now were almost full and his clothes kept getting torn apart whenever he turned into the Other Guy. Rhodey… Steve was unsure of what to get for him. Thor suggested books so he could read whenever he wasn’t in physical therapy. It seemed like a good idea, but Steve worried about Rhodey not liking it.

 

“Do not worry, Steven,” Thor said. “It is the thought that counts.”

 

“I guess,” Steve mumbled. “I just don’t want to give him a bad gift.”

 

“It will only be bad if you do not put any thought into it. I am certain he will appreciate any gift you get him.”

 

Steve smiled and wrote down possible books to buy for Rhodey. The only person they hadn’t talked about yet was Bucky, but Steve knew more about him than Thor did so any gifts for Bucky were Steve’s idea.

 

When they were satisfied with the list, they put shoes on and went down to the first floor of the tower. Cold air greeted them, but it wasn’t nearly as cold as it was last night. The sun shined down on them and slowly melted the snow that was piled on the ground.

 

Steve brought the debit card Tony had given him a while ago. He felt bad about spending Tony’s money, but it would not put a dent in his bank account at all. His eyes flickered down to the umbrella in Thor’s hand. He brought it with them just in case it started snowing.

 

They went to Times Square and started their search for the gifts. First on the list was Natasha, since there were many women’s stores so close in proximity. The bags were expensive, but they were exactly what she had wanted. She had also been looking at some boots by a brand named Michael... Michael Something. They’d know it when they see it.

 

Eventually, they did find it, and Steve nearly had a heart attack when he saw the price tag. The boots were lovely, but _good god why were they so expensive_?

 

Makeup. Neither he or Thor knew what makeup was considered high quality, so they went into MAC Cosmetics. There was a variety of lipsticks and eyeshadows. How were they supposed to pick?

 

Thor walked over to the lipsticks and looked at the different shades. He picked out dark red, coral pink, and bright red tubes of lipstick. For eyeshadow, he picked the palette that had the most colors. All the other makeup was a mystery to them, so they paid for what they grabbed and left.

 

Next were Clint and Bruce. Steve and Thor wandered around clothing stores for men and bought as many T-shirts and jeans as possible for Bruce while buying actual clothes for Clint instead of band shirts and jeans. They left the last store with different types of pants and shirts for their fashionless friend.

 

Steve remembered seeing a Barnes & Noble somewhere in the area, so he led Thor to the store and admired the large collection of books. Thor wandered around while Steve looked for books that might seem somewhat appealing to Rhodey.

 

It was about ten minutes later when Thor went back to Steve with a book in his hand. Upon closer look, Steve could see that the book was about Norse Mythology.

 

“Steven, this book talks about me and my brother, but...” Thor frowned. “There is a part in here where he consummates with a horse. That has never happened.”

 

Steve burst out laughing and took the book from Thor. “It’s because this is based on how those who worshiped you viewed you and stuff. I’m sure Loki didn’t… Yeah. Do you want the book?”

 

“No. I only brought it to make you laugh. I succeeded so I will put this… mess of a book back in its place.”

 

“I’ll go with you. I got some books for Rhodey.”

 

After paying for the books, Steve and Thor walked out and looked at their list. Four out of seven are done. Tony, Bucky, and Sam were left. Steve yawned and rubbed his eyes, shoving the list in his pocket and starting his walk to the next store.

 

He loved his friends dearly, but he wanted to go home and sleep so bad. He didn’t think the drowsiness would set in this bad. He was grouchy when he didn’t get enough sleep, and he was praying that he wouldn’t do anything stupid like be mean to Thor or pass out from exhaustion in the middle of the street.

 

“Steven? Are you okay?” Thor asked, putting a hand on Steve’s back.

 

“Yeah, just-” Steve yawned again. “Really tired.”

 

“We can come back tomorrow if you-”

 

“No! No, it’s okay. I want to finish this. I’m enjoying our time out together.”

 

Thor smiled and nodded, motioning for Steve to lead the way to the next store.

 

Steve decided to buy Bucky and Sam’s gifts next. He knew damn well that they were not on the best of terms, especially with both of them being his best friends, so he made it a point to be an amazing friend and get their gifts from completely different stores.

 

Yes. Completely different. Nothing similar at all.

 

Thor laughed loudly at the gifts Steve held up in his hands. He told Steve to get them and that they were amazing. His eyes flickered over to the area where Steve had grabbed them and looked at the variety of options there.

 

All that was left was Tony. He wouldn’t be too hard to shop for, but Steve was still picky about what store to go to. Maybe a homemade gift would be better. But what would he make for him? A little Iron Man statue would make his ego go wild, and a portrait of him would-

 

“Steven!”

 

Thor tackled Steve to the ground just as a bomb was thrown near them. It was thrown into a store and exploded, killing civilians and sending concrete flying into the air.

 

“What-”

 

“Steven, get to cover.” Thor gripped the handle of the umbrella got into a fighting stance. “Now! Get out of here!”

 

“No, Thor! You could get hurt!”

 

“Better me than you. You still need to-” Another explosion. “Go!”

 

“I can defend myself, Thor!”

 

“Steven, I will not risk you getting hurt again. I can handle this.”

 

“I’m not lea-” Steve yelped as Thor picked him up and carried him into a store. He was set in the far back of the store with the shopping bags. “Thor!”

 

“I am not losing you again. Stay here.”

 

The umbrella in his hand turned into Mjolnir. Thor ran out of the store and towards the area people were running away from. A group of men stood in the street with large guns in their hands. They wore black robes and face masks.

 

Thor made his way to the center and stood his ground. They all looked at him and turned their guns to face him.

 

“What brings you here?” Thor demanded. “Why must you hurt innocent people?”

 

He dodged multiple blasts of energy that shot from the guns and watched as the ground blew up behind him. So they weren’t bombs, they were balls of energy. He had never seen this before.

 

For minutes, he was dodging the blasts of energy and playing a game with the group. They were starting to get frustrated and began shooting in different areas that were close to each other so that he couldn’t move far. None of them expected Thor to charge at them.

 

While Thor fought, Steve sat in the store and glared at the windows. He could see the civilians running for safety while Thor handled the threat. He hated not being helpful. He wanted to keep the people safe.

 

Steve set the bags down in this abandoned store and ran out. He headed towards where he could hear and see the explosions. He could see Thor fighting them with Mjolnir, holding back his strength to make a joke out of the terrorists.

 

The group of men saw Steve standing there and immediately turned their guns to him. Thor turned around and yelled for Steve to leave. Too late, as they had all fired at the Captain. The explosion was incredible, but it sent Thor into a fury.

 

Mjolnir was left forgotten on the ground as Thor fought the group one by one. He snapped necks and crushed skulls, ignoring the sick crunches of their bones underneath his hands. Steve- Fuck, Steve. Thor was so blinded by rage he beat the last terrorist until he was no longer recognizable. The mask had shattered a long time ago, revealing his disgusting, blotchy, pale face,

 

Thor didn’t have time to react to the sound of another blast of energy being shot off, but the blast was diverted. He looked up to see Steve taking on three of them by himself. He had gotten a hold of one of their blasters and used it to beat them with it.

 

One by one, they went down, and Steve released all of his frustration on them as he hit them with the butt of the gun. The last man standing was begging for his life, but Steve hit him in the neck and broke it, killing him.

 

He stood over the group of bodies, staring down at them with wide eyes. He could hear Thor running behind him, calling out to him in panic.

 

“Steven, are you okay?” Thor asked.

 

“Yeah,” Steve said.

 

“I told you to stay in the store. You almost got yourself killed!”

 

“I didn’t want to stay in the store! I wanted to help!”

 

“I understand, but you could have gotten hurt!”

 

“I’m alive, aren’t I? I’ll walk it off.”

 

“I can see that you are alive. I didn’t want you to get hurt, Steven.”

 

“I can defend myself!”

 

“I never said you couldn’t! I only did what I did because you did not have your shield and Mjolnir would not have been enough to protect you from the blasts!”

 

“I don’t need your help, Thor! I can take care of myself!”

 

“I never said-”

 

“I know you never said it! Just stop talking! I don’t need your help and I never will! You’re a damn pest!”

 

Thor’s eyes widened in shock. His face showed great pain. Steve’s rage quickly turned into shock and then regret.

 

“Thor-”

 

Steve watched as Thor walked away. His fists were tightly clenched, even when he had bent down to pick Mjolnir up.

 

He really fucked up.

 

-

 

Steve went back to the store to grab the bags, but they were already gone. Someone probably came in to steal them during the chaos. Great. All of that money wasted.

 

He left the area before the police could arrive. He wasn’t in the mood for an interview. To make things worse, dark clouds formed above him and rain began to come down hard. Lightning flashed above him, the patterns fierce and angry.

 

When he arrived back at the tower, he was soaked. He didn’t even bother going into the living room to greet his friends. He went straight up to his room and slammed the door shut behind him. His clothes were thrown into the hamper in the bathroom after he changed into warm ones.

 

He laid down in his bed and wrapped the blankets around him. He didn’t care that it was only five in the afternoon. He just wanted to stay in bed and sleep.

 

Someone knocked on the door. Steve already knew who it was and watched as he walked in,

 

“Hey pal,” Bucky greeted, shutting the door behind him.

 

Steve didn’t reply.

 

“You want to eat?”

 

Steve shook his head.

 

“You sure?”

 

A nod.

 

“Steve.”

 

Bucky sat on the bed and pulled down the blankets. He looked at Steve with concerned eyes, resting his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

 

“Please talk to me. What happened today?”

 

Steve stared at the bed.

 

“Was it the people?”

 

No.

 

“Anxiety?”

 

No.

 

“Thor?”

 

Steve looked at Bucky with a pained look.

 

“Did he hurt you?”

 

No.

 

“Did you hurt him?”

 

Steve nodded.

 

“So that’s why it’s raining so hard.” Bucky chuckled to himself. “Hey, hey it’s okay. You made a mistake.”

 

“You don’t-” Steve choked. “You don’t know how bad I messed up. I- I really hurt him, Buck. I’ve never seen him look like that before.”

 

“Talk to him.”

 

“He hates me.”

 

“No he doesn’t. Don’t say stuff like that.”

 

“Why wouldn’t he?”

 

“God. You sound like Tony. Come on. Tell me why he would hate you then.”

 

“‘Cause of what I said.”

 

“And? Do you think he’ll hate you just because of a few words? Does he think you meant them?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Exactly. It’s going to be okay, Steve. He doesn’t hate you. You’re still friends. You just had an argument. That’s it.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Bucky sighed and patted Steve on the shoulder. “He’s in his room, too. We could hear the door slam even with the TV at high volume. Give it some time and then go talk to him.”

 

“I will.”

 

“Now, you need to eat. Come on. Or I’ll drag you.”

 

Steve rolled out of bed and trailed behind Bucky to the elevator. When they reached the living room, Bucky grabbed a plate and put spaghetti and garlic bread on it. No cheese or butter because Steve was weird.

 

Steve took the plate and slowly ate, looking at the TV with a blank stare. At least he was eating.

 

Bucky grabbed the remote and flicked through the channels in hopes of finding something interesting. The image of rubble grabbed his attention, and almost immediately Steve stilled.

 

The news was reporting on the damage in Times Square and showing footage of the bodies on the ground. Bucky looked over at Steve and quirked an eyebrow.

 

“I see your day wasn’t that boring,” he said. “You and Thor do that to ‘em?”

 

“Yeah,” Steve said dryly.

 

Bucky thought for a second before it dawned on him. “Is that where you fucked up?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Bucky changed the channel to some show about people working in an office. They were panicking about a fire in the building while a man in glasses attempted to calm them down. A woman pulled a cat out of her desk and screamed when a man’s legs broke out of the ceiling.

 

It had taken about an hour for Steve to eat. He was so upset about everything. All he could think about was the pained look on Thor’s face after everything Steve had said.

 

Nothing was going well.

 

Leave it to Steve to mess everything up.

 

-

 

After forcing food down his throat and a very long shower, Steve settled in bed for the night and stared at the ceiling. He was exhausted, but he couldn’t sleep. It was currently ten o’clock on the button. An hour of eating with Bucky and a two-hour long shower, and two hours of lying in bed being angry with himself.

 

He wishes he could go back and take back everything he said. Everything he said was a lie and he was speaking out of anger and exhaustion. Regardless of the reason, it was still wrong on Steve’s part. He needed to fix it, but he knew Thor was already sleeping. Even if he wasn’t, he’d probably just slam the door in Steve’s face.

 

Steve sighed and pulled the blankets close to him and closed his eyes.

 

-

 

_“Steven!” Thor yelled, slamming Mjolnir into one of the heads of the men. “I told you to stay back!”_

 

_“No! I can fight!”_

 

_“I said-” Thor was cut off by one of the men grabbing him by the neck and putting the gun to his stomach. The gun went off before Steve could do anything, and he watched as Thor’s lifeless body crumpled to the ground._

 

_Steve looked with wide eyes as his friend lay lifeless on the broken concrete. The men aimed their guns at him, raising their face masks up to reveal their faces. They were the HYDRA bastards he had taken out back in the nineteen forties._

 

_They pulled the trigger._

 

-

 

Steve woke up sweating. He touched his cheeks and realized he was crying. Nothing was going right. He couldn’t sleep, and he was overwhelmed with guilt. The time was twelve ten in the morning. He knew that if he tried to sleep again, it would end up being another nightmare. He needed to talk, but no one was available.

 

Tears continued rolling down his face as he began to sob. He hiccuped and struggled for air. If he didn’t do something, he was going end up falling apart in front of everyone.

 

Screw it.

 

Steve got out of bed and walked out of his room. He walked over to a closed door and knocked. Even if he didn’t get a response, at least he tried. If the door got shut in his face, he tried.

 

The doorknob jiggled and Steve’s stomach flipped.

 

The door opened and revealed an angry Thor. Steve looked up at him with tear filled eyes and bit his lip to prevent himself from letting out a sob. Thor glared down at him before stepping to the side. Steve slowly walked into the room and looked around. The bed was messy, but Thor didn’t look like he had been sleeping.

 

Thor crossed his arms and looked at Steve as if he were waiting for something. Steve felt more tears coming and looked down, watching fat teardrops spill onto the wood. He walked over to Thor’s bed and crawled in, getting under the blankets and turning his face to the window. He felt the bed shift as Thor got into the bed behind him.

 

Sounds began playing from the TV. It was Spongebob. Steve peeked out from under the covers and looked at the screen. Tonight’s episode was about Spongebob and Squidward taking the night shift. Spongebob was paranoid about some person named the Hash… Hash… Whatever. Some guy that Squidward told him about.

 

After that, an episode about Mr. Krabs being in love with Mrs. Pearl played. It was honestly kind of cute, and Steve was too invested in the episode to think about what happened yesterday.

 

At some point he was beginning to drift off, so Thor turned the TV off and laid down. Steve made a small noise as he was pulled back against Thor’s chest. A large arm wrapped around his waist and held him tight. A few tears slipped out of his eyes as he drifted off, dreaming of the flowers of Bikini Bottom and the relaxing music from the end credits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MADE MYSELF CRY WRITING THIS I LOVE STEVE SO MUCH I'M SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD  
> ok so like it probably doesn't make sense how Thor was so willing to help but I'd like to remind y'all of how many times Loki treated him like shit and betrayed him yet Thor dearly cared about his brother and did everything for him anyway, so it isn't new :X  
> where i live, it's literally on fire right now. there are three fires around me and it's so so hot. X_X i gave up my fan and a frozen water bottle so i could keep my rabbit cool. he's currently cuddling with the water bottle and sleeping lol.  
> thank you for reading!! please stay cool and keep your pets cool too!! take meds, use the bathroom, eat, and drink water!! especially in this weather.


	8. A Walk In The Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life loves to throw a little something in every now and then to spice things up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!! I'm staying with a friend for a little while for her birthday and we've been really busy so I haven't had much of a chance to work on this.  
> I hope this is okay. I'm kinda nervous lol.  
> Unbeta'd, all mistakes are mine. :X  
> Enjoy!! :D

When morning came, Steve stirred in his sleep and turned onto his other side. He opened his eyes and saw gray.

 

Wait.

 

Gray?

 

Steve tried pulling back, but the arm around his waist kept him from moving.

 

Oh. That’s right. He went to Thor’s room after another bad nightmare.

 

But why was Thor holding onto him so tightly?

 

Steve was pressed up against Thor’s chest and stuck there until Thor decided to wake up. He listened to the other’s heartbeat and felt his eyes get heavy. It was so peaceful being in this position; being in Thor’s arms and protected from the bad things in life. If only he could do this every night.

 

Thor stirred in his sleep and moved his hand to Steve’s upper back and held him tighter. He moved his hand in small circles and moved it up to Steve’s hair, running his fingers through it.

 

Eventually, Thor pulled away from Steve and looked him in the eye. His hand was now on the bed.

 

Steve looked into those electric blue eyes and immediately became overwhelmed by guilt and sadness again. The feelings were much more intense than they were yesterday and brought tears to his eyes almost immediately.

 

“Thor,” he started, voice wavering, “I-” The tears were spilling now. “I-I’m sorry. I’m s-so sorry for what I s-said. I didn’t m-mean a-any of it. I-I wasn’t in the best of moods and I-I took it out on you. I feel so bad a-and I don’t- I don’t know what to do to m-make it up to you.”

 

Steve hid his face in Thor’s chest. He clutched the blankets tightly while he sobbed. He prayed for the guilt to go away and let him be.

 

Warm hands cupped the sides of his face and pulled him back. Thor wiped the tears away with his thumbs and gave him a soft smile.

 

“It is all right, Steven,” he said. “I forgive you. I understand you were angry, and I apologize for what I did. I made you feel useless and that was wrong on my part.”

 

“N-No, it’s okay. I get why you did it. I appreciate it. I do.”

 

“Everything is okay, Steven. We are okay.”

 

“B-But I said really awful things to you.”

 

“Perhaps, but I have heard much worse. You do realize I am the brother of Loki, yes? He has done many horrible things to me, yet I forgave him each time. Your words were painful, but I forgive you, especially with your apology.”

 

More tears fell down Steve’s cheeks. Thor was so calm and kind and he didn’t hate Steve. He forgave Steve. He was brushing the tears away like it was nothing.

 

“Don’t cry,” Thor whispered. “It brings me pain. Smile for me.”

 

Steve tried, but it was too hard.

 

“Come on. I know you can do it. Let me see that beautiful smile.”

 

Another failed attempt.

 

“I believe I must resort to drastic measures.”

 

Thor sat up and looked down at Steve. He sighed, hooking his legs over the side of the bed and putting his back to Steve. Almost instantly, he turned around and pounced Steve, moving his fingers down to Steve’s hips and tickling him. Steve shrieked and began laughing as Thor tickled him.

 

Fingers moved up to his neck and continued tickling him. Steve’s face was flushed from laughter. He hasn’t laughed this hard in a long time and Thor was relentless. The Norse God’s fingers moved quickly against his neck and sides.

 

“Okay! Okay, you win! I- haha! Thor! I’m smiling!” Steve laughed.

 

“Good,” Thor said, stilling his hands. “Your smile makes your entire face light up. It’s ad-”

 

“Steve?” a panicked voice yelled. Bucky broke into the room with anger and worry written on his face. “Steve, are you al-” His expression changed to one of shock and then to a smirk. “Nevermind.”

 

“Yeah, Buck,” Steve said. “I’m fine.”

 

“Just making sure. Heard you shrieking so I got worried.” Bucky leaned against the doorway. “I’ll leave you two alone now.”

 

Bucky shut the door behind him and left Thor and Steve alone in the bed. Steve was blushing and looked around the room while Thor looked annoyed.

 

“Perhaps we should get breakfast,” Thor said. He got off of Steve and headed towards his closet.

 

“That’s a good idea,” Steve agreed. He rolled out of bed and stretched. He looked towards Thor’s closet and saw the bags from their shopping trip yesterday. “You grabbed the bags?”

 

Thor looked back at him and smiled. “Yes. I couldn't leave them there. Someone would have stolen them and our day together would have been a waste. However, I believe we should have bought boxes to put the gifts in.”

 

“Yeah. And wrapping paper. Do you know how to wrap presents?” Thor shook his head. “Okay. I’ll teach you. We can get the stuff from a normal store like Target.”

 

So, after breakfast, Steve and Thor headed over to Target to buy the boxes and wrapping paper. They stood in the aisle and gazed at the various types of wrapping paper: red paper with reindeer, blue with snowflakes, green with “Merry Christmas!” written all over it, red with Christmas lights swirling around.

 

Thor decided to grab all of them since he couldn’t pick. Steve tried to convince him to just take two, but Thor didn’t listen. He bonked Steve on the head with one of the tubes when the shorter of the two wouldn’t stop asking him to put them back.

 

Steve’s eyes were wide. Thor hit him on the head with a tube of wrapping paper! What in the world? He took one of the tubes and hit Thor on the thigh.

 

Soon they were hitting each other with tubes of wrapping paper, both men carrying a tube in each hand.

 

“Hello? You can’t do that here,” a voice sighed.

 

Steve awkwardly turned his head to look at the annoyed Target employee. Thor still had a grin on his face. He didn’t look guilty at all.

 

“Sorry ma’am,” Steve said.

 

“Wait, aren’t you Captain America and Thor?”

 

Crap.

 

“No uh, we-”

 

“You may be superheroes, but the rules that apply to civilians also apply to you guys.” The employee walked away, leaving Steve with a blush on his face and Thor reeling in laughter.

 

“Thor! It’s not funny!”

 

“Yes it is,” Thor laughed. “Your cheeks are bright red. It’s funny.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Oh? You’re going to tell me what to do?” Thor stepped closer and looked down at Steve with a smirk. “You may be Captain America on the battlefield, but when you are with me I am the one in charge.”

 

Steve felt all of his blood rush south. Oh god. Wrong place. Wrong time. Thor was so close to him and he had this look in his eye that was different. “T-Thor. We, uh, need to get the boxes,” he stuttered.

 

Thor smiled at him and stepped back to let Steve move. They walked around the store in search of the boxes and found them towards the front of the store with more choices of wrapping paper. Steve had to swat Thor’s hands away from the wrapping paper numerous times.

 

They chose the boxes and gift bags to stuff their gifts in and went to wait in line. Little kids sat inside shopping carts while their mothers paid for their groceries. Babies were cradled in the arms of their parent or sat in the baby seat of the cart.

 

A small baby sat in the cart and looked up at Thor and Steve. Thor looked down at her and smiled. She giggled and reached out towards him. In return, Thor made a silly face, causing her to erupt in a fit of high pitched laughter.

 

Steve watched the interaction with a smile. Thor seemed to be so good at everything. Kids loved him, people loved him, even animals loved him. There was just something comforting about him.

 

The baby girl looked over to Steve and waved to him. Steve waved at her in return. They waved at each other until her mother had finished paying for everything and made her way out of the store.

 

When it was their turn to pay for their items, Steve and Thor were greeted by the employee they had annoyed earlier.

 

“Did you find everything you needed today?” she asked as she scanned their items.

 

“Yes ma’am,” Steve answered.

 

There was an awkward silence between them as she rang up their items and waited for Steve to pay. Thor looked at the items on the rack next to the register. Someone had left a baby shirt in the rack along with a pack of ramen

 

Steve took the boxes and Thor took the wrapping paper. They left the store with the awkwardness from the register still looming over them. It took a bit for the feeling to go away. At least the walk back to the tower was pleasant.

 

It would be best for them to head straight up into the living area rather than stopping at the living room to say hello to their friends. What they were up to had to be kept a secret until Christmas Day, which was in three days. The Christmas party was in two days. Steve dreaded the party, but it would be good for him to socialize.

 

Last time there had been a large party, Ultron came and crashed it, so the team wasn’t very comfortable with another party like that for a long time. Not until a year ago. When that party had gone well, the team decided that it was possible to have a large party without things going to shit.

 

The two got to the tower and went up to the rooms. Since Thor had all of the gifts in his room, they went there and began boxing and wrapping all of the presents. Steve took time to show Thor how to wrap a present and smiled when the first present the God had wrapped was well done with a tiny slip up.

 

“That’s actually pretty good,” Steve commented. “Now we just need to put a tag on it to indicate who the present is for.”

 

“This gift is for Barnes, yes?” Thor asked.

 

“Yeah, so do you want to make this from you or me?”

 

“We will do both since we went out together.”

 

Steve blushed and averted his gaze. “I-I mean. We could, I guess.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Well… I… Um. Nevermind. Yeah. We can do both of our names.”

 

Thor grabbed a pen from his desk and wrote “BARNES” and “STEVEN AND THOR” in the appropriate areas. His handwriting was neat. The complete opposite of what Steve expected. Thor put the tag in the right corner of the box and set the gift aside.

 

Steve took the box containing Natasha’s new boots and wrapped it. He handed it to Thor so he could place a gift tag on it. Then Thor wrapped one of Sam’s presents and handed it to Steve for a gift tag to be placed on it. That was their routine: one wraps and the other tags the gift, then switch.

 

Thor was having a bit of trouble with wrapping one of the last presents. He did not cut enough wrapping paper for the box. He pouted and frowned down at the box.

 

“You all right?” Steve asked.

 

“Yes,” Thor sighed. “I made a mistake and that is why I cannot wrap this.”

 

“Not enough paper?”

 

“No.”

 

“That’s okay. We can just cut more, and maybe this last present will be small enough for us to use this paper instead of wasting it. No worries.”

 

Steve cut a larger sheet of wrapping paper and wrapped the present that was meant for Clint. Thor took the remaining present and was pleased to see that the wrapping paper he had cut was more than enough. Both of them put tags on the wrapped gifts and set them aside.

 

In the bag were pull bows. Neither of them had grabbed them, so they guessed that the employee at the register had put it in there for them. Sweet of them.

 

Different colored pull bows sat on top of the gifts. They looked so pretty. Both men were proud of their work and laid back on the floor.

 

“What should we do now?” Steve asked.

 

“I am not sure. It is still daytime. We could join our friends in the living room. Or go on a walk.”

 

“I’d like that. Going on a walk, I mean. Where do you want to go?”

 

“Anywhere is fine with me. You know this land better than I. You pick.”

 

That choice was Central Park. The area that Steve wanted to go to would not be available until later towards nighttime. He and Thor walked around the park and admired the scenery. It may be winter, but the people were still out and about having fun.

 

They sat on a bench when they started to feel lazy. Birds were flying in the sky and headed south for the winter. Everyone around them wore large sweaters and heavy jackets to protect them from the harsh cold. It wasn’t snowing, but it would more than likely snow later.

 

Steve’s stomach rumbled. He hasn’t eaten in a few hours and he was sure Thor was starting to get hungry too. Definitely something warm. Nothing cold. Soup sounded really good. Or hot chocolate.

 

Dang it. The view from the bench was really nice and Steve had the urge to draw it. But he’d have to draw it with Thor next to him, and he wasn’t really sure if he’d be cool with Thor being able to see his art.

 

Then again, Thor was really sweet to him and never pressured him to do anything that he was uncomfortable with. And if he showed him one of his drawings, he’d get to hear a story that Thor wrote. A win-win situation.

 

More rumbling. Except it was louder this time. Steve didn’t want to go anywhere, but he was starving and in great need of something warm. He caught Thor smiling at him and blushed.

 

“Stop staring at me,” he mumbled.

 

“I apologize,” Thor chuckled. “I heard your stomach rumble and it was rather humorous. Stay here.”

 

Thor rose from his seat and made his way over to a nearby coffee shop. Was he just going to get Steve something random and hope it was good enough? Did the shop even sell anything besides the typical food selection that Steve saw at Starbucks?

 

_ At least he’s buying me something. Didn’t even have to _ , Steve thought. It made him smile and then frown. He was trying so hard to get over his crush on Thor and things like this and what happened in the store make it harder for him to do that.

 

Oh.

 

Steve felt his stomach drop.

 

From where he was sitting, he could see Thor talking to a woman and laughing with her. She was twirling her hair around her fingers and sticking her chest out to emphasize her breasts. The tight pants she wore made her thighs and bottom look a lot nicer than they probably were.

 

And Thor… He was just laughing and smiling down at her. His eyes crinkled in the corners the way they did whenever Steve said something funny and caused him to lean against something to keep him from falling.

 

There he was, talking- no,  _ flirting _ , - flirting with some woman while Steve was left to sit alone in the cold.

 

The snow on the ground wasn’t the only thing that felt cold at the moment.

 

-

 

They never did go to the area that Steve wanted to go to. When Thor had returned with the drinks, Steve was brooding over what he had seen between Thor and the woman. Thor noticed the change in Steve’s demeanor, but Steve told him it was the lack of sleep. Steve knew Thor didn’t buy it.

 

Walking back felt awkward. Neither of them was speaking. Steve knew it was wrong to feel jealous. Thor wasn’t even his boyfriend and here’s Steve, being jealous and childish over someone that doesn’t share the same feelings he does and never will.

 

Steve went straight up to his room when he got back to the tower. He locked the door and kicked off his shoes. It really wasn’t fair to Thor for Steve to be acting like this. Thor could do whatever he wanted. He didn’t need Steve’s permission to do anything.

 

Thor deserved to be happy. If that meant dating the woman he had met today and casting Steve aside like he’s nothing, he should go for it.

 

No. No, that’s...

 

What was wrong with him? He was being so selfish and a bad friend. A bad person, actually. That was not how Steve should be thinking. If Thor would be happy with her, then Steve should be happy for him.

 

Maybe some drawing would do him some good. Ideas came to mind but they were all of Thor. In the park, in battle, his hair styled into a messy bun. All of them Steve’s favorite memories of the God.

 

Soft knocking on his door kicked him out of his head for once. It was probably Bucky trying to get him down to the living room to eat. Food was a good idea; the hot chocolate Thor had gotten him did not do enough to satisfy his hunger.

 

Steve put his sketchbooks away and made his way to the door. A pajama-clad Thor greeted him with two boxes of pizza, some breadsticks, and soda.

 

“I thought you would be hungry still,” Thor explained. “May I come in?”

 

“Sure,” Steve answered.

 

Thor walked into Steve’s room and set the food down on the desk. “Would you like to eat on the couch or your bed?”

 

“Bed. More comfortable.”

 

Steve helped Thor move the food to the bed. The sodas and pizza boxes sat on his nightstand and a chair that Steve brought from his desk. They helped themselves to the food when they felt everything was good to go.

 

“Would you like to watch our show?” Thor asked.

 

Our show.

 

“Well,” Steve said, taking a bite out of his pizza. “We usually only watch that show when it’s late at night. Or… other things. I always end up falling asleep. It’s kind of like our nighttime show.”

 

“So I cannot stay here with you tonight?”

 

Steve blushed. His heart began racing. “I-I mean… You could. I don’t know why you’d want to.”

 

“Why not? Don’t Midgardians sleep in their friends’ homes for fun?”

 

“They do but-”

 

“What would be the difference?”

 

_ I really really like you, that’s the difference _ , Steve’s mind screamed. “Nothing, I guess. Sure. Feel free to stay here.”

 

“It would be my pleasure.”

 

Steve awkwardly smiled and rubbed at his arm. Spongebob began playing on the TV. The first episode for the night was, “The Secret Box”. Thor ate his pizza quickly while Steve took his time. It was unusual.

 

By the time the second episode played, Steve had barely finished one slice. He was starving, but he didn’t want to eat. Just the thought of food made him feel nauseous. Hopefully, Thor wouldn’t catch on.

 

Thor was really invested in the show. Squidward being the conductor of a marching band was so appealing to him for some reason, but it was cute.

 

Halfway through the episode, Thor had finished his box of pizza and set it on Steve’s desk. When he returned to the bed, he noticed that Steve had barely eaten anything.

 

“Steven? Are you unwell?” Thor asked, voice laced with concern.

 

“I’m okay,” Steve said.

 

“You have barely eaten.”

 

“Not too hungry.”

 

“Breakfast and a cup of hot chocolate are not enough for you.”

 

“I just don’t feel like eating right now, okay?”

 

Thor frowned at him. “FRIDAY, please pause the show for us.”

 

Steve sighed and set his plate on top of his box of pizza. “Thor, come on.”

 

“What is the matter? You have been upset since we were at the park.”

 

“Stuff on my mind. That’s it.”

 

“Such as?”

 

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

 

Thor sighed. He actually  _ glared  _ at Steve. “Do not do this. Please. I was hoping by now you would realize that you can tell me anything your heart desires.”

 

“Not everything needs to be solved by talking. I can get over this on my own.”

 

“Please, Steven. I only want to help you.”

 

Steve pursed his lips.

 

“If it is that much of a private matter to you, then I will not push you any further. However, unless you tell me, I cannot shut up or help you.”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“Okay.” Thor looked down at the bed and sighed. “Would you like for me to leave?”

 

“No.”

 

Silence.

 

Thor remained where he was. After a few more seconds of staring at the bed, he asked FRIDAY to continue playing Spongebob.

 

Now Steve felt nauseous for a different reason. Anxiety began settling in. It overwhelmed him. Every thought he had was about making Thor angry and losing him as a friend over him being so private with his thoughts.

 

Apparently, he had started shaking, because he suddenly had a blanket wrapped around him and a warm hand on his cheek.

 

“You are shaking like a frightened animal. Are you cold?”

 

Steve shook his head.

 

“Anxious?”

 

No answer.

 

“You do not have to do this alone, Steven. I am here to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on, should you need it.”

 

“I know.”

 

Thor gave him a sad look. He figured that Steve wouldn’t want to talk about it so he lifted him onto his lap. Steve’s legs laid across Thor’s thighs while his upper body was pressed against a warm, broad chest.

 

It was getting worse for some reason. Usually, he felt better whenever Thor held him close or took care of him like this. But this time it was making the anxiety worse. What was he supposed to do?

 

All Steve could really do was pay attention to the TV and hope that the anxiety would lessen. If he’s lucky, he’ll be able to get through this without causing any more problems.

 

Four episodes later and Steve was still shaking. The blanket made him feel protected, but at the same time, it felt as if it were trapping the anxiety with him.

 

The same stupid thoughts about the same stupid incident and the same stupid feelings about a stupid person kept running through his mind. He could always talk about it to Bucky, but he already knew what the man would say: “You know you’re wrong, right?” “Stevie, I hate to break it to ya, but you’re not Thor’s boyfriend.” “Why are you upset with someone that isn’t yours?”

 

Steve scowled at the TV. Of course it would be that way. Bucky knew everything. Well, not everything, but he sure as hell acted like he did. And most of the time he was right.

 

“If you keep scowling at the TV like that, I am certain you are going to scare it away,” Thor chuckled.

 

“Was that lady a friend of yours?” Steve blurted out.

 

Oh god.

 

“What lady?” Thor asked.

 

“At the park today. You went off somewhere and I saw you flirting with her while you left me alone on the bench.”

 

“Flirting?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Steven, I was not… She had walked up to me and began flirting, but all I did was politely reject her and laugh at something she said.”

 

“Can’t tell from being alone on a bench.”

 

“I apologize if I made you feel… Ah. I cannot find a word for it. But I know it is negative. I do not wish to make you feel that way.”

 

“‘s fine.”

 

“Is this what has been bothering you?”

 

No response.

 

“What can I do to make it up to you?”

 

“Nothin’. I’m just… overreacting. That’s it.”

 

“Overreacting about what?”

 

“Things.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Why did you reject her?”

 

Thor sighed. “I told her I was already interested in someone else.”

 

Steve’s stomach dropped. “Oh. Whoever it is is very lucky.”

 

“You are joking.”

 

“What?”

 

“Steven… Why don’t you tell me the feeling you had when you saw me speaking to that woman.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Tell me.”

 

Steve blushed and scowled at the floor. “Jealousy.”

 

“Because you like me.”

 

Oh no. Oh no oh no he knows. “Well, not because-”

 

“I hope you do or else this will be awkward.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

Thor laughed and shook his head. He removed the blanket from Steve’s body and moved him so he was sitting in Thor’s lap like a lover would during a private moment together.

 

Steve was certain his cheeks were beet red and flaming hot. “Thor-”

 

“Steven, I have liked you for quite some time. I had suspected that you also had feelings for me, but I did not want to pursue you for fear of our friendship being ruined. I wanted you to make the first move.”

 

None of this was real. This could not be real. He was hallucinating. Or dreaming. Thor was straight. He liked women, and Steve was  _ definitely  _ not a woman.

 

“I, uh. I don’t know what to say,” Steve said.

 

“Have you really been so oblivious to my flirting? I felt I made it obvious.”

 

“I thought it was you being friendly.”

 

“Oh, Steven. You are too cute for your own good. So naïve.”

 

“Be quiet.” Steve hid his face in the crook of Thor’s neck. “Am not.”

 

“Steven, you are possibly the most naïve man I have ever met. I find it charming.” Thor pulled Steve away from his neck and cradled his head. “I would love to kiss you.”

 

“I-I haven’t really, uh. Kissed. Only three times but. You know. That’s all I’ve ever done.”

 

“Does this mean I will be the one to ruin you?”

 

Jesus Christ. “Y-Yes. Please.”

 

“Lovely.” Thor smiled up at Steve and caressed the side of his head. “May I kiss you?”

 

Steve nodded and felt his face being lowered down to meet Thor’s. Soft lips met soft lips, and it was possibly the sweetest kiss to ever happen. Definitely the sweetest kiss Steve’s ever had.

 

Thor was so gentle. He didn’t use tongue or grope Steve in certain areas. He held the sides of Steve’s face and rubbed his cheeks with his thumbs as they kissed. The kiss warmed his chest and gave him butterflies in his stomach.

 

When the kiss was over, Steve kept his arms wrapped around Thor’s neck and smiled at him. Something good was finally happening. His feelings were returned and he could be gross and sappy with Thor whenever he wanted.

 

“Was that good for you?” Steve asked.

 

“Darling, that was the most beautiful kiss I have ever had,” Thor smiled. “You are wonderful.”

 

“So are we… dating?”

 

“I would hope so. Of course, I could formally ask you if you’d prefer.”

 

“I’d like to hear you ask.”

 

Thor placed his hands on Steve’s waist and grinned. “Steven, would you like to be my boyfriend?”

 

“Yes, Thor. I would love to be your boyfriend.” Steve kissed Thor on the cheek.

 

“Thank goodness. Now, since we have discussed what has been bothering you, do you think you could eat?”

 

“Maybe. If not, I’ll save it.”

 

Steve got off Thor’s lap and grabbed his plate of pizza. It was easier to eat and watch the show now that he didn’t have anxiety overwhelming him. He sat between Thor’s legs as he ate and watched Spongebob and Patrick freak out over a few bad words that were on a dumpster.

 

More pizza filled Steve’s belly along with breadsticks and a little bit of soda, and eventually, Steve felt himself getting sleepy. It was a little early. About eight o’clock at night. Maybe he and Thor could just lay together before sleep came for them.

 

“Would you like to lay down for the night, sweetheart?” Thor asked.

 

“Don’ wanna sleep yet,” Steve slurred.

 

“Your speech says otherwise.”

 

“Can sleep later. But I will lay down with you.”

 

Thor got up from the bed to put all of the food on Steve’s desk. He took his shirt off and threw it onto the couch before making his way back into the bed with Steve. He waited for Steve to get under the covers before joining him.

 

“You know,” Steve yawned, “Thought it was kinda funny how you said boyfriend instead of something formal.”

 

“I am trying to get used to Midgard’s culture,” Thor chuckled. “Apparently that is how you choose to court each other.”

 

“Was cute. Thank you.” Steve pressed himself against Thor’s chest and immediately fell asleep.

 

Thor turned the TV off and wrapped an arm around Steve. For someone who could “sleep later”, he fell asleep fairly quickly. He smiled to himself and kissed Steve on the forehead before closing his eyes.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was squealing and making ugly horse noises throughout this whole chapter. I can't control myself. I love them. while i was writing this i was like "finally" because  
> you know  
> finally   
> thank you for reading!! all kudos and comments keep me going and i really do appreciate them dearly!!  
> please take care of yourselves! a reminder to drink water, use the restroom, take meds, feed yourselves and/or your pet(s), and stretch!  
> much love :D <3


	9. It's a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who would have thought that an egg would make a good gift?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was struggling to write this because my best friend introduced me to True Blood and I was very distracted lol.  
> I have a sort-of announcement?? I'm not sure lol but I'm planning on writing another story (two more, actually). I just need to write some chapters for them before I consider posting them.  
> One will be a modern AU while the other will be a medieval/fantasy AU. No powers or anything but kind of like... I want to say it's kind of dark but not really? I can't describe it.  
> All right that's all I have to say. Unbeta'd chapter as usual :X  
> Enjoy!! :D  
> Edit: I FORGOT TO PUT A WARNING FOR SOME HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE IM SORRY I WAS SO TIRED WHEN I POSTED THIS!!!

“Well would you look at that,” a voice chuckled.

 

Steve stirred at the sound of a new voice. It definitely wasn’t Thor. The voice was too light to be his. He opened his eyes and saw Bucky standing over him with his arms crossed.

 

“I take it you had a good night?” Bucky teased.

 

“Buck…” Steve groaned. “Don’t start. Too early.”

 

“I’m not doin’ anything. Just saying you probably had a good night.”

 

“Okay. Cool. Get out.”

 

“Cranky. All right. I’ll see you later.”

 

Bucky left Steve’s room. Not without making kissing noises and lewd gestures with his hands, though. Steve blushed and replied to the hand gestures with one of his own. Bucky laughed and shut the door behind him.

 

Steve frowned at the door and lay back down. He tried to move a bit forward but Thor pulled him closer to his body. The warmth was nice. Thor’s chest was comfortable to lay back on, but there was something poking Steve in the ass that kind of bothered him.

 

Realization hit him like a train.

 

He moved forward again, only to be pulled back tighter against Thor’s body. Steve’s cheeks were flushed. He tried moving, but he couldn’t even move his arm without Thor growling and moving his body on top of Steve’s.

 

“If you keep doing that, I will have to pin you to the bed and keep you here with me,” Thor purred.

 

“I need to pee,” Steve whined.

 

“But I want to hold you.”

 

“After I pee I promise you can hold me for as long as you want.”

 

“Fine.” Thor let go of Steve and laid on his stomach.

 

“Hope that’s comfortable for you.” Steve chuckled to himself and went to the bathroom. He pissed and washed his face. Brushing his teeth seemed like a good idea. Talking to Thor with morning breath would be gross.

 

Steve brushed his teeth and wiped his face before heading back to his bed. He laughed when he saw Thor had already fallen asleep again. If he wakes him up by getting back into bed, that’s Thor’s problem.

 

The bed dipped with Steve’s added weight. He pulled up the blanket to lay down, but Thor grabbed him and pulled him onto his body. His head laid on Thor’s chest.

 

“I would like to stay here with you for the day and keep you for myself,” Thor yawned.

 

“We can’t do that,” Steve laughed.

 

“Why not? There is nothing for us to do today.”

 

“You’ve got a point there. But what about food?”

 

“We could have Barnes bring it up to us. Or Stark.”

 

Steve hummed in agreement and closed his eyes. Nothing important needed to be done. They had wrapped all of the gifts and they’re setting the party up tomorrow. What was left to do?

 

Warm hands rubbed up and down Steve’s back. Warmth surrounded the two men as they lay under the blankets with their bodies together. If only they could lay like this forever.

 

“I need to use the bathroom,” Thor said.

 

“But I just got here,” Steve whined.

 

“I will go quickly.”

 

Thor lifted Steve from him and went to use the bathroom. Steve took a blanket and curled up into a ball. His body was covered by the blanket but his hair stuck out at the top. It wasn’t as warm as it usually was. Thor was why everything was so warm most of the time.

 

Strong hands lifted him up. Steve felt Thor put him on his lap and hold him close.

 

“You are too cute,” Thor chuckled, moving the blanket to expose Steve’s face. He placed a kiss on Steve’s forehead and smiled down at him.

 

“Thank you,” Steve blushed. “You are too.”

 

“I love when you blush. Please do it more.”

 

“Now that you’ve said it, I’m never doing it again.”

 

“Oh? What makes you think that?” Thor began to pepper kisses all over Steve’s face. “This is my favorite part of you.” He softly kissed Steve’s lips.

 

“Thor… Come on.” Steve giggled and pulled away from Thor.

 

“I believe I just remembered that I do have something important to do today. I must cherish and cuddle you all day.”

 

-

 

After a couple hours of cuddling and kissing, Thor and Steve decided to go down to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. Steve had been able to convince him to go down to the kitchen for food because Bucky would  _ definitely  _ throw a fit over being asked to bring food up to them.

 

Natasha sat on the loveseat in the living room. She was pretending to read a magazine while a show played on the TV. Bucky sat next to her with a bowl of fruit. The bowl sat in his lap as he ran one hand through Natasha’s hair and the other grabbed slices of apple and grapes.

 

Steve went to the couch and sat in his spot while Thor made some waffles for the two of them. Two pairs of eyes watched him as he watched the man in the show cut the face off of a CPR doll and wear it as a mask.

 

“Can I help you?” Steve asked.

 

“Nope. We’re just fine,” Bucky answered, a smirk making its way onto his face.

 

“Doesn’t seem like it if you’re staring at me like that.”

 

Bucky shrugged and turned his gaze back to the TV. Steve made a face at him and continued watching the show. The smell of waffles began filling his nostrils. He turned and saw Thor making his way over with two plates in his hands.

 

“Here, darling,” Thor said, handing Steve a plate. “Covered in chocolate syrup because you have an incredible sweet tooth.”

 

Bucky grabbed a piece of fruit and fed it to Natasha. “Here, darling,” he said, doing a poor attempt of Thor’s voice. “Covered in nothing because you’re not weird.”

 

Thor smiled at Bucky. “Keep doing that and that bowl of fruit will be shoved up your-”

 

“Thor!” Steve scolded.

 

“Damn.” Bucky chuckled. “Protective.”

 

“Kinda deserved it,” Natasha commented.

 

“Nice to see you defending me. Appreciate it.”

 

Steve ate his waffles while Thor held him against his chest. Both of them were confused about the show playing on the TV. Bucky and Natasha seemed to understand it, but neither of the blonds wanted to ask them to explain it to them. They’ll figure it out somehow.

 

It was a humorous show. Steve found himself getting into it. However, it wasn’t nearly as good as Spongebob. He guessed that this show was their own Spongebob.

 

Thor took Steve’s plate when he was finished and washed it for him. When he came back, he lay against one of the arms of the couch and pulled Steve back with him so that Steve’s back was flush against Thor’s chest.

 

So many months of crushing and crying to Bucky and Sam about his feelings for Thor led up to this moment. Steve felt safe in those strong arms. Even when they hugged as friends, Steve felt safe and protected. Now he was able to feel like this forever. Or until Thor decides to leave him for being messed up.

 

Negative thoughts were not what he needed right now. At all, really, but especially not now. Not when he’s with Thor and Bucky and Natasha. Those thoughts could be for nighttime or when he was in the shower, away from the world and alone with his mind.

 

“Steven?” Thor asked, breaking Steve out of his thoughts. “Are you well?”

 

“Huh?” Steve blinked. “Oh. Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

 

“Barnes asked if you had any plans for today.”

 

“Not really. Just spend the day however I want, I guess.”

 

“Well, Tony was wondering if we wanted to go out to see a movie. Like, the team.”

 

“That would be nice. What movie?”

 

“Not sure yet. He said we’d pick either along the way or when we’re at the theater.”

 

Steve nodded, getting up to go to the elevator. He turned back and saw Thor sitting on the couch with a pout on his face.

 

“Come on, Thor,” Steve sighed. He laughed when Thor literally hopped up and walked into the elevator with him. “Like a little kid.”

 

-

 

Everyone was wearing their own type of disguise, but some were poorly done. Clint’s, especially; sunglasses and a hat. On a cloudy day.  _ In winter _ . Leave it to him to be lazy about keeping his identity private.

 

Steve wore a light gray turtleneck sweater with tight black jeans and black high-top sneakers. Thor wore a sky blue long-sleeved shirt with gray jeans and white converse sneakers. They were opposites. Natasha made a comment saying Thor looked like the happy jock and Steve was the sad emo boyfriend. Thor laughed while Steve frowned at her.

 

They had all decided to watch a comedy. Action was something they saw pretty much all the time and it was getting kind of tiring. Half of the group went to find seats while the other half bought snacks and drinks.

 

Whenever they went did things like this, like going to the movies or out to dinner, Steve sat between Sam and Bucky and Thor next to Bruce and Natasha. It was almost like school, where everyone picked their seat for the semester or year and that was the seat for the year. No one could take it.

 

Except now Thor and Steve were dating, so who was going to move? Bucky, Sam, Bruce, or Natasha? Did Thor even want to sit with him? Did he want to keep their relationship private?

 

That last question was answered almost immediately when Thor reached down to grab his hand and lace their fingers together. His other hand carried a drink and some boxes of candy. Steve carried a bag of popcorn and a box of CRUNCH Bites.

 

When they entered the theater, they went to the top and began taking their seats. Thor had been waiting for everyone to go in front of him to take his usual seat, but Bucky had taken his spot.

 

“You and Steve sit together,” Bucky said. “You usually sit next to Natasha, anyway. Win-win.”

 

Dear god. The way Thor’s face lit up like pure sunshine was absolutely precious. He eagerly took his seat next to Steve and put the drink in the slot. The boxes of candy he had were for him and Steve to share.

 

Sam looked up and raised an eyebrow when he saw Thor in Bucky’s seat. When he saw the linked hands, he smirked and nodded at Steve. “Nice,” he whispered. “When’d this happen?”

 

“Last night,” Steve whispered.

 

“Happy for you, man. Now I don’t gotta listen to you whine about him anymore.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Sam playfully punched him in the arm and turned his attention to his bag of popcorn. It was nice to see Sam being supportive. It wasn’t that Steve thought Sam would be negative about it, just that the support was nice, especially from one of his best friends.

 

Steve looked down to see Thor offering him a box of candy. He took it and began eating small handfuls of m&m’s. When it was halfway done, he gave it back to Thor. Their bag of popcorn was quickly depleting. Leave it to them to forget that they eat more than normal people do.

 

The movie was halfway through and everyone seemed to be having a good time. There were some references that Thor and Steve didn’t understand, but they could just ask someone to explain them after the movie.

 

Tony needed to get up to use the bathroom, and that required walked through the tiny space between everyone’s legs and the chairs in front of them. With Thor and Steve, though, it was nearly impossible. When he saw Thor and Steve sitting together instead of Bucky and Steve, he furrowed his brows. He quickly realized what was going on and smirked at them.

 

The smirk on his face quickly disappeared when he realized he had to get by both Thor and Steve  _ at the same time _ . He gave them both a look and began to make his way back to his seat.

 

Steve took pity on him and lifted his legs to his chest the best he could. Thor could only tuck his legs under his chair as much as he possibly could. Tony squeezed through and left to use the bathroom.

 

They had to repeat their actions when Tony came back. Next time, Steve would ask Tony if he and Thor could sit at the end instead. They wouldn’t have to go through this every time.

 

The movie ended and everyone began scrambling out of the theater. Whoever got out first waited for the rest of the group outside. When they were all out, they talked about what to do next.

 

Since they were at an outside mall, they figured they could walk around and go to some stores. Rhodey, Bruce, and Sam wanted to go back to the tower. Tony complained, saying that they all needed to spend more time together as a group of friends rather than a team of fighters.

 

He had a point. Most of the times they had all been together, it was because of danger. Rarely did they ever spend time together as friends. After the situation in Siberia, everything was extremely tense for months and no one really spent time with each other. Tony had barely spoken to Steve while completely ignoring Bucky.

 

Thankfully they had gotten through that rough time with the help of Thor and Bruce, who were absent throughout the whole thing. They had been the voice of reasoning for both sides. It took a few months (actually, almost a year), but their friendship had gotten back on track and Tony slowly accepted the fact that Bucky was just as good a guy as Steve said he was.

 

Now, Tony and Bucky were friends. They spoke to each other normally, but sometimes there was a bit of tension that required Steve to get involved in the conversation and loosen them up.

 

Something ran through Steve’s mind, but it left as quickly as it came. Maybe it’d come back to him when he’s in bed or something. Must not have been that important.

 

“What would you like to do, Steven?” Thor asked.

 

“Um. I don’t know,” Steve answered. “We could walk around if you want.”

 

“That would be nice. Everyone else is going to do their own thing.”

 

“Wait, what?” Steve looked around to see that everyone had walked off. “Where did they go?”

 

“While you were lost in your thoughts, they had all decided to go back to the tower, go to a restaurant, or something else.”

 

“Oh. Okay. Let’s just walk around, then.”

 

“May I hold your hand?”

 

Steve blushed and smiled. “Sure.”

 

Thor took Steve’s hand and laced their fingers together. The warmth from his hand warmed Steve’s up almost immediately. Nice to know that his boyfriend was a living furnace.

 

Some of the stores they had seen looked interesting, but not interesting enough for Steve to want to walk in. Thor seemed fine with just walking around and admiring whatever he saw, so Steve didn’t worry about making Thor bored.

 

Steve was about to call it quits when he saw a store filled with colorful clothing, sketchbooks, bags, and other items. He pulled on Thor’s arm and led him in.

 

The merchandise was interesting, but not really his style. The sketchbooks were nice, though. Maybe he could buy one for himself after Christmas. He used both of his hands to flip through the pages of the sketchbooks to check out the quality of the paper.

 

Yeah. He’d have to buy it after Christmas. There’s no way he’d be able to buy this for himself right now. The price and the fact that he’d be buying something for himself rather than someone else for Christmas were the biggest factors.

 

With a sigh, Steve set the sketchbook down and turned to look for Thor. He caught him at the cash register, taking the bag from the cashier and saying goodbye with a smile.

 

“What did you buy?” Steve asked as he and Thor made their way out of the store.

 

“This… I am unsure of what it is,” Thor admitted. “I thought it was cute. Look at his little arse. The tag says he is… Gudetama. I do not know if that is his name or what, but perhaps I can find more on the internet to purchase.”

 

Thor pulled the plush toy out of his bag and held it up to Steve’s face. It looked like an egg yolk wearing a chef hat and holding a spatula while laying on the egg white. It even had a detailed ass.

 

“This is actually pretty funny,” Steve chuckled.

 

“I’m glad you like it. I bought it for you, actually.”

 

“Really?” Steve smiled and took the egg plush. “Thank you. It’s really cute.” He got on his toes to give Thor a kiss on the cheek.

 

“Where will you put him?”

 

“On my nightstand. Or my desk. Maybe I’ll draw him.”

 

“I would love to see that.”

 

They held hands and walked around a bit more before deciding to head back to the tower for the night. The sun was beginning to set, and with the way the light was shining, it beautifully lit up Steve’s eyes and set them ablaze.

 

“Your eyes look beautiful,” Thor commented.

 

“Oh,” Steve smiled. “Thank you. It’s kind of hard to see with the light shining in my eyes like this, though.”

 

Thor cupped Steve’s cheeks and leaned in until their noses were touching. “May I kiss you?”

 

“Yes, of course.” Steve closed his eyes as Thor softly pressed his lips against his own.

 

It was sweet, just like the one from last night. Thor was so gentle and loving with how he moved his lips. His hands moved down to Steve’s waist and gently but firmly held him. Steve wrapped his arms around Thor’s neck and smiled into the kiss.

 

“Could you guys do that somewhere private?” a raspy voice grunted.

 

Steve turned to look at the source of the voice with wide eyes. It was a small old lady, who was standing with her hands on her hips.

 

“Sorry, ma’am,” Steve started, “We figured since it was empty we’d just-”

 

“Just spread your nasty propaganda around? We don’t need to see this out in public.”

 

“Ma’am, with all due respect-”

 

“I don’t give a damn about your respect, especially a fag’s.”

 

Hurt flashed across Steve’s face. He started to make his way past the woman but Thor stopped him.

 

“Miss,” Thor began, voice low and angry, “Every time I am out, I see men and women kissing more intensely than we were, and sometimes I see them grinding on each other like animals in heat. Yet no one says a thing to them. But when two men or women kiss, it is as if Hel has taken over.

 

“I do not appreciate you speaking to us this way, but I especially do not appreciate you making my boyfriend upset. You may have these opinions, and you may speak them, as it is your right to do so. However, do not expect everyone to agree with you, and do not expect to be free of consequences.”

 

“I ain’t gon’ listen to no fairy.”

 

“You do not have to listen to me. But do be aware that at some point, someone will tire of your ignorance. And someone will put an end to it.” Thor smiled at her, took Steve’s hand, and walked away.

 

“Thanks, Thor,” Steve quietly spoke. “I appreciate it.”

 

“Anything for you,” Thor said, kissing Steve on the cheek. “I do not like seeing you upset. I apologize that our first date did not end so well.”

 

“That was a date?”

 

“I thought maybe the second half of it was. When it was just us.”

 

“Oh. Okay. That’s fine with me. I really enjoyed it. Except for, ya know.”

 

“Perhaps we could end this date on a better note.”

 

“What are you thinking?”

 

“We could get hot chocolate and watch a movie. Unless, of course, you fall asleep again.”

 

Steve glared at him. “I won’t fall asleep this time. I promise. Not until ten. Any time after that, I’m out.”

 

“Fine by me.”

 

They got into their car and drove to Starbucks to get their large cups of hot chocolate. The employee working the drive-thru freaked out when she recognized them. Steve awkwardly signed a cup for her and passed it to Thor, who signed it with a smile and put a smiley face next to his name.

 

It was starting to snow by the time they got back to the tower. Snowflakes melted on their clothes and under the shoes, making things a little slippery. Thor had slipped and barely kept himself upright by holding onto a table. The couple shared a laugh and went up the elevator to their rooms for the night.

 

-

 

The next day came too quickly for Steve’s liking. He didn’t really feel like setting up for a party, but Thor had threatened him with tickles if he didn’t help.

 

So that’s why he’s setting up Christmas wreaths in the large party room that Tony used for every party he threw instead of working out in the gym or walking around with Thor, who was busy decorating the large Christmas tree Tony had put in this morning. The Christmas lights were a mix of white and rainbow. One row had white lights that didn’t blink and the one after had colored lights that blinked or remained lighted.

 

Steve grabbed the last wreath and placed it on the wall, putting his hands on his hips to admire his work. It didn’t look half bad. All that was left to do was to decorate the tree.

 

Almost everyone had done their part in setting up the party. Tony, Sam, Bucky, Steve, and Thor were the only ones left, all of them decorating the tree and hanging Christmas lights on the walls.

 

It kind of felt like Christmas time as a kid, except instead of real Christmas lights, Steve hung drawings of Christmas lights on the walls. Instead of a large Christmas tree like the one he was currently decorating, he had a small one that his ma had bought for him.

 

If only she could see and experience this moment with him.

 

Ornaments of little snowmen, elves, colored orbs, and pictures of the team adorned the tree. All that was left was the star, and all of the men were too short to reach the top but themselves.

 

Like the brilliant genius he was, Tony suggested that Thor lift Steve up so that Steve could put the star on the tree. Steve turned red from embarrassment and began to scold tony but was soon cut off by his mean, giant boyfriend who lifted him up by the hips and held him up high.

 

“Here,” Sam grinned. “The star.”

 

Steve took the star and scowled at Tony. The star was not a normal star, but a red, white, and blue one to poke fun at Steve. He put the star on and connected the wires so it would light up.

 

“Looks great,” Tony commented. “Thanks for the help guys. Especially you, Thor. Without you, we wouldn’t have been able to add the finishing touch.”

 

“You have a ladder, Tony,” Steve said. “You could have done it yourself.”

 

“Maybe, but I would have had to go get it, set it up, climb it, put the star there-”

 

“I get it. You’re lazy. Thor, can you put me down now?”

 

Thor gently set Steve on the ground and kissed him on the cheek. Steve awkwardly smiled and made his way to the giant couch. Everyone followed him.

 

“Is it weird knowing there’s someone bigger than you?” Sam asked as he took a seat across from Steve. “You were the tallest one here before Mr. God of Thunder showed up. He has to bend down to kiss you.”

 

“It’s nice, I guess,” Steve answered. “I mean, I don’t have any complaints.”

 

“I know you two have only been dating for two days, but this is kind of a general question.”

 

“Shoot.”

 

“Is he good?”

 

Steve furrowed his eyebrows. “Good?”

 

“You know,” Tony said, waggling his eyebrows.

 

“Hey!” Steve blushed and covered his face with one hand. “No! I mean, I don’t know! We haven’t- Shut up. That’s none of your business.”

 

“As your friends, we have the right to ask.”

 

“As your friend, I have the right to tell you to mind your own business.”

 

Sam laughed and shook his head. “I’m just teasin’ ya, man.”

 

Bucky leaned back in his seat and smiled at Thor. “So, Thor,” he said. “Mind tellin’ me why you’re stealing my best friend away from me?”

 

“I am doing no such thing,” Thor chuckled.

 

“Yeah you are,” Sam sighed, shaking his head. “Steve hates us now. Never wants to spend time with us because you’re together now. Even before this, he would ditch us for you. We’re chopped liver.”

 

“Not true!” Steve pouted.

 

“They are only teasing, darling,”  Thor laughed, kissing Steve’s temple. “They understand.”

 

Tony watched the couple with a small smile. “You know, you guys are pretty cute together,” he said. “I’m hoping that this won’t interfere with Avengers stuff, though. Like if you two break up or something.”

 

“I doubt we will,” Thor said. “But I assure you our relationship will not ruin anything.”

 

“Good. ‘Cause we kind of need you both to help out with whatever freakshow we encounter.”

 

Steve nodded and leaned against Thor. He listened as his friends and boyfriend talked about relationships. Bucky talked about his relationship with Natasha and how he had a nice idea planned for their one and a half years anniversary. Tony had plans for a date after Christmas for him and Rhodey while Sam planned to ask out a girl he had met while working at the VA.

 

It was nice to know that his friends were settling down (or trying to) with someone. Steve was kind of hoping that Bucky would propose to Natasha at some point. Since they started dating, Steve noticed that Bucky had softened and gotten better with his emotions. His PTSD attacks were getting better with the help of therapy and Natasha.

 

And if they didn’t get married, or worse, broke up, Steve would be sure to kick Bucky’s ass for an hour. They were so good for each other in so many ways. Sure, they’ve had a few arguments here and there, but not once have they ever fought. Not once have they ever raised their voices at each other in a non-playful way. It’s always an argument that ends maturely and leaves both of them happy.

 

Hopefully, he and Thor could have that. Even after everything that happened when they went shopping and Steve’s panic attacks and nightmares, Thor stuck by him. As a friend. As a shoulder to cry on. As a teammate.

 

If they were ever to break up, Steve hoped that he and Thor could remain friends or at least acquaintances. Losing someone that has been such a great help to him would ruin him. That was how he felt when he had lost Bucky back then.

 

No. He won’t lose Thor. They’re a good match. Thinking this way will probably end up in a self-fulfilling prophecy. If he has worries, he can discuss them with Thor when they’re alone.

 

Steve grabbed Thor’s hand and laced their fingers together. He had nothing to worry about. As long as he kept himself planted in reality instead of his fears, it would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the seating order is tony, rhodey, sam, steve, thor, natasha, bucky, bruce, and clint. bucky switched spots because he's a swell guy and i love him  
> thank you so much for reading!! i'm doing my best to write chapters as quickly as possible without having someone up my ass for something (((: (in my personal life, not here. y'all are very sweet)  
> please take care of yourselves during this weather!! it's so nasty down here and we had to put two fans on my rabbit so he doesn't suffer. drink water, use the bathroom, take meds, eat, stretch!! take care pls!  
> much love to you all :D <3


	10. Parties and Board Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Board games are way better than parties.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to update as fast as possible!! I'm working on two other projects while trying to do adult things and it is so tiring. I just want to nap.  
> Thank you for kudos and comments!! They make my day and are greatly appreciated.  
> Hope you enjoy this!! :D

Soft music played on the speakers as the team waited for the guests to arrive. The attire for the party was formal-casual, so everyone was sitting around in the party room in nice button-ups and dresses.

 

People would probably start showing up in the next few minutes. Steve wasn’t very keen on the idea of the party. It wasn’t his scene, but he was doing this for Tony. And if he didn’t show up, he knows Bucky and Sam would probably drag him down to the party themselves.

 

Steve sat on the couch with Thor. A warm hand rubbed small, soothing circles on his lower back to calm his anxiety. It was nice dating someone who could sense his uneasiness without him having to say a single word.

 

“If you feel that the party is too overwhelming for you at some point, let me know,” Thor whispered. “We can go up to the rooms or go out for a walk to calm you down if it gets worse.”

 

“Thanks,” Steve mumbled. “I think I’ll be okay. But I’ll let you know if I think I can’t handle it anymore.”

 

Thor kissed Steve on the top of his head and held his hand. He brought up the topic of art and listened to Steve talk about his favorite artists. It seemed to relieve some anxiety, judging by the way Steve’s shoulders slowly became squared rather than hunched.

 

Their conversation had lasted for so long that Steve had barely noticed the number of people that arrived. The soft music that had been playing on the speakers had changed to EDM. Steve and Thor gave each other a look about the choice in music. They have been on Earth together for a few years, but they were still getting accustomed to certain things, such as music.

 

Music has definitely changed since Steve came out of the ice. It wasn’t bad, but… It could be better. That’s how he felt. He guessed Thor didn’t care much, but he’d ask about it once they were alone.

 

People began to arrive quickly, and soon enough, the room was filled with people dancing and chatting amongst one another. Steve remained seated on the couch with Thor, talking about his experiences with parties before the Avengers.

 

As they spoke, Clint made his way over to the two blonds and clapped a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “What are you doin’ on the couch?” he asked. “Come on, go talk to people! Can’t sit around all night with Thor. I’m sure he’d like to meet some lovely ladies, huh?”

 

Steve was yanked up and led to the large crowd by his insistent friend. He turned around and gave Thor a worried look, receiving an annoyed one in return. Oops. Apparently, Thor did not agree with Clint stealing Steve from him or encouraging him to meet a woman here.

 

In his defense, Clint didn’t know Steve and Thor were dating. He hasn’t paid attention or seen the way they held each other on the couch or held hands. Being kept up in his room prevented him from seeing much of anything. It was for a good reason, though. Clint goes to the farm every now and then to see his wife and children, but he stayed in the tower with everyone else just in case.

 

It seemed that Clint was leading him to a group of people that were chatting while drinking while a few danced with or on each other. Steve did not want to be a part of that group, especially with the risk of someone dancing- well, grinding would be a better word - on him.

 

“Clint, I can’t do this. I’m d-”

 

“Sure ya can!” Clint encouraged. “Some ladies here would love to be with Captain America! Now go!”

 

Clint gently pushed Steve towards the group and walked away, leaving Steve to stand awkwardly with dozens of eyes on him. A petite brunette walked up to him and grabbed his hand.

 

“Let’s dance, Captain,” she purred.

 

“Oh, um, I can’t-”

 

“Dance? That’s okay. I’ll do all the dancing,” the woman smirked, cutting Steve off.

 

“No, I mean I can’t because I’m with someone.”

 

“She doesn’t have to know.”

 

“Ma’am, I really can’t.”

 

The woman ignored Steve’s rejection and pressed against him anyway. She began to dance and move her body to the beat, refusing to move even when Steve put his hands on her shoulders.

 

“Miss, I believe he does not want to dance,” a deep voice said.

 

Both the woman and Steve looked up to see Thor smiling down at her. It was fake, but it was to mask his anger. Steve swallowed and gently pushed the woman off him.

 

“Oh? Would you like to dance then?” she asked, putting her hands on Thor’s shoulders.

 

“No thank you. I am here with a date.”

 

“Whatever. Come on, Cap. Let’s dance.”

 

“I do not think that will be happening.” Thor grabbed Steve’s wrist and began to lead him away from the woman.

 

Steve allowed Thor to drag him to an area that had few people. Most of the guests were dancing and drinking together on the dance floor.

 

They went to a corner of the room and sat on a small couch. Steve awkwardly rubbed his arm and looked down at the floor. He wasn’t sure if he was in trouble with Thor or not. He was hoping he wouldn’t get dumped for this.

 

“Darling,” Thor sighed. “I am not angry with you. I am angry with that woman for not leaving you alone. I could see you were uncomfortable and when she started dancing on you, I had to step in. My apologies.”

 

Steve gave Thor a small smile. “It’s okay. I’m glad you did something.”

 

“Did I take it too far?”

 

“No, but I know that lady is probably really mad.”

 

“That is her problem to deal with. I do not care what she feels.” Thor kissed Steve on his temple. “Do you still want to stay here?”

 

“Sure. Just… Not on the dance floor. Maybe we could stay here. Or play some pool.”

 

“Pool? You will have to show me how to play this.”

 

-

 

Thor was a fast learner. There were a couple times where he messed up, but he caught on fairly quickly and soon he was proving to be a good challenge for Steve.

 

It had been a few months, almost a year, since Steve has played pool. He was at a bar with Sam and Bucky and they played for a while before Sam got annoyed and gave up. Ah, the good ol’ days.

 

Steve and Thor both had one ball left besides the eight ball. It was tense, and they were determined to make the other lose.

 

It was Steve’s turn to shoot. He positioned himself and began to aim when he felt a warm chest press against his back.

 

“You look absolutely gorgeous tonight,” Thor purred in his ear. “I would ravish you all night if I could.”

 

Steve blushed and accidentally shot the cue ball into a pocket. He turned around and glared at Thor with an intense red on his cheeks. “That’s not fair!”

 

“Sorry, sweetheart. I do what I must.” Thor smiled at him and pulled the cue ball out of the pocket.

 

Steve sulked as Thor shot the eight ball into the pocket and won the game. Of course Thor would play dirty. His first time playing pool and he decides to use unfair tactics to gain a victory. And he was proud of it, too.

 

“It’s okay, Steven. Not everyone is good at pool,” Thor teased.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve mumbled. “Had to cheat to beat me ‘cause you knew you were going to lose.”

 

“What was that?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Thor lifted Steve onto the pool table and leaned in. “Repeat what you said, sweetheart.”

 

“Said you had to cheat because you knew you were going to lose.”

 

“Perhaps. Or because I love seeing the red in your cheeks and how shy you get.”

 

“Not true.”

 

Steve looked around to see if anyone was looking at him and Thor. He doubted anyone would care, but he didn’t want his relationship with Thor to go public just yet. Well, he didn’t want pictures of them in the newspaper or on those stupid gossip websites. Who knows what kind of stupid headlines would come out of it?

 

Thor seemed to sense his change in mood and backed away. “We could go to your room, sweetheart,” he said. “We’ve been here for quite a while.”

 

“That doesn’t seem like a bad idea,” Steve admitted. “I just don’t want to disappoint Tony.”

 

“I doubt he will mind. Here, go up to your room. I will bring us some food and drinks for us to share.”

 

Steve nodded and hopped off the pool table. He politely pushed his way to the elevator and managed to go up to the rooms by himself. If he was going to spend time with Thor, he’d have to do it in Thor’s room, because Steve had some drawings left in the open that he didn’t want to put away yet.

 

He went to his room, changed into a pair of pajama pants, and went to Thor’s room. It wasn’t too cold for him to wear a shirt, so he remained shirtless for the night, and he doubts Thor would care about him being shirtless.

 

The door to Thor’s room was locked so Steve had to wait outside. He stood outside with his arms crossed and looked around awkwardly. He was the only one on the floor with no one to talk to.

 

A “ding” alerted Steve that the elevator arrived. Finally, Thor had come up with the drinks and some food. He smiled at Thor and took the drinks to help him out.

 

“Are you not cold?” Thor asked.

 

“Not really,” Steve answered. “Why?”

 

Thor looked down at Steve’s chest and back up at his eyes. Steve looked down and saw his nipples were hard. Maybe he should have worn a shirt.

 

“Sorry, I- uh. I can get a shirt from my room.”

 

“No worries. Are we going to my room or yours?”

 

“Yours. More comfortable and bigger bed.”

 

“Are you implying that you will be sleeping in my room tonight?” Thor pressed Steve against the wall of his room.

 

“O-Oh, I mean. Could I?” Steve was blushing unbelievably hard.

 

“Of course. You do not have to ask, Steven.” Thor kissed Steve on the cheek before opening the door and letting him in.

 

Good god was it cold. Thor had left the heater off and it was freezing in his room. Steve was shivering like a chihuahua. Yeah, a shirt would have been a great idea.

 

Thor put the food down on his desk and went to his closet. A light purple T-shirt was selected and held in his hand. He threw it over to Steve and began to set up their plates and food for them to watch TV while sitting in bed.

 

Steve put the shirt on and pouted. It went down to about mid-thigh. The sleeves were an inch or two above his elbows, and the collar exposed his collarbones. It was almost a dress.

 

At least it wasn’t as cold as before. The shirt was comfortable and smelled like Thor. Maybe he’ll steal the shirt tomorrow morning when he goes to change.

 

“You look adorable,” Thor commented.

 

“Thank you,” Steve smiled. “Are you going to change, too?”

 

“Yes, give me a moment. Could you put on our show while I dress?”

 

Steve nodded and sat on the bed. He grabbed a plate of food, nearly salivating at the idea of eating. Pizza, chicken wings, and some pieces of candy. For drinks, he got two small bottles of Coke. Regular alcohol did nothing for them, so soda it is.

 

As Thor got dressed, Steve asked FRIDAY to turn Spongebob on. The theme started to play, encouraging Steve to hum along with it. He smiled when Thor got on the bed with him and kissed him on the nose.

 

Tonight’s episode was “Hall Monitor”. It seemed to be an old episode, judging by the art style and the quality. Compared to the newer episodes, the quality and art were quite different. Not drastically, but it was noticeable.

 

The two ate in a comfortable silence. Spongebob was anxious about being a hall monitor and it seemed the position of power was too much for him. Poor guy.

 

Thor finished his food fairly quickly and moved so he was sitting behind Steve with his arms around him. He kissed the side of Steve’s neck and smiled when he heard a faint gasp.

 

“Don’t start,” Steve scolded. “I’m about to finish my food.”

 

Steve had a bite of pizza left. The candy could be saved for tomorrow, or he’ll just give it to Thor. Or Sam. He knows Sam would appreciate it, and it was his favorite candy, too.

 

When Steve finished his food, he placed his candy on Thor’s nightstand and threw their plates in the trash can. He climbed into bed and sat next to Thor. It wouldn’t be ten o’clock for another two hours, so he can’t get under the covers for a while.

 

Maybe they could pass the time with a movie. They couldn’t exactly go anywhere in pajamas, and Steve figured a lot of places already closed early for Christmas, so going out was out of the question. There weren’t many movies that interested Steve, either.

 

Someone knocked on the door. Thor got up to answer, chuckling at the show as he walked. He greeted whoever it was and talked for a moment before turning to Steve.

 

“Barnes is wondering if you would like to play a board game with him and Lady Natasha,” he said.

 

Solution found.

 

“Sure,” Steve said.

 

He got up from the bed and went to the door to greet Bucky. He frowned when he saw Bucky look him up and down with a smirk.

 

“Nice shirt,” Bucky said. “Where’d ya get it?”

 

“Shut up, Buck,” Steve blushed. “What game?”

 

“Don’t know yet. We’ll pick together.”

 

Steve and Thor followed Bucky out to the elevator and went down to the living room. They saw Natasha sitting on the loveseat in a black tank top and red shorts. Her hair was tied into a messy bun. She held a bowl of popcorn in her lap and watched some show on the TV.

 

A pile of boxes sat next to her, presumably the games; Sorry!, Twister, Mouse Trap, and UNO. Steve only recognized Sorry!; the rest of the games were completely alien to him. At least he and Thor would be figuring it out together. Maybe Bucky, too, if Natasha hasn’t already taught him how to play the games.

 

Bucky grabbed Sorry! From the pile and played it on the coffee table. He looked over to Steve, who nodded, and smiled down at the box in hand. This would be their first game of the night.

 

“Steve and I know this game from our childhood, but it’ll be nice to have a refresher,” he said. “Thor, have you heard of this game?”

 

“I’m afraid I have not,” Thor answered.

 

“That’s fine. Natasha can teach us.”

 

Natasha got up from her seat and chose a spot on the floor to play the game from. Her bowl of popcorn sat next to her thigh so she and Bucky could eat and play at the same time.

 

“Pick your colors,” she said.

 

She chose red while Steve went with blue, Thor with yellow, and Bucky with green. They all put their pawns where it was labeled “START” in their colors. Natasha explained the rules and provided visual examples to help them out. When she thought everyone understood the rules, she started the game.

 

Steve pulled out a “two” card, moving a pawn directly outside of START. He went to grab another card and drew a three. At least he didn’t get a four. He smiled as Bucky went to pull a card and drew a seven.

 

“Wipe that smile off your face, pal,” Bucky threatened. “I’m gonna wipe the floor with ‘ya.”

 

“Can’t do that from start,” Steve countered.

 

Natasha drew a one and placed her pawn outside of start. “Your turn, Thor,” she said.

 

Thor grabbed a card and smiled. He drew a two. His pawn was placed outside of start and he grabbed another card. It was a seven. Thor moved his pawn seven paces and leaned back as he waited for everyone to go again.

 

-

 

The game was between Thor and Bucky. Both of them had three pawns in HOME while Steve and Natasha had two. Both men were so close to that sweet victory, and it could only be ruined by someone pulling out an eleven due to both of their pawns being outside of HOME and the safe zone.

 

It was Natasha’s turn. She ate some popcorn as she drew a card. The sides of her lips slightly quirked up at the sight of her card. She silently switched places with Bucky’s pawn and smiled when her eyes met his.

 

“Really? You’re going to do this to me?” he asked.

 

Natasha shrugged and smiled at him as if she did not just ruin the game for him. Her bowl of popcorn was placed in her lap as she watched Thor draw a six, the perfect amount for him to put his final pawn in HOME.

 

Steve smiled at the happiness on Thor’s face. His eyes were bright and his lips were pulled into a bright, wide smile. He truly looked like pure sunshine.

 

“You guys want to play another game?” Bucky asked as he stole the bowl of popcorn away from his girlfriend.

 

“Sure, but I don’t know how to play any of the other games,” Steve said.

 

“Nat, pick a game. You know them better than we do.”

 

Natasha sighed and looked behind her to see the games sitting on the loveseat. After a few seconds of thinking, she pulled Twister out and placed it next to her. She began cleaning up the coffee table to put Sorry! Away.

 

Thor moved the coffee table to the kitchen counter to make room for the mat at Natasha’s request. It seemed like an odd game, one that required the person to play rather than pawns or cards.

 

Again, Natasha explained the game to the three men. Twister was easy to understand, and soon they were playing. They decided it would be easier to have two at a time, so Natasha and Bucky went first while Steve and Thor were in control of the spinner. Steve called out for Natasha and Thor for Bucky.

 

“Right hand blue,” Steve said.

 

Natasha bent down and placed her right hand on one of the blue circles.

 

“Left hand green,” Thor said.

 

Bucky placed his left hand on a green circle.

 

“I’m so going to kick your ass for that last game,” Bucky muttered.

 

And so, as Steve and Thor called out the colors for the two assassins, they became entangled. Natasha was laughing at the look on Bucky’s face. Both of them were trying hard not to fall down, but the expressions and movements they made were making it difficult.

 

Finally, Steve called out a position, and Natasha fell on her bum from laughter. She looked up at Bucky and shook her head. “Not fair that you cheated, but whatever,” she sighed.

 

“Rightfully so,” Bucky replied, bending down to kiss Natasha on her forehead. “All right. Their turn.”

 

Steve and Thor switched places with Bucky and Natasha and stood on each end of the mat. Natasha called out positions for Steve and Bucky for Thor.

 

“Left foot red,” she said. Steve placed his left foot on a red circle.

 

“Left hand blue,” Bucky said. Thor bent over and placed his hand where it needed to be.

 

“Left hand yellow.” Easy. But…

 

Steve’s butt was right in front of Thor’s face.

 

“Right hand yellow,” Bucky said. Thor smirked and made the move.

 

“Right foot green.” Steve frowned and stretched his leg to put his foot on a green spot.

 

“Left foot blue.” Thor put his foot on a circle in front of him and looked up. “This is a lovely sight,” he chuckled.

 

“Don’t get nasty around me. I swear I will leave,” Bucky groaned.

 

“Left hand red,” Natasha said. Nothing to change Steve’s position.

 

“Right foot green.” Thor looked like he was trying to do some stretches before a workout.

 

“Right hand green.” Steve groaned at his position.

 

“Natasha, there is no way this is what you’re landing on,” he said, blushing and glaring at his friend.

 

“This is what the spinner wants, Steve,” Natasha smiled. “I would never do anything to embarrass you.”

 

“I am not complaining,” Thor commented from behind Steve.

 

“Of course not,” Steve scowled, looking under himself to see Thor smiling up at him.

 

“Left foot red,” Bucky said, laughing at the position Thor was in.

 

“Left hand-” Natasha cut herself off at the sound of the elevator dinging.

 

Tony came out of the elevator while whistling a random tune. At first, he paid no mind to the two large blonds in the center of the living room, but he immediately did a double-take when he saw Steve bent over and Thor’s face in close proximity.

 

“I didn’t think you’d be so open about your relationship, Steve! Way to go!” Tony teased.

 

Steve, caught off-guard by Tony and his words, fell on his face and groaned. The embarrassment was overwhelming. He was certain his cheeks were red, judging by how hot they felt.

 

Strong hands gently lifted Steve up by his shoulders. Thor smiled down at him, almost apologetically, as if to say, “Sorry about Stark.”.

 

Twister was fun, but Steve was certain Bucky and Natasha had been giving their own positions rather than going by what the spinner had _actually_ said. Next time he played, he’ll go against Bucky instead of Thor. That way, Natasha and Thor would not be able to put Steve in the same position he was in tonight.

 

“Guessin’ that’s it for the night, huh?” Bucky laughed. “Poor Stevie. You’re red as an apple.”

 

“Bucky, don’t,” Steve said, hiding his face in Thor’s neck.

 

Natasha smiled at the hugging couple before getting up to put everything away. Instead of folding the mat, she made Bucky do it for being mean to Steve. Bucky playfully frowned at her but did it anyway.

 

Thor thanked them for the game and led Steve to the elevator. It would probably be a good idea to go up for the night, considering how embarrassed Steve was and the time. It was about nine forty-seven. By this time, Steve would be getting ready for bed.

 

When the elevator doors opened, Steve immediately went to Thor’s room and went straight into the bed and under the covers. Embarrassment was okay from time to time, but that much in front of so many people?

 

Okay, well, maybe just four people, but still. Four people too many.

 

Steve tightened his grip on the blanket around him when he felt Thor attempt to pull it down. Another pull, but Steve refused to budge. He was going to stay in this cocoon of protection until he woke up tomorrow morning.

 

That’s what Steve thought, of course, because Thor was _not_ having it. Thor went to his side of the bed and pulled up the covers to join Steve. When Steve refused to turn around, Thor pulled on his waist and rolled him over to face him.

 

His actions earned a glare from Steve, along with cheeks that were tinted red and a pout. Thor laughed at Steve’s expression and pulled him in for a hug.

 

“Steven, do not fret over what happened tonight,” he consoled.

 

“Easy for you to say,” Steve huffed. “You didn’t have your butt in someone’s face and have someone walk in on you.”

 

“It was only a game. Should that situation ever happen again, I’d prefer it to be in the privacy of my room with you in my bed.”

 

Steve’s eyes grew wide as saucers. His cheeks were certainly a million times warmer than they were a few seconds ago. “Thor!”

 

“Am I not allowed to express my feelings?” Thor chuckled. “In time, sweetheart. I am in no rush to make love, especially with how we got together only days ago.”

 

“Thanks. Not sure I’m ready either, considering… Ah, nevermind.’

 

“Considering what?”

 

“I’ve… I’ve never had sex.”

 

Thor smiled and kissed him softly on the lips. “That is okay, Steven. Our first time will be special, and it is in your hands.”

 

“You’re willing to wait?”

 

“Of course. My feelings for you are strong. I would never do anything to make you uncomfortable.”

 

Steve smiled and rolled on top of Thor. “You’re a good fella. I should’ve told you I liked you a long time ago.”

 

“At least we are together now.”

 

Thor puckered his lips and waggled his eyebrows in an attempt to persuade Steve to kiss him. However, all he managed to do was make Steve laugh so hard he snorted and roll off Thor. It was so cute hearing Steve laugh like nothing was wrong. Like nothing was weighing him down. Another rare moment with Steve that only Thor got to see and experience.

 

When Steve came down from his laughing fit, he rolled onto his side to face Thor and smiled, which led to another round of laughter. Tears slid down his cheeks. It has been so long since he has laughed this hard.

 

He looked up and saw Thor smiling down at him. A calloused thumb wiped his tears away and moved down to his bottom lip. It slowly rubbed left to right, threatening to go into his mouth. Steve had the urge to take Thor’s thumb into his mouth and suck on it, but instead, he let Thor take the lead and do whatever he wanted.

 

Thor cupped Steve’s face and pressed his lips against Steve’s. Soft, sweet, and Steve tasted like the sour candy Thor had stolen from the party. He smiled at the hand grabbing his shirt to pull him closer.

 

God the kiss was so pure. It was like kissing an angel. Steve pulled back for a second to look at Thor’s face. His eyes were slightly dilated and he was smiling at Steve like pure sunshine.

 

“What is it?” Thor asked.

 

“Nothing, just…” Steve bit his lip. “You’re really cute.”

 

Thor’s cheeks became light pink at the compliment. “Oh, thank you, Steven. But you are much cuter than I.”

 

Steve rolled his eyes but he was smiling. He lay his head on Thor’s chest and placed his arm over Thor’s stomach. His eyes closed as he listened to Thor’s heartbeat, slowly drifting off to join the city with clouds made of flowers and neighbors that lived under rocks and pineapples.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on god i am this close to blowing up the sun. it is so hot that i can't even sit in my room. i have to sit in the living room because it is the coldest place in my house, and even then, my living room is hot as hell. good grief  
> i hc Thor as being VERY possessive of his lover. not like abusive wise, hell no, but in a way that if someone were to touch them, he'd be sure to rub it in the other person's face that he's dating the person by kissing and hugging them until the flirty person leaves. and also telling them to buzz off. i 'm sweating just thinking about it  
> also when thor saw steve's nips, i want ya'll to know that he was thinking very unholy thoughts. who wouldnt though bc let's be real, steve has nice pecs. goodnight im sweating again  
> PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES DURING THIS HEAT I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!! DRINK PLENTY OF WATER AND STAY COOL!!!! KEEP YOUR PETS SAFE!!!  
> and remember: meds, food, bathroom, stretching, and spend some time with ur pet if u havent today!  
> thank you for reading!! it means the world to me TvT


	11. Christmas Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Christmas presents are truly unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS NSFW!!!!!  
> First of all, I would like to say I am so sorry for this chapter. I snapped. I could not handle it anymore. I needed something to happen between these two.  
> Steve doesn't want dick-in-ass sex yet but is okay with sexual contact in general.  
> I am currently working on numerous stories besides this one. I am making this my priority, though.  
> All errors are mine.  
> Again, sorry for the extreme change LOL but I did say in the tags that the rating would change.  
> I hope you enjoy! :D

Steve woke up to Thor shaking him by the shoulder. Bright electric blue eyes peered down at him, full of life and excitement for today.

 

“Merry Christmas, Steven,” Thor beamed.

 

“Merry Christmas, Thor,” Steve smiled. “What time is it?”

 

“Nine oh-six. You slept for almost twelve hours.”

 

“Gotta catch up on my beauty sleep.”

 

Thor chuckled and kissed Steve on the lips. “I put our gifts under the tree about an hour ago. Let me know when you would like to go down to open gifts.”

 

“Give me a bit. I have to do something before I go. Meet me down there.” Steve rolled out of bed and stretched. “And stop staring at my butt.”

 

“I am doing no such thing.”

 

Steve kissed Thor on the lips before leaving for his own room. He still had the gifts for Thor that he had worked on whenever he was alone. The drawing he had made yesterday afternoon while Thor was out sat on his desk, dry and safe enough to frame and wrap.

 

Other framed gifts sat in his closet just in case Thor decided to come in. He had finished the drawings before they started dating, but he framed and wrapped them after finishing the drawing yesterday.

 

A trip to the bathroom and a wrapped gift later, Steve placed the gifts on his desk and made his way down to the living room to join Thor.

 

When the doors opened, Steve saw Thor, Bucky, Natasha, Tony, Rhodey, Bruce, and Sam sitting on the floor around the tree. Clint was either asleep or moving through his morning routine slowly.

 

Speak of the devil. Clint popped up from behind the kitchen counter with a tray of Christmas cookies in hand. Christmas trees, snowmen, snowflakes, and stars. Clint definitely made the cookies.

 

With everyone in the living room, Tony decided that it was time to start unwrapping the presents. He and Rhodey passed out the presents, keeping their own in a separate pile. No one unwrapped their presents until everyone had gotten every single one from under the tree.

 

Sam picked a random box from his pile and smirked at the tag. “‘From Steven and Thor’, huh?” he teased. “Damn, Thor. You’ve got some good handwriting.”

 

“Thank you, Falcon,” Thor said, puffing out his chest in a sense of pride.

 

Steve and Thor watched Sam unwrap one of the few gifts they had gotten for him and smiled when they saw the expression on his face.

 

“You guys really got me a onesie? Sam laughed. “It’s actually nice. Thanks.”

 

Bucky huffed and opened one of the gifts Steve and Thor had gotten him to show Sam that Steve liked him better. When he opened the box, his eyes grew wide and he pulled the gift out to examine it in his hands: a Winter Soldier Tsum Tsum. It was so small in his hand.

 

He squeezed it and handed it over to Natasha for her to look at it. The box was much bigger than needed for the gift, so Bucky looked inside and found a framed drawing of him and Natasha standing at Disneyland together, except Bucky’s scowl was changed into a smile.

 

“Holy shit, Steve. When did you do this?” Bucky asked, showing the drawing to Natasha.

 

“A while ago. I didn’t know when I’d be able to give it to you, so I figured Christmas would be a good time,” Steve said.

 

“Thank you. It’ll keep it on my desk.” Bucky gave Steve a hug and stuck his tongue out at Sam.

 

Natasha opened the largest box she had, which was the box that contained the new boots Steve and Thor had bought for her. Her mouth slightly parted in shock when she saw the boots she had been wanting: black stiletto-heeled boots that went up to just below the knee.

 

Bucky marveled at the boots. They were lovely and would go great with Natasha’s legs. He suggested that she wear them the next time they went out somewhere nice.

 

Rhodey opened a gift and saw it was from Tony, frowning when he saw it was a T-shirt with their faces on it. Why was he frowning? Because Tony had chosen a picture where Rhodey was sleeping and drooling on his bed. Tony had taken the picture years ago and never let Rhodey forget about it.

 

Clint and Bruce opened their own gifts and smiled at the sight of new clothes and notebooks. Bruce thanked Steve and Thor for the notebooks, stating that he was in desperate need of them. Steve felt an instant rush of relief at the fact that his gifts were not _not_ appreciated by his friends. Clint put on a new pair of socks that had birds all over them.

 

Tony unwrapped a gift from Clint and laughed. It was a broken PS2 system. Clint had asked Tony to fix it for him a while ago, and when he got no response, he took matters into his own hands and cut the wires so Tony could do all the work himself.

 

“I get it, you want your game fixed. I’ll be sure to get to that,” Tony smiled. “Hey, blond giants, open some of your gifts.”

 

Steve selected a random gift from his pile and saw it was from Bruce. He unwrapped it, furrowing his brows as he opened a plain white box. Inside, a framed picture of the team at the beach back in July. Steve smiled at the memory of Natasha asking a stranger to take a picture of the group and how the person freaked out so badly that they passed out, so they had to get someone else.

 

“Thank you, Bruce,” Steve said. “It’s really sweet. I loved this day.”

 

Thor grabbed a gift, unwrapped it, and sighed when he saw it: A Point Break T-shirt. “Thank you, Stark,” he chuckled. “You will never let that go, will you?”

 

“Not until I’m dead, pal,” Tony replied, a smile on his face.

 

Everyone continued opening gifts. Steve waited patiently for Bucky to open one of the gifts he had gotten for him. It was only a matter of time until the fight started.

 

Thor pulled Steve into his arms and cuddled him, waiting for Bucky to get to the special box. He placed a kiss on the back of Steve’s neck and rested his chin on Steve’s shoulder. The look he got from Clint was amusing.

 

“You two are a thing? Since when?” Clint asked.

 

“Since a few days ago,” Steve answered, leaning back into Thor’s chest.

 

“Oh man. Wish you had told me so I didn’t pull a dick move on you at the party yesterday.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. It’s okay.”

 

“Still. Oh well. I’m happy for-”

 

“Steve, you did not get me a fucking onesie to match with Sam,” Bucky snarled.

 

“I would never,” Steve said, innocently batting his eyelashes.

 

“Oh, you’re gonna regret this. I promise you that.”

 

“You wouldn’t do anything to me.”

 

“Keep tellin’ yourself that.”

 

Steve laughed and hugged Bucky, who scowled at both Thor and Sam.

 

“You didn’t do anything to stop him?” Bucky asked Thor.

 

“He encouraged me, actually,” Steve said.

 

“I hate you guys.”

 

Sam smiled and shook his head. “You two. Never should’ve helped you try to get with Thor,” he sighed. “Now you’re going to torture me and Bucky.”

 

“I agree with him for once.”

 

“See? We can get along.”

 

Steve rolled his eyes. “Not true,” he said. “Be grateful. I could’ve gotten you two matching best friend shirts.”

 

“I’d rather let Bucky kick the back of my seat for twelve hours instead of that,” Sam grimaced.

 

“Well, I’m sure we all have some private gifts of our own to give to our loved ones,” Tony began. “So if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to give mine to Rhodey here. Oh, and we are going to watch Christmas movies later, so be back down here at around seven. Until then, see ya.”

 

And with that, Tony grabbed Rhodey by the arm and led him to the elevator. Everyone else sat in the living room awkwardly, well aware of what the couple was going to do and what they all wanted to do with their loved ones.

 

Clint and Bruce remained in the kitchen, baking more cookies and engaging in a conversation about video game dynamics. Sam stayed in the living room for a bit before joining Clint and Bruce and helped put the icing on the cookies.

 

Bucky, Natasha, Thor, and Steve decided to head to their rooms for the time being, but not before Bucky tackled Steve to the floor for buying him a onesie. Thor and Natasha watched, not making any signs to help Steve from Bucky’s wrath.

 

After a few minutes of wrestling, Bucky removed himself from the floor and straightened himself out. He helped Steve up and shoved him into the elevator. Both of them were messy, but not out of breath. Super soldier serum was great.

 

When the doors opened, Natasha quickly led Bucky to her room and shut the door. Steve and Thor could hear the lock clicking in place. Well, Bucky was going to get a _fantastic_ gift from Natasha and vice versa.

 

“Hey, I’ll be in your room in a second. I just need to get something,” Steve said.

 

Thor nodded. He walked to his room and left the door open for Steve, who immediately went to his room to grab the gifts he had for Thor and fixed his hair. Once everything was good to go, he left his room and went over to Thor’s.

 

He shut the door behind him and awkwardly smiled at Thor. “Hi,” he greeted.

 

“Are those for me?” Thor asked, confusion on his face.

 

“Yeah. I- uh, wanted to give you these in private. ‘Cause… I don’t know. I just wanted to.”

 

“Oh.” Thor smiled and took the gifts. “You did not have to get me anything, Steven. You are the best gift I could ever have.”

 

Steve’s heart began racing. No one had ever said that to him before. He was one hundred percent sure his cheeks were red.

 

“One moment,” Thor said, placing his gifts on the bed. “Sit down, I will join you soon.”

 

Thor went to his closet and grabbed a few wrapped gifts and placed them on the bed. They were neatly wrapped and had little bows on them. He must have done this yesterday when he “went out”.

 

“We can open our gifts together,” he said.

 

Steve went first, unwrapping a decent-sized box. It wasn’t heavy, but there was definitely something there.

 

Inside, two sketchbooks and a cute notebook that had the lazy egg on it. The sketchbooks were the ones Steve had been looking at when they were at the store two days ago.

 

“You really got me these?” Steve asked.

 

“Open the others,” Thor smiled.

 

Steve opened another gift, his mouth parted and eyes wide at the sight of Prismacolor Pencils; the _exact_ ones Steve had been eyeing the first time he and Thor had gone out for clothes together.

 

“You- I- _Thor_. These… You remembered?” he sputtered.

 

“I pay attention,” Thor laughed. “The way you were looking at them was similar to a child looking at candy. I had to buy them for you.”

 

“And you got me _more_?” Steve asked as he pointed to the other gifts.

 

“Perhaps.”

 

Each box contained clothes; Squidward pajama pants (ordered online with Natasha’s help), a Gudetama T-Shirt, and a cute blue onesie with snowflakes on it. However, in the last box were a framed picture and a little notebook.

 

The picture was of Thor and Steve at the beach. Steve was laughing at someone while Thor looked at him. There was a smile on his face, but his eyes said so much more. He was looking at Steve like he was the most beautiful thing in the world.

 

“That was when you saw Barnes and Falcon fighting over the last hot dog,” Thor quietly spoke. “You were laughing so beautifully. It was as if angels were singing.”

 

“Thor… You’re… You’re so sweet,” Steve said, voice cracking. “Who took the picture?”

 

“Stark.”

 

Seems about right. Tony had taken many pictures that day so that everyone could remember how wonderful that day was.

 

Steve picked up the notebook and flipped it open. Beautiful Asgardian runes filled the pages. He could not understand a single thing, but he figured this was one of the stories Thor had written. The entire notebook was filled up, and in the back, a sloppily drawn picture of Thor and Steve holding hands.

 

“Will you read this to me?” Steve asked.

 

“In time,” Thor said. “I wanted you to have it for... “ His cheeks turned pink. “For you to have a piece of me. Wherever you go.”

 

Steve clutched the notebook to his chest. “This is precious. Thank you so much, Thor.” He kissed Thor on the lips. “Now open your gifts. Even though they aren’t as good as yours.”

 

“Nonsense.”

 

Thor unwrapped a framed picture Steve had drawn for him. It was a picture of Gudetama, but instead of the spatula, the little egg held Thor’s hammer. It wore a little cape, too.

 

“This is adorable, Steven!” Thor beamed. “The Lazy Egg is certainly worthy of holding Mjolnir. I will keep this on my desk.”

 

Steve blushed. “I’m glad you liked it.”

 

Thor grabbed another gift and unwrapped it. A drawing of him and Steve standing together under the sun. Except, the clouds were purple flowers. Thor realized that Steve had drawn them together in Bikini Bottom.

 

“You are too cute,” he smiled. “Your talent is outstanding. I love seeing your artwork.”

 

The next gift left Thor silent. He dragged his fingers across the glass as he looked at the picture. Tears slid down his cheeks and onto the glass.

 

“Thor?” Steve asked.

 

“No one has ever seen him like this. Or tried to, even for me,” Thor whispered. “Many disliked him, including you, and you have the right to do so, but this… I am in awe.” He kissed Steve on the lips and smiled. “Thank you. This is a thoughtful gift, and I will treasure it along with the others.”

 

“I didn’t mess up?”

 

“No, darling. You gave me a beautiful gift.”

 

Thor wiped his eyes and went to open the last gift. It was a sketchbook, filled with drawings of the Avengers, Spongebob characters, and someone that looked quite familiar to Steve, just skinny.

 

Wait.

 

“Was this before the serum?” Thor asked.

 

“Yes,” Steve blushed.

 

Thor looked over the drawing once more. Steve looked like himself, but he also looked like a completely different person, save for the hair, innocent blue eyes, and the gorgeous plump lips Thor has thought about too many times.

 

“You were gorgeous,” Thor said in a soft voice. “A work of art.”

 

“You’re only saying that be-”

 

“No, Steven. Look at you. You were gorgeous. Your heart was made of pure gold, as it is now. I would have courted you.” Thor smiled at the drawing. “Your features are the same from back then. I cannot understand how stupid the people were during your time.”

 

“My features?”

 

“Your eyes, your cheekbones, your lips. Gods, your lips.” Thor dragged his thumb across Steve’s bottom lip. “I love your lips. So pink and plump. I could kiss them for eternity.”

 

“That’s a pretty long time, Thor.”

 

“Perhaps, but it would be spent with you.”

 

“You’re a sap.” Steve moved all of the presents from the bed to Thor’s desk.

 

“You like it.”

 

“Perhaps.” Steve laughed as Thor pulled him onto the bed.

 

Thor rolled on top of him with his hands placed beside Steve’s head and kissed him on the nose. “You mock me, but you do a worse impression than Barnes does.”

 

Steve feigned an expression of hurt. “I do not.”

 

“Whatever you say, Steven.”

 

“Shut up and kiss me.”

 

Thor leaned down and did just that, chuckling at Steve’s bratty attitude. He moved so his elbows were on the bed rather than his hands. Strands of his hair fell from his messy bun and tickled his face, but he ignored it.

 

Steve wrapped his legs around Thor’s waist. Their kiss was innocent, full of passion and happiness, but Steve wanted to try something new. Hopefully Thor would go along with it.

 

He slid his tongue across Thor’s bottom lip. Thor parted his lips and met Steve’s tongue with his, and soon, Steve was a flustered mess. His dick was hard and there was nothing he could do to hide it.

 

“Th-Thor, I-” Steve gasped at the soft kisses being placed on his neck.

 

“What is it, sweetheart?” Thor asked, lifting his head to meet Steve’s eyes.

 

He was just as affected by this as Steve was. His pupils were blown and his cheeks were slightly red.

 

“Are you sure this is okay?” Steve asked.

 

“I am okay doing whatever you want to do, Steven. Say the word and I will stop.”

 

“Touch me.”

 

“Steven-”

 

“Not sex, but- I want to feel you. Please.”

 

Thor kissed him again, grinding his hips against Steve’s. The way Steve moaned was so lewd. It made Thor want to do dirty things to him, but he could hold off until Steve was ready. Steve’s comfort was more important than an orgasm.

 

Steve mewled at the feeling of Thor sucking on his pulse. The friction on his cock felt so good, but he wanted more. “Thor,” he whined. “Just touch me. Please. I don’t care how, just- god, please ruin me.”

 

And so, let it be known that on Christmas Day, Steve Rogers, the face of America, killed Thor, Son of Odin and God of Thunder, with those three words.

 

Thor growled and roughly ground his hips against Steve’s..“You do not know what you are saying,” he said in a low voice. “I will ruin you like no other could. We may not be making love today, but I will surely leave you weak in the knees by the time I am done with you.”

 

Steve loudly moaned at the friction. He bit down on his lip to hold back his noises, but Thor was having none of it, grabbing Steve by the jaw and roughly kissing him. Steve moaned into Thor’s mouth and moved his hips against the God’s until an idea came to mind.

 

“Wait,” Steve gasped.  “Sit down.”

 

A look of confusion settled on Thor’s face, but he did as Steve asked. When he saw Steve get on the floor and on his knees, he realized what Steve planned on doing.

 

“Steven, you do not have to-”

 

“I want to,” Steve said, looking up at Thor with half-lidded eyes. “So badly. I’ve thought about this so many times. Let me. Please?”

 

Thor placed a hand on Steve’s cheek and caressed it. “Okay.”

 

Steve pulled Thor’s pajama pants down his thighs and mouthed at Thor’s cock through his boxer briefs. There was a wet spot where it had oozed precome. He pulled off to pull Thor’s underwear down and nearly drooled at the sight of Thor’s dick.

 

It was fully hard and red at the tip, precome drooling down the shaft. He wasn’t circumcised, probably because Asgard didn’t know about it. His pubic hair was nicely trimmed, and if Steve had to guess, that was part of him trying to adapt to Earth’s culture.

 

“Do you have lube?” Steve croaked. He waited as Thor dug through his nightstand for a tube of lube and took it from him. “Let me know if I need to stop.”

 

Steve squirted some lube into his palm and let it warm up before doing anything. While he waited, he began kissing his way up and down Thor’s cock, licking a stripe back up to the head. He wrapped his lips around the tip and gently sucked, smiling at Thor cursing under his breath.

 

Precome spilt onto his tongue, filling Steve’s taste buds. Thor tasted _good_. He had heard mixed opinions from the internet and friends about the taste of come, but Thor tasted more sweet than bitter.

 

Thor kept his eyes open to watch Steve slowly take more of his cock between Steve’s red, slick lips. Steve bobbed his head up and down, looking up at Thor through his lashes with those innocent blue eyes.

 

They used to be innocent, at least.

 

Steve still had the lube in his hand, and Thor wasn’t quite sure what Steve was going to do. Maybe he’d finger Thor while sucking him off. Or he’d use his lubed up hand to jack him off.

 

Thor closed his eyes, but when he heard Steve moan around his cock, he opened them and saw Steve’s hand behind him. Faint squelching sounds were heard, and it was then Thor realized that Steve was fingering himself.

 

“You are unbelievable,” Thor groaned. “Fingering yourself, but you do not want me to fuck you.”

 

He grabbed a fist full of Steve’s hair and gently thrust his hips, pushing more of his cock down Steve’s throat. Steve gagged a little, but he closed his eyes and took Thor’s cock deeper into his mouth. He was about a little over halfway when he gagged again, looking up at Thor with wet eyes and tears streaming down his cheeks.

 

It was such a good look on Steve. The image would forever be implanted in Thor’s head. He pulled on Steve’s hair and gave him a warm smile.

 

“I am going to come if you do not let up,” he warned.

 

Steve pulled off of Thor’s cock and looked up at him with a small smile. “Do it on my face,” he said, voice raw.

 

He opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out as Thor jerked himself off. Thor moaned when he finally came, come spurting onto Steve’s cheeks, nose, lips, and tongue. He gave Steve a good look over, and by the gods, he was going to get hard again.

 

Steve looked like a painting. His lips were red and puffy, tears spilled down his cheeks, his face was flushed and covered in Thor’s come, and his hair was messy. A beautiful work of art.

 

Thor went to tuck himself back into his briefs, but Steve licked the rest of Thor’s come off of his cock and suckled on the tip to tease him.

 

“Do not make me hard again,” Thor hissed. “Come up here. Sit on my lap.”

 

Steve did as told, pulling his boxers and pajama pants up. He gasped as he was put over Thor’s knees, feeling his bottoms being pulled down to his thighs.

 

“I did not tell you to pull your bottoms up,” Thor scolded. “I should spank you for that,” he teased.

 

“Do it,” Steve said. “I can take it.”

 

“Steven, I was only joking.”

 

“Still.”

 

“Perhaps another time.”

 

“Tease.”

 

Thor spanked him for that remark. He grabbed the tube of lube and poured some on three of his fingers. A single fingertip rubbed at Steve’s hole, making Steve gasp and whine. Thor slowly pushed his finger in, surprised at how easy it was.

 

A second finger was added, and it was a little tight, but not as tight as Thor had expected. So Steve had only gotten to two fingers. Perhaps Thor could get him to take three.

 

“Are you feeling all right, Steven?” he asked.

 

“Yes, god yes,” Steve whined. “Give me another one.”

 

“You are not ready for a third.”

 

“I like the burn.”

 

“No.”

 

“Thor-”

 

Thor pulled his fingers out and spanked Steve again. “I said no. Let me loosen you up before I add another finger. Do you understand me?”

 

“Yes, Thor.”

 

For his obedience, Thor slid his fingers back into Steve’s hole and began to fuck him. Steve moaned and mewled at the thick fingers inside him, moving his hips to fuck himself on them.

 

Steve cried out when Thor found his prostate. His moans were becoming louder and louder to the point that he had to bite down on his hand to shut himself up. The pleasure was overwhelming. His thighs were shaking and he was grinding his hips against Thor’s thigh to get some friction on his cock.

 

Finally, _finally_ , Thor added a third finger, and when his fingers found Steve’s prostate again, he pulled them out to see Steve squirm. Unfortunately, he was hard again, and seeing Steve in this position was not helping. Being the God of Fertility was not as good as being the God of Thunder.

 

Thor looked down at Steve, who looked up at him with tears streaming down his face. “Steven-”

 

“Why did you stop?” Steve cried. “I’m so close, Thor. Please, please let me come. I need to come so fucking bad. I’ll be good. I just want to come. Please.”

 

Oh, so _that’s_ what it took for Steve to actually curse.

 

Thor lifted Steve onto the bed and positioned him so he was face down, ass up. He slid his fingers into Steve and nearly groaned at Steve’s sob of pleasure.

 

“Fuck yourself on my fingers,” Thor ordered.

 

Steve wasted no time, moving his hips up and down and moaning loud enough for everyone in the living quarters to hear. He bit down on the blanket and continued to fuck himself on Thor’s fingers.

 

“You look so beautiful like this, falling apart under my hands,” Thor whispered. “I’d love to see you like this more often. Would you be like this if I were fucking you with my cock instead? Or would you be more of a mess?”

 

“Thor,” Steve moaned, muffled by the blanket.

 

“I could take you on the bed here, or by the door where everyone would be able to hear your moans and cries for me to fuck you. I’d leave you sore and with my seed dripping out of-”

 

Steve screamed, gripping the blankets hard enough to make them come undone from the bed. Come spurted out onto the bed sheets and onto his belly, making a mess. He sobbed as Thor kept thrusting his fingers into his abused prostate, shaking as more come dribbled down his cock and onto the bed.

 

“Oh my god,” Steve panted. “I- I haven’t come that hard in so long.” He collapsed onto the bed, not caring about his come smearing his stomach and shirt.

 

He heard Thor grunt behind him, and soon he felt hot spurts of come on his lower back and ass. Good god did Steve want to feel that inside of him.

 

“Darling, I- I apologize,” Thor said, his breath shaky. “I don’t know what came over me.”

 

“Don’t apologize. I wanted it. Kind of wanted more, if I’m being honest.”

 

“Greedy.”

 

“If this- the rough part of it- If this ever happens again, please spank me. I liked that. A lot.”

 

“I will try to remember that.” Thor tucked himself back into his briefs and kicked his pajama pants off. “Are you feeling okay?”

 

“‘m good.” Steve smiled at him. “Real good.”

 

Thor laughed lightly. “Mentally?”

 

“I feel great. I needed that.”

 

“Stay- Actually, I do not think I need to ask you to stay on the bed. Judging by your position, you are in no mood to move.”

 

Steve hummed, pressing his face into the bed. He heard the door open and close, then open and close again a minute later.

 

“I brought you some fresh clothes. My pants and underwear would be too big on you,” Thor said.

 

“‘s okay,” Steve slurred.

 

“We need to shower, Steven.”

 

“Tired.”

 

“Steven.”

 

Steve whined and pulled his bottoms up. He didn’t show any signs of getting up, so Thor carried him bridal style to the bathroom. He was placed on the counter so Thor could undress him.

 

“You’re so nice, Thor,” he sighed.

 

“I hope so,” Thor laughed. “That is not the word I would use for this situation.”

 

“Are you showering with me?”

 

“I could, but it is up to you.”

 

“Yeah. You just saw me like, like _that_. This would be okay.”

 

Thor smiled and kissed him on the back of his hand. He removed Steve’s boxers, laughing at the snowmen on them. Once Steve was nude, Thor removed his briefs and carried Steve into the shower.

 

Thank god Tony made the shower big enough for Thor to take a bath if he ever wanted to. There would be room left over, possibly for extra guests that Thor might bring in. Both men stood under the showerhead, feeling warm water run down their bodies.

 

Steve looked up at Thor, intense feelings blaring up in his chest. They were so strong, so passionate, so… So happy. He prayed it wasn’t _that_.

 

Thor moved so the water sprayed directly on Steve. He wiped the come off Steve’s face, placing a kiss whenever a spot was clean. The come on Steve’s stomach was washed off too, and Thor sighed in disappointment when he had to clean his seed off of Steve’s lower back and bum.

 

Warm, soapy hands caressed Steve’s body in soft motions, cleaning off the sweat and come from his and Thor’s activities. When they reached Steve’s groin, they didn’t tease or grope; they simply cleaned and moved along.

 

Once Steve’s body was clean, Thor moved up to Steve’s hair. He rubbed shampoo into the soft blond locks he loved running his fingers through every night and smiled at the content sigh from Steve.

 

He washed away the soap and put conditioner in Steve’s hair. While waiting for the conditioner to set in, Thor set to washing himself, getting rid of his come with the nicely scented body wash he used. As he washed himself, he realized Steve would smell like him, and he smiled to himself.

 

“What?” Steve asked, barely keeping himself upright.

 

“Nothing,” Thor said. “You are going to smell like me after this.”

 

“Good. I like your scent.” Steve wrinkled his nose. “That sounded weird.”

 

Thor laughed and rubbed conditioner into his hair before rinsing Steve’s. He ran his fingers through Steve’s hair to make sure he got all of the conditioner out.

 

As he waited for the conditioner to set in, Thor cupped Steve’s face and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Steve returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around Thor’s back. The water rained down on Steve’s back, providing some warmth, but not nearly as much as Thor was.

 

Thor removed himself to wash his hair, smiling when he saw Steve staring up at him. “What is it?” he asked.

 

“You look majestic,” Steve softly spoke.

 

“Oh?”

 

“I don’t know. You just… Look really nice.”

 

Thor turned the shower off and grabbed a towel. He dried Steve’s body, kissing his hip bones, stomach, pecs (which made Steve blush hard), collarbones, and finally, his lips. Steve’s hair was gently dried with a soft towel, and once it wasn’t dripping wet, Thor wrapped a towel around Steve’s waist to cover him.

 

Steve watched Thor dry himself off, admiring the way his muscles flexed with each movement. His back muscles were killer. Another feature of Thor’s that Steve loved. It was a free show, just watching Thor dry his body and hair. And it was all for Steve.

 

They were both dry, so Thor dressed himself before dressing Steve. He was about to put a shirt on him, but Steve shook his head. Thor put the shirt over his shoulder and lifted Steve into his arms, carrying him back into the room.

 

“We need to change the bed sheets,” Thor said.

 

“Let’s do it fast,” Steve yawned. “‘m tired.”

 

“I do not doubt that one bit. Here, I will do it. You may sit down if you choose. Or stand. It is up to you.”

 

Thor grabbed fresh sheets, pillowcases, and blankets along with a new bed cover. It was red, and the blankets and pillowcases were mixes of purple and white. The sheets were gray, adding a nice touch to the color choices.

 

Steve picked up whatever Thor threw on the floor and put it in the hamper. He’d probably do the laundry by himself to make it up to Thor. But, knowing how his boyfriend was, Thor would probably do it with him, or worse, do it without telling Steve.

 

The second the bed was ready, Steve climbed in and threw a blanket over himself. Thor joined him, getting under the blanket with Steve and spooning him. Both of them were tired, and maybe they’d have more energy to stay up throughout the movie tonight.

 

Sleep came over Thor quickly while it took a little bit longer for Steve. Right before he fell asleep, Steve thought about how touched Thor was when he saw the picture he had given him. Seeing the way it had affected Thor made Steve’s heart flutter. Purple flowers and pink shooting stars pulled him into sleep.

 

All of the pictures Steve had drawn for Thor laid on Thor’s desk, spread out for Thor to look at and place wherever he wanted.

 

The picture of them in Bikini Bottom, the lazy egg, and the one that had left Thor speechless.

 

The drawing of Loki smiling with the sun shining down on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha merry christmas steve here's two fingers in ur butthole  
> i feel like steve would have some kinks... he may be captain america but the man has his wants... mmm...  
> and thor too ugh i'm sweating  
> sorry if this was wild but i know i wasn't the only one waiting for these two to get frisky. now that i've gotten it out of my system, i can stop being jittery lol. i hope it was ok im nervous tbh  
> also the PS2 thing with clint and tony is a reference to the comics :P  
> i hope you're all keeping cool during this weather! it's gotten better here but blegh it's still gross.  
> keep yourselves hydrated, use the bathroom, take meds, pet your animals, and take care ok?  
> much love and thank you for reading!! :D


	12. Christmas Movies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing better than spending Christmas with your loved ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR THE TWO-WEEK ABSENCE  
> I haven't been in the best mental spot with my writing. Like, I haven't had much inspiration, and I've been spending a lot of times with my friends because college is starting for them and I won't be able to talk to them as much. I also missed them. But finally, after getting annoyed with some video games, I put on The Office and set to writing and now I can't stop.  
> I'm still here though! I appreciate all of your comments and kudos. They inspire me to keep writing. :D <3  
> This chapter is NSFW towards the end.  
> Hope you enjoy!

Bucky barged into Thor’s room, hoping to catch him and Steve in the middle of something. He could hear them (well, more like he could hear  _ Steve _ , actually) over the loud music in Natasha’s room. They were having fun until they’d heard Steve’s cries of pleasure. Natasha had been in the middle of flaunting her new boots to Bucky when they heard the first smack of Thor spanking Steve.

 

At first, Bucky wanted to barge in right after he had heard the second slapping sound, but Natasha had convinced him that it would be a bad idea. Bucky would be walking in on whatever Thor and Steve were doing, and Thor would more than likely beat the hell out of Bucky until he either begged for mercy or had Natasha save him.

 

Begging for mercy would probably get him out of the situation.

 

Which was why Bucky was now in Thor’s room, his hair tousled and eyes narrowed. He and Natasha had just finished wrestling, and at the sound of silence, Bucky felt it would be a good time to finally see what was up.

 

Steve was pressed up against Thor’s chest, both men sleeping peacefully. Thor had his arm tightly wrapped around Steve’s waist. God, even when they were sleeping Thor was  _ still _ protective as shit, Bucky thought.

 

Now, how could he mess with them?

 

After some hard thinking, Bucky squatted down next to the bed and positioned himself so his face was in front of Steve’s. Breathing without blowing air in Steve’s face was difficult, but Bucky managed to do it. It would only be a matter of time until Steve woke up.

 

However, it could be either minutes or hours until Steve decided to join the living again, so Bucky lifted his head and gently blew air into Steve’s ear to see if it would stir him. To his luck, Steve groaned.

 

“Thor…” Steve whined. “‘m tired. Can do more later.”

 

Bucky stifled a laugh, gripping the bed sheets harder to steady himself. Another gentle bout of air ruffled the hair around Steve’s ear and tickled him. He held his breath as Steve stirred in his sleep. This was going to go either amazingly or horribly.

 

Steve frowned and slowly began to wake up. His eyes opened, and in front of him were a pair of icy blue eyes and a smirk that definitely did not belong to Thor.

 

So, like any superhero would do, Steve screamed.

 

Because of his scream, Thor woke up yelling.

 

Because of Thor yelling, Bucky started screaming.

 

In only a matter of seconds, Steve was screaming in horror at his best friend, who was screaming in fear at the Thunder God, who was already holding his hand out for Mjolnir so he could beat or kill whoever made his lover scream like that.

 

“Bucky what the hell are you doing here?” Steve yelled, clutching his chest.

 

“I was trying to fuck with you but I didn’t think your boyfriend would be so quick to kill me!” Bucky yelled back.

 

“You shouldn’t be in here anyway!”

 

“Says who?”

 

“Me,” Thor groaned. “We were sleeping, Barnes. Peacefully.”

 

“Yeah, sleeping after being loud as shit! You stopped me and Natasha from having fun!”

 

“You guys have sex all the time!” Steve countered. “Who cares?”

 

Bucky didn’t want to admit that he and Natasha had actually been in the middle of a mini-fashion show. “I do! And besides, Steve is my best friend. I can check on him whenever I want.”

 

“When he is with me, you have nothing to worry about,” Thor said, setting Mjolnir on the bed.

 

“See, that’s the kind of thing that makes me worry. You act like Steve is actually going to listen to you.”

 

“I do not act like anything because Steven already does listen to me.” Thor smirked at Bucky, who gagged and waved his hand as if he were trying to get rid of a bad smell.

 

“Stop. I don’t need that thought in my head.” Bucky shivered. “I already know he listens to you because Natasha and I had to fucking listen to him ‘listening’ to you for too damn long! Do you know what it’s like to be in the middle of cuddling and suddenly hearing your best friend crying out his boyfriend’s name? It’s unpleasant! Especially when your girlfriend refuses to kiss you because she’s too busy laughing!”

 

“Are you upset because you cannot make the Lady Natasha announce her love and appreciation for you the way I do Steven?”

 

“Yep. Time for me to leave. Real nice conversation, guys.” Bucky stood up and quickly walked out the door, closing it behind him.

 

Thor put Mjolnir on his nightstand and lay back down. A smile broke out on his face as he looked at Steve. Suddenly, he erupted into laughter. It was a deep, rich sound, filling Steve’s ears and the room.

 

The way Thor laughed was so beautiful. His eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth curled up in the corners as he laughed and laughed. Both of his hands rested on his stomach and his knees were bent with his feet planted on the bed. He looked so young.

 

Steve smiled down at Thor as the Mighty Thunder God laughed at whatever had popped into his mind. A faint “Shut the fuck up, Thor” was heard from outside of the room. It was probably Bucky being a punk again, and all it did was cause Steve to chuckle and Thor to laugh harder.

 

If only Steve had a camera. He would record this moment and save it for whenever he was sad or mad. It has been about six years since he has met Thor and not one time has he ever seen Thor laugh this hard.

 

After a few minutes, Thor calmed down. Steve raised his eyebrows and smiled. In the afterglow of his laughter, Thor looked so youthful. So happy and innocent, even though he was nowhere near the latter.

 

“I apologize,” Thor breathed. “Barnes being upset over us doing what we did was just humorous to me.”

 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Steve smiled. “It was cute.”

 

Steve brushed Thor’s hair out of his face and kissed him on his forehead. Though the gesture was sweet, it made Thor blink up at him in confusion.

 

“What is it?” Steve asked.

 

“I am always the one to do that,” Thor chuckled.

 

“Do you want me to never do it again?”

 

“No. I enjoyed it. However, I will be spoiling you in kisses much more often than you will with me.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Thor pulled Steve down and kissed him on the nose. “I will prove it to you right now.”

 

-

 

Steve sat at the dining table as Thor made the two of them breakfast. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Thor really hadn’t been kidding when he said he was going to spoil Steve in kisses way more than Steve could spoil Thor. He had only been able to kiss Thor about three times before Thor pinned him under his body and kissed him all over his face and neck.

 

Kissing had almost led to other activities, but after feeling Thor’s hand move from his lower back down to his ass, Steve had squawked and swatted Thor’s hand away. The pout on Thor’s face was almost enough to make Steve change his mind, but he was still tired from earlier and he didn’t want Bucky to get upset again.

 

Speaking of Bucky, he walked out of the elevator with Natasha. When he saw that only Steve and Thor occupied the living room, Bucky said something to Natasha in Russian and kissed her on her forehead before making his way to the kitchen.

 

Bucky looked at Thor and grimaced. He took a seat at the table next to Steve with his back towards Thor. The conversation between the two had been about an hour ago, but it seemed Bucky was still unhappy with what Thor had implied.

 

Natasha joined them at the table. She sat next to Bucky and set a bowl of fruit between them. Nothing was off with her, but then again, Natasha was pretty good at hiding her emotions. According to Bucky, she only really opens up with him and Clint. Steve, too, but not to the same degree as the other two.

 

Plates full of eggs and bacon were set in front of Steve. The smell was so good, and to make it better, Thor set down a couple of plates of pancakes. Steve grabbed the jug of milk from the fridge and two cups for him and Thor. Bucky and Natasha already had water, so there would be no point in getting cups for them too.

 

Thor handed Steve and a plate and took the other seat next to him, looking directly at Bucky and Natasha. Steve sighed as the tension in the air grew thicker. Bucky was slightly wrinkling his nose at Thor, who was busy giving Steve heart-eyes and smiled at him.

 

“You okay?” Steve asked his friend.

 

“Yeah, I-”

 

“He’s upset because Thor said he can’t make me moan during sex,” Natasha broke in with a flat voice.

 

“Natasha!” Bucky squawked.

 

“You can’t lie to Steve.”

 

“Are you mad because I stated a fact?” Thor asked, shoving a fork-full of pancake in his mouth.

 

“It’s not a fact!” Bucky half-yelled. “Natasha and I are quiet when we do stuff because we’re  _ normal _ people! We don’t want to disturb our friends with our noises! You two are just nasty!”

 

“Insecurity is an ugly thing, Buck,” Steve sighed.

 

“Wha- Oh,  _ you _ of all people are going to call  _ me _ insecure?” Bucky looked at Thor with a smirk. “Let me tell you, before you two got together, Steve was always worried about how he would never-”

 

Steve put a hand over Bucky’s mouth, grimacing and pulling it away when he felt his friend lick his hand. “Real mature. Okay. I take back what I said.”

 

“I would love to hear what Steven said about me,” Thor chuckled. “Good things I hope.”

 

“Definitely,” Natasha quietly said. “I noticed you never exchanged presents earlier. Did you do it privately?”

 

“Yes. The gifts felt more sentimental that way. Only for our eyes to see. Does that make sense?”

 

“Yeah. That’s what we did, too.” Natasha drank some water and sighed. “I’m going down to the gym. Feel free to join me, James.”

 

Natasha put her cup of water in the sink and walked off, leaving the three men behind. Bucky glared at Steve, warning him to not say a word about Natasha calling him by his real name. Steve simply shrugged and smiled, watching his friend walk away to join his girlfriend in the elevator.

 

When the couple left, Thor and Steve resumed eating, talking about Christmas and Steve’s traditions as a child. Thor was fascinated by what Steve had to say, leaning forward on his elbows to get closer to his boyfriend.

 

It was weird admitting to Thor that this was his first Christmas with a giant tree and without him being sick. His ma would be so happy for him. She definitely would have loved Thor with how protective and kind he was with everyone, especially Steve.

 

Christmas as a kid was never really disappointing. Money was hard to get, and Steve was grateful to get a sketchbook or even a pair of socks. Anything that his ma could do for him, he was grateful for.

 

Sure, other kids would bully him for it, but Steve couldn’t do much about it in his condition. He just took the insults and went on with his day. When kids got physical, he’d fight back until Bucky decided to get involved. Or until a teacher saw.

 

That was always the worst. So many people saw Steve as weak and pathetic, and yeah, Steve was physically weak, but he was strong. No one appreciated that. He was always seen as the frail, sad kid.

 

But he was much,  _ much _ more than that. Steve did his best every day, and only two people saw that. Eventually, two more people saw that, too, but they’re gone now. And after his serum change, people saw Steve the way he should have been seen from the beginning.

 

It wasn’t something to dwell on too much, though. The past was the past, and there was nothing Steve could do to change it. The only thing he could change was the future and prevent history from repeating itself.

 

Looking back, however, it’s surprising to see how much has changed. Not with the world, but with Steve’s life. As a child, he had many health problems. As an adult, his health was literal perfection. He had little friends. Now he has many people he can count on in times of need. He had looks of pity. Now he has looks of amazement and want.

 

In a way, Steve missed the days where people ignored him. He didn’t have to worry about someone trying to ruin his image as a younger man. Well, before the serum, at least, because Steve was still young. Going out would be easier. Life in general would be easier.

 

If he were to have met Thor before the serum, what would Thor have thought? Would he have been just as interested as he was now? Or would Steve be pining for someone only to find out that his feelings were not and would never be returned?

 

He will never know. Steve’s happy with what he has now, and he wouldn’t change a single thing.

 

-

 

Seven o’clock came fast. Everyone was in their spots, cuddled up with their loved ones or with themselves. Steve and Thor occupied the couch as usual, with Thor sitting against the arm of the couch and behind Steve with his legs out in front. Steve sat between Thor’s legs with a large, thick blanket covering the two of them.

 

Tony had chosen to put on The Grinch. Steve had seen it maybe once or twice, but each time he had watched it he had fallen asleep during it, so he’s never seen the ending. Tonight he would finally see the whole movie.

 

Bucky and Natasha sat on the loveseat with a blanket draped over their laps and a bowl of popcorn and cookies between them. For people who eat so much junk food, they’re in great shape. Steve could say the same about himself, though. And Thor, too.

 

Everyone else had sprawled out on the floor. Tony and Rhodey laid in front of the large couch, Bruce sat in front of Bucky and Natasha, and Sam and Clint sat next to Tony and Rhodey.

 

Before the movie had started, everyone had gotten snacks for themselves. Lovers shared snacks while those who were either single or not with their loved one at the moment simply ate alone. It was peaceful.

 

Steve and Thor had finished their bowl of popcorn and handed it to Tony so he could put it on the coffee table that they had moved to make room. Their only snack now were cookies, but they were at the other end of the couch and Steve was too lazy and comfortable to reach forward and grab them.

 

The movie was about halfway through when Steve felt Thor move his hands to Steve’s stomach. Steve turned to look at Thor and narrowed his eyes, receiving a kiss on the nose in response. He turned back around and lifted the blanket up to give himself more warmth.

 

Thor’s hands remained on Steve’s stomach. They gently massaged in small circles, bringing a comforting feeling to Steve. He sighed in content and leaned back against Thor, who kissed him on the temple and smiled down at him.

 

Then Thor discreetly moved one of his hands down to Steve’s groin and rested his hand directly on top of Steve’s dick which slowly began to harden.

 

Steve was surprised at Thor’s boldness with their friends around them. He had never expected Thor to be the type to want to do something like this in public. Well, not in public, exactly, but while so close to their friends. Steve wasn’t exactly against Thor’s idea, but he didn’t want to get caught, either.

 

It seemed that Thor had had the same thought because he pulled the blanket over him and Steve so that it went up to Steve’s neck and Thor’s chest. It draped over the couch and hid their bodies from their friends.

 

Once the blanket was good to go, Thor moved his arms back under. One hand was on Steve’s chest and the other was on Steve’s cock. The hand on Steve’s chest went down to the hem of his shirt and slid back up to its destination.

 

Making noises was easy, but  _ not _ making noises was  _ so  _ hard. Steve couldn’t bite his lip to keep himself quiet because Bucky and Natasha would be able to see him, and if they saw him, they’d probably be able to figure out what Thor was doing under the blanket.

 

Thor squeezed Steve’s cock with one hand while playing with Steve’s pecs with the other. His fingers moved down and began to play with Steve’s nipple. He chuckled softly when he heard Steve’s breath hitch.

 

When they’re back up in one of their rooms, Steve was going to kill Thor. The way Thor toyed with his nipple and rubbed his cock through his pants felt so good but was so risky. One wrong move on either part and they’d get caught.

 

Steve closed his eyes and laid his head on Thor’s shoulder. He felt Thor move his hand under Steve’s pants and boxers and grip his cock. It took everything he had in him to not gasp at the skin-to-skin contact.

 

“You gettin’ tired there, Steve?” Bucky asked.

 

“Hm?” Steve slurred. “Oh, no. Just-“ He cut himself off at the feeling of Thor’s thumb sliding across the head of his cock. “Just enjoying the warmth.”

 

Thankfully, Bucky nodded and turned back to the movie. Steve nearly sighed in relief. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to keep a straight face and tone with the way Thor was touching him.

 

Thor began to slowly stroke Steve’s cock, moving his hand up and down while his other hand continued to grope at Steve’s pecs. He kissed the back of Steve’s head and slightly leaned down to kiss his temple.

 

“You want to get caught, don’t you?” Thor whispered. “You want them to see how I touch you. How I can make you weak with just a few touches.”

 

“Thor,” Steve softly whined.

 

“I never took you as the type to be into this. But after seeing you come from the thought of me taking you at the door while people could hear, and finish inside you so my seed can drip out, I saw right through your little facade. Captain America may be a saint, but Steven Rogers is nowhere  _ near _ that.”

 

Steve clenched his fists and resisted the urge to moan at the way Thor was talking to him. He looked around the room, noticing that everyone was still watching the movie and not paying any attention to him and Thor. It was relieving, but it was also terrifying.

 

It got worse when Thor moved his hand down to Steve’s hole and rubbed two of his fingers on the rim. “I would finger you here if I could,” he said, his voice low. “And after fingering you, I would have you sit in my lap with my cock inside you while all of our friends were around us.”

 

“Please,” Steve whispered. “Please, I- I want it.”

 

“We would stay like that until everyone left, and then I would have you ride me until I came inside you. Or perhaps we could lay on the floor with a blanket over us and I could fuck you from behind while everyone was there.”

 

Bucky shot a look at Steve and Thor and frowned. “What’s the point of watching a movie if you’re just going to be all sappy and gross the whole time and whisper about how much you like each other?” he groaned. “Get a room.”

 

“Sorry,” Steve blushed.

 

Thor smiled and kissed the top of Steve’s head, looking totally innocent as he moved his hand back up to Steve’s cock and began to stroke him again. He continued to toy with Steve’s nipples and pecs, making his liking towards Steve’s chest  _ very _ obvious.

 

Steve was getting close, but there was no way he could come here. He would get come all over Thor’s hand, the blanket, and his own pants. There would be no good explanation for why come was on the blanket.

 

Thankfully, Thor let up. His hand slid out from Steve’s pants to move it up to Steve’s chest. Both hands were groping Steve’s pecs, pressing them together and squeezing them. He left Steve’s nipples alone, but he was relentless with the way he touched Steve’s chest.

 

The pleasure was unbelievable. Steve had never expected to be so sensitive with his chest, but his cock was twitching and leaking precome as Thor touched him. 

 

You learn something new every day, he thought.

 

Finally, the movie ended, and everyone began to spread apart. Most of the group had gone upstairs while Tony and Bruce went to the lab to work on something for one of the Iron Man suits.

 

A few minutes passed as Thor waited for the right time to go back up to the rooms. He knew Steve didn’t want to risk being caught in a flushed state, and Thor didn’t want anyone to see Steve in that state either for the sake of Steve’s feelings and also because only  _ he _ could see Steve like that.

 

Ten minutes later, Thor felt it was good to go back upstairs. Steve was still hard, quietly whimpering and whispering small “please”’s as Thor rubbed at his hole through his sweatpants. Thor motioned for Steve to get up so they could go to the elevator, chuckling when Steve huffed at him.

 

They couldn’t do anything frisky in the elevator due to Tony having cameras in it, but the moment the doors opened and the couple went into Thor’s room, anything was possible.

 

Steve chuckled at Thor locking the door to prevent anyone (specifically Bucky) from barging in. The two blonds got on the bed and immediately resumed their activities.

 

Thor grabbed the lube from his nightstand and pulled Steve’s bottoms down. “You did so well down there,” he whispered. “I didn’t think you would be able to stay quiet.”

 

“That was a dirty trick, Odinson,” Steve chuckled, biting his lip when he felt lubed fingers rub at his hole.

 

“You enjoyed it.”

 

“Maybe, but it was sti-  _ oh god _ .” Steve threw an arm over his eyes and breathed at the feeling of Thor pushing the tip of his finger in. “Please.”

 

“‘Please’, what?”

 

“‘m not saying it.”

 

“I cannot do what you want if you do not tell me.”

 

“Thor, please just-“

 

“Yes?”

 

Steve bit his lip and ground his hips. “Please finger me. I want to come.” He gasped when Thor  _ finally _ pushed his finger in after teasing him tonight.

 

“Look at you. So needy for my fingers. I cannot imagine what you will be like when you want my cock,” Thor purred.

 

He licked a stripe up Steve’s dick and took the head in his mouth. He bobbed his head up and down, sucking hard as he fingered Steve. Judging by the way Steve was moaning and how his thighs were trembling, Thor could tell Steve was close.

 

A brush of Thor’s fingers against his prostate was all it took for Steve to come. He bit down on his hand to muffle himself as he came in Thor’s mouth. God did Thor feel good, and boy did he know how to get Steve off.

 

Steve realized Thor was hard and hadn’t come at all since this morning. So, he pulled up his bottoms and urged Thor to sit at the edge of the bed. He slid Thor’s pants down his thighs and pulled his cock out of his boxers.

 

Precome dribbled down the shaft. Steve took a breath before placing a kiss on the head, smiling up at Thor. His tongue peeked out from between his lips, licking at the slit and lapping up the precome. He closed his eyes when he took the tip into his mouth and sucked.

 

He smiled again when he felt Thor’s hand rest on top of his head. It felt pleasing in some way. Only Steve would get to have this, to feel Thor pull on his hair and hear words of praise under his breath. Warmth flooded his belly but for other reasons.

 

Thor moaned a bit loudly when Steve took more of his cock into his mouth. Steve was about halfway before he had started to gag, but he relaxed his throat and took a bit more in. The tip was brushing against the back of his throat. An overwhelming urge to take all of Thor’s cock down his throat and let him fuck his mouth suddenly came over him, but he knew it would be a bad idea at the moment. It would have to be in the future, that is, if Thor still wanted him.

 

It irked Steve that he was having these thoughts when doing something intimate with Thor. If Thor didn’t like him that way, Thor definitely would’ve told him by now, and he sure as hell wouldn’t be letting Steve give him a blowjob right now. He also would not have said the things he said earlier in the living room.

 

To get rid of the thoughts in his head, Steve hollowed his cheeks and focused on getting Thor to come. Slowly, he bobbed his head up and down, using his tongue to lick the underside of Thor’s dick. He used one of his hands to fondle Thor’s balls, feeling proud of himself when he heard Thor curse.

 

“I’m close,” Thor moaned. “If you do not let up, I-”

 

Steve sucked harder and hummed, pulling back so only the head of Thor’s cock remained in his mouth. He flicked his tongue against the slit and jerked Thor off, slightly jumping back in surprise when the first shot of come landed on his lips. He opened his mouth and continued milking Thor’s orgasm, getting all of Thor’s come on his tongue and lips.

 

Thor whined when he got too sensitive. Steve smiled and swallowed the come in his mouth and licked the rest off his lips. He had Thor stay on the bed while he grabbed some wet wipes from the bathroom. He immediately set to cleaning Thor up and threw the wipes away when done.

 

He chuckled at Thor lying back with his bottoms lazily pulled up. They weren’t even pulled up all the way; just enough to cover his groin. Steve pulled them up the best he could and lay down on his side of the bed. Spongebob would probably have to wait until tomorrow since both of them were too tired to even function properly.

 

“You gonna fall asleep down there and leave me by myself?” Steve pouted, his voice small and sad.

 

Thor immediately climbed up to join Steve and wrapped his arms around him. “Never,” he growled. “That will never happen.”

 

Steve pulled the blankets over himself and Thor, snuggling under the blankets and smiling at Thor pressing his back against his chest. To be a cheeky little shit, Steve ground his ass against Thor’s groin, earning a groan.

 

“Keep doing that and I will put off sleep to make you scream,” Thor mumbled.

 

“Maybe some other time,” Steve smiled.

 

Steve’s mind didn’t even have a chance to trail off like it usually did. Sleep came quickly, and soon Steve found himself floating in a forest of Christmas trees and reindeer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg you have no idea how hard it's been for me to just yell at myself to finish this. even my friends were like "work on it it's ok we don't have to talk" but i didn't LISTEN and now i regret it lol.   
> ALSO sorry for the nsfw again... i needed to after my vivid imagination planted that scene in my head. you can't tell me Steve doesn't have some kinks just cause he's a virgin. i mean you can but ill just fight you with a fork  
> anyway, thank you for reading! i hope you're all okay and please remember to take care of yourselves!! <3


	13. Bad Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Depression is the monster your parents never told you about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> Okay, this chapter is going to be sad. Like, no happiness. And I would like to explain something.  
> Depression is different for everyone. There is no "right" way to have depression besides having it. What Steve goes through here is a mix of what I have observed with my friends and what I have experienced myself. It is a serious problem that needs to be discussed more and not seen as a "crazy" thing because it makes us afraid to talk about in fear of being seen as crazy or any other stereotype.  
> Also, it is canon that Steve has PTSD and depression and has/has had suicidal tendencies so I didn't pull this out of my ass. It wasn't shown too much in the movies so I'm doing the lord's work. I want to do what Marvel didn't do.  
> PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU WILL BE TRIGGERED BY THIS CHAPTER.  
> I WON'T GET UPSET!!  
> THIS CHAPTER FEATURES A CHARACTER SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.

Steve woke up sobbing. Full-blown sobbing with ugly hiccups and snot and broken gasps of air. He sat up and tried to breathe, feeling his chest constrict with every breath he tried to take. The time read three-oh-four. He’d been sleeping for about four or five hours.

 

Thor still slept next to him. His arm laid in the spot Steve had just been in. It would probably be a good idea to talk to him, but Steve would feel so guilty about it. His boyfriend needed the sleep and it would be unfair of Steve to keep him from it because of a nightmare.

 

So, Steve quietly got off the bed and walked out of Thor’s room. He went into the elevator and pressed the button for the gym. No one was up right now, and even if anyone were to be awake right now they wouldn’t bother him.

 

The doors opened and Steve stepped out. The gym was empty much to Steve’s delight and soon he was at the punching bags, punching and kicking his emotions out. Thank god no one was up. He was alone and could do and think whatever he wanted for the time being.

 

Good things really don’t last, huh, Steve thought. It had been a few days since his last nightmare and Steve was really enjoying it. He didn’t expect Thor to be the reason to make his nightmares go away; that was unhealthy and would lead to Steve getting disappointed with Thor any time he had a nightmare.

 

Everything that had happened the past few days had given Steve something to focus on. Worrying about when his next nightmare would occur or if he could manage to keep going for another day weren’t as important. The latter was something that hit him every now and then, but it was definitely something he needed to work on.

 

When he had come out of the ice, Steve had been put under suicide watch by S.H.I.E.L.D. for a few months. It was unbelievably annoying having random people he’d never met make sure he wouldn’t harm or kill himself. Yeah, waking up in a completely new era was overwhelming, but it didn’t mean he needed strangers to monitor him.

 

But as time passed, Steve realized that he really didn’t find a need to keep going. The reason he had sacrificed himself was still alive. Even though he had destroyed S.H.I.E.L.D. years ago, he wasn’t certain all of Hydra had been destroyed, too.

 

He also treated his teammates poorly, too, especially Tony. In the beginning, he had been so hostile to Tony. When the whole thing with the Mandarin occurred, Steve never went to check on him. He never told Tony about Bucky killing his parents, either. There was so much guilt with his treatment towards Tony alone.

 

Tony has repeatedly told Steve that he had forgiven him, but Steve never believed him. Why would he want to forgive Steve after all he’s done? It wasn’t Steve trying to be a victim or earn pity. It was a legitimate question.

 

Steve clenched his teeth at the feeling of tears building up in his eyes. He didn't want to cry. He could hold it back and continue with his workout. He would move on to something else, but beating on a punching bag felt relieving.

 

A loud _ding_ from the elevator startled Steve. The gym was so silent it made the sound louder than usual. Steve kept punching the bag, not turning or moving his gaze from his current target. The footsteps were soft on the gym’s floor.

 

“Sweetheart?” Thor yawned. “Why-” He cut himself off at the realization. “How long have you been down here?”

 

“What time is it?” Steve asked.

 

“Almost four thirty.”

 

Has it really been that long? “I’m almost done.”

 

“You could have woken me up.”

 

“I didn’t want to bother you. You need your sleep.”

 

“I appreciate the thought, but you need your sleep too, Steven.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

Thor frowned. “Darling-”

 

“Don’t.”

 

“Keeping it to yourself will not do you any good.”

 

“The nightmare wasn’t even that bad. Don’t worry. This is helping.”

 

“I am sure. Well, if you feel like talking about it, I am here.”

 

Steve nodded, not saying anything when he noticed Thor lean against the wall instead of going back up to his room. He didn’t need to talk about it and he didn’t want to, either. How was he supposed to look Thor in the eye and tell him he had a nightmare about Thor not wanting him anymore?

 

How was he supposed to look Thor in the eye and tell him that he’s not good enough for him?

 

-

 

Thor had stayed in the gym with Steve until Steve finished with his workout. It was sweet, but it made Steve feel a little guilty. He had made Thor worry and lose sleep. Yes, Thor had made the choice, but still.

 

Steve went to shower before getting back in bed. The air between him and Thor was a bit tense. He didn’t know how to fix it besides telling Thor what he had dreamt about. He’d rather keep it to himself than tell Thor, as bad as that sounded.

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Thor, because he did. He trusted him more than he should, probably. But it was just… Embarrassing. Sad. There wasn’t a good word for it. He shouldn’t be embarrassed about his mental health, but he was. The viewpoints on mental health from the nineteen-forties still lingered around. He was doing his best to get by it.

 

The water rained down on him while he sat on the floor. He’d already washed himself, now he was just trying to relax. Kind of hard to when his mind kept screaming at him to talk to Thor while also screaming that he wasn’t good enough and should just break up with him for his sake.

 

They had just started dating days ago and breaking up with Thor this soon would crush both of them and bring great tension to the team. He’d also probably make Thor feel like their relationship meant nothing to him, which was not true at all.

 

Months of crushing on Thor with days out together and eventually dating has led Steve to develop stronger feelings, and Steve is too afraid to call it as it is. He can’t; if he did have those feelings for Thor, it would make Steve feel worse for reasons he can’t explain.

 

God. Steve was so stupid. Jumping into a relationship with someone he’d never please no matter how hard he tried. Thor would just keep being disappointed. Over and over, until he decided to dump Steve and move on to someone better.

 

The curtains were pulled back and Thor stood above Steve with a look of worry. “It’s been half an hour,” he said. “You never take showers this long.”

 

“Sorry,” Steve mumbled.

 

“Nothing to apologize for, Steven. I was only worried.” Thor shut the water off and grabbed a towel off the rack. “Your eyes are red.”

 

“Not enough sleep.”

 

Thor pursed his lips. “If you say so.”

 

He helped Steve up and began to dry him off. He spent a lot of time on Steve’s hair, smiling at the way his hair was fluffed when he finished. Thor kissed Steve on the forehead and hugged him tightly. Steve smelled like him.

 

“I wish I could keep all of your sorrows from you,” he whispered. “You are too precious for these demons.”

 

“Thank you,” Steve said, tears forming in his eyes.

 

“You are my sunshine, Steven. I want nothing but happiness for you. Your smile gives me another reason to stay here.”

 

“Yours, too.”

 

Thor left the bathroom so Steve could dress in private. The warmth was gone, and now all Steve could feel was the cold. Cold air, cold thoughts, he couldn’t decide. He was just cold and sad. Kind of like the old days.

 

When he stepped out of the bathroom, Thor had already returned to bed. He was laying on his back with one arm on his stomach and the other under his head. Steve walked over to join him, climbing into the bed and pulling the blankets over himself. He saw Thor turn to wrap his arm around him, but he turned away and faced the wall. He knew Thor was confused and possibly a little hurt, but Steve couldn’t do it right now.

 

Steve closed his eyes and focused on trying to sleep again. The conversation in the bathroom replayed over and over in his head, especially the last part of it.

 

Thank god Thor didn’t pick up on the real meaning of what he said.

 

-

 

When morning came, Steve felt no urge to get out of bed. He just didn’t have the energy. Nothing was going on and the stores would be packed with people trying to return gifts or trade in their gifts for other items. That would be a good reason for him to not go out if asked.

 

God, how long has it been since Steve has felt like this? Not once has he admitted to anyone that he has depression and PTSD, though the latter was probably obvious by now. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed by it, but it was because he was in denial of it.

 

He’s Captain America; the strong, incredible face of the United States of America. No way in hell would Captain America have depression and PTSD. He couldn’t have nightmares of his friends dying and of his failures. He couldn’t have fears, because he’s Captain America.

 

But he’s also Steve Rogers, and Steve Rogers has those things. Steve Rogers has fears of losing his loved ones again, fears of sacrifice not working out the way they should. Fears of not being good enough for the world. He has mental illnesses, and there’s not a damn thing he can do about it.

 

If someone were to see Steve walk into a therapist’s office, it would be all over the news. “Captain America: Man With The Plan Actually Has Mental Issues”. “Captain America Is Captain Crazy”. Any stupid headline like that would bring news sites millions of clicks and millions of hate mail to Steve.

 

However, he may be Steve Rogers, but that’s not how the world sees him. Everyone will always see him as Captain America, and he will never be able to be real with the world about who he really is underneath the suit. He’ll have to keep it up until he decides to stop or dies in battle.

 

Steve looked out the window. Gray clouds filled the sky, blocking out any sunlight from shining down. The weather matched his mood, but it would be more accurate if it were raining right now. That way it would be cold and rainy outside, just like Steve’s mental state.

 

He noticed Thor was still in bed with him. He looked over his shoulder and saw Thor’s back facing him. It felt kind of weird not having Thor facing him when he slept, as if he wasn’t keeping guard to make sure Steve’s okay. Seems that he fell asleep upset last night.

 

Guilt flooded Steve like a tsunami. Thor had really gone to bed upset last night because of Steve. Because of Steve’s actions, Thor wasn’t happy. Steve’s mood got ten times worse. Tears formed and slipped down his cheeks.

 

Apparently, he’d made some sort of noise because Thor immediately sat up and turned around to check on him. “Steven?” he softly asked. “What is the matter?”

 

“Nothing,” Steve said, holding back more tears.

 

“But… You are crying.”

 

“It’s nothing.”

 

“It is not nothing. Your feelings are real and they are important.”

 

“Thor, I’m serious. It’s nothing.”

 

“But-“

 

Steve threw the blankets off of him and got out of the bed. “I said it’s nothing, now stop asking me.”

 

He knew he messed up. Thor was only trying to help and Steve pushed him away. What makes it worse is that Steve knows that he’s pushing Thor away. He’s trying to keep Thor from getting hurt, but this was the second time Steve had upset him in less than twelve hours.

 

Talking to someone would help, but Steve didn’t want to. He wanted to lie in bed and sleep until he felt better. His hair was uncombed, his teeth weren’t brushed, he hasn’t taken care of himself. He woke up later than usual today, and he knew this because Thor was awake before him.

 

Breakfast wasn’t important. Steve went into his room and shut and locked the door before getting into his bed. The bed was cold, but it didn’t bother Steve. He deserved it. He deserved to lie in a cold, empty bed by himself.

 

No one was going to come in and bother him any time soon, and it’s not like they could, anyway. With the door locked, Steve was alone in his room. He was alone with his thoughts. Alone, just like when he woke up from the ice.

 

Maybe being alone would be better than being surrounded by people he didn’t deserve. He wouldn’t be the living definition of the word “disappointment” all the time and they wouldn’t have to worry about him. Their worry could go to someone who actually needed it.

 

They were going out of their ways to help Steve and make him feel better. Steve, of all people. He’s Captain America for Christ’s sake. He shouldn’t need their help. He should just walk it off, pretend it isn’t even there.

 

But then the rational side of Steve’s mind decided to object to that statement. Captain America was a public figure, not who Steve was all the time. When he isn’t out fighting people or things trying to destroy the world, he’s Steve Rogers, a kid from Brooklyn, Bucky’s and Sam’s best friend, and Thor’s boyfriend, not what the world wanted him to be.

 

Apparently, he’d fallen asleep during his mental feud because he opened his eyes and heard voices whispering at the end of his bed and it was a little dark outside. He looked at the end of his bed and saw Thor, Tony, Bucky, and Sam talking amongst each other. Thor was the first to notice him wake up.

 

“You have been sleeping for hours,” he said.

 

“Doesn’t seem like it,” Steve sighed. “I’m still tired.”

 

“Steve, are you okay?” Sam asked. “You haven’t eaten all day today.”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just not up for much today.”

 

“You need to eat.”

 

“I’m o-“

 

“Don’t fucking say you’re okay,” Tony snapped. “Eat something, even if it’s something small. Don’t bullshit the bullshitters, especially me, the king.”

 

“Tony-“

 

“No.”

 

Tony left the room to go down to the kitchen, leaving Thor, Bucky, and Sam with Steve. Sam seemed less tense than Bucky and Thor, the latter being tenser than the former. Steve felt guilty for it.

 

None of them said anything. Steve stared at the window but he could feel three pairs of eyes on him, staring at him with worry. It irritated him but it also made him happy in some way to know that they care about him. Enough for them to come in as a group.

 

The door opened again as Tony came in with two sandwiches and a bottle of water in hand. He set them down the nightstand and sat next to Steve with a frown. His expression read “Eat or so help me”, and Steve didn’t want to take any chances.

 

He sat up and began to slowly nibble on the sandwiches. Eating was a terrible idea. It felt as if lead sat in his stomach. A weight, at least. A weight of guilt from making his friends and boyfriend worry about him so much.

 

Halfway. That was all he was able to eat before getting nauseous. He set the plate on his nightstand and pulled the blankets over himself again. Tony pulled the blanket off and thrust the water bottle into Steve’s hands.

 

Steve sighed and took a long drink of water so he could get everyone off his back. Satisfied, he put the bottle back on the stand and went under the blankets again. He didn’t feel the bed shift, so he figured everyone was still here.

 

“What?” he asked, his voice full of annoyance.

 

“What’s wrong, Steve?” Bucky asked. “You haven’t done anything but sleep today. That’s concerning.”

 

“Just tired from yesterday. That’s it.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Can you just stop asking? It’s one off day. I’m fine.”

 

“I don’t believe you at all, but okay.”

 

The bed shifted a lot, but two weights were still on the bed with Steve. Thor was definitely one of them, and when Steve peeked over the blanket, he saw Tony staring back at him.

 

“You can fool any other person, but not us,” Tony said, getting up from the bed and stretching. “Just remember that.”

 

Tony left the room, and the only person left was the one person Steve really didn’t want to talk to right now. Mostly out of guilt, but also fear. The conversation would more than likely go poorly.

 

“I only want to make sure you are okay,” Thor softly spoke. “I do not mean to bother you.”

 

Damn it. God damn it. Steve felt another pang of guilt and a stabbing pain in his chest.

 

“You aren’t,” Steve said. “I just don’t want to talk.”

 

“Would you like for me to stay here with you tonight?”

 

Steve felt his heart shatter. “I’m okay.”

 

“As you wish.” Thor got up from the bed and went over to where Steve was to lean down and give him a kiss on his forehead. “My room is open should you need me.”

 

Thor gently brushed the hairs on Steve’s face away and gave him a sad smile before walking out of the room. He shut the door behind him, leaving Steve alone with himself once again. The room felt lonelier than earlier and Steve felt worse.

 

All they wanted to do was help him, and all he did was push them away. What was he doing? He was offered help. His friends were going to help him, but he denied them that and lied to them. He didn’t do a very good job, though; he knew they saw right through his lies.

 

Maybe tomorrow would be better. Some rest would do him some good. Tomorrow can and will be a million times better, Steve thought as he closed his eyes again.

 

-

 

Tomorrow was not better. At all.

 

It was a million times _worse_. Steve kept having vivid nightmares about his friends and Thor. Some involved them dying, the others were just his loved ones telling Steve that they hated him and were disappointed with everything he did and that he was a failure as both Captain America and a normal human being.

 

Steve couldn’t let his friends know he was still down in the dumps. He fought himself to get out of bed and went to the bathroom. His hair was unbelievably messy and he was certain he needed a shower after being drenched in sweat all night.

 

He showered first. Getting out of the shower was difficult due to him wanting to stay under it all day, but he pushed himself to do it. When he got out of the shower, he dried himself off and got dressed. As he waited for his hair to dry, he brushed his teeth and attempted to detangle his hair the best he could.

 

Even after taking care of himself, Steve still looked terrible. If he couldn’t even take care of himself, how was he supposed to be in a relationship with anyone? Especially with a literal god?

 

Minutes later Steve was down in the kitchen by himself. Food sounded awful and he’d more than likely throw up if he tried to eat, but he needed to. He grabbed an apple and slowly ate. When he ate the last bit of it, he threw the core in the trash and sighed. At least he actually finished his food this time.

 

There was light outside. Sort of. Clouds were still in front of the sun from yesterday, and although they weren’t as dark as they were yesterday, they still showed signs of precipitation.

 

Steve looked out the window and saw the bird’s nest in the same spot as before. The bird was gone. It more than likely went south for the winter. Or it was getting food, but probably the first guess.

 

The elevator dinged and Clint walked out. He greeted Steve with a slurred “good morning” and set to make himself a cup of coffee. Steve went into the living room and sat on the couch with a bottle of water in hand. He didn't want to talk to anyone, but being in his room won’t do anything but make him feel worse.

 

“How’re you feelin’ today, bud?” Clint asked as he took a seat next to Steve.

 

“I’m good,” Steve lied, a fake smile plastered on his face. “I feel a lot better compared to yesterday.”

 

“Yeah? That’s good to hear.”

 

The conversation ended there, so Steve sat there awkwardly as Clint drank his coffee and watched TV. Steve decided to go back up to his room, but the elevator opened again and Thor came out. His hair was an absolute mess and he looked exhausted. When he saw Steve, he perked up.

 

“Hello, sweetheart,” Thor smiled. “How do you feel today?”

 

“Good,” Steve lied again. “Yesterday was just an off day. But today is a lot better.”

 

Thor narrowed his eyes at him. “I see. Have you eaten today?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You are not lying to me, are you?”

 

“No, Thor. Don’t treat me like a kid.”

 

“I am not doing that. I am only checking on you because you did not eat or drink yesterday until you were forced.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

Steve didn’t miss the quick expression of hurt on Thor’s face, but he moved by him and into the elevator. Instead of going up to the rooms, he went down to the gym and went straight to the punching bags. All of his frustration from yesterday was let loose and Steve hadn’t even bothered to wrap his hands to prevent injury.

 

Each punch was hard. The loud banging on the punching bag was the only sound in the room besides the occasional grunt or groan from Steve. Every punch he threw was full of anger, not a single one holding back on the poor punching bag.

 

Lying to his friends was bad enough, but lying to _Thor_? That was definitely the worst. Thor wanted to help. His expression was replayed over and over in Steve’s mind, causing Steve to punch harder and harder at the punching bag until blood smeared on the bag. That didn’t stop him, though. The blood surprised him a little, but he let up a little on the force of his hits. More and more blood smeared on the punching bag, eventually painting it in different areas.

 

The elevator dinged and three pairs of footsteps ran towards Steve. He yelped when strong hands grabbed his wrists and pulled them away from the punching bag and up to a large chest. The only person strong enough to do that was-

 

“Feeling better, huh?” Tony deadpanned.

 

“I’m fine,” Steve gritted out. “Go away.”

 

“Steven, your hands are bleeding,” Thor said. “You cannot resume this while injured.”

 

“I said I’m fine!” Steve tried to yank his wrists out of Thor’s grasp but failed. “Let me go.”

 

“Pal, you can’t do this to yourself,” Bucky sighed. “There are people who can help with depression and-“

 

“I don’t have depression! I’m fine! I’m just a little angry about something, okay?”

 

“Yeah, angry enough to punch a bag ‘till you bleed. You didn’t even wrap your hands, Steve.”

 

“I forgot.”

 

“You never forget.”

 

Steve glared at the floor and gave up fighting. “Fine.”

 

“We just want to help,” Tony said.

 

“I don’t need help.”

 

“Are you sure about that?”

 

No. “Yes.”

 

“Okay.” Tony left the gym, not even bothering to turn around to acknowledge the three people behind him.

 

Bucky turned to Steve and frowned. “You know you can talk to me, bud,” he said. I’d never put you down for the way you feel.”

 

“I’m happy, Buck,” Steve said. “Really.”

 

“I don’t get why-“ Bucky sighed and rubbed his face with his flesh hand. “Nevermind,” he said before walking away to go back up to who knows where.

 

Steve stared at the ground. Looking at Thor would just make him feel more guilty and disappointed with himself. He knows he hurt Thor earlier, but the apology is stuck in his throat. He shouldn’t have to apologize because he shouldn’t have done it in the first place, and that’s what made Steve so angry.

 

“Steven,” Thor softly spoke. “Please tell me the truth.”

 

“I’m okay, Thor,” Steve said, trying not to cry at the way Thor was looking at him. “The nightmare from a couple nights ago just has me a little freaked out.”

 

It wasn’t a complete lie; this whole thing literally started because of a nightmare Steve had, but it had caused his depression to kick back up and make life harder than it already was.

 

“I do not believe you,” Thor sighed, “But I suppose I will have to wait until you are ready to tell me what is truly worrying you.” He took Steve’s hands and frowned. “You did quite a bit of damage to yourself.”

 

Irony. “I guess,” Steve mumbled. “Wasn’t even paying attention.”

 

“What would you like to do today?”

 

Lay in bed all day and try not to hurt his loved ones more than he already has. “I don’t know. Anything is fine.”

 

“We could go to my room and watch a show. Or we could spend time with Barnes and the Falcon. They are interesting.”

 

Steve nodded and followed Thor to the elevator, feeling more guilty with each step he took.

 

-

 

New Year's Eve was not going well.

 

Steve has broken down twice today already, once from waking up, the other from getting into an argument with Thor over something stupid. He was the one who had started the argument by saying something negative, and he was the one who ended the argument by walking out of Thor’s room and slamming the door shut behind him.

 

The argument was hours ago and neither he or Thor has gone out to talk to the other. Steve knew he needed to apologize for being such a jerk, but he figured Thor would just ignore him or accept it out of pity. Pity for poor, little Steve.

 

These thoughts were not getting better. Over the past few days, they’ve gotten worse to the point where Steve couldn’t even get out of bed without crying or being warned by Friday that she would call Thor, Tony, and Bucky into his room to check on him as Tony had asked her to.

 

He only got out of bed to avoid their looks of annoyance and disappointment. If he wasn’t always being such a useless pest, he wouldn’t have to see their expressions of pity and worry. If he could just get over this bout of depression and move on with his life, it would make things so much easier.

 

Food was also an issue. For someone of Steve’s size, he needed to eat a lot, but he only ate tiny pieces of food before getting nauseous and making up some excuse for not eating everything. They’d be annoyed at him if he told them that eating took too much energy, and they would probably be more annoyed with him for wasting food.

 

When the clock struck midnight, Steve was in his bed sobbing into his pillow. He’d just finished arguing with Thor again, except this time it was because Thor had asked “Are you okay?” and Steve had snapped at him. But he didn’t stop there. No, he had continued to talk, continued to snap and eventually yell at Thor until Bucky had intervened. But before Bucky could even do anything Steve had already walked out and slammed the door shut.

 

The look on Thor’s face was unforgettable. His eyes were wide from shock and his mouth had been partly open from gasping. His eyebrows had been arched and he had taken a step back after Steve had told him to “mind his own damn business”.

 

Out of everything Steve has done in his life, that was the worst of all. Thor was an absolute angel, and Steve treated him like trash. All because Steve doesn’t want to bother the person he cares about the most with his fears about their relationship.

 

He cried himself to sleep for the third time that week.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you are having suicidal thoughts/tendencies or know someone who is, please contact the suicide hotline. here is a post that has the number of the suicide hotline in different countries:  
> http://deadinparadice.tumblr.com/post/119568503070/dont-ever-hesitate-reblog-this-tumblr-rule  
> i would have just included the U.S suicide hotline, but not every reader is from the U.S.  
> it's okay to ask for help.  
> please take care of yourselves. <3


	14. Bad Weeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're in the wrong mindset, you make bad decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about this chapter.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> Depression, suicidal thoughts, mentions of blood and injury.

__

Two weeks.

 

Two weeks ago was New Year’s Eve. Two weeks ago was the first time Steve had ever actually argued with Thor, and two weeks ago was when Steve’s mental health had finally decided to get worse than it already was.

 

When he worked out, he cried. He would hit the punching bag until he fell to his knees and smear his blood on his face from both the punching bag and wiping the tears from his face.

 

He hasn’t told anyone.

 

Eating was whenever Steve felt he could handle it without getting nauseous. He ate alone all the time. His teammates would offer to eat with him, but he would politely decline and go up to his room and eat whatever he could until he got sick. Then he would be in his room for the rest of the day until the urge to punch came back or until he was asked by Friday to go down and get some water.

 

His friends never asked about his depression, but they did offer to help if they saw something for themselves, such as Steve breaking a mug on accident and breaking down about it. Bruce had been the one to witness that. It had taken a lot of lying to get Bruce to let him go.

 

That wasn’t the worst thing, though.

 

The worst thing about all of this was Thor  _ still _ wanted to help. He still wanted to be by Steve’s side after all of the stupid shit Steve had said two weeks ago. It made Steve angry and relieved at the same time, but more angry because Thor didn’t deserve someone like Steve. He deserved someone who would treat him like the prince he was, someone who didn’t have mental breakdowns over tiny things like eating or waking up in the morning.

 

And like the idiot he was, Steve did his best to push Thor away. He used any opportunity to get away from Thor or make him angry enough to leave Steve alone for a while. It took a lot to make him mad, but it had been getting easier lately.

 

What made Steve angry was that Thor still came back, and he would apologize for leaving Steve and apologize for getting angry. Steve would snap at Thor for apologizing, which would make Thor confused and irritated, and then they would argue again until Steve left or Tony or Bucky came in to stop them, specifically Steve.

 

No one has called Steve out for his bullshit yet. They don’t need to, because Steve would lie his way out of it like he always does. And the sad thing was they all knew Steve was lying, but they never said anything because Steve would just lie again.

 

In about a week, his one month anniversary with Thor would occur. But if Steve were being honest for once, he doesn’t think they’re going to make it that long. Maybe until the end of today or tomorrow, nothing more. Steve wouldn’t stop it from happening because he knows he deserves to get dumped on his ass and left to be alone.

 

Today has gone by slowly. No one has bothered Steve, including Thor, so that was nice. It was only two in the afternoon so only eight more hours of lying in bed and beating on the punching bag until he could go to sleep for the night.

 

Clouds filled the sky again, but they were darker in color than before. Day by day Steve had noticed the color in the clouds slowly turn darker, and today they were a dark gray. Not one bit of sunshine outside. Seemed about right.

 

An alarm sounded in the tower, alerting Steve that there was danger somewhere. He sighed and slowly got up, making his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and make himself look presentable. His Captain America suit was in the closet, so he made his way there and undressed, throwing his unwashed clothes into the hamper and slipping into his suit.

 

His hair was a mess from not being combed in a few days, so he took a few minutes to comb it and sighed at his reflection. He didn’t show any signs of his lack of sleep due to the serum, but he looked sad. He practiced his Captain America smile for a bit before walking out and grabbing his shield on his way out of the room.

 

The danger was not a group of Chitauri or other strange aliens, but a group of masked persons with illegal weapons that were terrorizing people in the outside of a city in Switzerland. The weapons seemed to have been smuggled by black market dealers who had stolen tech from Wakanda.

 

Bucky and Clint hid to snipe while the rest of the team sought out to find the terrorists. They were all split up as they searched through the rubble and bodies to see if they could get an idea of who these people were. One of the bodies belonged to one of the masked persons; they wore a dragon mask. This was a new group the team had never heard of.

 

Steve walked around in a building, listening for any indication of activity. A gunshot caused him to lift his shield up and be more cautious of his surroundings. It was only until he saw a shadow that he threw his shield, hitting the target right in the chest. They fell down and Steve ran over to see who it was.

 

He grabbed the person by the front of their jacket and pulled them up. “Who are you?” he demanded.

 

“Watch this,” the person chuckled, rubbing their hand across their chest.

 

Steve watched in horror as a building across from him blew up and crumbled to the ground. Innocent people he could have saved had been in the building, waiting for someone to save them, and all Steve did was get them killed.

 

Rage flooded through him and all Steve could feel was the bones cracking with each punch he threw, beating on the person until he realized what he was doing. It was too late, for the person had stopped breathing a while ago, but he removed the cracked masked to see the culprit. A local, judging by his features.

 

The mask was thrown onto the ground as Steve walked away. He needed to find the rest of the group to prevent any more innocents from dying from his mistakes. It’s the best he can do for now.

 

-

 

In the quinjet, everyone was chatting amongst each other except for Steve. He sat alone on a bed, staring at his bloody knuckles and wishing he had a second chance to save the civilians from the building. It wouldn’t happen, but he wished anyway.

 

When the team landed, they were immediately debriefed by Fury. The meeting went by quickly and everyone went back to the tower. Friends went with friends and lovers with their partners, but Steve went straight into his room and locked the door behind him.

 

The next day was the same thing. Steve had been asleep and he’d gotten the same alarm warning him of danger. He and the team had gone out to handle whatever was being a pest, got debriefed, and went home.

 

No civilian casualties on Steve’s part, this time, but still. People died because he couldn’t save them.

 

However, the day after that... It was horrible.

 

Steve hasn’t broken down in a couple of days, but today was the worst in a long time. He had gotten into an argument with Thor over some clothing, and as usual, Steve snapped and made everything a million times worse than it should have been, and now he was going into a dangerous situation with a bad mindset.

 

It shouldn’t affect the way he performed his duties, and hopefully, it wouldn’t, but Steve’s mental health was unpredictable. He wasn’t sure of himself anymore and that was probably one of the scariest things he’s ever admitted to himself.

 

The amount of activity going on the past few days has been depleting Steve’s mental battery. He had already been running on low, but the activity and the arguing with Thor have brought him down to three or two percent. Anything else and Steve wasn’t sure what would happen.

 

He and Thor were not speaking, bringing great tension to the team. They were called in to stop a bombing at an airport that involved two large groups of persons wearing the same masks from Switzerland. Steve was once again reminded of the incident for what felt like the thousandth time.

 

Everyone split up to take on the group one by one. They weren’t taking any prisoners, so they either killed in self-defense or knocked them out and placed them in a pile for the police to pick them up. There were quite a few of them, but they were taken down easily.

 

Steve walked around the airport to make sure no one was there. Civilians had been evacuated and the only casualties so far were the masked terrorists and a few civilians. A small amount in comparison to Switzerland. Still, too many civilians in Steve’s book.

 

A scream tore him from his thoughts. He ran towards the source and saw two women holding each other as a group of the terrorists surrounded them with guns and other weapons. The women saw Steve standing behind them and their eyes grew wide in surprise and joy, causing the group to turn and look at Steve as well.

 

One of the members pressed a gun to one of the hostage’s heads. Steve knew they would kill the women if he stepped forward or attempted to hit them with his shield, so he made them an offer: let the women go and take him instead. The women protested, saying his life was more important, but he shook his head and stood in his spot as the couple was let go.

 

They ran off, but one of them hugged him before she ran off to join her girlfriend. Steve turned back to face the group, his shield ready to throw and kill. He threw his shield at one of the members, watching it bounce off and hit other members and killing them. Five remained, all of them holding guns and large knives.

 

As the shield began to go back to Steve, he was hit by something that made his body seize up and fall to the floor. His body felt weak. It felt the way it used to when he was younger and asthmatic. His limbs refused to work as he attempted to fight back.

 

The group surrounded Steve, looking down at him through their masks that taunted him with their large smiles. One of them pointed their gun at him. Steve tried to lift his arm up to swing at the masked criminal but all he managed to do was barely lift his arm up past his stomach. A thought passed through his mind, one that quieted the noise in his head.

 

This was it. This was the end.

 

He was defenseless against them. His body refused to work, and all he could think about was  _ This is it. _ Nothing else popped up in his head. Only that thought. A dry laugh escaped his throat at the realization that he was going to die without his friends knowing until it was too late. They were going to find his body on the floor and try anything to get him back, only to fail.

 

He was going to die alone. Just like the kids used to tell him when he was younger. Just like he thought when he crashed the plane into the ocean.

 

At least he was going to die for a good cause.

 

Steve saw the gun raise towards his head and closed his eyes. Their finger was on the trigger. All he had to do was wait.

 

But the bullet never hit him. He opened his eyes and saw that the gun was knocked to the floor and the owner with it. Thor stood above Steve with Mjolnir in one hand and Steve’s shield in the other, battling the group with great ease as he killed them one by one. As the last body fell, Thor was panting.

 

Thor turned to look at Steve with a furious expression. He said nothing as he lifted Steve up into his arms and carried him to the quinjet with the shield on his back and Mjolnir on his hip. He put Steve on a bed and sat next to him with his arms crossed. Nothing was said between the two of them, even as the team returned and saw the condition Steve was in.

 

The condition wore off after a couple of hours. Steve didn’t bother talking to anyone. His team was busy anyway. Well, except for Thor. He wasn’t busy, but he sure looked angry by the way his jaw was clenched and eyes were cold as he stared at the floor.

 

When they landed, it was thundering with a great amount of lightning. Steve immediately walked into the tower and went to his room and began to undress, changing into a T-shirt and pajama pants before climbing into his bed. Debriefing could wait until tomorrow. His blankets were cold from his absence and he needed warmth.

 

His door slammed open and Thor stormed in, yanking the blankets off of Steve. Tears were running down his face as he glared at Steve with clenched teeth and clenched fists.

 

“Steven,” Thor choked. “I do not know what to do anymore. I almost watched you allow yourself to  _ die _ . What were you thinking?”

 

“I don’t know,” Steve answered, his voice flat.

 

“You do know. You will not tell me, and I understand that you are scared, but Steven I cannot help you if you do not tell me what is going on. You know I will never shame you for your feelings.”

 

“I’m not scared of anything.”

 

“Yes you are. I know you are. I can see right through your little barricade. You push me away when I try to help because you are scared of letting me be close to you. I may not be of this planet but I am certainly not a fool.”

 

Steve was getting angry. “I never said yo-“

 

“I know you never said it! I am quite aware of that!”

 

Steve stood up from the bed and bumped his chest with Thor’s. “Then why are you in here yelling at me?”

 

“Because I almost watched you die today, Steven! You almost gave your life up without even-“ Thor stopped himself to keep from sobbing. “Without even talking to anyone. It does not have to be me, Steven, but anyone,  _ please _ .”

 

“Thor, I can’t talk to anyone about my feelings. They’re irrational an-“

 

“No, do not even think about finishing that sentence. That is not true. That is the depression speaking for you. I want to speak to  _ you _ .”

 

Steve’s eyes began to water. “Thor, why won’t you just let it go? I don’t get it. It’s just a big waste of your time.”

 

“Because it is you. You are not a waste of time.”

 

Tears flowed down Steve’s face. “Thor-“

 

“Steven, please just- Just talk to me. Tell me. I do not want to fix you because you are not broken. I only want to help. I do not want this incident to happen again.”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I just can’t.”

 

“Steven-“

 

“I can’t do it, Thor! I can’t!”

 

“Why? I-“

 

“How am I supposed to look at you and tell you that I’m always going to be a disappointment? That I’m just going to keep making you more and more sad and unsatisfied until you decide to leave me for someone better? That’s what my nightmare was about two weeks ago! It was you telling me you hated me and that you deserved better.

 

“And you know what? You were right! You do deserve someone better. Do you know how much it hurts to think about you hating me and always being tired of me? I wake up and fall asleep thinking about how you’re going to dump me and leave for someone better. And at this point, I think you should. It would be a lot less stress for you.”

 

“Steven-“

 

“Don’t. You know what I said was true. You’re just pitying me at this point.”

 

Thor’s expression shifted from sad to furious. “How dare you say that to me? I would never continue my affections with you out of pity!”

 

Steve glared at Thor through his tears. “Then why the hell are you still with me, Thor? What’s the point?”

 

“Because I love you, Steven! That’s why!”

 

The room grew quiet, save for the thunder outside. It was intense, rumbling almost every second with lightning flashing and lighting up the city. Steve could hear his heartbeat in his ears.

 

“What?” he asked.

 

“I stay with you because I love you,” Thor said, gently lifting his hands to Steve’s face to wipe the tears away. “You are so important to me, Steven. It pains me to see you in this state because I cannot take your fears from you and send them to Hel where they belong.

 

“Steven, I will never be disappointed with you. Every day you show me more and more reasons to love you. You are one of the strongest people I know, and I am not talking about your muscles. I am speaking of your mentality. You are truly incredible.

 

“I am always satisfied with you. No one makes me feel the way you do. Your smile is perhaps my most favorite thing to exist, along with your laugh. I do not need sex to be happy with you. I only need you and I am the happiest man alive.” Thor kissed Steve on his forehead and nose. “My heart and soul are yours, Steven. For as long as I live and even after death I will always love you.”

 

Steve was sobbing now, burying his face into Thor’s neck and gripping onto his biceps. “‘m so sorry for e-everything, Thor,” he sobbed. “I was s-such a jerk. ‘m sorry. ‘m so sorry.”

 

“I forgive you, sweetheart.”

 

“I-I treated you so poorly. I don’t d-deserve you.”

 

“Do not say that. It is I who does not deserve you.” Thor gently pulled Steve off him and cupped his face and kissed him softly on the lips. “You are so beautiful, my love. A most precious treasure.” Thor let go of Steve to get into the bed and lie down. “Will you join me?”

 

Steve lay down next to Thor and hid his face in Thor’s chest. He closed his eyes as Thor ran a gentle hand through his hair and down his back. The room was unbelievably warm now, blankets being completely unnecessary now that Thor was here.

 

“You will get through this, Steven,” Thor whispered. “You are strong. We could ask Stark for a therapist to come here to speak to you about your depression, but it is up to you. I am here for support.”

 

“I- I don’t know what to do,” Steve admitted. “But I think I’d like to talk to you guys first and see how that goes. Then I’ll speak to the therapist.”

 

“Whatever you feel is right.”

 

“Thank you, Thor.”

 

“Anything for you, darling.”

 

“And- um, I love you too. A lot. For a while now.”

 

Thor pulled back to kiss Steve on the lips and caressed his face. The two spent hours kissing and cuddling in bed, ignoring the outside world for hours until they needed to eat. Not wanting to leave each other, they ordered Chinese food and asked Bucky if he could bring it up to them. Thankfully, he had eagerly agreed when he’d heard Steve was finally willing to eat on his own terms and brought the food up immediately.

 

They were quiet while they ate, occasionally giggling at their show playing on the TV. Steve leaned his head on Thor’s shoulder and sighed in content, slowly slurping on his noodles as Spongebob went to Karate Island. For once, he didn’t have the weight in his stomach. He took his time with eating in case his body tried to throw it back up. It’s been a while since he’s eaten a large meal, so he didn’t want to cause his body to go into shock or something.

 

“Do you feel better at all?” Thor asked.

 

“I do,” Steve said, and he actually meant it. “I feel a lot better. Eating is still kind of hard, though. I’ll get through it.”

 

“Do not rush yourself, Steven. Healing takes time. If you rush yourself you will end up where you started except far worse.”

 

“I know. I’ll try to be careful.” Steve set his box of noodles on his nightstand and stretched. “How did you know about me being in the gym? Two weeks ago, I mean. When I was punching the bag without protection.”

 

“The voice in the ceiling told Stark, who told me and Barnes.” Thor put his empty box of noodles in the trash and went back to sit with Steve. “Though Stark had only told me when I asked him why he was talking to himself while running to the elevator.”

 

“I figured as much.” Steve lay back and sighed. “I can’t say this won’t ever happen again because I didn’t even think  _ this _ would happen. But I can say that I’ll try to get better. For me and you.”

 

Thor smiled at him. “I am happy to hear you say that. You should do it for yourself more than anything.”

 

“Have you ever felt like this?”

 

“A few times. When I was banished from Asgard, when I lost my mother. When I lost Loki. Except I’ve lost Loki twice now. The second time was much worse.”

 

“How did you get by it?”

 

“Heimdall. We spoke whenever I could not sleep. He was very helpful.”

 

“You speak highly of him.”

 

“He is a great man. I wish for you to meet him one day.”

 

“I wouldn’t mind that.”

 

Thor took Steve’s hand and brought it to his lips. “Perhaps one day in the future. Right now, I would like to sleep.”

 

“It’s not that late, though. It’s only eight.”

 

“What do you suggest we do?”

 

Steve bit his lip. “Um. Can we- Can we talk?”

 

“Of course, sweetheart.”

 

They talked for hours. Steve had talked about his emotions and finally said the words “I have depression” out loud to someone for the first time. It felt so good being able to tell someone without seeing pity in their eyes. Thor understood how he felt and nodded in response to the things Steve said. He would rub Steve’s arm from time to time and squeeze his hand whenever Steve started to tear up.

 

His PTSD was already apparent to Thor, so he talked about the things that bothered him and the recent incident in Switzerland. Slowly, more weight was released from his chest and soon Steve felt freer than before. So many things that Steve had shoved into the back of his mind reappeared at the opportunity to tell someone and get it out there.

 

In return, Thor spoke about his trauma. Steve had no idea that Thor had been keeping so many things to himself from the team. It wasn’t important that he told the team about what he’s been through, but still, Steve was shocked. Talking to Heimdall seemed to have really helped him. Apparently, speaking to Jane had helped him, too.

 

Even though they had broken up due to Thor having business in Asgard and with the Avengers and Jane had her science research, they still spoke from time to time. They were friends and Jane had already found someone else according to something Thor had said months ago, so Steve didn’t feel the need to worry about Thor being unfaithful. Also the fact that Thor would literally kill someone for touching Steve the wrong way made Steve feel that, too.

 

Jane had helped him get used to certain Midgardian cultures. She had been the one to talk to him about mental illnesses and discuss what effect they can have on people and the people around them. When Thor would return to Asgard, he would talk to Heimdall about what he and Jane had discussed and further explore what Midgardians go through. It was then that Thor realized that Asgardians could suffer from mental illnesses, too.

 

As they talked, Steve realized that he truly wasn’t alone when it came to this kind of stuff. Bucky and Tony suffered from PTSD, he knew that for sure. All of them probably suffered from some kind of mental illness. PTSD would definitely be one of them due to the things all of them have gone through in their lives.

 

A light bulb lit up in Steve’s head. Sam worked with veterans that have PTSD, so maybe he could help Steve out. It wouldn’t require Steve to reveal his secrets and trauma to some random psychologist. One of his best friends would be able to help him out, someone he already knew and trusted.

 

He told Thor his idea and smiled when he got a supportive response. Now all he needed to do was ask Sam and see if he’d agree to it. If he didn’t, that would be okay. But if he did, it would make Steve’s anxiety so much easier to deal with. It would also be in the tower, too.

 

Steve pressed his cheek against Thor’s chest and closed his eyes. Thor’s arm was wrapped around his waist and held him tightly against Thor’s chest. His hand was clutching Thor’s shirt as he slowly began to drift off.

 

“I am so happy to have you with me,” Thor whispered, tightening his hold on Steve. “I love you, Steven.”

 

“I’m happy to be here too,” Steve whispered back. “I love you too, Thor. Thank you.”

 

The thunderstorm stopped as the two slept. The clouds disappeared, revealing the bright light of the moon and the stars. For once, everything was quiet, including the voice in Steve’s head.

 

-

 

When morning came, Steve woke up to bright sunshine and a hand gently massaging his back. The room was bright and felt better than it has in the previous weeks. He looked up and smiled at Thor, who smiled back at him and kissed him on the top of his head.

 

“Good morning, my love,” Thor said. “Did you sleep well?”

 

“Yeah,” Steve mumbled. “I don’t remember what I dreamt about, though.”

 

“I see you were comfortable.”

 

“What do you mean?” Steve lifted his head and grimaced when he felt Thor’s shirt stick to his face. “I drooled on you, didn’t I?”

 

“Yes, and it was adorable.”

 

“How is that adorable?”

 

“I cannot explain. Seeing you so relaxed and comfortable with me brought a smile to my face. The drool is nothing, sweetheart.”

 

“Before I do anything today, um. Can you-“ Steve felt awkward asking this. “Can you help me change my bedsheets? I don’t want to sleep or be in a room that’s ridden with depression.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Thor let go of Steve so they could both get up from the bed. They immediately removed the pillowcases and bedsheets and threw them into the hamper to be washed. Steve grabbed a new set of sheets and pillowcases and put them on the bed, and with Thor’s help, it took little time compared to doing it by himself.

 

Steve smelled himself and wrinkled his nose. He grabbed a new shirt and sweatpants from his closet and a new pair of boxers from his drawers. Thor left the room as he went into the bathroom and began to undress. He was down to his boxers when Thor opened the door and stuck his head in.

 

“May I join you?” he asked.

 

“Sure,” Steve answered.

 

The taller of the two smiled and shut the door behind him. His clothes were thrown onto the floor with Steve’s in a small pile. Once both of them were nude, they stepped into the shower and began to clean themselves.

 

Steve washed his hair with a pair of eyes on him. It was hard to ignore, especially with the way Thor was looking at him, but he managed to do so for a few moments until he felt Thor press his chest against his back. Neither of them said anything, but Steve continued washing himself, even with a giant teddy bear wrapped around him.

 

He set to washing his body after Thor let go of him to wash the conditioner out of his own hair. They were both quiet as they washed themselves, occasionally kissing and hugging under the pouring water. Thor would just hold Steve with one hand cradling Steve’s head and the other rubbing small circles on Steve’s back as they stood under the water and enjoyed each other’s presence.

 

After finishing their shower, Steve made to get out but Thor grabbed his hand and suggested they take a bubble bath. Steve nodded and sat in front of Thor as the water rose and bubbles formed. Thor got a handful of bubbles and blew them towards Steve, who got two handfuls of bubbles and placed them on Thor’s face to give him a bubble beard.

 

Bubbles were flying around as the two covered each other in them. Steve was laughing at Thor’s ridiculously long bubble beard and swiped his hand at it to ruin it. Thor opened his mouth in surprise but said nothing as he splashed water at Steve. Like two overgrown children they began to splash water at each other.

 

Their battle ended when Steve got a particularly good splash that got Thor’s face and sprayed water all over. He leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek while he was distracted. Thor smiled at him and kissed him on the nose. They got out of the tub to dry off and dress. Steve combed his hair after drying it a little as Thor continued to attempt to dry his hair. It felt so… domestic.

 

Breakfast was probably at around this time of morning and their stomachs were grumbling. Hopefully Sam would be awake so he could talk to him about the idea he’d had last night. He and Thor left Steve’s room and went down the elevator to the kitchen and living room. Bucky sat on the loveseat with a bowl of cereal while Sam and Clint sat on the couch. Sam was smirking at the TV as Bucky glared at it and nearly bent the spoon in half. The glare soon disappeared when he saw Steve.

 

“Hey,” he greeted, looking at Steve’s and Thor’s wet hair. “What are you up to this morning?”

 

“Just need to eat,” Steve said, avoiding what Bucky really meant. “Hey, Sam, can I talk to you real quick?”

 

Thor moved to sit on the loveseat with Bucky as Sam joined Steve in the kitchen.

 

“What’s up, man?” Sam asked.

 

“Well, I was talking to Thor last night and I’ve come to realize that I have some issues that I need to work out. I’m not too comfortable with the idea of talking to a stranger, so I was thinking that since you work at the VA’s-“

 

“You want me to help you.”

 

Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. If you want to, I mean. You don’t have to.”

 

“I know I don’t.” Sam put a hand on Steve’s shoulder and smiled. “So when do we start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok I know I made the issues like two chapters long but it's kind of hard for me to write about this stuff without getting lost in my head so I apologize. thank you for reading, and if you need any help or someone to talk to, I'm available. please talk to friends or family you can trust if possible, too. if not, like I said, I'm open.  
> on a different topic, I fuckin LIVE for cheesy, cliche stuff. telling someone you love them while fighting? I will start weeping with the force of a thousand suns. omg. I cannot explain it. if it's too cheesy no but there are some things I will gobble up like refried beans. gah  
> PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES!! much love to you all!! :D


	15. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things should be kept from certain people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for posting this a bit late. I've been distracted with personal issues but it's all settling down and I can finally relax.
> 
> Enjoy! :D

Steve and Sam decided to do sessions twice a week on Tuesday and Thursday. They would sit in Steve’s room and talk about whatever, or Sam would ask a question and allow Steve to talk until he felt he had nothing to say. It had been a bit tense the first time due to Sam asking certain questions and telling Steve the hard truth because Steve was stubborn and hated being told he’s wrong.

 

The second session had gone a lot better with Steve not being as tense as he was the first time and allowing himself to be vulnerable with Sam. After each session, they would hug and Sam would go off to bug Bucky with Clint and Steve would go over to Thor’s room or the gym either by himself or with Thor.

 

Their third session was put off because it was Steve and Thor’s one month together, and ironically enough it wasn’t Steve who had canceled the session, it was Sam. Steve tried to argue, but Sam wasn’t having it. He told Steve that if Steve tried coming to talk to him, he would do everything in his power to get Bucky to ruin sweet moments with Thor.

 

“Taking a bath together? Bucky will go into the bathroom and just take a piss as if nothing were happening,” Sam started. “Cuddling on the soda? He’ll just watch you and make noises at you until you stop. Trying to get it on? Bucky will barge in asking you to help him how to use the TV until-.”

 

“Okay, I get it,” Steve laughed. “I really don’t need him there when I’m trying to be intimate with my boyfriend.”

 

“We’ll talk again on Thursday. Have fun with your boyfriend.” Sam grabbed Steve’s arm as Steve began to walk away. “But not too much fun. I don’t need to hear you two going at it like teenagers. Bucky told me what you two did and as funny as it was, I don’t want or need to hear it myself.”

 

Steve laughed and shook his head, saying “See you later” and making his way to Thor’s room from Sam’s room. He opened the door and saw Thor lying in bed with the blankets clutched in his arms. The bed must have smelled like a mix of Steve and Thor with how often Steve lay in that bed. It was eight in the morning so it made sense that Thor was still asleep.

 

Quietly, Steve slipped into the bed with Thor and removed the blankets to place himself in Thor’s arms instead. He squeaked when Thor tightened his hold around Steve and moved his hands to Steve’s lower back, just above the curve of his bum. Steve nuzzled his face into Thor’s chest and sighed in content. He didn’t want to wake Thor up any time soon, so he lay there until the warmth dragged him back into slumber.

 

When he woke up again, Thor was still asleep. The time was eleven twenty-four. Getting out of bed was not something Steve wanted to do, especially with Thor holding him like this. But he needed to get up and around and stay out of his head.

 

Thor stirred next to him, his hands sliding up to Steve’s waist and staying there. His eyes opened and he looked down at Steve, who was looking up at him through his lashes with pink cheeks. He smiled, kissing Steve on the top of his head and pulling him close.

 

“Good morning, beautiful,” Thor said, his voice hoarse.

 

“Good morning,” Steve smiled. “You slept well.”

 

“Having you next to me makes me sleep better. I do not know why but I am not complaining.”

 

“Me too.”

 

“Do you know what today is?”

 

Steve decided to be cheeky. “It’s Tuesday.”

 

“Yes, what else?”

 

“Nothing else I can remember.”

 

Thor sat up and narrowed his eyes at Steve as he tried to fight back a smile. “I know you are joking with me, because if I recall correctly, you were the one who brought up today’s event while we were cuddling last night.”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

Steve shrugged.

 

“I suppose I will have to kiss it out of you.” Thor leaned in and brushed his lips against Steve’s before pulling back. “But that can wait. Give me a moment.”

 

Steve watched Thor get up to go to the bathroom, his eyes looking at Thor’s muscles and messy hair that was in a bun. He’d already eaten breakfast with Sam and Clint, but he might eat again with Thor when they’re done being all over each other.

 

Thor came back from the bathroom with his hair brushed and in a neat bun and his breath smelling like mint. He got back into bed with a smile and immediately set to cuddling Steve, caressing his face with his thumbs as he kissed him.

 

“Happy one month, dumpling,” Thor smiled, biting his lip to prevent a laugh.

 

“Happy o- Wait, what?” Steve laughed. “Did you just call me dumpling? Where did you get that?”

 

“I will not say.”

 

“It was Bucky, wasn’t it? Or Sam. Or Tony.”

 

“Who knows?”

 

“You do.”

 

“I do not know what you are talking about.”

 

“Thor, I swear-“

 

“You do not swear. You scold us for doing that.”

 

Steve made a face that was a mix of being absolutely done and amused. Thor may be a God and all, but he definitely had a cheeky side to him. He had to have gotten it from Tony. No way did he get that from Loki or anyone else. Steve made a mental note to not let Tony show Thor anything new ever again, or at least not without someone there. And by someone, someone like Rhodey or Bruce. Not Bucky, not Sam or Clint, and definitely not Natasha. She would have a fun fest with that.

 

“I love you,” Steve smiled.

 

“I love you too,” Thor said, kissing Steve on the nose.

 

“Sure you do. That’s why you called me dumpling.”

 

Thor laughed and kissed Steve on the lips. Everything else was forgotten as they held each other and whispered sweet nothings. Steve sat in Thor’s lap with his arms wrapped around Thor’s neck. They looked at each other with smiles on their faces and hearts in their eyes.

 

Since it was their one month together, Thor proposed that they go on a date. Steve agreed, and soon the two of them were dressed in warm clothing and out in the cold winter air of New York. They weren’t sure where they wanted to go or do, but as long as they were together it didn’t matter.

 

Lots of walking led them to a Denny’s. They went inside and were seated almost immediately. As they waited for their server, Steve and Thor chatted about the restaurant and how it was nice to be here even though neither of them has ever been to Denny’s before in their lives. The menu wasn’t half bad, and Steve saw some menu items that had his stomach grumbling.

 

Their server appeared and paid no mind that she had two of the Avengers at her table. She took their orders and walked off before returning with their drinks: hot chocolate and orange juice. Steve took his cup of hot chocolate and blew on it to cool it down a bit. He looked up and saw Thor looking at him with a smile on his face.

 

“What?” Steve asked.

 

“Nothing,” Thor replied, his smile growing bigger. “You are adorable.”

 

Steve felt himself blush. “I’m just trying to cool down my drink.”

 

“Yes, but the look on your face is so determined. I love it. And the pink on your cheeks makes it better.”

 

“Don’t start with this.”

 

“But you are the cutest human I have ever met.”

 

“Thor!”

 

“Yes?”

 

Steve glared at Thor, feeling his cheeks heat up more as Thor continued smiling at him. “I hate you.”

 

“I am certain.”

 

As always, his body betrayed him and Steve couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “What do you want to do after this?”

 

“We could watch a movie. Or-“ Thor pulled out two small pieces of paper from his pocket. “We could go to the Museum of Modern Art.”

 

Steve snatched the tickets out of Thor’s hand and stared at them with wide eyes. “You got these for us?”

 

“I always see you staring at it when we go out. Banner helped me with the tickets.”

 

“I- thank you. You didn’t have to do this.”

 

“I know. But I wanted to see you smile.”

 

“I’ll probably take a while in there.”

 

“And I will enjoy every second of it.”

 

Thor really was the best. Steve leaned forward and kissed him, staring down at the tickets in hand. He’d always wanted to go but he never had the time with Avengers business and his depression. Now he had an opportunity to go with his boyfriend and talk to him about something he’s passionate about without having to hold back.

 

Their orders were delivered to their table fairly quickly and the two thanked their server and began to eat. Thor had ordered a Grand Slamwich while Steve had ordered french toast with eggs, bacon, and sausage on the side. It was a nice breakfast to have on a cold morning.

 

Steve’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw he had a text from Sam. A sigh escaped him when he opened the message: a picture of Clint and Bucky out in the snow with Clint’s tongue stuck to Bucky’s arm. He texted Sam and asked if he was going to help, receiving an answer almost immediately: “No”.

 

Of course he wouldn't. Anything to piss Bucky off. Steve showed Thor the picture and smiled at Thor’s laughter. He felt his phone vibrate again and saw a new picture that was more up close. Another picture came in and it was blurry; all Steve could see was Bucky’s fist swinging at the camera. Unusual, no. Unwanted, yes. Steve guessed that by the time he and Thor went back to the tower that Sam would be in need of a new phone and Bucky would be in need of a good cuddling session from Natasha. Clint would probably try this again in the near future just to mess with Bucky.

 

Lunch went by fast. Steve and Thor ate quickly and gave their server a nice tip before paying and heading out for the museum. It was still freezing outside, much to Steve’s luck. He had two long-sleeved shirts on yet he was still shivering. At least hand-holding made him feel warm, even if it was on the inside.

 

Thor let go of Steve’s hand to take off his jacket. He handed it to Steve, who refused until Thor crossed his arms and gave him a stern look. Steve took the jacket and put it on, sighing in relief when he was enveloped in warmth. The jacket smelled just like Thor. It felt as if Thor were wrapped around him.

 

They got to the museum with the tickets in hand. Steve was so excited that just waiting to be allowed in felt like forever. He’s been wanting to come here for so long, either by himself or with his friends, but being here with Thor was-

 

Steve’s eyes wandered to two figures running in the museum. They looked somewhat familiar to him but he brushed it off. Thor hadn’t noticed it so it wasn’t something to be concerned about. It was probably just two kids running around trying to be smartasses.

 

Once inside the museum, Steve dragged Thor over to a well-known piece, “The Starry Night” by Van Gogh. He talked about the style and what the story behind the painting was. When he mentioned Van Gogh removing his own ear, Thor’s face turned into one of shock and horror. Steve continued talking, mentioning how the artist voluntarily admitted himself into an asylum and that the painting was the view from one of his windows just before sunrise.

 

After talking about “The Starry Night”, Steve led Thor to another painting. “The Persistence of Memory” by Salvador Dali was one Steve had always found interesting. Steve said the soft watches were inspired by a surrealist perception of a type of cheese melting in the sun and that there were pieces of symbolism all over the painting if one looked closely.

 

Thor smiled at Steve and looked around at the paintings. One caught his eye and he dragged Steve over to it. It was a piece by Frida Kahlo called “Self-Portrait with Cropped Hair”. Steve frowned. He’d heard of Frida Kahlo numerous times and was familiar with some of her paintings but not this one. He figured it was based on her divorce from Diego Rivera, another famous artist. Thor nodded and took time to admire the painting before letting Steve show him other pieces.

 

While they stood in front of a piece, Steve felt eyes on him. For once they didn’t belong to Thor, and that made him uncomfortable. He turned around to look for any suspicious people, seeing nothing but people staring at the paintings. He gently tugged on Thor's hand and pursed his lips. No one seemed off, but why did it feel like there was someone watching him?

 

The couple was making their way to another painting when Steve felt more eyes on him. He asked Thor if they could go somewhere to sit down, sighing in relief when Thor nodded. They went to Terrace 5 and were seated after a few minutes. Steve ordered a bottle of water for himself and cheesecake to share with Thor. Thor asked for a bottle of water.

 

No eyes were on him now. Steve felt himself relax at the feeling. He didn’t need anyone to ruin his day out with Thor. These past few weeks put a strain on Steve’s mental health and he needed one day to himself and Thor without people trying to cause trouble.

 

Unfortunately, that wasn’t possible. The feeling of being watched came back and Steve tensed and subconsciously squeezed Thor’s hand.

 

“Sorry,” he said. “Just don’t feel so hot right now.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Thor asked. “Are you ill?”

 

“No, but… I think someone is watching us. I keep feeling eyes on us.”

 

“Do you want to leave?”

 

Steve’s shoulders sagged. “I don’t want to, but I can’t exactly go looking for someone who might not even be real. It might be best if-“ His eyes landed on a table that had two occupants hiding their faces behind their menus. “Are you _kidding_ me?”

 

“Darling?”

 

Steve walked over to the table and snatched the menus out of the occupants’ hands. “Have you been following us this entire time?”

 

“Wow! Nice to see you here, Steve,” Sam greeted. “How are you?”

 

“How am- What? You’re really going to ask me that?”

 

“Nice going, Sam,” Bucky muttered.

 

“And you! Why are you here?” Steve asked.

 

“Because Sam hates me and forced me to go.”

 

“Man, shut the hell up,” Sam said. “He broke my phone, therefore, he has to do whatever I say for the day.”

 

“You really had to be friends with this guy, huh?” Bucky asked. “Now there are two stubborn assholes here.”

 

“Stubborn as- I’m one of the people who helped find your cranky broken-white-boy ass. You better be grateful.”

 

“Broken wh-“

 

Steve headed back to his table with Thor and asked for the check so they could leave before Sam and Bucky tore the place up. Their cheesecake was to go and they left almost immediately once the bill was paid. They speed-walked back to the tower and went up to Thor’s room. Thor collapsed on his bed. Steve was glaring at the floor as he began to undress. His shoes were placed in Thor’s closet and he placed Thor’s jacket on the couch and his shirts in the hamper. His jeans were tossed into the hamper as he went into Thor’s dresser and grabbed a pair of sweatpants. Over the past week, Steve had slowly been bringing his clothes in and placing them in Thor’s drawers for quick access. It came in handy for when Steve didn’t want to go into his room for comfort clothes.

 

“My love, if you keep staring at the floor like that you will burn a hole in it,” Thor laughed.

 

“Sorry, I’m kind of annoyed,” Steve sighed. “I wanted our day to go well.”

 

“It did.” Thor stood and began to undress. “Steven, I enjoyed our time out today. It was wonderful seeing the smile on your face as you explained the paintings to me. I wanted to kiss you all over your face.”

 

“Still. I didn’t expect my friends to be so… Weird.”

 

“They are _your_ friends.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean, Asgardian?”

 

Thor pulled on a pair of sweatpants and turned towards Steve. “Are you calling me strange?”

 

“Are you calling _me_ strange?”

 

“Is this a game you want to play, Steven?”

 

Steve grinned. “Perhaps.”

 

Thor lifted Steve over his shoulder and put him on the bed. Instantly, his hands were on Steve, tickling his neck and any exposed skin he could touch. Steve was shrieking and laughing while he was attacked. He tried to protect himself from Thor’s quick hands but found himself surrendering when Thor began to tickle his sides.

 

There was no saving Steve from Thor’s onslaught of tickles. Tears were rolling down his cheeks from laughter. Steve attempted to wrap his legs around Thor’s waist and roll them over but Thor was quick to respond. He grabbed Steve’s legs and held them far apart so Steve couldn’t try kicking him in the face.

 

It took both of them a couple seconds to realize the current position they were in but neither of them moved. Steve’s already flushed face grew worse and Thor was simply smirking at him. The situation got worse when the door was bust open by Sam and Bucky. They were yelling at each other until Sam caught sight of the couple and whistled. Being the best friend he was, Bucky joined in.

 

Steve glared at his friends and silently wished for the ground to swallow him up and send him deep underground for about a hundred years. Thor let go of Steve’s legs and got off the bed to get rid of their visitors with Mjolnir in hand. Sam shoved Bucky out of the way while cackling and ran off, leaving Bucky to face Thor alone. He suddenly gained common sense and made a run for Sam’s room.

 

Thor shut and locked the door and returned to the bed. He set Mjolnir on his nightstand before lying down in bed and pulling Steve into his arms. He gently caressed Steve’s face and placed light kisses on Steve’s cheeks and nose.

 

“You are the most precious being in all of the universe,” Thor whispered. “My beautiful angel.”

 

“Thought you guys didn’t believe in angels,” Steve mumbled, hiding his face in Thor’s chest.

 

“We have Valkyrie. But I am adjusting to your culture and I believe that term fits you. Well, sort of.”

 

“Sort of?”

 

“The way you suck co-“

 

“Don’t you start.” Steve laughed and snuggled into Thor’s chest. “Let me enjoy this. You’re warm.”

 

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

 

Steve closed his eyes and laid his hand on Thor’s stomach. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Steven.”

 

-

 

At around two in the morning, Steve woke up from a nightmare. It was intense but not nearly as intense as the ones from two weeks ago. Breathing was difficult and his cheeks were wet. He sat up and looked beside him and saw Thor’s peaceful face. Thor did say that if Steve had a nightmare he could wake Thor up.

 

He hesitantly laid a hand on Thor’s shoulder and gently shook him awake. A bit of guilt settled in his stomach when Thor slowly opened his eyes. He scooted over a little so Thor could sit next to him. Tears continued to spill down his cheeks. At least he didn’t decide to sleep it off like before. It would be much worse then.

 

“What did you dream of?” Thor yawned.

 

“The ice,” Steve answered. “Felt myself go under all over again. And then waking up to everyone being dead because of me.”

 

“Everyone?”

 

“Civilians. The team. You.”

 

Thor moved so he was sitting in front of Steve. “You will never go into the ice again. I will make sure of it. And as for us dying, I cannot promise you that death will show us mercy. But I will promise you that I will do my best to stay alive for you. I would miss seeing your beautiful eyes and hearing your adorable laugh.”

 

Steve smiled and took Thor’s hands into his own. “Thank you. Sorry. I’m still trying to get over everything.”

 

“You have nothing to apologize for, my love. It is a slow process.” Thor leaned forward and kissed Steve’s nose. “I will be there with you every step of the way.”

 

“I appreciate that a lot. I’m not good at showing it but I do.”

 

“Thank you for talking to me about your nightmare.”

 

Steve raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, no problem.”

 

“This may sound silly, but it makes me feel useful to you. Err, I do not know how to word it.”

 

“I get it. I don’t mind talking to you. I just feel kinda silly sometimes. But like you said before, I have to be patient.”

 

“You will get through this, Steven. Please keep talking to me, or at least the Falcon or Barnes or someone.”

 

“I will.”

 

Thor lay down and brought Steve down with him in his arms. “We can lie here together until you fall asleep again if you want.”

 

“I’d like that.”

 

Only the sounds of their breathing filled the silence. Steve laid his head and hand on Thor’s chest and listened to the steady heartbeat underneath him. Warm, always so warm, Steve thought. Even on the coldest of days, Thor managed to be a large source of warmth and comfort. He was the physical embodiment of chicken noodle soup; warm, soothing, and tasted good.

 

Thor lifted a hand to run his fingers through Steve’s hair. It was comforting and made Steve’s anxiety lessen. Knowing he had Thor with him, who was ready to help at any time if needed, was the most wonderful feeling ever. He had an anchor to keep his anxiety from getting too out of hand. In the end, Steve was the one who had to handle his anxiety and take care of it, not Thor or anyone else.

 

Sleep drew Steve in and before he knew it, he was waking up to the morning light with Thor pressed against his back. The clock on the nightstand read ten oh-six. Not a bad amount of sleep after a nightmare. Eight hours instead of four or less? Steve would definitely take the first.

 

He felt Thor’s arm over his side and gently placed his hand on it. He was surprised to find Thor was awake when he was pulled tighter against Thor’s chest. The blanket had been swiped away during the night and sat at the end of the bed. Steve moved to get up but Thor whined and pulled him back.

 

Attempting to lift Thor’s arm off of him did nothing. Thor refused to let Steve go, and as sweet as it was, Steve r _eally_ wanted something to drink. He looked at Thor over his shoulder and pouted at him. At that Thor finally pulled his arm away and rolled over to pout at the wall. Steve chuckled and sighed. It would only be a few minutes.

 

The living room was empty save for a pair of feet kicked up on one of the arms of the couch. Upon closer look, Steve saw Sam lying on the couch with a bowl of Frosted Flakes on his chest. On the TV was a random show Steve didn’t recognize. He grabbed a bottle of water and sat down on the loveseat.

 

“Having a good morning?” Steve asked.

 

“I am,” Sam replied. “Surprised to see you up late. You and Thor have a good time after Bucky and I left?”

 

Steve’s cheeks heated up. “No, Sam. We- Nevermind. You’re not going to listen to me, anyway.”

 

“Damn right.” Sam sat up and set his bowl on the coffee table. “But really, how are you feeling today, man?”

 

“Good. Had a nightmare last night but Thor helped me out.”

 

“That’s good to hear.”

 

“What happened after you left Bucky to face Thor by himself?”

 

“Lots of wrestling. Got his ass kicked but it’s no big deal.”

 

“I see.” Steve leaned forward and glared. “So why did you two decide to follow us around on our date?”

 

“Why not? Good way to mess with you. Thor didn’t seem to mind.”

 

“Still was not appreciated.”

 

“I’ll make it up to you. Let’s go get breakfast. I’ll buy.”

 

“Just us? Or?”

 

“Whatever you want. I wouldn’t mind if Thor came but Bucky? Nah, man. I’m good.”

 

“You two are so petty.” Steve smiled. “I’m going to get dressed. I’ll see you in around thirty minutes.”

 

Steve went back up to the rooms and walked back into Thor’s room. Thor was putting his hair into a bun when he felt Steve come up from behind and hug him.

 

“Is everything okay?” Thor asked. “You were gone longer than expected.”

 

“Yeah, sorry,” Steve said. “Sam was down there so I talked to him for a bit. He invited me out to breakfast. You should join us. It’d be nice if you two became friends.”

 

“I would love to go. Is Barnes going?”

 

“No. Sam doesn’t want him to join us.”

 

“I do not know why I even asked.”

 

The couple dressed and made themselves look decent for going out. When they left Thor’s room they ran into Bucky. Steve kept a straight face and walked into the elevator with Thor, trying to close the doors before Bucky could get in. Bucky blocked the doors from closing with his metal hand and looked at Steve

 

“What’re you in such a rush for?” he asked.

 

“Just goin’ out,” Steve said.

 

“Yeah? So what has you rushing?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“‘Nothing’? Nice try p-” The doors opened and Bucky saw Sam leaning against the couch in day clothes and shoes. “Oh, come _on_.”

 

“Buc-”

 

“‘I would love to go out, Buck, but I’m going out with Thor’. ‘Sorry, I have plans with Thor’. You won’t hang out with me, but you’ll hang out with _this_ guy?”

 

“Probably because I’m not as annoying as you,” Sam said.

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Guys,” Steve sighed as he watched his friends bump chests and hurl insults at each other. “Guys, come on.” He looked up at Thor and gave him his best puppy dog eyes. “Help me out.”

 

-

 

And that’s how the four of them ended up in a booth at Denny’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sam wilson is so pure i wish more people loved him :/  
> you can't tell me thor wouldn't pick up on Midgardian nicknames for lovers and use them on steve to make him smile. he's just quiet about it  
> also the booth at the end is one of the larger ones meant for large parties, like the circular ones in the corner if that makes sense? thor wasn't having any shit and kinda scared bucky and sam into behaving so steve wouldn't get too stressed with his friends being dumb  
> thank you for reading! please take care and be safe! <3


	16. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends can be annoying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tiny bit NSFW, but not too explicit.  
> Enjoy! :D

Silence.

 

An awkward, tense silence.

 

Steve awkwardly shifted in his seat. The tension was so thick he could slice right through it with a knife. He looked at Thor and fought back a smile. The man was calm and had a small smile on his face as he waited for the server to take their orders. Steve grabbed Thor’s hand and laced their fingers together.

 

Bucky glared at the table while Sam flipped through the menu. Steve laid his head on Thor’s shoulder and sighed. His friends just needed some time to get used to each other. He understood why Sam was hesitant due to Bucky trying to kill him, but in Bucky’s defense, he wasn't himself when that had happened. Still, Steve got it, and he wasn’t going to push either of them to do anything.

 

Their server came to the table and began taking their drink orders. Steve and Thor had water, Sam had coffee, and Bucky had milk. Hopefully there could be some sort of conversation while they waited for their drinks. Steve felt uncomfortable at the unusual silence.

 

“What are your plans for today?” Steve asked the group.

 

“Work out, watch movies,” Sam answered. “Maybe go out and walk around for a bit.”

 

“And you, Buck?”

 

Bucky looked at Steve and opened his mouth to say something snarky before looking at Thor and immediately changed his mind. “Uh,” he started. “Probably work out and spend time with Natal- Natasha. Work out with Natasha and um. I’m not sure.”

 

“Natalia? Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say her actual name without getting their head stomped in.”

 

“‘Cause I’m special.”

 

“Wait, how long have you two been together?” Sam asked.

 

“Over a year and a half,” Bucky said. “A year and seven months.”

 

“Oh, nice.”

 

Bucky cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “What about you? Anyone special?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

Steve perked up. “Really? Who?” he asked.

 

“Someone. You two know him.”

 

“Him, huh?” Bucky asked. “It ain’t Tony, Rhodey, or Clint. Not Steve or Thor either, right?”

 

“Nah.”

 

“Okay. Bruce?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Uh. Could it be-“ Bucky narrowed his eyes. “I’ll throw this out there for shits and giggles: the King of Wakanda? T’Challa?”

 

Sam smirked at him and laughed at the reaction. “Possibly.”

 

“Sam!” Steve nearly yelled. “You’re- You and T’Challa? Since when?”

 

“That cat is sneaky, I’ll tell you that. But we aren’t together- yet. I know it’s goin’ to happen.”

 

“What happened to the girl from the VA?” Bucky asked.

 

“Cover-up.”

 

“Oh. Well, If it works out, you better tell me,” Bucky warned. “Or I’m gonna be pissed.”

 

“Sure, I’ll let you know.” Sam threw a smirk at Steve. “Now you won’t be the only one getting dicked down by royalty.”

 

Thor made a face at that comment but ended up smiling. Steve, however, had sputtered and his cheeks turned red. He scolded Sam, saying that they were not in the right place to be speaking about that. Sam laughed and Bucky wrinkled his nose and waved his hand as if he were waving away a bad smell.

 

“Stop,” he groaned. “That’s nasty. You’re nasty.”

 

“You’re just mad ‘cause you aren’t dating royalty,” Sam teased.

 

“No, I’m mad because I don’t want to think about my friends having sex.”

 

Steve stopped rubbing Thor’s hand at the mention of the word “friends”. It was plural, meaning-

 

“Shut up,” Bucky said, glaring at Steve.

 

“I didn’t say anything,” Steve said.

 

“I know what you’re thinkin’ though. Be quiet.”

 

“Buck-“

 

“I’ll shove this straw down my throat. Do you want that?”

 

“If it will get you to shut up,” Thor muttered.

 

Bucky’s mouth opened and closed like a fish. “Wh- Steve, your boyfriend is being mean again.”

 

Steve gave Bucky a look that said, “Seriously?” and smiled when Bucky huffed and glared at the table again. The server returned with their drinks and placed a bowl of coffee creamers on the table and began to take their orders. She walked away after and left the group alone once again.

 

Sam made a face of disgust at Bucky drinking the half-and-half creamers. Not a single one went into his coffee. Thor plucked one from the bowl and tried it for himself, making a satisfied hum and grabbed another. Steve sighed and signaled the server over and asked for more half-and-half. The look on the server’s face was priceless but she said nothing. She left and came back with two bowls filled with the creamers and placed them in front of Thor and Bucky.

 

Thor offered one to Steve, who politely declined and continued drinking from the tiny cups. It was absolutely absurd how Thor and Bucky kept drinking creamer after creamer without getting sick. They quickly finished off their bowls and set them at the end of the table for the server to take.

 

About ten minutes later, their server returned to the table with their food. She gave everyone their plates and grimaced when she saw the bowls filled with empty coffee creamer cups. The group thanked her and dug into their food as she walked away.

 

Even though Steve and Thor had come here yesterday for their date, they didn’t mind coming here again to have breakfast with friends. They ordered different items than yesterday to try something new. Steve got the Club Sandwich and Thor got the Blueberry Pancake Breakfast. The food here was pretty good, Steve thought.

 

Bucky had ordered a Loaded Breakfast Sandwich and Sam the Ham and Cheese Omelette. Both of their plates looked good. Steve wanted to try them the next time he came here again, whether with Thor or Sam or Bucky. Maybe all three if Bucky and Sam didn’t argue again. Steve was surprised the two of them haven’t actually killed each other yet. Probably because Steve would kill whoever killed who.

 

A comfortable silence filled the air. Thank goodness the tension was gone. The other three seemed to be in good moods now. Well, Thor always seemed to be in a good mood. Sam, too. Bucky, well. He was different in the sense that he was always ready to fight. Not always fight as in fight bad guys, but fight for Steve or his friends in general. He’s so used to fighting that he’s surprised when there isn’t something for him to do concerning violence. It was a sad realization for Steve to make, but it’s something he’s come to see the past few months.

 

They finished their food and went to pay. Bucky and Sam argued over who was going to do it, so Thor and Steve went outside to wait for them. Thor brought Steve behind a wall that was away from the windows and hugged him. Steve smiled and hugged the taller blond tightly. He appreciated Thor showing affection somewhere somewhat private. A small kiss and hand-holding were fine, but hugging like this and other types of deeper affection were meant for private spaces.

 

Steve pulled away and kissed Thor on the lips, wrapping his arms around Thor’s neck. Thor kissed him back and placed his hands on Steve’s hips. The kiss was sweet, tasting like blueberries and syrup. It made Steve feel safe. Nothing and no one could hurt him. Thor would protect him, and Steve was okay with that.

 

Thor pulled away and leaned his forehead against Steve’s. “I love you,” he whispered.

 

“I love you, too,” Steve smiled.

 

“Ech, get a room,” a voice groaned.

 

Thor’s head turned quickly, ready to fight whoever was being rude. He calmed down when he saw it was Bucky and Sam instead of a stranger. As politely as he could, Thor gave the two an unfriendly hand-gesture. Steve bit back a laugh at his two friends’ reactions.

 

“Where did you learn to do that, huh?” Bucky asked.

 

“From you, actually,” Thor said. “I am Asgardian, not stupid. I pay attention to Midgardian culture, and that gesture is part of it.”

 

“You’re a prince- or king, I don’t know- you can’t do stuff like that.”

 

“I may be a prince but when I am on Midgard I am just another one of your people.”

 

“Whatever you say, man.”

 

The group started their walk home and in a good amount of time, they made it back to the tower. They all went up to the living quarters but separated to go into their rooms. Steve and Thor went into Thor’s room and shut the door. Thor lay back on his bed and relaxed while Steve went into the bathroom to shower.

 

Steve scrubbed shampoo into his hair, inhaling the scent that Thor wore every day. Today was going well despite his friends being immature. At least they were able to get along for a little bit, even if it was about teasing Steve or something like the topic of relationships. As long as they didn’t fight, Steve was okay with whatever weird, twisted friendship the two developed.

 

Just as Steve was about to wash his body, the bathroom door opened. A small squeak escaped him as the shower door opened. He was able to cover his groin just in case his visitor wasn’t Thor. Thankfully for him, his guest was indeed his boyfriend.

 

“Can I help you?” Steve asked, glaring at Thor with a dark blush on his cheeks.

 

“Why do you cover yourself?” Thor asked.

 

“Because I’m naked.”

 

“But I have already seen your co-”

 

“Stop! Don’t even finish that sentence.” Steve sighed. “What is it?”

 

“I was going to ask if I could join you. I need to shower.”

 

“Why didn’t you ask earlier?” Thor shrugged. “Fine. Big dork.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Steve did his best to avert his eyes to give Thor some privacy to change, but his eyes kept coming back to Thor’s well-defined back and arms. His boyfriend really had no shame in being nude in front of other people, especially Steve. It made sense because they were dating, but still. Steve was a private person, his life and body were kept from the public eye, sometimes from his friends, too. They didn’t need to know every little thing about him; only enough so they could trust him. Thor being so open with his body was just a bit new for Steve.

 

Thor stepped into the shower and wrapped his arms around Steve. Well, he tried to; Steve was still covering his groin. He tried to move Steve’s arms but Steve refused. Thor pouted and looked down, his gaze locked onto Steve’s chest. Steve’s pecs were pressed together, water droplets rolling down his chest to his stomach.

 

“What are you lookin’ at?” Steve asked. He looked down at his groin, not seeing anything wrong, and moved his view to his chest. “Thor, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but my eyes are up here.”

 

“I know,” Thor said, licking his lips. “I apologize. You have a beautiful body.”

 

Steve blushed. “‘s not beautiful, but thanks.”

 

“But it is.” Thor gently pulled on Steve’s arms. “Because it is your body.”

 

“Thor-”

 

“Look at how lovely you are. All of your naked beauty right in front of me.” Thor pressed himself against Steve and leaned close to his ear. “And  _ only _ for me.”

 

A shiver ran through Steve’s body. “O-Only yours.”

 

There was a dominant side to Thor that made Steve weak every time he thought about it. Of course, he’d only think about it for a few seconds before forcing himself to think about something else so he wouldn’t be hard around Thor or in front of his friends. He was a little embarrassed about it, but no one had to know. No one had to know that Steve thought about getting his face pushed into the pillow while Thor took him from-

 

“Steven?”

 

Steve blinked, looking at Thor with a confused expression. He then looked down and groaned; of all the times to get hard, this was not a good one. His eyes went back up to Thor’s, red dusting his cheeks. It grew worse when Thor smirked at him and moved his hands to the top of Steve’s ass.

 

“You like the idea of being mine?” Thor purred.

 

“I- yeah? A little,” Steve stuttered.

 

“‘A little’.”

 

“Don’t tease me. I just want to shower and lie down.”

 

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

 

Steve smiled at the kiss placed on his forehead and whined when Thor “accidentally” slipped his fingers between Steve’s buttcheeks. He gave Thor the best glare he could come up with, but the blush on his face made him look more adorable than threatening. His glare turned into a pout at Thor’s giggles.

 

Almost fifteen minutes later they finished their shower. They dressed and combed their hair. Steve was done in a short amount of time, but Thor was growing frustrated at the tangles in his hair and the water dripping onto the floor. Towel in hand, Steve dragged Thor out to the couch and sat him on the floor. Steve sat on the couch and began drying Thor’s hair. He took the comb from Thor and gently combed through the knots.

 

There weren’t too many knots, but they were pretty annoying. Steve managed to get them all and dragged the brush through soft hair. He told Thor to stay seated while he went into the bathroom to grab something. He picked up their dirty clothes and a hair tie that Thor had left on the bathroom counter.

 

The clothes were thrown into the hamper after Steve walked out of the bathroom. He sat on the couch and set to braiding Thor’s hair. Gentle fingers worked to keep strands in place. Steve leaned forward a little to see Thor’s face, smiling when he saw Thor’s eyes closed. This was probably really relaxing for him, Steve thought. Feeling Steve’s fingers running through his hair and rub against his back every now and then must have felt amazing.

 

Steve kissed Thor on the top of his head when he was done. Thor turned his head to smile at Steve. He took Steve’s hand and kissed his palm, bringing a smile and light blush to Steve’s face. It made him feel warm inside. He was having butterflies all over again.

 

Thor pulled Steve off the couch and led him to the bed. Steve crawled up to his usual spot and allowed Thor to wrap his arms around him. He narrowed his eyes at the feeling of Thor’s hands on his lower back. Thor smiled and kissed Steve on his temple.

 

“Where did you learn to braid hair?” Thor asked.

 

“Bucky’s sisters,” Steve said. “They taught me because they liked having their hair braided all the time.”

 

“That is… cute.”

 

“Cute?”

 

“I was going to say adorable, but you would likely throw a fit and pout.”

 

“Okay. Wow.” Steve flopped over so his back was facing Thor.

 

“My love, do not be upset.” Thor gently pulled on Steve’s shoulder. “I was only teasing.”

 

“Nope.” The hand on his shoulder disappeared. Steve felt Thor shift around behind him and peeked over his shoulder to see Thor laying with his back facing Steve’s. “Oh, oh Thor. No, don’t be upset. Babe-”

 

Thor rolled over and pinned Steve under him. “I can play those games too,” he laughed.

 

“You had me feeling bad for a second there.” Steve looked at Thor’s face and blurted out, “You have pretty eyes.”

 

“Thank you, but they are not as stunning as yours.”

 

“Take the compliment.”

 

“I did.”

 

“No, you didn’t.”

 

Thor made a face. “You tell me to accept compliments yet when I compliment you, you deny it.” Steve mumbled something under his breath. “What is it?”

 

“Not used to it, I guess. Not to be a downer, but when you’re a kid and you hear how ugly and stupid you are every day, it gets to you after a while. I shoved it to the back of my mind and ignored it but I guess it affected my psyche. Just not really used to hearing people calling me nice things and meaning it in a loving way instead of a sexual way. Also not too used to people calling me pretty instead of ugly.”

 

“Steven,” Thor started, moving off of Steve and sitting next to him instead, “You did not deserve to hear those words.”

 

“Kinda true back then.”

 

“No, do not- Do not say that.”

 

“Thor, I know we’re dating and all, but you don’t have to be nice just to make me feel better.”

 

“It is not me being nice, Steven. It’s me seeing your true beauty, which is in here-” Thor placed his hand over Steve’s heart, “-instead of here,” he said, moving his hand over Steve’s body. “Had I met you before the serum, I am certain I would have fallen in love with you.”

 

Steve sat up. “I don’t think you would have. My heart might have been good, but I was always sick and stuff. Wasn’t very attractive.”

 

“Darling, I have seen you pick food out of your teeth and seen you at your worst yet I still find you to be the most beautiful, wonderful being to ever exist. They are a part of you. Things that you do, things that happen to you. I love them all because it’s you.”

 

“God you’re cheesy.”

 

“But you are smiling.” Thor pulled Steve into his lap. “That beautiful smile.”

 

“You really like callin’ me beautiful, huh?”

 

“There is no other word that can describe you. Perhaps bratty.”

 

“I never act like a brat.”

 

“Careful, your God may punish you for lying.”

 

Steve smirked. “Oh? So how are you goin’ to punish me?”

 

-

 

Limping was something that occurred after a battle, not after getting your ass spanked by the God of Thunder over thirty times. Steve didn’t regret it, but trying to walk normally was difficult. He had gone down to the living room with Thor to spend some time outside of the room, and just Steve’s luck, Sam and Bucky were on the loveseat watching a cartoon with a blue cat.

 

Steve went to the large couch and stared at the seat. His ass was sore, and sitting down would be painful. He decided on lying down on his stomach. Thor was in the kitchen grabbing water bottles and a snack for the two of them. When he decides to sit down, Steve was going to lay his head on Thor’s thigh. Maybe Thor would run his fingers through Steve’s hair and rub his back like when they cuddled.

 

Bucky looked at Steve with a concerned expression. “You okay?” he asked.

 

“Yeah, just feeling a little sick,” Steve said.

 

“Oh, okay.” Bucky leaned over and patted Steve on the back of his thigh.

 

Steve whined. “Don’t do that.”

 

“Did that hurt?”

 

“No, just a little nauseous. Don’t want to be touched right now.”

 

“Do you want me to make you anything?”

 

“I’m okay. It’ll pass.”

 

Bucky nodded. “Wait,” he muttered. “You don’t get sick.”

 

The second Thor came into the living room and sat on the couch, Steve squirmed up and placed his head on Thor’s thigh. Calloused fingers softly rubbed small fingers on Steve’s scalp. They were soothing and nearly put Steve to sleep until Bucky started to groan.

 

“I get it,” Bucky sighed. “Congrats, I guess.”

 

“Congrats for what?” Thor asked.

 

“He’s sayin’ congrats to you two finally fucking,” Sam said.

 

“We did not-“

 

“Don’t say anything,” Steve said. “They won’t believe you.”

 

The pain was starting to go away, so Steve rolled onto his side. His eyes fluttered shut as Thor continued to massage his scalp and now his back. It felt good enough for Steve to drift off for a few minutes before waking up to Sam and Bucky arguing about something. They stopped when Thor told them to quiet down a bit, and Steve fell back asleep.

 

When he woke up, he was in Thor’s bed. Thor was lying beside him with his arm wrapped around Steve’s stomach. His eyes were closed, but he wasn’t asleep. Steve could feel him rubbing small circles with his thumb. Even when Steve was sleeping, Thor was protective and loving. It was comforting.

 

Steve flipped over so he was facing Thor. Ocean blue eyes met electric blues, and the two of them stared into each other’s eyes. A smile made its way onto Steve’s face as Thor cuddled him and kissed him on the cheek. Steve wrapped his arms around Thor’s upper back and rubbed small circles into his muscles.

 

“You are too good at that,” Thor groaned.

 

“I could give you a massage if you want,” Steve said.

 

“But that means I would have to let go of you.”

 

“Just for a bit.”

 

Thor released Steve from his hold and rolled onto his stomach. He groaned as Steve sat on his thighs and began to knead the muscles in Thor’s back. His noises grew louder whenever Steve found a particular sore spot.

 

Slowly, Steve’s hands made their way down Thor’s back. The lower area was tense but Steve was able to make it feel better. He avoided Thor’s bottom and moved his hands back up. His thumbs dug into Thor’s shoulders, earning a small moan.

 

When he’s finished he pats Thor on the thigh and sits on the bed. Thor doesn’t move or make any sounds. Steve thinks he’s asleep until he turns his head; Thor’s eyes were droopy. He looked like he was about ready to fall asleep. Steve smiled at him and kissed him on his temple.

 

“Did you enjoy that?” Steve asked.

 

“Yes,” Thor slurred.

 

“You look like you’re about to pass out.”

 

“I-” Thor yawned. “I’m sorry. It felt good.”

 

“No reason to apologize. That was the point of the massage. Now roll over so you can hold me again.”

 

“Aren’t you demanding?” Thor chuckled as he threw an arm around Steve.

 

“Just want to be held by my boyfriend.”

 

Thor hummed in response and nuzzled Steve’s shoulder. “We have not watched our show in a long time.”

 

“You’re right. Friday, could you turn on SpongeBob?”

 

The TV turned on and SpongeBob began to play. Steve hummed along with the theme song. The episode was “MuscleBob Buffpants”. It was an interesting title, but it made sense as the episode progressed. At the part where SpongeBob is too weak to lift up the cup, Thor muttered “Is this SpongeBob or Barnes” under his breath. Steve laughed and turned to smile at Thor.

 

Steve suggested they order dinner and have it delivered. They decided on pizza and ordered two pizzas, breadsticks, two small bottles of coke, and two small salads. To pass the time, they watched more SpongeBob and cuddled, small kisses here and there.

 

A text on Steve’s indicated that the pizza had arrived. He left the room and headed down to the first floor. The delivery person was shivering with the food in hand. Steve quickly exchanged the money and gave the teen a big tip and wished them a good evening. The look on the teen’s face as they eyed their tip was priceless.

 

When Steve returned to the bedroom, Thor was coming out of the bathroom in only a pair of dark gray sweatpants. The shirt he had worn was thrown into the hamper. Steve swallowed and shut the door with his foot. He set the food on the bed and took off his shirt and threw it into the hamper with Thor’s.

 

Both men sat on the bed and moved around so Steve was sitting between Thor’s legs. Steve grabbed the bag with the breadsticks and salads, sighing in relief when he saw the delivery person had included plates and forks. It saved him a trip from going downstairs to get the supplies himself.

 

They each grabbed their slices of pizza and ate silently as SpongeBob readied himself to go to the prom with Pearl. He wore fake long legs to look more attractive. In both of their opinions, SpongeBob looked kind of silly. As long as Pearl liked it, that’s all that mattered in the end.

 

As expected, the prom was a disaster. Steve laughed at all of the fish lifting Pearl and SpongeBob up to throw them out of the building after they had all attempted to do the “Sponge”. He guessed it was some sort of dance, but with everyone breaking their bones, it wasn’t a dance anyone could do. Except SpongeBob, of course; he was a Sponge, and the dance was titled, “The Sponge”. It only made sense.

 

The next episode, “Employee of the Month”, began to play. There was a wall full of pictures of SpongeBob, which, if Steve were being honest, was kind of weird. It looked a little odd to him, but it was a cartoon so nothing made any sense whatsoever. They’re talking sea creatures that live under pineapples, rocks, anchors, and a moai. Literally nothing in the show was realistic.

 

More episodes played as the two finished their food. Thor threw the empty cartons away and placed the empty pizza boxes on his desk. He’ll take them down to the dumpster tomorrow, he said, climbing into bed and pulling Steve down so Steve’s head was on his chest. They watched SpongeBob like that until Steve fell asleep again.

 

Thor asked Friday to turn the TV off, adjusting himself so he was lying on his side. He studied Steve’s face, admiring the way Steve’s long eyelashes fanned across his cheekbones, the way Steve’s plump, pink lips slightly parted as he slept. How Steve looked so peaceful like this. It made Thor smile. His lover was incredibly precious and deserved everything.

 

The sun was just now beginning to set. It would probably be a good idea to wake Steve up and keep him awake until maybe ten o’clock, but Thor would feel bad for disturbing him in his sleep, especially with how cute he looked. But, in the end, Thor lightly shook Steve awake and sat him up.

 

To keep Steve up, Thor suggested that the two of them go for a walk. Steve pouted and attempted to lie back down but Thor kept his hand on Steve’s back and kept Steve upright. Thor laughed and shook his head at how much Steve was whining.  _ Whining _ , because Thor wouldn’t let him go back to sleep.

 

Five minutes of whining and whimpering got Steve nowhere. He reluctantly got out of bed and grabbed one of Thor’s sweatshirts from the closet and put it on along with his socks and shoes. He stood by the couch as Thor put on a sweatshirt and shoes, staring at the vee of Thor’s hips until the sweatshirt covered them.

 

Steve’s reluctance got so bad Thor had to actually get serious with him and use a stern voice. At that, Steve pouted again and walked out to the elevator and waited for Thor. They went down the tower in silence, Steve glaring at the floor as if it were the one to get him in this situation, not Thor.

 

He knew that Thor was just trying to keep him awake until it was a good time to sleep, but god did Steve want to sleep. Today has been relaxing, and for once, Steve wasn’t freaking out about anything. He just wanted to lie down with Thor’s arms around him and sleep for about ten years.

 

The cold air from outside greeted the couple as they walked out the doors of the tower. Steve shivered and stuck his hands into the sweatshirt pocket. He felt Thor nudge his arm with his hand to indicate that he wanted to hold hands, and instead of being petty, Steve gave Thor his hand and allowed Thor to lace their fingers together. Suddenly, the cold wasn’t as bad.

 

They ended up at a somewhat empty playground. Steve led Thor to the swing set and sat on one. Thor took the one next to him and smiled. Explaining Thor how to swing was easy, and soon the two of them were swinging up high with smiles on their faces. Their laughter filled the air, bringing warmth to a cold evening.

 

Three kids ran over to the swing set to see what all the laughing was about. Their little eyes were wide seeing two grown adults having fun on the swings. They took the empty seats and joined Steve and Thor in the fun. As they swung, they began to screech whenever they were almost as high up as the adults next to them.

 

All Steve could think about was how much fun he was having. Laughter rang in his ears. His cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling and laughing so much, but it was a good pain, one that he didn’t mind having. He looked over at Thor, admiring the smile on his boyfriend’s face and the sweet laughter escaping him. It felt as if he were falling in love with Thor all over again.

 

Steve dragged his feet into the pine chips under him to slow his speed so he could come to a stop. He sat in the swing while looking at the kids and Thor. The kids were totally unexpected. He didn’t think his laughter would attract them to the swings, but it did. No regrets, though. He’d managed to make them happy, along with his boyfriend, and that made him feel good.

 

Thor copied what Steve did and dragged his heels into the pine chips and stopped swinging. His cheeks were pink from laughter and the cold air, an image Steve treasured dearly. They looked at the screaming children, awkwardly smiling at how loud they were.

 

One of the kids noticed Steve and Thor had stopped swinging, so they stopped swinging too. At the sight of one of the kids stopping, the other two stopped. All three of them stopped and got out of their seats to run over to Steve and Thor.

 

“How did you get so high in the air?” one asked. “You were almost doing flips!”

 

“You must be really strong to be able to do that,” another said.

 

“Lots and lots of vegetables,” Steve replied.

 

“Ew, vegetables,” the first one gagged.

 

“Hey, that’s how we got so strong. If you want to do what we did, you have to eat your vegetables.”

 

“Fine. But only because I want to be strong like you two.”

 

“Are you two boyfriends?” the third child asked. “Cause you’re holding hands.”

 

Steve didn’t even notice that had happened. “Maybe.”

 

“Aw, that’s cool. You remind me of my dads ‘cause they’re strong too.”

 

The mention of two fathers gave Steve butterflies. “Speaking of your parents, shouldn’t you be with them?” he asked. “It’s not good to run off and not tell your parents where you’re going.”

 

Steve and Thor took the kids back to their parents. They waved goodbye and walked out of the park to go wherever their feet took them, which ended up being a coffee shop. Warm air greeted them as they walked in. Both of them ordered hot chocolate and left to return to the tower when they had their drinks.

 

It was about eight-thirty by the time they got back, meaning they had been out for about an hour and a half. Bucky was lying on the couch with his head in Natasha’s lap. The show with the office workers was playing on the TV again. Natasha turned her head to look at who came out of the elevator and smiled when she saw the blond giants.

 

Thor sat on the loveseat with an “oof”. He immediately wrapped an arm around Steve’s shoulders when Steve sat next to him and sighed. His expression changed into one of annoyance at the sound of Bucky gagging.

 

“You have your head in your lover’s lap,” Thor said. “You cannot say anything.”

 

“Yeah, but you guys are always all over each other,” Bucky replied. “All sappy and gross.”

 

“James, do you ever know when to shut up?” Natasha sighed. “I’m surprised Thor hasn’t beat you up by now.”

 

“He won’t. Steve loves me too much to let him.”

 

“I don’t know about that,” Steve said.

 

Bucky gasped. “You’d really let him hurt little ol’ me?”

 

“Depends.”

 

“You little shit.”

 

“I’d love to stay and chat, but I’m still cold. I’ll see you two in the morning.”

 

Steve went to the elevator, waiting patiently for Thor to join him. Warm blankets were ready to greet him. Maybe now Thor would let him sleep since it was only twenty minutes 'till nine o’clock. If only Thor would stop bullying Bucky and get into the elevator.

 

After what felt like a long two minutes, Thor smiled at Bucky and wished him and Natasha goodnight. Steve leaned his head against Thor’s shoulder until the elevator doors opened on their floor. He dragged himself over to Thor’s room, already taking his sweatshirt and shoes off as he walked in. He put the shoes in the closet and the sweatshirt back on a hanger since it wasn’t very dirty. Once things were put away, he got back into the bed and pulled the blankets over himself.

 

Thor joined him soon after, pulling Steve into his arms and nuzzling his cheek with his nose. They both closed their eyes and relished the warmth they shared.

 

As Steve was falling asleep, he barely heard Thor whisper how much he loved him, and the dreams he had that night were all about Thor and swing sets under flower-shaped clouds.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoyed!! TvT <3  
> please stay safe out there!!


	17. Friends' Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking can make certain situations easier to manage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW. <3 <3  
> Enjoy!

Over the next few weeks of talking to Sam and, eventually, Sam and Thor, Steve was starting to feel better about himself and life in general. He still had nightmares about the ice, being kidnapped, and losing Thor, but they were getting easier to handle. He’d wake Thor up if he couldn’t calm himself down and talk to his boyfriend about whatever he had dreamt about. Then he’d lie back down and snuggle up to Thor and fall asleep listening to him talk about Asgard and its beautiful sights.

 

There was a new problem, though. There were a lot of outlets for it, some of which Steve would have to get online. That would be difficult since Tony was nosy and Thor would be curious and ask what Steve was trying to hide. It’d be awkward to explain buying a dildo to handle his random bouts of sexual urges when Thor was right there and available.

 

That was the issue; Steve  _ really _ wanted to make love with Thor, but he had no idea how to bring it up. Would Thor want it to be romantic and have rose petals on the floor and light candles? Or would he be straight to the point and do Steve right then and there? It’d probably be the former, but now that Steve thought about it, Thor would more than likely do whatever Steve wanted.

 

Other than that, Steve was totally fine.

 

Really, he was. He’s been spending a lot of time with Sam outside of the tower; going ice skating, walking around parks, getting breakfast or dinner together. Lots of little things that made Steve happy and thank God for being able to have Sam as one of his best friends. Sometimes Bucky would tag along and manage to talk to Sam without arguing about anything. Thor joined them, sometimes, but he usually stayed at the tower and hung out with Bruce and Clint and made sweets with them while Steve was out with his friends.

 

Today was one of those days where Steve was out with his friends and Thor was back at the tower. Bucky had suggested going to the movies and asked if Sam wanted to go with him and Steve (which prompted Steve to smile and Bucky to scowl). Sam agreed to it, asking for twenty minutes to get ready.

 

While waiting for Sam, Steve and Bucky went down to the living room to join Thor, Bruce, Clint, and Natasha. The kitchen smelled of fresh cookies and brownies, much to everyone’s delight. Steve walked over to Thor and gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to grab a brownie, hissing at the intense heat. Thor kissed his fingers in an attempt to make him feel better, bringing a light blush to Steve’s cheeks. Bucky gagged, Bruce smiled, and Clint and Natasha paid no mind.

 

Steve asked Thor if he would like to join Steve and his friends. He nodded when Thor said he was going to stay and learn how to bake a cake. At the sound of the elevator arriving, Steve kissed Thor goodbye and whispered “I love you” before leaving. Thor kissed him on the nose and said he loved him too and to be careful.

 

Sam and Bucky scrunched their noses at the interaction. Steve told them to shove off and got into the elevator with them. They talked about what movie to see while they rode down the building. Maybe a comedy film, since they haven’t seen one in a while. Action movies were not preferable since they’ve watched an action movie almost every week now because of Clint’s obsession with them.

 

Bucky was going to drive but was stopped by both Steve and Sam for the reason of not wanting to die. Steve drove, Sam rode in the passenger seat, and Bucky sat behind Sam. Halfway through the ride, Bucky started to kick the back of Sam’s seat. Steve gripped the steering wheel as his friends argued about Bucky’s childish antics.

 

Once at the movie theater, the three got out of the car and walked in. They examined the selection of films and decided on a horror movie instead of a comedy. It probably wouldn’t be that scary. Nothing was scarier than seeing Bucky when he first woke up.

 

At Sam’s comment, Bucky punched him on the arm with his flesh hand. Sam punched him back, and before Bucky could punch him again, Steve grabbed his arm and scolded him. Bucky muttered, “Sorry, mom” under his breath and crossed his arms. Steve told them both to behave since they were out in public and to wait until they were back at the tower to do whatever they wanted.

 

They got the tickets for their movie and headed to the concessions stand. Two large buckets of popcorn, numerous boxes of candy, and three medium drinks cost well over thirty dollars. Steve and Bucky looked at each other with confused expressions; back in their time, food at the movies didn’t even cost  _ half _ of this. Inflation really was something.

 

Steve carried the boxes of candy and his drink and stopped at the end of the walkway to look for a seat. The theater was pretty full, but he’d managed to find three seats in the middle towards the back. He led Sam and Bucky to the seats, squeezing by the people and nearly tripping on a man’s foot. His reflexes saved him from embarrassment.

 

There was no way in hell that Steve was going to let Sam and Bucky sit next to each other. He made Bucky squeeze by him to get to his other side while Sam was trying to squeeze by the man whose foot had almost caused Steve to trip. He gave the two their candy once they were both settled in.

 

Previews for upcoming movies played on the screen. None of them looked interesting so far. A preview for the “Detective Pikachu” movie came up after one about some LEGO movie. It looked pretty cute, honestly. Maybe he and Thor could go see it, as Thor was the living embodiment of Pikachu; cute, kind, and his powers were electricity.

 

Bucky leaned over and whispered to Steve that Pikachu reminded him of Thor, except Pikachu wasn’t a big dork when it came to his boyfriend. Steve pinched Bucky on the arm and told him to shut up, the tops of his ears a light pink. Sam snickered and sipped on his drink as Bucky glared at him.

 

Finally, the previews ended and the movie began. People in the theater screamed at jumpscares or intense chase scenes, but Steve, Sam, and Bucky sat in their seats with bored expressions. It wasn’t that scary; too many jumpscares and a poor storyline. A five out of ten in Steve’s book.

 

When the movie ended, the trio left the theater and went back to the car. They discussed going to a restaurant for dinner since they were already out, settling on a burger joint. Sam drove this time with Bucky in the passenger seat and Steve in the back. The three of them talked about maybe bringing some food back for everyone since they were baking sweets.

 

Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket to send a text to Clint. He asked if he and the others would like anything from the restaurant and patiently waited for a response as he listened to his friends bicker over football teams. Clint replied, saying everyone would indeed like some food and added a picture of Thor in an apron with flour on it. Steve saved the picture to his gallery and asked Clint to ask everyone what they wanted.

 

Sam turned into the parking lot of the restaurant and pulled into a parking spot. He turned the car off as he and the others waited for Clint to send the list of what everyone wanted. To pass the time, he asked Steve about Thor and how they were doing. Bucky turned in his seat to look at Steve as he spoke.

 

“We’re doing good,” Steve started. “But...” Steve pursed his lips.

 

“But, what? Second thoughts?” Sam asked.

 

“No, just- Feelings.”

  
  


“Feelings?”

 

“You know.”

 

“Like sexual feelings?” Bucky asked.

 

Steve blushed. “Yes.”

 

“Hey, it’s okay, man,” Sam said, laying his hand on Steve’s knee. “We all get those feelings. Nothing to be embarrassed about.”

 

“You can be open with us, bud,” Bucky added. “I know I tease you all the time, but I really do support your relationship with Thor. Seeing you all sappy with him makes me happy because you’re happy.” Bucky pursed his lips. “And I know you have sexual urges towards him. I’ve heard them.”

 

“I just don’t know how to approach the topic with him. I want to… You know, but I’d feel awkward saying, ‘Hey, let’s have sex’. It doesn’t sound very romantic.”

 

“As long as you let him know that you want to do it, I don’t think it matters how you say it, to be honest,” Sam said. “Not everyone’s first time is romantic.”

 

“Mine sure as hell wasn’t,” Bucky chuckled. “I agree with Sam. As long as you just tell him that you want to, I think you two could plan when and how to do it. Or maybe it’ll be a spur of the moment thing. Hot makeout session that leads to it. I don’t know.”

 

“I don’t really care when we do it, I just want to.”

 

“I’m sure it’ll be okay. You’ve had some experience before, right?” Sam asked.

 

Steve’s cheeks turned red. “No. Furthest I got to was kissing on the lips.”

 

“Oh.” Sam and Bucky looked at each other. “Thor will help you out. Since it’ll be your first time ever, he’s probably going to be gentle. I don’t think hurting you during your first time is something he wants to do.”

 

“I don’t think he wants to hurt Steve ever,” Bucky said. “He’s ready to fight or kill anyone that hurts Steve. Imagine how mad he’d be at himself for hurting Steve, especially during sex.”

 

“Probably apologize with giant bouquets of flowers or animal fur,” Sam snickered. He and Bucky laughed together at the idea. “Sorry, sorry. Wrong time. Anyways, I think you should just tell him. Obviously when you’re alone, though. I don’t want to see the look on his face when you tell him you want him to fuck you.”

 

“Yeah, me neither,” Bucky shivered. “But, yeah. Go for it, pal. It’ll be fine. Do it when you’re good to go.”

 

“I will.” Steve smiled. “Thanks for talking to me about this.”

 

“Any time. Now, I’m hungry as hell. Did Clint text you back?”

 

“No. I’ll call him.” Steve pressed the call button on his phone and held it up to his ear. The line clicked. “Hello?”

 

“Hello,” Natasha greeted. “What’s goin’ on?”

 

“Where’s the list of food?”

 

“Clint got tackled to the ground by Thor for dipping his finger into the batter two times. I can finish it for him, though.” Screams echoed in the background. “Thor, make sure he doesn’t hit his head on the corner there.”

 

“Okay. Thanks, Nat. Be sure to check on Clint after.” Steve hung up. “Natasha is going to send it.”

 

“Why couldn’t Clint do it?” Bucky asked.

 

“Busy getting attacked by Thor. I could hear him screaming in the background.”

 

“Oh. All right.”

 

Neither Sam or Bucky questioned Steve on why Clint and Thor were fighting. It was normal for Clint to get his ass handed to him at this point. There were times where he didn’t know when to shut up, prompting whoever he was with (usually Natasha) to wrestle him to the ground. Apparently he’d pissed off the wrong God for whatever reason.

 

The list of orders came in after a bit of waiting. They walked into the restaurant with Steve’s phone in hand and walked out with about six bags of food and three drink carriers. Bucky held two drink carriers in his lap and kept three of the bags in front of his feet. Steve held the rest of the food and drinks in his lap and on the floor.

 

Back at the tower, Bucky handed Sam one of the drink carriers and one of the bags. Steve followed the two into the elevator and chatted about possibly going out again during the weekend. Bucky and Sam agreed to the idea, bringing up different things they could go out and do. Maybe this time they’d bring their friends and do something as a group.

 

When the elevator doors opened, Steve saw Clint sitting in front of the sink trying to wipe batter off of his face and arms. Thor was decorating his cake with Bruce and Natasha’s help while Rhodey watched them from the counter. The sight of Clint cleaning himself told Steve everything he needed to know about what he’d heard on the phone earlier.

 

Steve placed the food on the table and attempted to get a peek at what Thor had put on the cake. Thor shooed him out, insisting it was a surprise and that he would show it to him later. Bruce and Natasha shrugged their shoulders and resumed their task of giving Thor his supplies for the cake.

 

Bucky walked up behind Natasha and hugged her. He caught a glimpse of the cake, making a noise of awe. Sam also looked at the cake and complimented Thor’s creation. This further increased Steve’s curiosity but he respected Thor’s wishes and refrained from looking at the cake. Instead, he began to take the food out of the bags and put it all on the table.

 

Everyone scattered away from the counter to grab their food. Rather than eat at the couch, they all sat at the table. Thor set the icing tube down on the counter and washed his hands before joining Steve and the group at the table. He plucked a fry from Steve’s container, earning a small “Hey!” in response.

 

Rhodey said he was going to bring Tony’s food down to the lab and eat there with him. Steve nodded and wished him a goodnight since he was probably going to be stuck there all night. The group all bid Rhodey goodnight after Steve did.

 

“Did you just make that cake tonight?” Sam asked, filling the silence.

 

“Yes, it is the first cake I have ever made,” Thor said, a smile on his face and his chest puffed out.

 

“It looks really good, man. Really. For your first cake? It looks great.”

 

“Thank you, Falcon. I appreciate your kind words.”

 

“You help him?’ Bucky asked Natasha.

 

“Only with the colors of the icing,” she answered. “Bruce got the materials, I made the colors. Thor did everything else.”

 

“Damn, Thor. You’re talented.”

 

“Thank you, Barnes, but I am nowhere as good as Steven.,” Thor said. “He is the talented one.”

 

The group cooed at Thor’s words, making Steve blush. Sam asked everyone if they were busy this weekend and if they wanted to go anywhere. “Sure” and “Maybe” echoed around the table. The maybe would change depending on wherever they decided to go. It could either be in the city or possibly out of state.

 

In the end, it was between the beach or Disneyland. Steve was hesitant about the beach- understandably so- but was willing to go if that’s what everyone else wanted. Bucky said no, that they weren’t going to put Steve through that and that they were going to go to Disneyland. Nobody objected. Disneyland it is.

 

They would leave on Friday and spend the night in the hotel there. They planned on sharing rooms to spend less money and keep space open for other guests. That gave everyone three days to pack for their trip to California, more than enough time to gather up their items. They were going to go to the main Disney park on Saturday and California Adventure on Sunday and come home that Sunday evening.

 

The discussion ended with everyone agreeing with the plans. Steve got up to throw his trash away and said goodnight to everyone. As he walked away, Thor told Steve that he would join him after adding the finishing touches to the cake. A small nod in response and Steve went up to the rooms.

 

He was kind of excited about the trip. It was rare for the team to go out and do fun things together. If they’re lucky, they won’t have to fight any aliens or terrorists or anything. He’s hoping for a fun, easy weekend with his friends and boyfriend. He’ll have to take some pictures so he can draw them when he gets back.

 

Steve walked out of the elevator and into his room to grab some clothes. He took out a few pairs of sweatpants, boxers, and T-shirts and walked out to head over to Thor’s room. He shut the door behind him and began to undress, throwing his clothes into the hamper and changing into a pair of sweatpants. He’ll shower again tomorrow.

 

His clothes were placed in the dresser along with the other ones. In a way, it felt as if Steve was moving into Thor’s room. All he needed to bring in was his sketchbooks and he’d be settled in, never needing a reason to go back into his room again.

 

As he flopped down onto the bed, his conversation with Sam and Bucky replayed in his head. If he wanted something, he’d have to ask for it. But that was the hard part: asking. He didn’t want to embarrass himself by asking or saying it in a weird way. Thor would let it slide but not without a bit of teasing.

 

All of his sexual urges over the past few weeks had been resolved with cold showers or thoughts of moldy cheese. There had been one time where he and Thor were cuddling and Steve had sudden thoughts of being fucked on his side, but he was saved from an embarrassing erection when Thor brought up Sam putting bird magnets on Bucky’s arm to mess with him that morning.

 

The door opened and in came Thor with his hair in a bun and the cake in hand. He walked over to his desk and set the cake down. The smile on his face was a mix of him being excited and nervous to show Steve his first edible creation. He asked Steve to join him at the desk.

 

“Close your eyes,” Thor said, grabbing Steve’s hand and pulling Steve in front of him. “You may look.”

 

Steve opened his eyes and looked down at the cake, his heart full and eyes wide. On the cake, Thor had put tiny versions of him and Steve holding hands with purple flower clouds above them. Tiny yellow squares and pink stars surrounded them, along with dozens of different colored hearts.

 

“Thor, this is amazing,” Steve said, his eyes wide as he marveled at the cake. “I love it.”

 

“Thank you. I’ve been working on it since you left.”

 

“You did an incredible job. You should do this more often since you seem to have a skill for it.”

 

“I would love to bake you more treats like this.”

 

“What flavor is it?”

 

“Chocolate, since it is your favorite.”

 

“I love you even more than I do now.” Steve wrapped his arms around Thor’s neck. “I missed you today.”

 

“I missed you too, Steven. I’ve thought about you all day. Did you have a good time out?”

 

“Yeah. The movie wasn’t real scary, though. I want to take you out to see a movie when it comes out.”

 

“I’d love that.” Thor picked Steve up by his thighs and walked over to the bed to gently set him down. “You are adorable.”

 

Steve blushed. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.” He placed his hands on Thor’s biceps. “Can I kiss you?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Thor leaned down to meet Steve, their lips softly touching. One of his hands sat next to Steve’s head, the other cupping Steve’s cheek. Kisses like this gave Steve butterflies. Here he was, kissing the God of Thunder, someone who was huge and powerful, and Steve was being kissed like he was the most precious, fragile being to exist.

 

Their kiss deepened by Thor running his tongue across Steve’s bottom lip and pushing it into Steve’s mouth when allowed. Steve moaned and wrapped his legs around Thor’s waist. He was getting hard and began to whine into Thor’s mouth.

 

“What is it, sweetheart?” Thor asked, pulling away to look at Steve’s face.

 

“I-“ Steve bit his lip. “I want to ask you something. You don’t have to agree if you don’t want to.”

 

“Go ahead.”

 

“I want to… I want to make love. Tonight. Or whenever you want.”

 

“You want to make love?”

 

“If you want to.”

 

Thor picked Steve up and placed him in the center of the bed. “Yes, Steven. I would love to. I will make it as special as I possibly can.” He reached unto his nightstand to grab lube. “Do you want me to use protection?”

 

“I can’t get sick or anything like that. I’ll be okay.” Steve cast his eyes to the wall. “And I’d like to feel you, too.”

 

“Anything you want, my love.” Thor set the lube on the bed next to his thighs. His hands grabbed the end of Steve’s shirt. “May I undress you?”

 

“You don’t have to ask.”

 

“I want to in case I do something that makes you uncomfortable.”

 

“I’ll let you know if you do, but I doubt you will.”

 

Steve sat up to let Thor take off his shirt, taking off Thor’s shirt after and throwing it towards the couch. He looked up at Thor to see if he could pull his bottoms off, getting a nod in response. He slid Thor’s pants off, nearly drooling at how thick Thor’s cock looked even in his boxers. He removed Thor’s underwear, throwing them somewhere in the room with Steve’s clothing.

 

Thor gently pushed Steve onto his back and kissed him. Steve felt one of Thor’s hand reach down to stroke his cock, making his back arch. Steve hasn’t had an orgasm in over a month, so it only takes a few strokes to have him come onto his stomach and Thor’s hand.

 

“Finger me,” Steve whispered. “Please.”

 

“Spread your legs for me,” Thor said, squirting lube onto his fingers. He smiled at his lover being obedient. “Would you like for me to warm it up or-“

 

“No, it’s okay. I just want to feel you.”

 

Thor moved his hand down to Steve’s ass and rubbed his fingers against Steve’s hole. One finger gently pressed in, slowly sliding in all the way to the first knuckle. Thor kissed Steve as he slid his finger in and out, adding another when Steve asked.

 

It was tight but it didn’t hurt. Steve had his arms wrapped around Thor’s neck, softly moaning and mewling at the feeling of Thor’s fingers stretching him out. They scissored inside him, grazing against his prostate and making him cry out.

 

“M-more,” Steve whimpered. “Again, please.” Another cry at his prostate being stimulated.

 

“So beautiful,” Thor whispered. “My beautiful Steven. You are so wonderful.”

 

Steve whined when Thor pulled his fingers out, only to immediately moan in pleasure and happiness at three of Thor’s fingers inside of him. He hid his face into the crook of Thor’s neck as he was fingered. Precome drooled down his cock and onto his belly, adding to the come from earlier.

 

A cry was ripped out of Steve as Thor pressed his fingers against his prostate. His thighs began to tremble at the intense pleasure, his moans becoming more and more high-pitched. He bit down on Thor’s shoulder while he was fucked on Thor’s fingers. He was seeing stars, electricity surging through his veins. So close, so  _ so _ close to coming just a little bit more-

 

Thor removed his fingers again, shushing Steve’s whines and cries with soft kisses to his temples and lips. He grabbed the container of lube and squirted some into the palm of his hand. He stroked himself, covering his cock in lube and precome. Once satisfied, Thor grabbed Steve’s legs and lifted them onto his shoulders.

 

“Are you ready?” he asked.

 

“ _ Please _ , please, Thor,” Steve whispered.

 

“You can stop me at any time. I will not get upset.”

 

“I trust you.”

 

Thor kissed Steve on his forehead and lined himself up with Steve’s entrance. Slowly, oh so fucking slowly, he pushed in, the head of his cock slipping past the still-tight ring of muscle. He held Steve’s hand as he slid his cock into him, inch by inch. When he went to look into Steve’s eyes, he immediately became concerned at the tears running down his lover’s face.

 

“Do I need to stop?” Thor asked, readying to pull out.

 

“No, I just-“ Steve hiccuped. “I love you so much, Thor. I love you more than anything.”

 

“Oh, Steven.” Thor pressed his forehead against Steve’s. “I love you too. I have never loved anyone as much as I do you.”

 

“Don’t ever leave me. Please.”

 

“Never. That will never happen, my treasure.”

 

Steve clenched around Thor. “Keep going. I want you.”

 

They kissed as Thor pressed into Steve. Whimpers spilled out of Steve’s mouth, turning into moans and cries when Thor’s hips were pressed against his own. Thor was so big and hot, his cock pulsing in Steve’s velvety heat.

 

Thor waited for Steve to tell him to move, brushing away his lover’s tears with his thumbs. Sweet nothings were whispered between them and small kisses were exchanged. Every clench around his cock made Thor gasp.

 

Steve sucked in a breath and told Thor he was ready. He bit his lip as Thor slowly pulled out to the head of his cock, quietly moaning when Thor pushed back in. His hands grabbed at Thor’s biceps to steady himself. There was no pain, but he desperately wanted to have Thor’s come inside him and he was nearly on the edge of begging.

 

Both of them moaned when Thor began to pick up the pace. His thrusts were deep and slowly grew faster and faster until the sound of skin slapping against skin filled the room along with Steve’s mewls of pleasure.

 

A loud cry escaped from Steve at his prostate being struck. Over and over, Thor’s cock pressed against that glorious bundle of nerves, causing the shorter blond to cry out and moan and nearly  _ scream _ at how good it felt. His hands moved to Thor’s shoulders, nails digging into tan skin and leaving indents.

 

Thor leaned down and kissed Steve, his tongue sliding past swollen red lips. The loud cries and moans pouring out of Steve’s mouth made Thor thrust harder and faster, a particularly hard thrust making Steve scream.

 

“Please,” Steve cried. “Please, please, I need you. Want you. I love you so much. Want your come. Want your cock. Please, Thor. I love you.”

 

“Steven,” Thor moaned. “You are gorgeous. Beautiful. I love you more than anything. My star.”

 

Thor kissed Steve again, his thrusts becoming erratic as he neared his orgasm. He reached between them and pumped Steve’s cock, wanting to make sure Steve came before he did. A twist of his wrist had Steve sobbing as he came, tears spilling down his cheeks and ropes of come painting his stomach.

 

Steve bit his lip to bite back his loud moans at Thor driving into him. A gasp was heard when Thor bit down on Steve’s shoulder and continued to fuck Steve until he came. Hot come filled Steve’s hole, the feeling nearly making Steve hard again. He panted into Thor’s ear as he came down from his high.

 

They held onto each other for what felt like hours. Thor lifted his head from Steve’s shoulder to softly kiss him on the lips. He wiped away Steve’s tears and kissed him on the corners of his eyes. Steve smiled up at him and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek.

 

“I love you,” Steve murmured. “You’re so good to me.”

 

“I love you too, sweetheart,” Thor smiled. “You are incredible.”

 

“Can we stay here for a bit? I don’t want to separate just yet.”

 

“Anything you want, my love.” Thor lowered Steve’s legs from his shoulder and moved them to his waist. “You look lovely when you come.”

 

“I always feel like I look silly.”

 

“The opposite. I would watch you come on my cock over and over again if I could.”

 

Steve blushed, his cock twitching at Thor’s words. “I just came. I don’t want to be hard again.” He softly moaned when Thor shifted on top of him and felt Thor’s cock graze against his prostate.

 

“Sorry. I did not mean to do that.” Thor kissed Steve on the nose. “Just trying to get comfortable.”

 

“‘s okay. You can pull out.”

 

Both groaned at Thor’s cock slowly slipping out of Steve. Thor stared down at Steve’s hole with dark eyes, watching his come drip down onto the sheets. He felt himself getting aroused at the sight, averting his gaze to the pillows.

 

“I should clean you up,” he said.

 

“Actually, uh-” Steve’s cheeks turned pink. “I kinda like this. Um, having your-” Steve shook his head. “You get what I’m saying.”

 

“Say it, sweetheart. What do you like?”

 

“Thor...”

 

“Please, darling? Let me hear you say it.”

 

“I- I really like-” Steve hid his face behind his hands. “I really like having your come inside me and- and feeling it drip out of me.”

 

“I love how shy you are. It is adorable.”

 

“No.”

 

“Yes. I love it, and I love you.” Thor gently pulled Steve’s hands away from his face and smiled at him. “My angel.”

 

“I love you too. My… Puddin’ Pop.” Steve laughed at the name. “Sorry. I’m not good with these.”

 

“I will accept that because it is you who is saying that to me. Anyone else and I will throw Mjolnir at them.” Thor pulled Steve up into a sitting position. “How do you feel?”

 

“Real good. Happy. I want to relax with you and spend the night in your arms.”

 

“That sounds delightful.”

 

“But how about some cake first? I want to taste what you made.”

 

Thor kissed Steve on the cheek and got out of bed, picking up the scattered clothing and throwing them all into the hamper. He pulled out a new pair of boxers and went to the bathroom. He returned with washed hands and his hair tied into a ponytail.

 

Steve sat excitedly in bed, using the sheets to cover his lower half. When Thor came back to bed with two plates of cake and multiple bottles of water, Steve’s face lit up like a child’s would when looking at candy. He took his plate and water bottles and immediately set to eating.

 

The taste of chocolate had Steve moaning around his fork; it was just the right amount, hints of cinnamon and vanilla mixed with it. The cake slice was cold, but it was soft and tasted amazing. Out of all the cake Steve has ever had, this was the best. No bias, of course.

 

The two spoke as they ate, talking about the trip to Disneyland and what they should bring. They decided on the obvious: clothing, toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, combs, and hair ties (for Thor), and they also decided on bringing small notebooks to draw or write in, their favorite snacks, and Steve’s phone to take some pictures.

 

They ate all of the cake and threw their plates and forks into the garbage can. Steve laid on his back, satisfied with the cake in his belly and his boyfriend being so cuddly with him. He was starting to get tired after everything that had happened today. A good, long night of sleep sounded great right now.

 

Steve rolled onto his side and smiled at Thor pressing against him from behind. It was safe in Thor’s arms, and after tonight, Steve felt more comfortable with Thor than ever. He whispered, “I love you” just before falling asleep. He didn’t hear Thor whisper it back, and he didn’t feel Thor grab his left hand to look at his naked ring finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally they do it. after eighty million years of waiting  
> i've been so stressed out lately T-T it's been affecting my mental battery and my energy to write, so that's why this is late. i apologize. i'm hoping the cause of my stress will shut up sometime soon and leave me alone before i decide to take matters into my own hands and leave.  
> ANYWAYS before i get too personal, thank you for reading, and thank you for being patient. it means a lot to me. te quiero mucho y gracias por todo. take care!

**Author's Note:**

> so squidward is actually an octopus, but they don't know that. they're just going to assume that squidward is a squid because of his name lol  
> ok but i was today yearsold when i found that out too LOL  
> hope you enjoyed this!! <3


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